How You Can Tell A Man Has No Integrity

February 23, 2015  |  
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Men who believe they can hide their dick-ery until much later in the relationship just aren’t smart. We can spot a bad man within one date, especially when these tale-tell signs a man has no integrity show up.


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He tries to get free stuff at restaurants

On your date, his food is running a little bit late, and when the server asks, “Is there anything we can do to make it up to you?” he says, “A free drink wouldn’t hurt.”

He tries to get free stuff at restaurants

He just screwed over that server

When a server comps an item, they usually have to explain that comped item to a manager and if the manager deems it the server’s fault, the price of that item is coming out of his or her paycheck.

He knows who her new boyfriend is

He avoids conflict

Waiting on the curb for a cab, the couple next to you is arguing. It’s getting pretty loud and uncomfortable and he goes out of his way to have nothing to do with it and carries on a conversation as if two people aren’t yelling right next to you.

He only looks out for himself

He only looks out for himself

A man with integrity keeps an eye on a situation like that, ready to step in if he feels the woman is in danger or being disrespected. He doesn’t have the mindset, “Not my problem.” He is willing to fight for others.

He writes off his exes

He writes off his exes

When your date asks about your last relationship,he gives a totally dismissive answer like, “It didn’t work out. Whatever.”

He doesn’t learn; hence he doesn’t grow

He doesn’t learn; hence he doesn’t grow

Any half mature human being formulates at least an informative answer when telling a date about an ex. It could be as simple as, “We just wanted different things.” Speaking dismissively about past relationships shows that, when someone is no longer in his life, he acts as if they’re nothing.

He skips memorials/funerals/commemorative events

He skips memorials/funerals/commemorative events

He finds out his favorite college professor passed away recently. There was a memorial just a 15-minute drive away, but he doesn’t go because he says it would have been uncomfortable.

He only cares about the now

He only cares about the now

He always looks out for his own momentary, current comfort over being an overall good, respectful human being. He’d rather skip a memorial than endure an hour of discomfort, if it meant showing respect.

He doesn’t care when someone’s mad at him

He doesn’t care when someone’s mad at him

One of his best friends or his mother is mad at him. You ask what he’s going to do about it and he says, “Nothing. They can either get over it or not.”

Again, he avoids conflict

He either assumes he’s always right and has no reason to apologize, or doesn’t value relationships enough to tough out an uncomfortable conversation in order to make amends with that person again. He just moves on to hanging out with people who never cause a fuss.

He watches you in social settings

He takes shortcuts at work

He proudly tells you that his boss gave him a task that she thought should take three hours and it only took you one so he sat around doing nothing for the next two hours.

He doen’t think of others

He doen’t think of others

This is similar to taking that free drink from that server: this man never steps into another person’s shoes and asks himself, “Is my pleasure somehow harming or cheating another person right now?”

He hangs out with people he doesn’t like

He hangs out with people he doesn’t like

Everybody has to hang a little bit with people they don’t like for career or work purposes. But he actively includes people he talks sh*t about in his social life, appearing to be their best friend.

There's always intense emotions

He’s superficial

He would rather surround himself with people he doesn’t enjoy (and thereby talk sh*t about them every day) than with people he likes, so long as it advances his career/gets him ahead/gets something he wants.

He walks alone

He walks alone

When he’s out with his woman he doesn’t walk on the side of traffic, mind her speed, or keep an eye out for things she could run into or creepy guys who might harass her. He walks exactly the way you would walk even if nobody else was walking with him.

He gets angry if you want space

He does this his way or no way

You can tell a lot about somebody by the way they walk with others. Men with integrity feel protective of their dates when they walk together. They don’t rush ahead of them, or stop to watch the football game on a television window, letting their date, unbeknownst to herself, walk ahead alone.

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  • Outside Looking In

    Ummm, I think I need to write for Madam Noire, I’m just saying. Point me in the direction of the Editor In Cheif’s office, please and thank you.

    • Outside Looking In

      Madame* Noire.

      Well at least I check over my work and correct typos. LOL!

      • IJS


        • Guest

          LMBO! now that’s funny…

  • Nicky

    So am I the only one that thinks that some of these slides were BS

    • Outside Looking In

      Nope. Which is why I asked for a writing job for Madame Noire in the comment sections. Because, clearly….

  • Neva

    As a young single black woman, i test a mans integrity, on honesty, hardwork, ambition, character, ethics, etc. It’s very important for a woman to take her time when she is meeting a man. Don’t sleep with him right away. All women must put men through the ringer to test if he’s worthy.

    • dalef

      “Testing” and putting men “through the ringer” implies manipulation. Would you like the man that you are dating to do this to you?

      That being said, there is nothing wrong with observation.

