“Stand Back” Signals – Reasons He May Find You Unapproachable

July 20, 2014  |  



Are you one of those women who think you’re totally awesome, yet can’t seem to understand why people – particularly men – don’t talk to you? After all, you consider yourself to be social, and you may think you put yourself out there – but men don’t seem to look your way to say hello, let alone ask you out.

Could it be the way you dress? Do you think you’re too pretty? What could be the problem? Sometimes the aura we give off has more to do with our inner spirit and happiness rather than our physical appearance – so women who depend solely on their looks are left baffled as to why men don’t come sweep them off their feet. Or maybe you’re giving off some sort of energy that is in no way indicative of who you really are. If you’re confused as to why men tend to stay away from you, it could be because you’re sending one of these “stand back” signals that keeps him from coming your way.

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  • Vandellish

    I’ve been reading quite a few of the comments and it’s obvious that most of the women here do a lot of these things on purpose so men will stay away…and I get it. No one wants guys coming up to them all the time.
    Yet still…
    I find it funny that so many sistas today say things like ‘where are all the real men/go-getter (get her?) types’, or that ‘so many brothers are only interested in non-black women these days’ or the ol ‘most of these guys are gay anyway, etc…’ Those sentiments are in stark contradiction to what I’m reading here.
    The varying messages are hella confusing to a single man so 9 times out of 10 we’ll just cast all of these things (stay away body language/facial expressions) aside and approach just about ANY single looking woman who attracts us and is not with a man and doesn’t have a wedding ring on. It’s really not that big of an investment.
    Most women would admit that they play it pretty cool even when they’re fairly interested in a guy and if men only approached women who displayed ultra-obvious signs of interest then we’d see even less couples than you do now. When it comes to meeting attractive women it’s a numbers game and we’re like commissioned salesmen…anywhere between 16-20% is a really good average.
    BTW you ladies who complain about having sooo many guys approaching you are merely dealing with a quality problem. There’s probably not a man or woman on earth who feels sorry for you on that issue.

    • janelle

      Great statement. For all the women who say they do this ON PURPOSE, then this article doesn’t apply to you. Simple. This article is for those women who don’t understand why men don’t approach them. If you do these things on purpose, then good for you, but there are some women out there who may not even realize that there is something that they may be projecting. Again, if it doesn’t apply to you, then keep it moving. But if someone gets something from it, why criticize??

  • chy

    they keep recycling this every time, we are tired MN.

  • After years of asking for the unbiased truth My husband says that he approached me out of ally friends because each time our eyes caught i had the biggest smile and that i was the only one who seemed out for a fun times,my girls are always dressed to impress the male species, i did and still do dress to impress myself,anyway,he is full of shyt ,he came over cause of my huge titays lool i think that men approach who they want to,BUT it wouldnt hurt anybody to smile sometimes.

  • JackieD

    How come women are always the ones who have to “fix” something about ourselves or “tone it down”? I’m really tired of this; especially from a website that’s supposedly dedicated to helping/uplifting women. Yes, there are articles directed at men sometimes. But, the overwhelming majority are directed at women. No one is perfect, neither male nor female; men have work to do too!

    • janelle

      This is article is for women who are wondering why they’re not being approached. If it doesn’t pertain to you, then keep it moving. Not EVERY article EVER written can be universally applied to EVERYONE. This isn’t about fixing, it’s about insight. I never understand people who criticize articles that don’t pertain to them. There is someone out there who finds this advice helpful. If it’s not you, then so be it. Click on the next story! Geesh!

  • heyheyno

    Mannnnnnn stop waiting on these guys to approach you in conclusion. If you see someone cute go holla girl and stop wondering…does he notice me what does he think about me lol

    • Thank you! Women act as if talking to a guy is an incorrect choice when dating,they sit back and wait to be chosen then cry about not having what they want thee fuq?

