Does Interracial Dating = Self Hate?

78 comments
March 17, 2011 ‐ By Christelyn Karazin

As a black woman married to a white man, I’ve had my share of people critiquing my relationship, why I’m in it, why I chose him, blah, blah, blah.  I’ve also done my own introspection over the 12 years we’ve been together, and in retrospect, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I know that’s it’s just easier for some black folks who are against interracial marriage (mostly it seems it’s directed mostly at black women who do it) to clump all of us couples into one, self-hating batch.   But not so fast.  I’m with my husband not because I hate myself. In fact, I feel quite the opposite.  I married him because I think quite highly of myself, thankyouverymuch.  I came to the point in my life that after much dating and striking out, I needed to stop being a mile wide and an inch deep about my choices in men.  I had to stop being so shallow about stupid crap like, is he fine? what kind of car does he drive? Can he dance? Does he have a penis like a horse? and really, I mean, REALLY examine what was important to me in a life partner.

Qualities that go beyond the level of melanin, like integrity, honesty, a strong sense of family and value of marriage, commitment, love, affection, little-to-no drama, and loyalty led me to my choice.  For the first time in my life, I picked character above color, and I will not ever apologize for that.

But here’s a warning–if you’re dipping your toe into interracial dating because you want pretty babies, think it will augment your social status, or that ALL black men are unworthy, you’d best re-think your position.  This is shallow thinking, and any relationship based on anything remotely related to these reasons will be doomed from the start.

But let’s be real.  This MUST be said: Coloracism runs rampant in the black community, and I can’t say I haven’t been stung by it.  And if you are chocolate like me, chances are you have too.  And it doesn’t help things when we black women see in the media and day-to-day the most appealing, eligible, Hot black men dating and marrying non-black women, especially once they reach a level of success and financial security that attracts women of all races.  If you’re a millionaire, people care less and less what color you are.  And if an IBM (ideal black man) doesn’t marry interracially, they often marry the lightest and brightest-skinned black women they can find.  And this isn’t me just hating: a recent Pew Research Study revealed that only a puny 43% of black men marry, and of that percentage, 22% of them marry non-black women.  Yet these men are still celebrated and welcomed into the fold, we black women will protect and defend them to the death, but when a black woman does that same, then it means we hate ourselves?

Christelyn D. Karazin is a health writer and co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed (to be released February 2012), and runs a blog, www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.

More from Styleblazer

More from Mommynoire

MadameNoire Video

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1188505509 Claryssa Burroughs

    I do not understand why we cannot see each other as human beings and stop worrying about who someone else is courting, dating or marrying. If it is not you, stop worrying, because it does not affect you. Ladies and Gents, stop hating on your counterpart just because they love someone a different shade. Diversity is suppose to be a beautiful thing. I do not think it has anything to do with self-hatred. How about universal-love for one another? My family is quite diverse: black, white and biracial. I cannot believe that people HATE others because of who they love!

    • guest

      the issue isnt with choosing someone based on character. the issue is a lot of these black women, justifying their desire for European attributes by bashing black men. choose who you want but please stop trying to feel better about your choices by rationalizing that you are making a more logical choice.

      second, on Chris’s site, she and a number of her members seem to regurgitate the same type of mis-information that racists use, misleading facts and half truths.
      to those who say they went white (as claimed on her site) because black men dont want them. it seems illogical since white men want them less than black men.

  • Tony Dedrick

    I would imagine some self dislike plays a role in some people's decision on whom they choose to date.

    Most of the time, I think its a matter of availability and preferences.

    For me, I chose my now fiancee' (whose white) simply because she was the right personality at the right time. There were black women at school who I was friendly with and were extremely attractive, yet they just weren't the personality types I needed at the time. And while my friend who openly prefers white women tries to apply this preference to me, bottom line is a woman is a woman as long as the personality meshes well with me. I have met some amazing black women at this point in my life who, if I weren't already spoken for, would be the kind of women I would love spending my time with

  • And

    You sound really defensive.

