So Niecy Nash has this book titled “It’s Hard to Fight Naked.” You’ve probably heard about it. It’s a relationship book. And once again, someone is telling us women the key to a happy marriage. Ladies, let me sum it up for you. It’s all on you. If you thought you had your hands full with getting the kids up in the morning, preparing three meals a day, washing ten loads of laundry every week, and keeping the household finances in order, then you better make some room in your schedule. You need to please your man and that’s the bottom line. Forget about your needs and wants until you do your womanly duties.
Steve Harvey wants you to think like a man and now Niecy Nash wants you to keep your man’s stomach full and his penis empty.
Everything you believe as a woman should be thrown out the window if you want a successful relationship. Hmmm.
It’s not that I disagree with this philosophy. In fact, I can see the point. Yes, men are very simple creatures. They need to eat and they need to have sex. We get it. Don’t get me wrong. There is other advice in the book, and as a disclaimer, I’ll say that I haven’t read it, but have only read about it. The ‘full stomach, penis empty’ line has by far gotten all of the attention. And I just want to say for the record, it’s not that I don’t want to keep my man’s stomach full and his penis empty, it’s just that I don’t want to be told that I need to do that to keep him.
Some questions, first.
How often is this stomach supposed to be filled?
Once, twice, three times a week? How about some compromise?
Can he keep his stomach full at least half of the time on his own? Or am I supposed to cook and have his meal ready every night?
That’s easier said than done if you have a job. Or kids. Or a life. I’m sorry, did someone say we were in the 19th century?
And that gets me to the penis empty thing. Yes, men are much more tolerable when their penis is empty. But can they empty it on their own sometimes? Let’s compromise again. Is twice a week good enough? Once a week? And shouldn’t the frequency decrease as we get older? I hope I don’t have to worry about this at 65 years old.
I know that Niecy Nash is on her second marriage, and in theory, that means she has more experience. She’s got a successful acting career, hosting shows and hitting up “Dancing With The Stars.” I’m sure (or at least I hope) in the book she addresses how often she is able to fulfill her man’s wants and needs on a weekly basis. And while we’re on this, the “and” in “stomach full and penis empty,” really should be an “or.”
I don’t even have to bring this up to my husband to know that he absolutely agrees with Nash. It’s been a conversation in my household time and time again. Whenever another couple comes over, the man usually complains about how his wife could cook more or have more sex. As if this would really solve all of our problems.
Explain to me how this is going to get the mortgage paid or send my kids to college. There is nothing that will convince me a well-timed blow job can translate into my bills being paid.
I have to say, this way of thinking just reinforces the belief that women are put on this planet to please a man. I thought we had voting rights nowadays. Why can’t we please each other in a relationship? I should write a book telling men that the way to keep their penis empty and their stomach full is to keep our pockets fat and to ask for sex when we were awake and not five hours into sleep. Is that too much to ask for?