  • simplymi

    Please don’t get me started! I go to the gym regularly to get my freshman 15+ off….an MBA later lol…..don’t judge me lol! Lol All I have on my mind is Zumba and the elliptical. So what I hate most when some guy comes on the machine next to mine cheesing and wanting to start conversation… Mind you I’m dripping with sweat. And what’s most aggravating is most times they don’t get the point to get the hell out my face…so I frown, go faster, or simply ignore them……or what about the thirsty guy who pulls up while youre pumping gas lookin like Brah man from the 5th floor, oh heck naw!!!! So, yes I second the article about keeping guys away….its a time and place for everything!

  • Chanda

    Wow, MN you do this topic every week. I think it’s safe to say most women know what they’re doing when they make themselves unapproachable. Depending on where we’re at we don’t want a bunch of hood boogers approaching us and half the time they still do.

    • MajorKinksnCoils86

      I agree, I’ll do some of theses things because I DONT want to get approached! I agree that if some of us women wanted to, we know how to get that mans attention…well again some of us…appartently..lol

    • Kissyface

      Yeah, that really gets me that they still try even when I’m frowning and looking at my Kindle for 30 minutes. I think having a frowny-face actually gives them more opportunity to try to get your attention and make you smile.

  • Mc Hammer

    The female on #9 is showing her camel’s toe! I would approach her all day, ijs.

    • MajorKinksnCoils86

      buhahaha! I literally LOL’d…thank you for that! lmfao!!

  • justme

    last two dates, both guys told me that while I was easy to talk to and attractive, I was very intimidating to them. How does one respond to that? Lo

    • MajorKinksnCoils86

      I’ve been told that several times, and honestly I took it as a compliment. I find that some men like that, because they like a challenge..although being intimidated can look “scary” to the man, some of them are because you may appear mysterious to them. Sometimes they don’t know how to approach someone they have no knowlegde of…

  • Yea

    This is stupid

  • Fash Sale

    These are all stupid……

  • Jasmine

    I think sometimes you can be completely oblivious to the fact that you look unapproachable. I’m 22 and I’ve never been approached by a guy in my life and my friend finally told me it’s because I look intimidating (I thought that I was ugly all the time tbh). And the concept of walking around with a smile on my face is so strange to me haha

    • lol

      it is because you are ugly, if a man finds you attractive he’ll do almost anything to holla at you. this article is nice and all but it is usually because you are physically unattractive. If you think you are ugly, you probably are…truth.

      • sweettea

        That’s mean and untrue. There are too many hard faced women with husbands and a village of kids for looks to be the only thing attracting men. Being approachable goes a long way. Frowned up pretty girls get passed over all the time.

        • lol

          i am not being mean, i am being honest. all those hard face girls probably knew dude from back in school – he got to know their personality BUT if a man isn’t forced to be in a class with you and doesn’t find you attractive how do you think he’ll get to know your personality?? Be real,stop telling girls lies.

          • Chanda

            Mean but true. These men knew these hard faced chicks from way back, knocked her up a few times, the cookie is good and now they’re pretty much stuck together. I’m sure some ugly chicks can get a dude she doesn’t know quick but that better be one hell of a personalty or a big booty.

      • Frankie

        Thats not true. Men -especially black men -are not these machismo driven warriors who will pursue and rescue. I have many male friends and the one thing I know about them is that the male ego is annoyingly fragile. I’ve been told I’m come across as “not needing anybody” and “intimidating”. Of course I was shocked but I never gave it any more thought. These guys haven’t even seen me so much as raise my voice, so I brushed it off. And then a person who meant the world to me died suddenly. It broke me. It made me vulnerable. Even though I couldn’t see it, men picked up on this and I was pursued like crazy. It’s still going on until this day. Nothing else about me has changed. I dress the same (modestly). I have the same job and I take the same commute to work- but now I’ve got guys chasing me down as I sprint across the train station to the Express.

