How Feminism is Ruining Your Love Life

June 16th, 2011 - By LaShaun Williams

 

 

You could probably be married by now.

Engaged…

Or have a boyfriend.

Instead, you are complaining about no-good men, working your life away and nursing an affinity for self-pleasure.

Why?

Feminism.

Correction: misguided feminism.

Professionally, feminism has done wonders creating opportunities for women to flourish in the workplace. Many of us are entrepreneurs or climbing the ranks at a Fortune 500 company, inching closer to equal pay. Socially, we have gained complete control over our bodies. Thanks to birth control, sex doesn’t  guarantee nine months standing barefoot and pregnant. We have the option of planning for motherhood and limiting family size.

Though it has been a source for economic trajectory and independence, feminism has also taken a toll on our love lives. A surge of scorned baby-mamas, bitter divorcées and those plagued by daddy-issues propagate singlism and wear their “mule” title as a badge of honor.

Much of the abrasiveness, attitude and other testosterone-driven antics that run good men away are products of feminism gone wrong. And, it is to blame for many of the single, black female’s woes. Here’s how:

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  • Dhalia

    I think what people are actually failing to understand is what the author is really trying to point out. We do actually bash men on a daily basis, black, white, everyone. We also put too much emphasis on COLOR in the black community. Black women seem to be some of the only ones who won’t consider another type of man, but complain about the black men they want without really helping the mass of them to change. Feminism is a problem, because it took away the ability for black women to enjoy their new found life of freedom after segregation and slavery. White women have for the longest time been able to relax in their homes as wives without worrying about their house being burned down, or their husbands or children being lynched. For this reason, feminism made it so women would have to be independent, rely on government support unless they are educated, which is hard for a lot of black women to achieve considering the message that “education is worthless” in our community. This allowed black women to immediately enter the work force, etc. Those things made black men feel unneeded, and men in general, but black men even more. Black men also became lazier because black women began to work, and work hard. Other women of other cultures have been raised with a different way of living. They have not been required to live as harshly as black women have, and so their attitudes towards marriage, husbands, and children are much different. Also, they generally will date most types of men, while black women limit themselves. I am deeply concerned about my sisters and brothers.

    Also, before the bashing begins (if it does, did not see when this article was written I could be replying to no one…), I understand that not everyone will understand or think this is the way things should be. But I challenge you…try thinking differently about your men, and men, try thinking differently about black women. This is a mutual problem that needs fixing, not just Women or Men doing it. We need to stop letting the media, government, and fear of racism limit our achievements and stunt our happiness. I am a young woman, 21, married to a white man, one child. I did not limit myself. I love my husband, his color means nothing to me as I have dated various other types of men before, he just turned out to be the one. What I notice is that everyone else has a problem with my marriage (usually black people), not me. Black people do not understand yet, especially women, that we are beyond this. We keep this absurdity alive by reassuring other races of people that this still bothers us…so they use it against us. We live our stereotypes, and we live what others expect of us: nothing. I will prosper, and I want all of you to do the same. If you already have, congratulations. Please spread the word to the rest of our people.

