Dating in New York City in the summertime can be a beautiful thing: walks in the park, festivals, trips to the beach, kicking it on the patio of a chic restaurant–the options are limitless.
But when it’s cold? The options are very limited. Well, that’s the case when you’re in a situation like the one my friend is in…
She’s been dating a guy our friend circle is very familiar with for the last few months, and early on, they were definitely hitting it off. He’d pick her up during her lunch hour to take her out, make her feel special, talk with her on the phone for hours, and shower her with nice gifts and trinkets. It was all good then. And not to mention that the sex was, according to her, off the hook. She was feeling him, he was feeling her, and the weather was feeling not necessarily nice, but bearable.
But then they had “the talk” about where things were headed, and everything changed–and so did the season. It got colder, and so did he. While he likes her, he just recently left a drama-filled relationship and decided that he can’t offer her anything more than what they’re doing at the moment. She understood and hoped they could still get to know each other better, and with time, maybe they’d decide to take things to the next level.
And while he still seems interested in her, the effort he now shows is a lot less. Every idea for a “date” is a slumber party of sorts: He drives to her home, picks her up, grabs food and wine, takes her back to his apartment–and that’s it. No more cute dates in an attempt to sweep her off of her feet. No more warm texts to let her know that she’s on his mind. He’s become neglectful, and spends too much time trying to encourage her to pack a bag and spend the night with him after he gets off work.
My friend, who is looking for a serious relationship and no longer wants to date to look like the fifth and only black cast member from “Sex and the City,” is frustrated by all of this. After fuming about it to me, she decided to let him know that he needed to do more and do better recently. She told him that she wanted to halt the sex and focus on the connection they were supposed to be building, and that she wouldn’t be coming around his crib for sleepovers until they started going back out for real dates. But he told her that his money is a little funny these days because he’s back in grad school and just paid towards his tuition and books. Because of that, he can’t make every opportunity they meet up a chance to spend money dining out and doing it big. So at this present time, the best he can do is the sleepovers because of his money and his schedule.
And oh yeah, because it’s cold as hell.
That’s the other big reason he uses for why he can’t take her outside of the four corners of his place, and honestly, he uses that one more than the money and time issues:
“It’s just too cold outside and you know I don’t like to be out in that. I have an aversion to this type of weather.”
And that’s why they haven’t seen each other in weeks.
He was saying all this when it was in the low 30s, so on days like today where it was literally 2 degrees this morning, you know he isn’t trying to go anywhere but to get her and go back to his place. And in a way, I can understand that at times, because it does get cold as sh*t here. However, when you’re trying to court someone, effort is everything, and unless it’s mutually agreed that it’s too cold to do anything, you can’t give up and get so lazy so soon. Especially when you own a car.
That’s right. He has a car, and a nice one at that. He’s not like many New Yorkers who have to put on three different types of bottoms, cover our faces completely and wear thick socks to prepare for a walk in the frozen tundra that is this city during February and March. The most he has to do is walk to his car, warm it up, go, and then find parking. The fact that he doesn’t even feel like doing that is troubling to my friend, who at this point, is damn near ready to throw in the towel.
I can’t really blame her. While this particular guy could be a great catch, right now, he just doesn’t have it together, and isn’t ready to invest in anything other than himself. And that’s no shade to him because I get it: When you’re trying to take your life to the next level and you’re going back to school, your mind and your money need to be on that. So while I don’t think that he’s just not that into her, he’s just not that ready and willing to devote the time and energy necessary to get to know her better and eventually build. So for him, it being “too cold” is an acceptable excuse three months in.
But it’s not. And if you ask me, it’s a tad bit petty…
What do you think? Should she give the man a break? Or is he showing that he’s not really into her and not worth the fuss?