        • lol

          WRONG, I am good looking been told that all my life, my mothers italian my father jamaica, so i guess am the “exotic” type, people always ask me what i am. Men have ALWAYS talked to me, stop me in the dang street, hover around in clubs…..on my bad days, good days all alike. i am telling you all, if you were good looking they would just come up to you. I am not trying to hurt feelings, but for some reason i thought you guys wanted honesty…….i am sorry for going that route, yup just keep believing…you are soo beautiful that it is intimidating, you must be better looking than myself i know for sure i am not intimidating and for some reason guys just find me attractive, want my number….or what’s more disturbing is the amount of dudes that wanna just eat the box!!!!!! strangers lol. Anyway just speaking from my experience didn’t mean to be “mean”.

          • hotmama01

            Okay I’m sorry but you sound completely needy, underage, and clearly attention-seeking. “Honesty” is not going out of you’re way to call somebody ugly, disclose that you’re obviously attractive from being biracial, and that random men offer you oral sęx… which, btw, in no way has to do with your attractiveness, but rather what kind of men you attract smh! Not to mention you seem to know nothing about the rules of attraction (none of which have to do with your genes). You sound ridiculous and need to grow up.

            • lol

              you’re obviously attractive from being biracial…okay, you’ve just got issues!! I AM BLACK!!!! so dont put me on a pedestal because YOU THINK, I think i’m better!!! YOU THINK IT!! That person came on here inquiring wondering why something was the way it was…i gave her my insight! Me being attractive has NOTHING to do with the fact that my mother is italian…she is pretty and my father is handsome THAT IS WHY I’M HOT! the men who wanna “taste”me are up standing folk, white, black…not just one kind fool. Just debunked your theory! You sound like a HATER, Let me guess by your biracial comment…you’re DARKSKIN?? TYPICAL with your inferior thinking self. dont put your issues on me in terms of colorism..i am not the one.

              • TheTimeToStopPostingIsNow

                You aren’t Black if your mother is not Black.

                • Chana

                  So our president isn’t black either? With the way black folks back him up? Please, she’s black if she has enough brown on her skin.

                  • TheTimeToStopPostingIsNow

                    He identifies as Black. He is biracial or mulatto.

          • Frankie

            Actually I never said I was so beautiful I intimidated them. I don’t even think that. I simply told you what they have told me – that I came across as intimidating. I never intimated anything about my looks. You inferred that part on your own.

            • lol

              you are so rude for no reason,humble yourself i cant help that we do not have the same experiences. so i’m the only person who can’t “share” on here? GTFOH!

              • Frankie

                I’m rude but yet you told somebody they were ugly? Where in my post was I rude?

                • lol

                  You should tell that somebody to not post online if they don’t want a real unbiased opinion. What good does it do to make someone feel bad on purpose, i was just saying i actually expected a bunch of confident black women(such as myself) to come here and brag about how we have these fools aka men but no i have a bunch of insecure…probably ugly girls coming at me for no reason, more important question when was i being rude to you????????EXACTLY.

          • Toni Childs


            • hellwitya098


          • Toni Childs

            Who cares what your parents are? You are shallow and you sound like a middle school student. Men will tell a women anything to get in her pants. I woman can look like Biz Markie, Gilbert Godfrey or Arsenic Hall. If a person’s looks his all he or she is working with than he or she isn’t working with much. Draya, girl is this you?

      • CTROCK

        Wow, you’re kinda being a jerk. How do you know if she’s ugly? And with most mature guys it’s not always about physical appearance, yes its apart of it – but its not all of it. I have many male friends tell me when they use to chase girls they were mainly after looks and it always was a major let down. Lucky they’ve grown up enough to know they want the whole package instead of just the pretty wrapping on the outside. It’s about confidence. I think its about the confidence and how you carry yourself. Sometimes I’ll see beautiful women with a scowl on their face, or they look depressed. Most goes don’t want to deal with all that, and that goes both ways. Unless that person likes a challenge ofcourse

        • Frankie

          She’s really young and insecure – which is why she felt the need to tell me about her heritage. Apparently everybody and their mama looks like Halle Berry in real life- behind the keyboard. Lol. Last I checked, the badder a woman is in real life the less she has to brag about it anonymously online. The same goes for men as well. Sad. Smh

          • hollyw


          • lol

            if you are talking about me i said none of that, and i wasn’t bragging i was sharing experiences. you seem insecure.