  • THETRUTH

    WOMEN HAVE BEEN RAISING MEN FOR THIS LAST GENERATION AND LOOK AT WHAT THEY HAVE BECOME. WHEN MEN WERE RAISING MEN BEFORE THE RISE OF DRUGS, FEMINISM AND GOVERNMENT ASSISTANCE, MEN WERE WARRIORS, RESPECTABLE, HARD WORKING, AND WERE WELL EDUCATED ON THEIR HERITAGES HISTORY AND THEY ALL ASPIRED TO BE LIKE THE INDIVIDUAL WHO WAS RAISING THEM. HOW CAN A MAN ASPIRE TO BE LIKE A WOMAN. WHY DONT YOU WOMEN LET THE MEN RAISE THE BOYS SO THEY CAN ACTUALLY GROW UP TO BE MEN AND BE RESPONSIBLE. WOMEN LOVE TO BLAME MEN WHEN A CHILD ISN’T RAISED PROPERLY BUT BLACK MEN HAVEN’T BEEN RAISING THEIR CHILDREN FOR THE LAST 30+ YEARS BECAUSE OF RASCIST INDIVIDUALS CORRUPTING OUR BLACK YOUTH, DESTROYING THE BLACK PANTHER PARTY AS WELL AS OTHER BLACK ORGANIZATIONS OF THE 20TH CENTURY. BLACK FAMILIES ARE CLOSE TO NON EXISTENT. MOST WOMEN AREN’T EQUIPPED TO RAISE A MAN WITH ALL OF HIS SCRUPPLES INTACT. ONLY THE SELECT FEW WOMEN HAVE THAT KNOWLEDGE. SO WOMEN, IF YOUR BOY IS FUCKIN UP IN SCHOOL, NOT OBEYING YOU AND THE WHOLE NINE YARDS, FIND A POSITIVE MALE ROLE MODEL FOR HIM QUICKLY BECAUSE IT LOOKS LIKE THERE WON’T BE ANY GOOD BLACK MEN WITH FAMILY VALUES IN OUR NEXT GENERATION. ONLY THE ANOMOLIES.

    • TRUTHHURTS

      AND YOU HAVE THE WOMEN THAT OUR RAISING THEM TO THANK FOR THAT. AND FOR YOU WOMEN THAT TALK ABOUT MOST MEN ARE TRIFLIN’, A MAN IS GOING TO DO WHAT YOU ALLOW HIM TO DO. IF YOU DIDN’T HAVE THE SENSE TO MAKE HIM WAIT FOR A WHILE BEFORE YOU SLEPT WITH HIM THEN OF COURSE HE WON’T RESPECT YOU AND OBVIOUSLY HE WAS THE WRONG MAN TO BEGIN WITH. AND FOR THE MEN WHO TRY IN A RELATIONSHIP AND LEAVE, THOSE SITUATIONS ARE ON A CASE BY CASE BASIS AND CANNOT BE GENERALIZED.

  • aurora

    This is a dumb article.

    "What you won’t do some other woman who does not mind being “objectified” will. Period."

    - Is that supposed to be a good thing? I'm sick of people expecting women to bend over backwards to please men. The whole attitude that a woman has to perform tricks to keep a man from going with another woman that has no shame.

    Big problem.

  • Tiffany

    Jean, what the hell are you talking about? You must be a dude. Work is power! The true fact is that men of today are not like our grandfathers were and that's the main reason for women having to be stronger these days! If black men would change…then we can get our families back together. I don't appologize for being a feminist. No man gave me my Masters degree and my independence…and I'm sorry but I would rather be some where making money then washing someone's dirty drawers.

    • truthhurts

      how can black men change if there are only women raising us now

  • revel

    Lyndon, a lot of hard women hate to hear the truth about themselves and thus all the negative votes you received.

  • revel

    Okay IJM, everyone know's your strong. Now you are shoving your ideas down other peoples' throat leading me to believe you probably have one of those weak lame-o brothers who adores a dominant woman that doesn't let another person get a word in edge-wise. Good for you. For every pot there is a top.

    I, on the other hand, strongly agree with LaShaun. Please don't try to bulldoze my opinion away from me. Thanks.

  • theoneash20

    God bless you Lashaun… You have seen the light, and GET IT!!!

    ALl these women are going to be single or in miserable relationships with men…

    Ladies you did it to yourselves… You cannot blame Black men or any man for your poor choices..

  • theoneash20

    LOL go get you a white man…

    • Anna

      Clarify please. Don't leave brain farts and think you dropped knowledge.