  • Caribbean Queen

    It appears that Christelyn Karazin is a self-loathing Negro whose obsession with interracial dating may be traced to insecurity on her inability to secure a Black mate. She wants others to join her so she doesn't feel so bad. Any other thoughts?

  • Noone

    First off to say one dates "interracially" would mean it would be a human dating an alien or animal. When you date outside of your "race" and you're a human being that means you date animals or aliens. Last I checked we are ALL part of the HUMAN RACE so technically we are dating other HUMANS unless someone does date animals or aliens. Now if you want to get down to ethnicity then you could classify it as dating outside of your ethnicity or ethnic background.

  • walkie74

    My husband and I, when we were single, dated across the rainbow. I'm a paper bag color, and he's a dark brown. Neither of us ever had trouble finding someone black to date, and we just dated other races because…we thought they were potentials. The only reason we ended up with each other is because I'd just broken up with my (white) boyfriend and he was no longer with his (Native American) girlfriend, and we realized that we had a lot in common. It's black on black love; we got lucky. :)

  • Guest234

    How can a Black woman have self hate just because she dates a White man? If you willingly date ANY man who mistreats/use and abuse you, all of this equates to low self esteem, and mabe self hate.

  • Mrs.. Mercedes Benz

    Way to go Sandi M. I love your comment. My husband, children, and I go through the same mess. But we've learned that the problem isn't ours, it's the world's.

  • sicofit

    why does this question get asked when it's a black Woman and a white Man or black woman and (any other race inserted here) man. so hypocritical.

  • NM817

    I was with you. I was totally with you until you made the jab about successful black men who do marry black women have to marry the lightest sisters they can find. This light skin dark skin thing has got to stop. The fact that you even brought that up makes me believe that you do have an issue with being a dark skin black woman. It also makes me believe that you actually think that you've been mistreated more so than someone who is black but lighter skinned. Which also leads me to believe that you opened yourself up to dating outside of your race to have a better chance of having light skinned children. You may have some self hatred issues, but it doesn't have anything to do with that fact that your spouse is white.

  • stillwaitingonmine

    Only if it's a preference and you look down on your race and put them in a box. I date white and black men. I just have a hard time meeting an honest black man that hasn't been pucked up because he chose a ghetto hood chick who likes to show out and degrade him, instead of appreciating a good woman who knows how to appreciate and handle a good man. They always chose that other type then take it out on us. Black men do tend to treat white women better as well.

  • anon

    Less than 1 percent of white men choose a black wife. Only a slightly higher percentage of white women choose a black husband. Why do black blogs obsess over this?

  • Amanda

    Not every biracial/multi racial child is going to have lighter skin and non-nappy hair Hiedi Klum as well as other mother of biracial/multiracial children can tell you that. They have skin tones that range from pale to black and their hair texture ranges from straight to kinky there is no default box as to how a biracial/multiracial child should look like. I have seen black children with 2 black parents look more "biracial/multiracial" than children who have one black parent. It is the genes not the skin color that determine what a child would look like.

  • Odetta

    Man this is hard one for me. i think people of all races and nationalities are beautiful. i can really see beauty in all of Gods creation. i am growing and maturing in many areas and in doing so i do understand that human beings were not meant to be alone. God did not create us to be single for life so with all that said i understand why we may date outside of our race. my personal issue on the matter whether it is veiwed negatively or offensive or not is simply that African American families ( mommy and daddy in the home) seem to be becomming non existant and so my fear is that while all other races seem to be getting along fine in that area ours is having issues. i dont want to date outside my race for reasons like, "i cant find a good man in my own race". That is my issue, that is a hurting thing for me to imagine.

