While reading about some celebrity relationships and how they’ve played out in the public – namely Chris Brown and Karrueche Tran – I often find myself wondering what someone would have to do to these women to make them leave. Not that I’m the relationship police or anything, but I know I’m not the only one who wonders what it would take for a woman (or man) to say “Enough is enough!” But then again, I may have some friends or family who may have had the same thoughts about me in the past, so I guess everyone has their relationship breaking point. Having dated for over half my life, I can honestly say that how I viewed relationships from the age of 16 to now has definitely changed over the years. We all have things that we will or will not put up with in a relationship, but I have found that those things can change as we get older and gather more experience. At least that was the case for me.
From ages 16 to about 25, I never considered dating anyone with children – until I met someone with children that I vibed with. So I amended my list a bit to say that I wouldn’t date a man who had multiple children with more than one woman. But once I hit 30, I realized that that was like asking water not to be wet. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve dated several men who didn’t have kids, or only had one child – but those relationships unfortunately didn’t work out.
So I amended my list again.
Once I hit 35, I got rid of this mental checklist altogether and decided to just go with the flow – and I’m now married. However, what didn’t change were my core values of honesty and respect – two things I will not waver from. Those are things I require. I can’t be in a relationship without them – those were my deal breakers. They still are.
When I give a person an opportunity to tell the truth and they don’t take it, it’s like I’m being punched in the gut. For me, lying and cheating is the ultimate betrayal. Some women say they would never be with a man who is physically abusive. Others say they can’t be with a man who has an addiction. Others won’t date men with multiple children, who are unemployed or who live with their mama. We all have that “thing” we simply can’t put up with. For me, it’s lying.
In my opinion, trust is the foundation of any relationship. If I don’t have peace of mind, I can’t function daily in a state of joy. I get headaches, lose sleep, I can’t focus at work and I just generally feel sad. There is nothing worse than being lied to by the person you love, who you thought loved you enough to be honest with you, who respects you enough to have an uncomfortable conversation and who would protect your heart. For me, dishonestly and deceit will break my heart, and send me running in the other direction. I don’t like my time being wasted. Lying is simply a selfish act, and I rarely accept any justification for it.
So I say all of that to ask, what is your relationship breaking point? What will you, or will you NOT, put up with? Has your threshold or tolerance for certain things changed over the years, or have you stood firm in your beliefs? I’m curious to read if anyone has allowed their threshold to slide a bit – and learned how that has worked out for them. What will make you say “enough is enough?”