  • SideEyerie

    I’m sorry,but the criteria given were not clearly indicative of a lack of integrity. A person has to have a certain amount of discretion in how he/she approaches a matter, particularly in a setting where he doesn’t know all the details. Some people are shallow and only think about how a circumstance affects them personally. Others may observe and choose less confrontational ways to help resolve a matter. In the case of a couple arguing, perhaps calling security might be necessary.
    A person who is dishonest routinely has a lack of integrity. A person who fails to live up to an agreement lacks integrity. Not wanting to confront someone – not so much. Situations can escalate quickly from slightly agitated to one that requires an ambulance and police tape. Certain situations call for good judgment and maturity. Those qualities take time to develop.



  • Trini_Angel

    On SEVENTEEN (17) pages??? Really?!? U’ve got to be kidding me! #NextStory

  • Angry black man

    No way in the world am I going to get involved in another couples argument. So I lack integrity? I get involved, that woman, especially a black woman, is gonna yell at me to mind my own damn business. The man is gonna want to fight me. What kind of BS is is.


      Co Sign…you’ll be the one STABBED UP…and they will be MAKING LOVE!!!..

      Man: see what you made me do…

      Woman: you really do love me

      You: bleeding on the ground

      • Nya Jacobsen

        My client was assaulted while three grown men were within yards of her. Your logic is why I’ll have many more clients.

        • MELLWAT

          Sorry to hear about this young NYC jumping in the middle of a matter will get you killed…there are MANY reports on the” Guy who tried to break up the fight” being MURDERED..and the only thing that’s said is he WAS a” PEACE MAKER”….

          • Truth be Told

            U preachin

            • MELLWAT

              Just tryin to TELL THE TRUTH!!!…peace

        • MELLWAT

          Sorry to hear about the young NYC getting in the middle of a matter will leave you in the hospital or WORST…TOO MANY “PEACE MAKER”are not here because of this

          • Angry black man

            I’ve seen this happen so many times. I’m not gonna be that guy. 42nd street back in the days, I’ve seen so many superheros laid out and leaking on the ground. LOL

            • MELLWAT

              Big Bro..would that be 42st and 8th ave? or 42st and 10th?…never mind….i remember…it was BOTH!!!!

        • Mini

          A bystander calling the police would have sufficed, depending on how the situation presented itself. Far too many times people have been hurt/murdered to save someone who just went back to their abusers. How many times have we heard “oh they do that all of the time”? And sometimes if they’re not screaming for help or making an attempt to run, people tend to think to just leave them alone. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, it’s just the way it is sometime. And I’ve personally have known women who would go right back to the one beating them.

    • Herm Cain

      Exactly you live a lot longer minding your business

    • Truth be Told

      I agree 100%, I wouldn’t want my dude getting involved in another couples spat unless there’s obvious danger. Even then, just call the popo & let them do their job lol.

  • HonestBrotha1911

    This may make a few mad but……Women always talk about how hard it is to figure out whether a man is good or bad. Whether he makes good decisions or not.

    The moment a man decides to have unprotected sex with a woman he’s pretty much showing you a LOT about himself. First off he doesn’t know whether you’re going to get pregnant due to the encounter. Second he’s clearly okay getting you pregnant with no intention of marriage. Third he’s okay with being a check to your child versus an actual parent to the child. Fourth there are millions of examples out there just like him with very few exceptions to that general rule.

    Sex isn’t the issue. If he’s using protection he’s at least thinking about protecting himself and you. Just tossed that out there….

    • NOPe

      Men typically have physical relations, protected or not, just because we’re h orny. It has pretty much nothing to do with how he feels about you as a person. Judging how a man feels about a woman based on s ex is flawed woman logic.

      • Dominique Thompson

        Women love to give other women insight into the male mind well we really have no clue why men do what they do just as you have no clue about us. Some things are common sense so we can speculate but that’s about it.

        • NOPe

          Good points. I’d argue that men know more about women than vice versa. Men are conditioned to get women, women are conditioned to get their way. One requires insight into the other, one doesn’t.

          • Hope Floats


          • Dominique Thompson

            It’s not hard to get women. When we have an issue we tend to be very vocal about it. We are communicators a lot of men are not.

            • NOPe

              lol, I very strongly disagree with that. But agree to disagree.

              • Dominique Thompson

                Strongly disagree huh? lol

                • NOPe

                  **very** strongly disagree, lol.

                  • Dominique Thompson

                    LOL I get it.

          • Truth be Told


      • HonestBrotha1911

        Not even sure how that applies to what was said but okay…The above has nothing to do with “feelings” and everything to so with irresponsibility. The only way to measure irresponsibility is look at behaviors, especially dumb ones.

      • Truth be Told

        Thank u for this .

      • yareYOUsoserious

        My homeboy says a “standing co ck has no conscious” i agree with this..

    • yareYOUsoserious

      I agree with this partially, men can also wear a condom because they refuse to have a child or contract a STD/STI but it doesn’t mean they have integrity. Its a good way to assume he cares about you but he maybe looking out for himself.

      Its deeper than that.. Find out what motivates him, does he have a moral compass, his relationship with his MAMA….

      The warning signs are there.. I know brothers that will wrap up and still NOT care one bit about you emotionally.