  • Eugenia

    Black women date/mate with who you want, this is not about black men this is about black women choosing a mate, any mate that is good for them not for black men or the black community. Black women do way too much self-sacrificing and don't have enough self-interest. All this crap about bm marrying 90 percent bw, bw are still the least married at a rate 47 percent of singleness who cares if the ones that are married mostly married to bm there's still the ones that want to get married and haven't been able to find someone b/c they keep their options so closed. This is about more than marrying wm, there's also hispanic, asian, and indian men. But once again there's some threatened black man-child on here talking about no one wants you bw. You know what man-child, we don't believe you anymore. Bw are waking up and seeing that they have options and you're just threatened by them although you've been taking yours the whole time. Black women, black men who actually love and care about you would want you with someone who loves and cares about you and treats you well no matter what color and a real man isn't threatened by that.

  • where dey do dat at?

    Black people: "i have a white boy/girl! Step up!"

    White people: "oh she's dating a black guy…oh well she couldn't do any better, she's fat, ugly etc…too bad"

  • sasa nub

    why is to that only black blogs discuss this? You'll never find this discussion on Ph, T mz, RO, or Oh naw the didn't

  • ida mae goirl

    what's wrong with chocolate skin and natural curls. You are the very definition of self-hate.

  • http://twitter.com/aziamack Asia M.

    I don't think you hate yourself if you date someone outside your race. If you settle for less and get treated badly in the name of racial pride then you might just have low self esteem.
    I didn't date black men too often because there were not many available in San Antonio, Tx and the ones that were around usually dated mixed girls or Mexicans. I didn't trip, because if they didn't want me someone else would and some did.
    I think black women should expand their horizons a bit and take a page from black men (date who's available).
    People are people, don't limit yourself :)

    • anonymous

      Take a page from black men? Nearly 90% of black men have a black wife while less than 1% of white men will choose a black woman to marry. Some black women will use any excuse to search for their white prince.

  • why?

    Why so many stories on something that is so rare? 92% of white men marry white women and the rest prefer Asian women and white-skinned latinas. A fraction of 1 percent marry black women. Why do we want to be with them so much? it has become embarrassing.

  • anonymous

    According to the Pew Research report, in 2008, 78% of black men chose a black wife. According to this same report, that same year only 1 in 160 white men chose a black wife. 1 in 160!!!

    Some black women are determined to spread the lie that black men don't date or marry black women. They pretend that white men are eager to marry sisters. This is nonsense and they know it. The numbers don't lie. A white man is 4 times more likely ot marry an Asian woman than a black woman and there are 4 times as many sisters in the U.S as there are Asian women! I really don't understand this obsession black blogs have with interracial dating.

  • nuon

    REAL said, “Black men have always made the biggest deal out of black women being interested in other races.” Now that’s an example of the sexist, anti-male crap that is typical in the comment section of such articles. Black women make the “least” deal out of interracial relationships? What a JOKE. What planet is REAL living on?

    • Belmoun Ibolele'

      You can't be serious with that statement. As a matter of fact, More white hate when a white woman dates a black man.

  • nuon

    Interracial dating only equals self hate one the person says racist crap like, “I’ll NEVER date someone of my own race.” Or, “I date outside of my race because I was treated bad by my own race in the past.” By the way, you hear plenty of people say the above two statements, which suggests there is a lot of self-hate that goes into interracial dating.

  • Real

    Black men have always made the biggest deal out of black women being interested in other races. The situation between black men and women goes as follows: black man wants black woman to love unconditionally despite the fact that he has no love for her and if black woman finds love outside of him then she hates herself and all that is black. It’s a sad sad thing. And I, being a very dark skinned black woman, have never put myself into a box when it comes to who I’m interested in. I refuse to. I like what I like whether it be Indian or Spanish or black or white. I’ll always have some form of love for the black man because my father and mother are both black but as far as me truly giving a damn about what they think black women should do or who they can and can’t love…..my ears and heart are not open to anything they have to say about that. And that’s a little sad too but it’s kinda like bitting the hand that feeds you… That hand will eventually stop feeding you if you keep biting it rite? Apply the same concept to the relationship between the black man and the black woman and you’ll get the picture

  • Garbage Man

    I totally agree Jenna. These interracial dating articles are nauseating. Please move on to something else that actually adds value to people lives. This is straight garbage. A waste of Internet space. This article will get its "swirl on" in the trash.

