Ladies, let me ask you all a question: What makes a man a man? Because of several factors, namely a lack of father figures, it seems as if we have scores of young ladies and even grown women who really don’t know the answer to this question. I was writing in one of my favorite cafes when a young woman got my attention after complimenting me on my kinky twists. We bonded on a mutual love of Whitney Houston (pre “crack is whack” Whitney), and chatted about one of my favorite topics- dating and gender roles. And while I could tell that this young woman was quite the catch- beautiful, educated, with a great job- I was saddened to hear how completely clueless she was about men. She admitted to doing things like chasing down men to set up dates. She even admitted to paying on dates because she didn’t want to be accused of being “selfish” or a “gold-digger.” And despite all her “efforts” she constantly found herself dating losers and was quickly becoming disillusioned with men in general. That’s when I offered some advice.

I told this woman that she was making one major mistake when dating:  She was not letting men be men. What do I mean by that? Well, my father taught me that real men pay for dates, real men open doors, real men call to set up dates, real men offer to pick you up for a date, and real men call to see if you got home safely– essentially real men behave like men. My father taught me that if a man I encountered had a problem with any of the following things I’ve listed, then he’s not a man. And because of my father’s advice, I’m always a bit perplexed when I encounter women that try, for whatever reason, to flip the script and assume the role of a man. I know that we women are out here doing our thing- and we should be proud. But one thing we should not try to be is men. There was a perfect design set in place for men and women. So don’t ruin things for yourself and your relationship by trying to flip the script. Women should be women. And we should let our men be men.