      • theoneash20

        Ok… I'll bite

        I find it incredible that women have just about everything they SAY they wanted & are still unhappy…

        When is feminism going acknowledge the the sexes have different desires & motivations… And their is a dynamic to revered…

        As for the women you referred to up there… Most likely they are NOT checking for good men… Mostly likely they rejected a good man because he was too boring, stable, unattractive… And when a dude that WAS attractive but has options…

        When you are dealing with attractive men, they is a PRICE to pay for admission…

        There are men out there that women are overlooking, and for that matter, she deserves the failure that her lovelife can bring…

        Just like men who have to deal with pretty women and their BS (BECAUSE SHE HAS OPTIONS)

        Works in reverse for attractive men…

        Most women treat men like sh*t when they were pretty & then expect the man they pick to be a gentlemen…

        #NoSympathy

        • Anna

          Sounds like someone has been down this road.

          Here is the real problem… Women are the ones that have to bear the brunt when the relationship fails. Women are fed the ideal that "the right woman can change and soften a man". When that doesn't pan out, she is the one that is blamed. She has to look in herself, find out where she went wrong and try to improve herself. Meanwhile, the male can move on to the next chick with the same baggage, the same issues and he never really learns and never really grows up.

          Women are told to get standards THEN relax them. "Accept his flaws and work around them," meanwhile, if a woman has flaws, a man has the privilege and duty to decide if he is willing to accept them BUT more than likely, he will not. Men are forgiven for their flakiness.

          Oh and one more thing… That whole BS of women deserve the failure that her lovelife can bring… That's just a lamea$$ cop-out. A pitiful excuse to forgive all the bad men out there.

          Women shouldn't have to wade through the muck and mud that is the bad men to look for the good. Especially if women have to spend the time, the money, the literature, the skills and the intelligence it takes to get AND keep a man. Women should not have to waste so much time and money trying to find something decent. Women, LIKE MEN should have options.

          Tell men to BE BETTER and stop forgiving them for their thoughts, actions and behaviors. Because all that wears on a woman's patience, which is why you get women that complain there are no good men or all men are the same. The only times a woman should be going through the BS to get to the good is when it comes to her career, where she lives and her wardrobe. The ones that are bad outnumber and overshadow the decent ones.

          #teachthementobemen

      • theoneash20

        Now, the reason I say, get a white man is simple…

        The men that you want are not going to marry you (Thugs)
        The men that YOU say you want are dating other races of women, or hgih quality black women (Black men with education, job, stable)

        The next step is other races of men…

        Go get you a simp white man who will put up with your BS…

        This is not rocket science

  • theoneash20

    Your aunt pick a bad man to procreate with (probably LOVED the abuse), and then never took responsibility for her poor dating choices

  • theoneash20

    They end up sleeping with the same male anyway… (top 20% of the black men)

  • miss lady

    preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeach!!! YES YES!!!!

  • Mango

    This article is complete rubbish.

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  • Anita N.

    LaShaun, you disgust me. I don't know how you are able to write vile articles that attempt to brainwash thousands of strong and beautiful black women. This is NOT what feminism is about- WE DON'T WANT DOMINATION. We ONLY care about the balance, the balance of EQUALITY. We are not seeking to emasculate all men. God, what is wrong with you?!?!

  • Danaaa

    I dont understand why everyone is upset, the author CLEARLY has no idea what Black feminism is -_-

  • Freedom4All

    Imagine an article that told black people that it is their fault that white people don't like them, and that what they have to do is be more acceptable to white people by acting more like what white people expect and are comfortable with, particularly really dated ideas of black people's rolls in society.

    Now I ask you, what is that difference between that racist garbage and this article above?

  • Proud Feminist

    This kind of offensive gendering is an essential part of preserving sexism in this society & as long as sexism is serving the interests of men at the expense of women, there will be some people (men and women both) who feel it is their duty to be the ground troops in embarrassing, threatening, and deriding women out of being who they want to be and into acting how they are "supposed to." As a male feminist, it makes me sick to know this trash is out there, making the women in my life a little less free.

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