Dear Daughter,
You recently celebrated your fifteenth birthday. While you spent the day in the company of friends, I spent the day watching you transform into a young woman before my very eyes. My heart swelled with joy to watch you laugh so easily and bask in the glory of your special day. My wish is that all your days could be like this. As you turned 15, I thought about how there are no real right of passage customs for black girls as seen in Hispanic culture with the quinceanera or in Jewish culture with the bat mitzvah, but there should be. Please accept this letter as a right of passage from me to you as you enter into womanhood.
First, I want you to know that there are both triumphs and challenges ahead of you. Your path will be filled with promise, but it will also be filled with pressures that may be hard to imagine right now. Come what may, I want you to know that you are resilient enough to handle it. Even though you are older and more independent, I anticipate you will need me now more than ever. I want you to know that I am here for you and I love you more than words can express. This next phase of life will be about me starting to let go and teaching you how to take over the reigns of your own development. Before we begin our journey, I want to give you some words of wisdom to mark your 15 years of life in hopes that they will direct your path for many years to come.
Learn to Trust Yourself
When you were just a tiny baby, you learned to trust me. You trusted that when you were hungry, I’d feed you and when you needed comfort, I’d be there for you. Just as you have trusted me to do what is best for you all these years, I now want you to learn to trust yourself to do the same. There will be times where you’ll wonder, “Am I doing the right thing?” “Am I going the right way?” This is normal. While you were in my care, I’ve had to ask myself those very same questions. The truth is all we can do is our best at any given moment. As long as you continue to treat yourself with the love and care I’ve shown you throughout the years, things will be just fine.
Don’t Dim Your Light for Anyone
A few years ago when Whitney Houston did an interview with Oprah Winfrey she said something I won’t ever forget. She told Oprah that her biggest regret in life was that she dimmed her light because the man in her life didn’t want her to shine. My sincerest prayer is that you won’t ever dim your light for anyone. Know this: anyone who would have you dim your light because they can’t handle the glare is not worth it. Your talents were given to you by God himself and I want to you to shine your light without apology or hesitation.
Learn From Your Mistakes
We all make mistakes. The best thing to do when you fall short is learn from the mistake, but don’t dwell on it because it’s a part of being human. My hope is that you will learn from your mistakes and move forward wiser than you were before. There are a lot of broken people in this world who are so obsessed with being perfect, they can’t admit when they’re wrong. Be able to admit when you’re wrong and if you can, try to make things right. To err is human, but to ask for forgiveness is divine.
Be Fearless
Fear is an instinct that is designed to protect us from harm. But if we are not careful, it can also keep us from experiencing truly amazing things in life. If you want something in life, go after it with everything you have. Don’t be afraid to fail; only be afraid not to try. I want you to challenge yourself to experience and try new things. Things that I haven’t even dreamed of. If there is something that want and it has the potential to better your life, pursue it with everything you have.
Cherish Every Moment
You are 15 now, but before you know it the years will have flown by and you won’t be a teenager anymore.You’ll be an adult woman with responsibilities of your own. The time will go fast, so I want you to maximize everyone moment and create beautiful memories to look back on one day. You have so much life ahead of you. Being 15 and on the verge of womanhood only happens once in a lifetime. Take the time to cherish every moment along the way.
All My Love,
Mom
