Iyanla Fixing Life Of Couple Where Husband Proposed 20 Years Ago As A Joke

June 7, 2014  |  


When I first saw the preview of the upcoming episode of Iyanla, Fix My Life airing this Saturday, I knew I would be tuning in to see what the deep, dark secret a former pastor was hiding from his wife of 20 years. Of course I expected the worst. Was it a sex addiction? An affair? Was he under investigation for rape charges? I just knew for some reason it had to do with some sexual deviance. For the most part, I was right.

A Huffington Post piece reveals that David is a former pastor, husband and father to two sons who has been married to his wife, Jennifer, for 20 years. In “Fix My Life” fashion, David has also secretly been living a double life that includes a pornography addiction and meeting potential sex partners in chat rooms on-line.

During the episode, Iyanla learns that David has moved into his own apartment but still visits the family home regularly for weekly dinners. Jennifer still wears her wedding ring as well as David’s which he removed two years ago. The couple found comfort in one another at the beginning of the relationship, but David goes on to reveal that the marriage was over the day it began because it was never what he wanted and he proposed only “playfully”.

In the video the couple confront one another and David admits his proposal came more out of a need to feel normal, more than actually wanting to build a life with Jennifer. In regards to moving forward, he reveals:

“My choices to remain in a marriage that I knew I didn’t want, it does not diminish that I care. It doesn’t diminish that I love you. Because I do. I do want you to be my friend.”

I’m sorry, but 20 years, dude? You lived a lie for 20 years? I get it: People live a long time struggling to keep skeletons in the closet to avoid confrontation, not only with the people close to them, but also with themselves. But what they fail to realize is what a huge injustice that does to other people who believe they are in a solid, legit relationship. All this time, Jennifer could have been with a man who truly wanted to be her husband. I’m sure she wants to choke slam David for taking twenty years to be honest about the fact the he looks at her as nothing more than a “bestie”.

“Iyanla: Fix My Life” airs Saturday, June 7, at 9 p.m. ET on OWN if you’re waiting to see if Jennifer has the last laugh. In the meantime, take a look at David revealing exactly how the “playful” proposal came to be:

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  • Get Over Yourself

    I do not condone violence but stuff like that gives a woman a good reason to SNAP on a man to severely hurt him with common household items.

  • That’s My Story

    Continuing to wear her wedding ring, and picking his up and putting it on says a lot about this woman. And I do not mean it says she’s weak!!! You see, it means that when she said “I DO”, she knew what she was getting into, she took her vows seriously, and she knows
    SHE has something vested in that marriage!!!! Her husband may not have loved her, may have given up on the marriage right after he said “I DO” but she didn’t. She is willing to let him continue to act the fool while she does what she is supposed to do inside of her marriage. When it is all said and done, she comes off blameless in the sight of God. Yes, other women will call her names and say she has low self esteem for staying in her marriage. I say she is a true woman of God!!! I am impressed!!! If he wants a divorce, he has to file, and he will have to pay dearly. she has done all she was supposed to do to make her marriage work!!!!

    • Ruth Mariamm

      Please spare me with the true woman of God crap! More like low self esteem and self worth!

    • more

      she wasted 20 years of her life with nothing to show for it. Now that her looks have faded. Her best years are gone. All i can say is god bless her

  • Imyourhuckleberry

    I know for a fact she was sleeping with a Marine she was stationed with in Red Bank, NJ.

    • Ruth Mariamm

      wow! This is a huge accusation. Hope you’re saying the truth!

  • Imyourhuckleberry

    I know the wife…..She didn’t air her dirt!!

    • Guest

      what’s the dirt??? im curious to know!

  • Yolanda Harris

    This man is clearly gay, and I think his wife knows it. What
    angers me is that he is a big a$$ COWARD. He robbed his wife of 20 years of her
    life so that he could feel “normal”. Well the only thing he accomplished was ruining
    his wife’s life. He obviously is not “normal”. I don’t know anything about
    being in the closet, but I’m thinking if would just say the words: I AM GAY and
    live his truth, he would be a much happier person.

    • Itzmebytchezz

      Something tells me he eventually told but not on tv. She definitely had him with one pinky toe out the closet.

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  • Stacy D. Smith

    Ridiculous. How do you steal 20 years of someone’s life?

