8 Rules for Being “Friends With Benefits”

June 18, 2010  |  

It all starts out simple. You were friends. Then you decided to ‘get busy’. Then you both decide to remain friends and continue to get busy. That’s it…no strings attached. Spooning is OK, but no one is obligated to sleep over. No one has to call the next day to check in. Both of you can even date other people. Simple, no?

“Cuddy buddies”, “FFs”, “friends with benefits (F.W.B.)”– whatever fancy term you give it, there’s never anything simple about it.

Relationships have become increasingly carefree and physical, as women and men are marrying later in life. The boundaries between male/female relationships are less apparent and sex easily slips into the dichotomy. On the surface it makes sense to enjoy sex with someone you can trust, if you both aren’t ready for a serious relationship. But for some strange reason, F.W.B. always turns into a bad situation.

We can’t restrain you from acting on your burning loins, but can give a few tips to avoid an atrocity.

First- REMEMBER you are not his girlfriend or going to become his girlfriend by having sex with him. You are a friend, who is a girl…that’s it. If you go in (no pun, well maybe a little) expecting him to change his mind about your place in his life, you may be disappointed and left feeling like you’ve wasted your time. If you want an emotionally fulfilling relationship, seek out one, don’t try to create one.

Second- If you choose to date other people, understand that they may not be comfortable with your cuddy buddy set up. It may be difficult for them to meet your friends, if your hooking up with one of them.

Third- Don’t sweat the small stuff. All the common relationship courtesy’s don’t apply. He doesn’t have to call. He doesn’t have to meet your other friends. He doesn’t have to mention you to his friends. And foreplay is appreciated, but not required.

Fourth- Don’t become territorial. REMEMBER you are not his girlfriend.

Fifth- Lil Wayne said it best, “don’t get too comfortable”. Unless you’ve created a time chart for how long your special meet ups will take place, they can end abruptly.

Sixth- Be discreet, don’t get too touchy in public and only tell a select number of friends. Once again, if one of you decides to date an outside person they will not appreciate everyone in your circle knowing you two have had relations.

Seventh- Avoid being F.W.B. with a close friend. Hooking up with acquaintances is always an ideal situation because you don’t run into them on a regular basis.

Eighth- Understand your relationship will never be the same again. There’s something about seeing another person naked that changes everything. If you value your relationship platonically, be leery of taking it in another direction. Biologically, sex educes hormones in women that creates a sense of happiness and loyalty that can manifest into emotional attachment. Biologically for men, sex educes hormones that put them to sleep. See the difference?

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