The Dumber You Are, The Better The Sex?

August 10, 2014  |  


By Serge Bielanko, For YourTango

My new theory: Maybe having wild sex doesn’t require brains at all.

There are times when I just wish I was straight-up dumber than a coffee cup of squirrel crap. This mostly has to do with the fact that I’m starting to believe that the dumbest people are having the best sex. Seriously. Think about it.

Remember that show “Jersey Shore”? (You do, trust me.) Look at those people.

I’m not saying they weren’t street-smart or whatever, but c’mon, let’s be honest. Snooki and J-Wow and The Situation weren’t exactly tripping over each other’s barbells to listen to NPR in the afternoons, you know? But then again, they sure did seem to be having a lot of sex. And I’m guessing it had to be pretty good sex, too, since they usually went back down to the club and wrangled up more, like 14 hours later.

Then again, maybe I’m just trippin’.

Here’s the backstory: I’ve been separated from my wife for about 8 months now (separate homes and the works), and with that comes the splayed-out dry spell of chaste sexual desert where I currently hang. So yeah, there’s a distinct possibility that me and my idealized vision of “Jersey Shore”-style screwing is yet another sign that I’ve officially lost my mind.

Still, I tend to think these anti-intellectual types are having a hell of a lot more wild sex than people like me, people who try to read critically-acclaimed fiction and watch foreign films and try and keep their minds wide-open to new and progressive ideas. Don’t get me wrong, I love sex as much as the next fella, it’s just that sometimes I feel like the whole “emotional attachment” part of grown-up, intelligent sex sort of gums up the works.

Throughout my life, I’ve sometimes felt this pair of “good guy” arms holding me back from my rightful place in the sun, perched and balanced on the bedpost with a bottle of cheap tequila and a pair of electric handcuffs. There’s this gentleman’s creed that I’ve always tried to follow: Treat every sexual partner as if this tender moment might crack her fragile neck if she isn’t handled with boundless grace. But I don’t know if it’s made much difference. I’ve often wondered if the whole premise of “making love” actually crashes up against the very primal origins of “f*cking”? And that led me to wonder if the hot sex of my wildest imagination would be more of a reality if I just let my guard down and helped my partner do the same.

Ugh. It’s really confusing. Unless you’re really dumb, in which case you usually follow your inner horndog mountain gorilla and probably end up as the best lay she’s ever had.

Are your brains to blame for your lame sex life? Read more on YourTango.

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  • Say What?

    Nah I’ve had sex with stupid people and it was the biggest waste of my time. For me it
    s better when there’s a connection and on some level usually and intellectual and personal one. I’m not the one to associate with the unintelligent.

  • quiet passion

    I definitely agree as a woman, we have certain rules set up for us in terms of behavior that conforms to the way a potential wife should behave. I truly think to have and give good sex you have to have experience with more than one person to learn what you like. Woman are told not to do that. Although things are changing, its still frowned upon to be promiscuous (look at Rihanna). But this kind of behavior helps you learn what you like which I believe makes you a better sex partner. Honestly I think when a woman (in heterosexual pairings) is enjoying good sex with a guy… the guy has no choice but to enjoy it too.. unless what turns either individual on is too divergent to satisfy the other. From what I have seen the sluttier girls where usually a bit dumber… cutting classes to go experiment with sex while I am in class experimenting with mitotic cells. I just cant help but believe I missed out on mind blowing sex because, my intelligence keeps me from making poor choices with even poorer quality of people. However another commenter may have had a point about sensuality and intelligence. I am very sensual during sex.. or at least I like to be, less intelligent men seem to have no idea what that means and like to just hit the track running so to speak.

    • guest

      “I truly think to have and give good sex you have to have experience with more than one person to learn what you like”

      I truly believe that is incorrect. I have only been with my husband and we experiment together to determine what we like. I know my body better than anyone else, so why would I need multiple people to figure it out? That makes no sense. Our goal is to please each other. No one else can tell me what he likes but him and I am the only one that can tell him what I like.

      • quiet passion

        I understand where your coming from, and if you and your partner are in that same space that is admirable. However if your partner is impatient and wants what he wants, you might never figure out what drives your passion, because he has been trained by society to believe his pleasure is your pleasure. if you have an unselfish lover consider yourself lucky

        • guest

          Men may be taught by society but it is up to the woman that he shares his body with to teach him how to be considerate. Many women don’t speak up for what they want so the man is called selfish when he actually doesn’t even know she isn’t being pleased.

          • quiet passion

            I respect your experience and your truth… however your experience is not mine or many of the women who I have spoken to regarding sexual experiences. We are vastly off the topic of whether or not being smart makes sex wack, but since we’re are going there, I will say that you can lead a horse to water but you can’t force him to drink. Cliche, but I believe it is relevant to my point. A woman can spend an inordinate amount of time trying to teach one guy something she likes or trying to get him interested in something she is interested in (men too). If he doesn’t like it… or even worse ridicules your ideas than you might not be able to get anywhere. Which is why I stated that people who are less intelligent may actually have better sex. The dumber girl might take more risks but ends up having Better sex simply because she has experimented more. She is not beholden to one persons experience and has more opportunity to explore her sexuality. As I said if you are lucky enough to have a partner that is willing to grow with you sexually, that is awesome. But everyone does not have that

  • Curls&Swirls

    I’m not sure about this thought, but I DO think there’s a connection between great sex and being unemployed LOL Just to be honest some of the best I ever had was from a man who didn’t have a job lol I mean, what else are they doing other than sexing? Plenty of time to work on that craft.

    Just like all these summer babies…when your parents were stuck in the house all winter, they didn’t just play chess during a week long blizzard…

    • T. T.

      LMAO!!!! The unemployed dude is working alright, working on making that body feel like it’s on cloud 9. I’m sorry that was too funny!!!!!

    • dhgwen

      LMAO, you might have a point here… which explains why so many gainfully employed, successful women are gladly sponsoring no-count bum type dudes. The good s3x has them dikmatized!

      • Guestest

        Lol, y’all crazy!!

  • KeepingItReal

    I WHOLEHEARTEDLY disagree. I think people are having a lot of se3 but I will bet my last dollar most of the se3 is WHACK. The se3 game today is GARBAGE. People don’t know anything about sensuality…fulfillment…NOTHING. You need intelligence…a curious mind…to have a good se3 game. Most people today have brains as empty as a hot air balloon. I see people having se3 with a lot of people and I know for sure their se3 game is whack. Much like everything else today…people want everything instantaneous…no patience…no substance…NO GAME.

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