  • Single Girl In Chicago

    God NEVER tells you to stay with a spouse who is Cheating on you and abusive (emotional abuse is Abuse y’all). People stay with people just to say that they have a Husband or Wife (SMDH). I haven’t married because I meet cheaters and abuser-types. Sometimes you just got to be content with Peace…even if it means you will be sleeping alone lol!! I’d rather be alone at night than cheated on for 20 years and then have him say, “I never wanted this.” HOW DEVASTATING?!!!!

  • Pray for this family

    How can you heal if you won’t even come out and admit your GAY!!!!!! That’s part of the process he’s embarassed that he’s a gay man I’m totally confused after this episode and he’s lived a lie for 20 years lord jesus and a pastor too!!!!

    • A818

      I wouldn’t be surprised if she was the only straight one in that entire family.

      • Itzmebytchezz

        Lol & smh. I hate to judge a book by its cover but in this instance I couldn’t help but wonder………..

  • Donna Johnson

    Ok. So why was this show aired? Beloved never got to Davids real truth. Beloved let this man slide. This man is a homosexual. I mean why did he keep saying he did it to be normal? His big lie is he slept with men his entire farce of a marriage. Girlfriend better get tested yearly for the next ten yrs at least.

    • Guest

      Preach! That man is as gay, as the day is long! Why else would he say he was molested by his brother (an excuse a lot of gays use) or long to be “normal”. The wife knew or suspected he was gay too! Why else would she say, she didn’t know the gender of the person the husbands freaky letter was addressed to. Iyanla you are a fraud for allowing this man to continue in his lies.

  • RonJAEE

    He is gay! He wanted to be “normal”??! Smh just terrible. God Bless Jennifer

  • Rosemary Davis

    I have no idea why this show is even on Iylania does not fix anything to me these families are left just as broken as they were prior to her visit.She comes in like a raging bull insisting, that people has to do as she say if their problems are going to be solved, and if not she wants to walk out, the only thing that came out of this is that she got this man to admit to his wife was that his proposal of marriage was not real, and that he had sex thirty days with another woman after the wedding, he never told his wife at least not on the show that he had been molested by his own Bro, and that when he confronted him about it he made him feel that it didn’t happen and then a few days later the Bro.died, and he was left racked with guilt.There e were so many things left unsettle and un-said with this episode.and when you see the updates at the end of the show, these people are pretty much right back where they started.

    • pika12

      I felt the same way about this episode. However I have seen some other episodes where she seems to really provide some assistance and guidance to help the people get on track. She can’t be successful with every attempt or it would be unrealistic. They film it and televise it worth her attempt is a success or not. Some situations just can’t be fixed or improved. But you are right about this episode, it was a complete waste and probably just made things worse for the family.

    • Mp

      I think Iyanla does an incredible job of getting right down to it. She is a loving and spiritual woman who helps these people reveal the harsh truth to themselves and only then can they begin the healing process. She hardly “barges” in, she’s invited by these folks who have reached rock bottom. David needs to man up and admit his faults in therapy and speak his truth to his family. They all deserve that, even him.

  • Youknowwhatiitis

    Lol @ the marriage bashers…by any means necessary right?

  • Afri

    Ughhh I hate men



  • Mildred

    I am so weary of people abusing the word love. He USED this woman to feel normal – to give him a cloak of respectability. Love is kind, love doesn’t put self first. As a pastor, he needed a wife to make him seem legit. Such a shame.

  • letavela

    I felt so bad for her!! She looked so hurt. Her pain was obvious and I wish her and her family peace and a happy future.

    • Joyce Gray

      That kind of betrayal can really damage your soul. It’s going to take some time to heal but I agree with see the light – don’t have him in her home, don’t talk to him unless it’s about the children – take off the ring and keep it moving. He doesn’t even seem remorseful – what a selfish pig.

      • letavela

        Right joyce! She needs to move on. Its time to let that go because she’s beautiful and still has so much life to live. I wouldn’t allow him to rob me of any more life and happiness. Itll take time and prayer, but she needs and deserves to move on!

  • Oh no

    They would just need to get my orange jumpsuit washed ironed and ready

    • CaribbeanGlow

      She’s visualizing stuff as she sits there calmly listening; trust…

      • BeautyQueen

        She’s visualizing a 1000s ways to kill his a*s lol.

  • See The Light

    He is evil and selfish. He should never have married this woman. She probably believes in “till death do us part”, but that marriage is dead and they need to part permanently. He is living elsewhere because he is doing things not allowed in a marriage. She needs to remove her ring, flush his ring and get a divorce. She is a better woman than me. I would serve his big butt dog food, no way he would be welcome to have dinner in my home. He could take his sons to dinner, but I would not be in attendance.

