Relationship Debate: ‘My Man Keeps His Phone on ‘Silent”

March 1, 2011  |  

Dear China,

My boyfriend always keeps his phone on SILENT. Sometimes I catch him texting, but I never hear his phone go off. I asked him why he keeps his phone on silent when I’m around, and he just says he doesn’t want to be rude. Is this something I should be worried about?

Sincerely,
AT & Me Wireless


Dear AT & Me Wireless,
How long have you been with this man? Why do you have to “catch” him texting? Your language here is filled with suspicion, and it seems as though you’re not comfortable in your relationship. A phone is just a phone, and texting is just texting–unless your man is on some ‘Tiger Woods’ craziness, then you might have a problem.

You probably want me to tell you to tell your man to take his phone off ‘silent,’ because having it in that mode is making you feel uncomfortable and insecure. However, that sort of advice would sound rather odd, wouldn’t it? I mean, it would be like me telling you to tell your man to eliminate turtlenecks from his wardrobe choices, so you can be sure he has no hickies from another girl.

I can’t control your man’s objects, cherie. And neither can you.

I think, the issue here is not the object; it’s the subject, i.e. you. You are not secure in your relationship. You do not trust your man. You are incredibly suspicious of him. And you need to ask yourself why.

If you find no reason to distrust your man, then don’t. If you have good reason to think that he’s cheating on you, then ask him if he is. Tell him that you find it strange that his phone never rings around you…I mean, maybe he doesn’t want his time with you interrupted. Who knows? Talk it out with him and see what he’s thinking. If you discover that he’s cheating, move on.

À Bientôt,
Madame C.

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