As a fan of the BET series Being Mary Jane, I was eager for season 2 to begin and see what adventures await MJ in the love department. After all, at the end of season 1 we discovered that her true love was having a baby with someone else. Now, that she has discovered it as well this season, I was curious to see how she’d react knowing that the man she thought would one day be her husband is now off-limits to her. At the end of this past week’s episode, rather than wallow in her sorrows after he was playing with her emotions, she called her cut buddy and let it all out on him. Oh my! Didn’t see that one coming…but hey, when you can’t get with the one you love…
What I found amusing was she actually had him listed in her phone as her “cut buddy.” Urban Dictionary defines a “cut buddy” as the following:
cut buddy – noun
A person who is not your boyfriend or girlfriend with whom you have sexual relations, on the mutual understanding that you want sex and nothing more. 2. A sex partner to whom you have no special attachment. A person you occasionally have sex with.
Now, you could also call him your “jumpoff” or your “f*&k buddy.” Same thing right? Whatever you call it, there are benefits to having such a person in your life. Whether it’s not wanting to be alone that night, feeling unwanted or unloved, or simply feeling horny, as long as you are two consenting adults then roll with it. As a woman, there are times when our body wants what we know our mind doesn’t. He’s the fine Mandingo with the brain the size of a peanut. He’s hot as hell, a nice guy perhaps and you like him JUST enough to give him some. You think he’s adorable, but maybe intellectually or emotionally lacking. He may be great, but he may be too young…you know, like the intern. You don’t want to date him or bring him around your friends or family…ever. But the chemistry between you is electric. You want the lovin’, but no strings attached. Do you deny yourself? What do you do? That’s up to you, but if you decide to make him your cut buddy…then here are the rules:
Rule #1: Be honest about what you want upfront – with yourself and each other. Negotiating a long-term, friends-with-benefits type situation can be tricky for some ladies. Men are seemingly born knowing how to detach emotions from sex – I think it’s in their DNA. Some can spend a whole night with you, then trip over you the next day and not even recognize you. But women can have a harder time of it. Some women wind up feeling used or like they’re promiscuous. I realize it’s a double standard, but if you’re uncomfortable with it, don’t do it. Man or woman, make sure you BOTH know upfront that it’s all about sex and nothing else. That way neither will feel like they’re being used by the other.
Rule #2: It ain’t about “We.” Avoid using pronouns like “us” or “we,” and all talk of plans further into the future than the hour it takes him to get to your place is not allowed.
Rule #3: No meals together. Acceptable dining situations include maybe a bowl of cereal in the morning before he bounces…or maybe a late-night grilled cheese or some Hot Pockets (3 minutes in the microwave) after the deed is done. Meals to be avoided are breakfast, brunch, dinner, or any other setting where you actually have to talk to each other at length. Speaking of talking…
Rule #4: Limit conversation. In this past week’s episode, MJ’s cut buddy asked her if she was okay and even followed up by saying, “you know I can actually talk.” MJ simply responded with “I’m good.” Good girl. She knows that any questions any more probing than “do you have condoms?” and “how fast can you get here?” can get a little sticky. Your jumpoff shouldn’t want to hear about your day, who pissed you off at work, or how cute your nephew is. Keep it light and keep it moving.
Rule #5: This probably goes without saying, but no socializing outside of the bedroom. He doesn’t meet your friends, you don’t meet his. That goes double for family members. The best thing about having a jumpoff is that he’s your dirty little secret.
Sex with no strings can get tricky if you’re not honest about what you want. It’s easy for one of you to catch feelings, so keeping those rules in mind should help you avoid that. Even if you’re in love with someone else, as in the case of Mary Jane, don’t think that your cut buddy can confuse your emotions even more. While having a jumpoff may help ease the pain of a broken heart, it’s no substitute for true healing, so tread lightly…and be safe.
