While hanging out with one of my best friend’s last week during my last vacation of the year, I caught up with her about her family. I asked her how her sisters, her former stepmom, and how her father were all doing. While going down the list of loved ones, she shared a bit of information with me that raised my eyebrows:
“My dad’s good. You know he lives in Florida now. He’s got a girlfriend…and she’s like my age.”
In true Jim Carrey as Ace Ventura fashion, I responded with “Oh re-he-he-heeeeeally?”
“Mhmm,” she responded. “They’ve been dating for like a year now. I don’t really know how to feel about it. She has a kid and everything. He calls her his ‘friend’ but it’s obvious that they’re kind of serious.”
Not serious enough to walk down the aisle, though. You see, my friend’s father has already been married twice: Once to my friend’s late mother, and the second time, to her former stepmother, who she remains friendly with. As it turns out, he told my BFF that he had no plans to marry again, but rather, he was just happy enjoying the company of this beautiful young woman who liked having him around too.
For most of us, the idea of our parents dating is hard. But the concept of them dating someone our age is even harder to fathom. In fact, considering how flirtatious the young girls we grew up with used to be around my friend’s dad (myself included–shamefully), it’s definitely interesting that he’s dating a woman our age. But to my friend, it’s not as interesting as it is suspicious and a little embarrassing. And I get it. She could have been one of our classmates for goodness sake. And when your parents start rocking the cradle, you often have to face the fact that, in case you forgot, they’re sexual beings too. That’s how you got here, boo! They’re sexually attracted to someone around your age and probably engaging in some sexual acts with them (*gags*). Acts you’re also probably engaging in with your own significant other (*gags some more*).
And you also have to think about the fact that you never know when a person is actually interested in your parent and when they could just be taking advantage of them. While not every PYT is looking to make their way into someone’s will, some are looking for sugar daddies and mamas to help pay their way. If your parent is going through a midlife crisis and just so happens to think that particular young’n is really into them, you don’t want to see them get hurt.
And then there’s the basic matter of it just feeling unseemly. Out of all the fish in the sea, why someone around the age of the child you reared? A big part of the reason why Mathew Knowles’s relationship with TaQoya Branscomb, the mother of his 5-year-old daughter, Koi, seemed so inappropriate was not because of the fact that he had a baby with a scandalous lingerie model. But because he did so with a woman who was right between Solange and Beyoncé in age (and the woman met and took a picture with Solange at one point as a fan). But then again, let’s be honest: Most of Knowles’s moves, both business and romantic, are inappropriate, mkay?
But what makes this particular situation different is that it seems as though my friend’s father and his new boo, despite her age, seem to genuinely care for one another. As my friend shared with me, the young woman encourages her father, who has diabetes, to eat better and cooks for him. She also ensures that he takes whatever medications he needs to on time. And as it turns out, he’s a father figure of sorts to the woman’s young son. The father of the child isn’t in the picture and my friend’s dad has taken a vested interest in the boy’s life and future. So instead of being out here running wild, spending money and being in a stereotypical older-man-meets-and-dates-young-girl-while-driving-a-sports-car-through-a-midlife-crisis situation, they enrich one another’s life, and I can respect that.
And while it may be hard, so should my friend. I wouldn’t say that she should let her guard down completely just because her father has. But if he’s happy, and homegirl doesn’t seem shady, she shouldn’t try and get in the way of that. No matter how awkward the situation may be.
How would you feel if your parent started dating someone around your age? Have they already done so? If so, how did you handle it?
