About The Time I Thought A Worm Was Living In My Pubic Hair

November 9, 2015  |  

Here’s a little fun fact about me. I think Vaginas are fascinating. (So much so, I had to capitalize the word.) I don’t want to be around anyone else’s but I’m always down to learn a new factoid about the velvet glove. Needless to say, I pay close attention to mine, vulva, mons, labia and all. And even though I’m not always as gentle as I should be, I really try to do right by my friend. After all, I want her to be healthy, vital and [re] productive for as long as possible.

Still, I’m not perfect.

On Halloween, I had a flight to Puerto Rico. I knew about the trip for weeks but that didn’t stop me from waiting until the day of my flight to decide to wash four, big loads of me and my sister’s clothes, fold and put them away and deep clean the rest of the apartment. Wanting desperately to return to a clean house, I prioritized my tidying up before my packing and preparing. At the last minute, I threw a few clothes in my suitcase, showered, shaved my bikini area and ran out the door. If my flight had not been delayed, I might have missed it.

Word to the wise, rushing to shave your bikini area, especially before a flight, is never the move.

I nicked my poor, little lady lips. Interestingly enough, I didn’t notice it on my trip but when I got back home, I noticed some irritation. Eager to see what was up, I grabbed a mirror, bent my legs and squatted, and began exploring the wondrous underworld.

What I discovered was horrifying.

There was a long, light colored worm burrowed in my black pubic hair! I wanted to sob. But this was no time for weakness. I had to act fast before it went inside my vagina; in which case, I’d really be in trouble. I got quiet so the worm wouldn’t move, then with cat like reflexes, I steadied myself and grabbed the worm.

Except it wasn’t a worm.

It was a strand of pubic hair. I just thought it was a worm because it was light in color…as in gray. When I looked closer there were two gray hairs.

I just stood there dumbfounded. While I was happy to learn that worms hadn’t invaded my vagina, I was also tripping about the fact that I had two gray hairs, in my vagina, at the tender age of 28.

What did this mean for my life?

I literally thought, “is my coochie old already?” “Life is so unfair!” There is so much we have yet to accomplish and experience, certainly it’s not time for her to become a sideline hole?! I wasn’t on the verge of crying sad but I was lips downturned, questioning God sad…and concerned.

After a couple of minutes of dangerous thinking, wondering if this somehow meant I was going to have fertility issues, I remembered that my beautician and found a couple of gray hairs on my temple, years ago. They had been dyed so many times, I had forgotten about them. Perhaps my vagina was just catching up. I thought about my aunt who was graying significantly in her thirties and realized perhaps this is genetic. And then I thought, the external hair probably has little to do with the inner workings. Plus, I hear that sex gets better with age for women…until you know, menopause. Either way, I told myself that if I was so troubled by the gray hair, I could always wax or shave it off too. I’m over the initial shock. I’ll probably let the gray hair flourish. Silver hair is all the rage anyway, might as well invite my precious mons, vulva and vagina to be a part of the new wave.

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