You Don’t Get a Brotha Back Like That! Is “Revenge Cheating” Justified?
A friend and I were discussing all the drama between Robin Thicke and his estranged wife Paula Patton. While I’m not sure that Robin has come straight out and admitted that he was unfaithful to Paula, I think it’s safe to say that some type of infidelity is the reason for their split. In trying to determine if we would take him back after all of his desperate attempts to get back in her good graces, my friend said, “I probably would take him back eventually, but I’d have my own little fling first so that we’d be even.” We laughed about that, but how many people have cheated out of revenge – and does it work? Would you actually feel better?
Jay-Z has a song with lyrics that go a little something like this:
That’s your fault, how many times you forgiven me?
How was I to know that you was plain sick of me?
I know the way a n- was livin was whack
But you don’t get a n- back like that!
When I first heard that song, my first thought was, “That’s EXACTLY how you get back at him!” But upon further thought, it didn’t make sense to cheat on a man after you’ve decided to stay with him unless you thought that doing to him what he did to you would somehow make you feel better.
I’m sure for some women (and men) revenge cheating feels good…temporarily. But then what? You two live happily ever after? Just seems a bit dysfunctional to me. I guess there are a few things you’d have to ask yourself before really going through with it.
Like what if he found out? I know it sounds a bit hypocritical, but he may leave you if he finds out you cheated on him after you forgave him and took him back after he cheated on you. I know it’s a double standard, but men are not as forgiving when a woman steps out on them. A man’s ego is bigger than his woman’s heart. If you damage his ego, chances are the relationship is over. Not saying a man can’t forgive, just less likely that he will…especially if he’s not married. If he’s married with kids, he may consider it…maybe. Men are more territorial. The thought of another man sniffing around their woman will make a man crazy. He won’t be able to comprehend another man with his woman, even if he stepped out on her first.
Also, sex to men is fleeting. They can separate love from sex, so based on that theory, he expects his woman to forgive him since it was strictly physical, not love. If a woman cheats, and says that it was just about sex, he probably still won’t forgive her…because that logic doesn’t apply to us. Men are taught that women are, or SHOULD BE, monogamous creatures that stick by our men. Men know that if a woman has sex with another man, chances are it’s more than just something physical for her. There’s usually an emotional connection, and no man wants to believe that about their woman.
That said, if you still want to be with him, cheating on him out of revenge would be like pouring gasoline on a fire. Two affairs might be the end to an otherwise salvageable relationship, and once you do the deed, it can’t be undone.
Lastly, cheating on your partner might make you feel worse about yourself, not better. After all, cheating on him would make you no better than he is because all you did was stoop to his level. Two wrongs don’t make it right, so if you feel that you need a break and want to explore your options when it comes to other men, simply break up. That way, if you do wind up sleeping with someone else, it won’t be while you’re in a relationship and you don’t have to suffer the emotional fallout of feeling like a cheater yourself. Then, if you decide to get back together with your cheating ex, your conscience will be clear.