  • http://www.unprotectedtalk.com theSOB

    I recently covered a similar issue on my blogs last week http://unprotectedtalk.com/?p=857 . It got some pretty interesting comments on both sides of the argument. It’s simple to me, if you’re happy and the person treats you right. Then who gives a damn what race they are! It is way too many single and lonely people out there in the world today. To overlook or turn down love just because the person isn’t the same race as you, now there are some people who do have self hate. But people are using the word towards random people they don’t even know. So be happy at all cost and let the rest stay lonely and bitter.

  • Veritasmason

    Kweli sana :-)

    Swahili for so true…you having Tanzanian heritage and all! Your story must be profound.

  • http://mynameismisswhite.blogspot.com/ Miss White

    It's not just the women. Black men are bashed all the time for dating outside their race as well. I don't have a problem with interracial dating at all. Honestly, I like way more white boy actors than black. Truth be told way more white boys work than brothers but either way them dudes are fine. With that said, I've never dated outside of my race. Never really been presented with the opportunity, but I would. I do have have a problem though with people who ONLY date outside their race. To me, THAT is self hate. When you go out of your way to say someone else is better because of their race is not only ignorant but racist. Love is love though, and it has no color. People just need to knock it off with their bigotry and open their minds.

  • http://www.runtojesustoday.org Vanessa

    I seriously don't think so. Personally I am so extremely attracted to white men, and men of mixed race. Whole black men I just don't prefer men. Ray J and Tyler Perry were the only exception. JT and Seth MacFarlane omg!!!! But its not self hate. Defintely, maybe for some people because they THINK their baby will be more beautiful but that is pure B.S. totally. Its retarded…stupid.

  • theBlackPocahontas

    to answer the question: On it's face NO. However too many do it for reasons that equal self-hate thus what you then get is the automatic belief that it does equal self hate.

    Let's be real MOST of these men we see everyday doing it, are doing it for the WRONG reasons. They have a perceived notion about non-black women and some of that may or may not be valid. However at the end of the day, MOST women want the same thing. Thus once you put a ring on it, get prepared to start saying to yourself, this is just like being with a black woman.

    Also, lets be honest MOST black women you see are doing it because well, they don't exactly attract black men alot or the type of Black man they want, doesn't want them. And they are more prone to be attractive to white men.

    Then there are those who simply do it for Love. This I have no problem with.

    But I must say, somehow I knew this lady was a dark skinned black woman. And although she can look back now and say she would not have changed her decision, that doesn't mean that she went into it for the right reasons.

    Let's be real. darker skin women have a hard way to go in this life. And if their features don't fit a certain mode, they don't attract a ton of black men. Also these type of women are prone to work or go to school in mostly white settings a lot of the time, thus they really speak differently (not just proper English) and they are mostly highly educated. But this leads them to being prone to accept a white man's advances. Especially if the few brothers they see in this setting aren't checking for them.

    Sorry but I think the author falls into this category. It just so happens that her situation worked out.

    • Melody

      I agree with your comment. The majority of black women that I tend to see with white men are medium brown to dark skin. I think much of this has to do with these women having a hard time in dating black men so they just take advances from non black men. My younger sister is a prime example of what I am talking about. She is medium brown skinned average, a real trekke/ sci fi kind of girl. A lot of black men were simply not checking for her and white men were so she just started dating them. I do think if given a chance in the past she would have dated black men but now I think she is really enjoying the other side.

    • http://www.beyondblackwhite.com Christelyn

      Ummm…well, I'm dark, yes. But I'm not exactly hard to look at, so I've been told. ;-)

    • Kate

      But at the same time, if a light skinned black woman dates a white man (which I have certainly seen) then she is "white-washed" or fooling herself in so many people's eyes.

    • Cheddasnatchaz

      I am a black woman happily married to a white man.  The problem that I have with your statement is your attempt to reason out WHY black women date white men.  It’s kind of like me asking why men date other men, and then saying it’s because women must have failed them at some point in their lives.
       
