Apparently Tiger Woods has a new girlfriend (not a sister might I add)! Which reminds me of something that happened when his whole fiasco was the only thing the media was feeding us. While I was walking to the train this last year I read a Daily News headline about our beloved Tiger, it said “this better be good.” I asked myself, ‘what better be good?’ obviously they were referring to the statement Tiger was to make regarding his infidelities and sex addiction rehabilitation (you remember that sham of a press conference).

But who really cared? Tiger’s situation was supposed to be a personal matter that was made public by our sensational media where a who’s who of who’s cheating is more important than the 2 wars we were in at the time or our crummy economy.

Tiger was clearly to blame but I’ll tell you who else is to blame, THE SIDE CHICK. It’s Tiger’s several side chicks that helped speed up his demise with the American public and his ex-wife. Many a side chick spent Valentine’s Day alone last month wishing she were the main girl. And for the cheating man who left them in their solitude, that brother created a ticking time bomb!

There are no morals in America anymore. It’s all about who gets who the fastest. With the history of our country, I wonder if we ever had morals ; but, that’s a topic for another day.

There used to be a sacred trust between a man and his mistress. Mistresses knew their role, they were number 2, never to be number 1. That’s it, end of story. They were happy to spend the little time they could with the man because they understood that they were not his priority. These women held themselves accountable for their actions because it was by choice that they were someone’s mistress.

In today’s sick world of cheating, the mistress has betrayed her lover, who is betraying his family. She’s really become more of a Robin Hood for (insert derogatory term for promiscuous woman). She steals from the rich, (women with a man) and gives to the poor. Meaning she takes the man, ruins his relationship with the wife and then he’s available to have more of the poor, bitter single women who are glad to have anyone to warm their beds at night. Note: All single women are not the poor, be imaginative with this analogy.

The side chick has become the cape crusader, she finds herself in the spots where men who have significant others frequent. She plots on her prey. She warms his insecurities; she’s an ear for his troubles in his failing relationship or marriage. In fact, I say that the mistress is the largest perpetrator of all. She betrays the man with whom she’s built this superficial relationship and she betrays her women kind by manipulating their possible weakness as a mate.

Oh it’s a dirty world out there and I for one believe that we have to fight these masked avengers. We must declare war on the women who spill the beans and ruin families creating a cycle of cheating men and bitter women.

I have the solution to cure men of the wicked side chick. One solution is for single men to act like they’re in relationships thus tricking the sneaky side chic into thinking she has a victim when truly she will be the victim. Yes I challenge single men to strike back for the sake of cheating men everywhere and bruise the sneaky side chic’s ego so much that she thinks it necessary to turn to women. We don’t need those types of scavengers hiding themselves amongst the good women who have the potential to be a wife.

But the greatest solution of all is this. My brothers we have to stop cheating. Yes we must release ourselves from the desires of our loins and chase the devil and his side chick apprentice away. There’s a war going on outside no man is safe from and the side chick is winning. You can defeat her but first you must deny her. Death to the side chick! Ladies you can help us fight this battle, if you have friends who are happy side chicks you must first try and convince her of the error of her ways. If that doesn’t work you have to discontinue the friendship, together we will banish side chicks into obscurity and they will change their ways.