          • lol

            Fool i am 23 yrs old! i am not stupid i will not be posting pics of myself online!! here….lol really? everyone here is pretty anonymous no??

            • Frankie

              Really young as I said. And again you accuse me of being rude and yet your calling names. *blank stare*

          • CTROCK

            Yeah, she seems really insecure about herself and young. Hopefully she grow more and realize her self worth. That there is more to her and life than just good looks.

        • lol

          i’m a jerk, yet you chose to indirectly insult me through out your post…hypocrite, ijs. Major let down,lol whatever makes you feel better. i’ve already apologised for offending if i have. i truly wasn’t trying to be mean,although i do see how it can. i was just being honest with my sister!.

          • CTROCK

            I wasn’t insulting you.. well, except for the part when I said you were kinda a being a jerk. But that rest of it wasn’t aimed at you – what possible made you think my entire post was about You? Because I was talking about how a mature man wants more than just looks? How You were insulting Jasmine by calling her ugly, but I’m the hypocrite?

      • mixup

        UR A FOOL

    • Frankie

      Don’t listen to that person. They are being mean. I’m betting your beautiful.

    • Sue

      Idk what you look like but you’re beautiful. Upon observation, I’ve noticed that some men go for what they can get and guess what men in your age group probably wants? I get the impression from your post that you may want something more than just sex and there’s nothing wrong with that. Or, maybe you’re not really into dating anyone right now and you give off that “not today” vibe but I highly doubt it has anything to do with looks. I think you should be glad you’re not getting approached by some men because they know you’re not with the b******t and you automatically filter out the loose ones 😉

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  • hollyw

    Why is this an article topic every week? No, seriously; every. Week.

    Newsflash: If someone past the age of 21 is acting unapproachable, they are doing it ON PURPOSE.

    In fact, a much better article topic would be how to go about leaving people alone and/or respecting personal space. Ijs.

    • Me

      Thank you

    • AnonymityShhhhh

      Well what if the person has an overbite- which would make them look mean? That’s not on purpose. Braces are expensive!

      • MajorKinksnCoils86

        why you make me laugh! #intears >_<

    • Kissyface

      I was kind of thinking that some of these things are behaviors that I’d purposely display to keep men from approaching me, lol (I already have a man, so I don’t want a bunch of males approaching me).

      • hollyw

        They are. I mean, what grown woman doesn’t know that sitting with her arms crossed, not making eye contact, reading a book/looking through her phone is going to decrease the chances of her being approached? That’s the point lol!

      • MajorKinksnCoils86

        Absolutely! and even if they still approach me and I have to say that…some men these days don’t even care..but again these wouldn’t be “real men” in my eyes, only little boys play those games…

    • MajorKinksnCoils86

      I couldn’t agree more! For instance, the inimidated one was a bit funny to me, because although I’ve been told that before, it never stopped any man from approaching me. I say, it is all in how one carries herself…Confidence is key! No matter how you look, what you wear, who you’re with, etc….real men are attracted to confidence. Also, if they are too intimidated then I wouldn’t want them to approach me anyhow…they gotta be a go-getter like myself!

      • hollyw

        RIGHT! When I saw that slide, I thought that aaall the others could basically be summed up into this one, b/c that one was really the only one that matters!

        None of this stuff matters if he is confident, and if he is not, why would I make it super -easy to approach me, anyway?? I’d rather just keep reading my book, thanks!

    • YAS! Please preach.

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