      I hate to break it to you, but black women have BEEN attracted to white men and vice versa.  Why can’t people be together because they simply love each other and find each other irresistable?  Why must there always be a motive, or some past abusive-tossed to the left-i ain’t checking for you-underlying cause involved? 

      You actually said, “Also, lets be honest MOST black women you see are doing it because well, they don’t exactly attract black men alot or the type of Black man they want, doesn’t want them. And they are more prone to be attractive to white men….”

      I guess that goes right along with MOST black guys date white women because, or MOST black guys will not be good fathers because….see where I’m going?  STOP spreading false opinions about us, because people actually read this crap and BELIEVE you.  You went on to give several reasons for bw/wm IR dating, then lastly said, “There are those who do it for love….”

      You think?

      I’ve never felt the need to announce my complexion in a post.  But I’ll do it just to prove your point as wrong.  I am a fair skinned woman, 5’4″, 120 pounds – slim as hell but currvy as fxck, natural, soft shoulder length hair, graduate degree in science, cool as a fan but my attitude will cut you like a knife if you step outta line.  And I have never EVER had a problem getting ANY man that I wanted – be he taken or not.  You starting to get a pic of me now?

      Ok, I thought you would…:-)

      But I am with my husband because I DEMAND the type of love he gives.  Generous, willing, loving, affectionate, about his business, and I never have to call his cell phone twice wondering why he did not pick up. 

      Good looking brothers with money and an education…these days…these days right here…..its a VERY slim pool to choose from brother.  For one reason or the other.  I chose from the group who currently had something to offer.  And homeboy happened to be in the right place at the right time, and 5 years later – is the LOVE of my LIFE.

      And contrary to what you’d have MOST people think, it’s not because I was second best in my community, or because the guy I wanted didn’t want me. 

      Just accept that black women’s dating options are a LOT more open now.  And when you start to see sisters sweeping up Japanese men in the next few years, don’t think it’s some kind of fad.  Nothing could be more disrespectul.  Remember that.

  • Dani

    Excellent article. I don't go by statistics much–and who quoted ESSENCE, of all places?!–but the rest of if was spot on.

    Whether you love it or hate it, interracial dating is here to stay. So it's either get used to it or get over it.

  • Malika

    I’m a black woman, also married to a white man. We still get looks here and there….its annoying. It’s 2011…..when are people going to realize that there is nothing wrong with interracial dating.

    • theBlackPocahontas

      Probably when the world, especially America becomes a non-racist place. I don't see that happening so it's something that you have to idea with. I do have to wonder however, what couples like yourself think about when you choose this path.

      No offense but it seems like too many of you expect the experience to somehow be different then the last interracial couple. This is the path you chose. This is the America we live in.

      And just because its 2011 means nothing. We have a President for all appearances and self-identification is Black, yet he gets threats on his life everyday because of it. Congress fight him everyday because of it. Thus I'm sorry but you having to deal with some funny looks is not the worst of America's problems.

      You can love who you want but until the Oppressor acknowledges that he has Oppressed and is still Oppressing, this is what you get even in 2011.

    • Mrs. Mercedes Benz

      Welcome to the club Malika. I am black and my husbsand is Italian/Irish. I've been married for 16 years with 3 children, with one on the way. You would think at this day and age, that people will look straight ahead, close their mouths, and don't stop to ask questions. Not so, especially living in Manhattan. I get elderly women telling me "Don't worry what people say honey, your family is beautiful" As if I cared, or depended on their comments. Or, ordinary people saying "Your children are gorgeous. I want mixed kids". People can be downright ignorant, and so annoying.

  • Iva

    I love this article … :) I am white, and I have a black bf… I just hate when ppl stare at us.. damn .. get over it… it's 2011…

    • Zuckerberg

      I need a white girlfriend. Black girls are rude, that's until old age when desperation starts.

