Today, I found myself rolling my eyes so hard even Keke Wyatt would be impressed.
Why?
Because of a woman who wrote a click-bait piece on XoJane, titled, It Happened To Me: A Single Dad Rejected Me For Being A Single Mom. When I initially read the title, I was ready to push this single dad off his high horse. However, a co-worker who read the piece moments before I did, told me to read in full and get the real story. Sure enough, by the time I was done reading the article the author was the one who I wanted to knock off her high horse.
In the piece, a woman named Monica opened up about leaving her daughters’ father and how their relationship taught her what she didn’t want in a relationship. After being single for three years, Monica decided to give dating another try and created an OKCupid account because a friend met her husband on the site. While browsing profiles and connecting with matches, Monica noted that she ducked and dodged men who only wanted “one thing” but eventually met Douglas, a man who she thought she could take seriously. Douglas and Monica clicked immediately; bonding over their military-centric careers and both being single parents.
As weeks turned into months, Monica and Douglas’ friendship grew. They began to chat on the phone and text frequently. The two became so close, Douglas even changed Monica’s car breaks for free and called her the “perfect” woman. Despite them appearing to be a match made in heaven, they didn’t rush to become exclusive. Instead, Monica enjoyed the fact that they were establish a foundation of friendship. That is until he uttered five words out of his mouth during a phone call that took place after what Monica thought was a “lovely” date.
“I’m sexually attracted to you.”
While I was busy screaming “Yasssssssssssss Monica!” She, on the other hand, continued the piece saying she felt confused and was taken aback by Douglas’s confession. Monica thought it was a red flag:
“We never got physical once, never sent each other naked pics, never sexted each other, none of that. So, while I was a little taken aback by his confession and we were not even exclusive, I simply acknowledged it, chatted a little more, and said goodnight on a good note.”
After barely acknowledging how Douglas felt about her, Monica noted their communication began to die down. Eventually, Douglas admitted to Monica that he began seeing another woman who lived closer to him and told her the woman was more desirable because she was “more available” and didn’t have kids. Despite the rejection, Douglas still wanted to remain friends with Monica, telling her, “’Monica, I think you’re awesome. I really do. I want to date Jessica*, but I mean, you and me can still ‘kick it’ and have fun, ya know?’” Monica was offended by his decision and decided to never speak to him again.
Did Douglas view Monica as a jump-off? In my opinion, nah. Because of their rapport, Douglas wanted to remain on good terms with her and most likely didn’t expect their relationship to become sexual because Monica rejected his advances and they never even came close to connecting in that way.
Although I understand Monica feeling upset about his decision, it’s not fair to expect Douglas to maintain any type of exclusivity with a woman who only “acknowledges” that he is sexually attracted to her. Which leads me to ask: why do women become offended when men (they’re seemingly interested in) express their sexual desires towards them?
There are women who complain if men compliment them (compliment not sexually harass them) or express romantic and even sexual interest down the line and that makes absolutely no sense, particularly when you’re on a dating app and repeatedly seeing the same person over and over. No one goes on OKCupid looking for friends, except maybe Monica who, after years of being out of the game, clearly doesn’t know the difference between a red flag and a respectful expression of interest.
Instead of making Douglas the bad guy, Monica should have assessed how she felt about the man she’d been casually seeing for months and communicated those feelings to him. Even more so she might want to assess whether she’s really ready to date because if a man saying something as harmless as I’m interested in being more than just friends is offensive to her, she’s definitely not ready to even go to first base.