      • Nancy

        Men and women who think like you need to look in the mirror as to why only ghetto, loud-mouth, etc men/women only want you and why the bm/bw who are not loud and rude don't. As the saying goes birds of a feather flock together.

      • Charden

        Zuckerberg all black women are not rude; you just haven't met the right one. However I am familiar with the type you are referring to. Don't allow one bad apple to ruin the pie…..

      • ToddChoris

        I love black women and haven’t met a loud or mean one yet. I think a lot of black men just use that as an excuse to behave like boys instead of taking responsibility for kids or homes and women etc., but I’m always glad to pick up the slack. ;)

    • Tori

      Just because it is 2011 it does not mean people views have change we still live in a racist society. Just ignore them and go on with your business because you cannot make people accept interracial dating/marriage especially in America.

  • tiffany mya

    as far as inter-racial relationships, its like chris rock said once,"what u hate will end up in ur family" i went to a predominately white high school, before then i didnt have a problem with inter-racial relationships, but there i began a hatred (have to be honest), but now two of my brothers date non-black women and i have a biracial niece who i of course love, so i had to check the hate and not just bury it i had to deal with it (i still am) and i do think black women have it harder because it isnt seen as often but as i mature i see that all men seem to love black women and i myself am becoming more open to the experience even tho it scares me and im dealing with that too lol

    • ToddChoris

      So many white men LOOOOVE black women. ;) I just wanna say how nice it is to get to interact with women who still act like ladies and have standards and requirements. That’s why I’m down for the brown. :D

  • tiffany mya

    @innovatoor09 i agree with u about the study, they can be bias and with us making up so little of the population, i foget that living in d.c. a.k.a. chocolate city even tho it's changing, so like u said the numbers with be highr,and i never thought about if the white guy has kids with a white woman how that can really impact the relationship cause blended families are always harder and if the children are white they or their friends/teachers, strangers even will walays be giving side eyes or even asking stupid question, but if white step-children are a part of the picture then the parents/step-parents should be prepared to deal with that

  • tiffany mya

    @innovatoor09 i agree with u about the study, they can be bias and with us making up so little of the population, i forget that living in d.c. a.k.a. chocolate city even ntho it's changing, so like u said the numbers will be higher, and i never thought if the white guy has kids with a white woman how that can really impacted the relationship cause belded families are always hard and if the children are white they or their friends/teachers will always be giving side eyes or asking stupid questions, but if that is the case the children and the parents/step parents should be prepared

  • THOMAS WILLIAMS

    HELLO;I AM A AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN AN I HAVE SOME OF YOUR POST;IT IS MORE THAN 43% OF BLACK MEN THAT MARRY BLACK WOMEN..CHECK OUT ESSENCE MAGAZINE FEBRUARY,2011 ISSUE OUT..ON PAGE 120..PEW RESEARCH;2010…78% OF BLACK MEN MARRY BLACK WOMEN IN THE USA..AN YOU KNOW THE SISTER AT ESSENCE.COM DUE THERE HOME WORK..IT SAID "AIN;T NOTHING LIKE THE REAL THING…IT IS PROOF THAT BLACK MEN STILL LOVE BLACK WOMEN AN WILL COUNTUIE MARRY THEM 78% BLACK MEN MARRY BLACK WOMEN IN THE USA….

    • ToddChoris

      78% of black men WHO ARE MARRIED are married to black women, but many black men aren’t able to achieve marriage much less healthy ones. 43% of black men overall are married and the statistic she gave is accurate.

  • innovatoor09

    I've dated other races since I was in my mid-twenties, but majority of the men I've been in a relationship with were black. I think if you do date outside your race, be very realisitic about it. I do not bash black men to other races, but alot of women do. Race has nonething to do with how a man treats you, there are dogs in every race. As far as that study I don't agree with it, because they always take a small percentage of a mean to study, and its not reality.

    There was another study done in 2006, and most black men are married to black women, and most white men are married to white women. White men marry at higher rates, and of course they do. We only make up 14% of the population, so the numbers will be higher. One thing I will tell black women, who date outside their race, if he has children by a white women that relationship may not work, and if he comes from old money that could be a problem. If he is a guy from another race, and he made his own money, and has no kids the relationship might work. This is only my opinion, and from dating outside my race what I see.

  • Lisa

    Great article….thanks.

  • fabu78

    Really?! Anyone who is having a problem with interracial dating in 2011 needs to seriously get over themselves!! I've never dated outside my race , but I'm open to doing so. Love is love.

    • http://www.unprotectedtalk.com theSob

      exactly, people need to be more open minded.

  • integratedmemoirs

    I find interracial dating is skewed when it comes to black men vs. black women, and it's biased towards black men. They're less likely to be referred to as "sellouts" or any other ignorant term. However, when a black woman does it, she is everything negative. I'm content to date whomever I want because I don't give into other people's ideologies about me. At the end of the day, you're in control of your own happiness.

    • menissance

      its not bias to black men…its the fact that the sh!t y'all hear being spewed towards y'all black women dating outside ur race now was the same sh!t y'all was sayin towards black men dating out…now that y'all are doing it, FINALLY, u dont want to hear the same ridicule and judgements majority of black women were dishing out when the brothers was doing the sh!t smh…so shut the fucc up with the woe is me im no sellout pity party …succ and fucc whoever d!ck u want, if its not mine, why the fucc would i care in the first place, one woman doesn't hold the only vagina in her possession even if so many think so lmbao

      • theBlackPocahontas

        You must be some white person acting black because you have got to be one the most idiotic people I have seen comment on topics in a while.

        If you are black, you need to take your butt back to school. Men like you would make any woman date outside her race.

  • REALLY

    MY SISTER DOESNOT WANT TO MARRY A BLACK MEN, SO MY FATHER SAID AS LONG AS HE IS NOT WHITE SHE CAN MARRY ANYOTHER RACE

    • Belmoun Ibolele'

      Why your sister does not want to marry a black man?

  • momo

    am called a "sellout" when i dated a white men but when black men does it their "pimps". why is this?

  • Proudly married

    This is a problem in America not in other parts of the world. If you go to England, Amsterdam, it's quite common and people don't bat an eyelid. Black Africans who marry whites couldn't give a darn about race and they're often extremely proud of who they are and their culture. Black America has enough problems without creating more for themselves. Get over yourselves and realize there's more to a relationship than skin color. I proudly hold my white husband's hand wherever we go. Happily married for many years.

    • theBlackPocahontas

      please explain how we are creating more problems for yourself? This has been an issue embedded in our culture for the past 400 years. Please don't act like you don't why the subject is taboo in our culture. That's why it is so easy for Black folks (mainly African) to date other races in other countries.

      But Newsflash, racism against Black people exist all over the world. Why do you think someone like Sammy Sosa bleached his skin or people in Jamaica bleaching theirs? They seek to marry white because unlike the individual thinking that is promoted in America, Black Americans have began to realize that being with a white person isn't automatically white. Or that they are the best because they are white. Other black cultures haven't come that far mentally yet.

      • Veritas

        Black Pocahontas FYI Africans were enslaved too and the blacks in the islands -Jamaica e.t.c their ancestors were brought there as slaves from Africa just like in the Americas. The difference between the blacks in other countries and the blacks in America is that black Americans can't seen to move on from the past! As Proudly Married said "get over it and move on"! Black Americans despite all the opportunities that are at your fingertips, you give up bettering yourselves and are happy in blaming your failures on the "man" while other blacks in other countries who do not have as much if any opportunities as you do, would take it as a challenge to prove themselves against all odds Hey listen, there are other issues that are more important than your hatred or distrust of a white man. A white man is the least of your problems; infact if you ignore him; he will be a nonissue! What other problems you are asking? -There is poverty, rampant single motherhood , HIV, illiteracy…I mean look around you and go ahead and tell me that Racism is # 1 issue in your community.
        You know what ? As you said there is racism all over the world then what is the big deal? Black people are racist agaisnt whites, whites against blacks, Arabs vs jews, arabs vs africans, the light skinned against the dark skin whatever! It is what is! Sammy Sosa didn't bleach his skin because of racism , he just prefers a light skin. I wonder why do not call is it racism/identity crisis when a white person gets a tan to look brown…
        It is people's mistrust of the other promotes racism but if people from differences would take a chance to get to know each other they would find out that we all have the same with similar basic human needs the only difference is in our complexions which is a really shallow and stupid reason to base your hatred on!

        If you are religious then you should take it this way-we are all God's children no matter what race we are from.
        Interracial dating should not be an issue- you date who you want to date and if you prefer to only date yur own race then that alright too but do not sit there and judge someone else who who choses to cross the color line.

        I have dated all kind of races I can't say I prefer one over the other as you quick find out it is not the race that you but a man-good or bad.

    • IShotCherylCole

       Half of all Black British Black men date/marry white women, alas noones ever asked Black British women how they feel about it so you’ll be forgiven if you thought noone bats an eyelid
      Black British women are batting their eyelids trust me …..HALF!? what a blatant diss

  • seriously

    Really good article. I agree. Im married to a white man myself and it wasnt always easy. While my mother was happy for me my father was livid…our relationship was shaky before but now he doesnt even talk to me anymore. My father is one of those black men who goes for the lightest (and whitest) women he can find so I dont understand what the problem is. The only excuse I keep getting is its our job to keep the race going…I guess I didnt get the memo. I have never spoken ill about a black man and I never will (they always talk crap about us though). Definitely a double standard thing going on.

    • menissance

      just cuz u CLAIM not to talk sh!t about black men, doesn't mean other black women are not bashing the sh!t out of us, so shove the double standard up ur fat booty a$$ lmao

      • Devin

        Ignorant speaks I guess. Menissance, she made a comment. She didn't bash you. Where is the respect?

    • Denise Brooks-Peterson

      I AM ALSO MARRIED TO A WHITE MAN. SINCE I WAS AS CHILD I TOOK EVERYONE FOR THE INDIVIDUAL THAT THEY WERE. I HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIPS WITH SEVERAL DIFFERENT RACES. I LEARNED THERE IS GOOD,BAD AND THE UGLY IN ALL RACES. I MARRIED MY HUSBAND FOR WHO HE IS ON THE INSIDE. AND BELIEVE ME I LOVE MYSELF AND OTHERS NO MATTER WHAT SKIN THEY ARE IN. REMEMBER THOSE WORDS" IT'S THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER"?

      • Charden

        Mrs. Brooks- Peterson,

        Bravo, well spoken, my thoughts exactly!

    • Charden

      To Seriously, I know the feeling regarding your dad being unhappy with you marrying a white man. I dated an Italian man a few years ago and my dad became extremely distant from me. I'm a grown women and only I can choose whom I spend my time with. My mother excepted him just fine, my siblings two sisters and one brother each had something negative to say. I work for an major airline and it allows me an opportunity to widen my horizon; meeting people of different cultures. Good Luck to you and yours…

  • tee23

    good article.

    • The Cynic

      Horrible journalism! That Pew Research study only 13% of Black men marry out! The 22% number came from Black men who actually jumped the broom in 2008, not out of ALL the ppl who were married. I repeat this was only the number of ppl who actually got married that year, not all married couples. Ugh and all of you dummies will fall 4 this propaganda…

      • Keep it Real

        What's more relevant. A study that includes what black men did two years ago or a study that shows what black men did 20 or 30 years ago. Seems to me that that 22% is an increase that almost triples the amount of interracial marriages 20 years ago among black males is a pretty good indication that black men marrying interracially is going to continue to increase dramatically in the next 20 years. JMO

        • The Cynic

          Nope. We have no idea whether the number will stabilize or even increase. Those are the statistics of ALL black married couples in 2008. Not from 20-30 yrs ago

          • Eugenia

            Get a life.