    • CaribbeanGlow

      I believe that God would totally condone this divorce….

      • pika12

        Not according to the Bible. But maybe the some of the exceptions, if, ands, and buts were accidentally left out.

        • Single Girl In Chicago

          I think you better read the Bible again. God says it’s okay, under those circumstances discussed in the episode, to divorce. Oh yes..God allows that. He wants us to live in TRUTH…not with a spouse who Cheats and don’t want to be there. God NEVER tells you to stay with someone who is hurting you. REMEMBER THAT!!!! You need help….go seek a real Pastor’s advice but re-read your Christian Bible.

          • pika12

            Since you know the Bible so well can you please provide the Book and verses that you are referring to?

      • A818

        Yes, because it was no real marriage from the beginning.

  • arealsouthernbelle

    He’s an idiot and what he did is unforgivable. He’s a pastor?? Aren’t pastors always preaching about marriage is not something to be entered into lightly (or jokingly in his case)? I just can’t. Jennifer needs to pick herself up and get away from him.

  • I_am_a_Gladiator/Scandalista

    I’d kick him in his throat.

    • A818

      I certainly would not be wearing HIS wedding ring around MY neck.

  • Dmonique Holl

    Thats 20 years of her life she’s never gonna get back
    But its never to late to find the man of her dreams

  • Meka

    There are no words strong enough to describe this selfish poor excuse for man, he robbed this woman of 20 years of her life, he will reap this, smh

  • BeautyQueen

    There are some evil mofo’s out there.

  • Guestest

    What the hell is wrong with these pastors man…?

    • guest

      they’re human just like everybody else.

      • Guestest

        Yeeeeaaaah,, okay……….

        • guest

          My pastor is a regular guy. I’m sure he has his secrets. Not sure why you would consider yours (or any other) to be any different.

          • Guestest

            It’s just that the stories that i have been reading lately about these pastors are crazy!!

  • DiannaFran

    Maaannnnn that’s ruff. My heart goes out to them and I pray that God restores that whole family. Iyanla can not fix that. Only God can restore that broken in this situation.

  • FromUR2UB

    He shouldn’t have been a pastor, either.

  • lexdiamonz

    Beloved………………….THIS man is gay…STOP living a lie…sick bastard toyed with this woman’s life smh LADIES STOP ALLOWING YOURSELVES TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS

    • juicyco

      not you hitting her with the beloved

    • Joyce Gray

      I agree – over the years I’m sure she sensed something was not right about him or their marriage but some women will allow themselves to be treated any kind of way just to say they have a husband – when in fact they don’t have a husband just some guy living in the house.

      • ariesdollface

        “but some women will allow themselves to be treated any kind of way just
        to say they have a husband – when in fact they don’t have a husband just
        some guy living in the house”

        Joyce Gray, you have just said EVERYTHING with this comment.

      • Itzmebytchezz

        Right! Basically your still lonely even in your relationship

      • more

        WELL SAID! SOME WOMEN are stuck on fixing something that has long since been broken

    • Aaa

      I agreed with you he walys being gay and married to have kids family and an aparience to show society, but he never stop living his double life. He still in the closet and must be hard confront his reality. Jennifer saw red flags but she decide to ignore then. Thank god the kids are all grow

    • deedle

      I agree. He coundnt even come out and that he is gay is his big lie. That show was a joke.

  • Excepcion

    uhmmmmmmmmm. she is way too calm.

    • more

      it’s called low self esteem. No way did she not notice his lack of interest YEARS AGO.

  • KareBear

    How utterly selfish!

  • MsLadyE

    “I do want you to be my friend”. IS HE FOR REAL?? David should have found this out 20 years ago BEFORE he married Jennifer. If he knew that he didn’t want to marry her, he shouldn’t have proposed. BOY, BYE!!

    • Daisy

      Not only that, the idiot went on to have TWO children with her. Why would you do that to someone?? He totally ruined her life.

      • suganspice68

        If I was Jennifer, I would no longer allow that fat clown to be coming over to my house for dinner.especially the fact he is no longer living with Jennifer as her husband and has such disregard for their marriage.

        • MsLadyE

          I totally agree. I wouldn’t let him in that house to have a baloney sandwich. He chose to leave Jennifer and their sons. If he wants to leave, he should just stay left. Jennifer deserves a good man who will be true to her and love her the way she deserves to be loved.

          • CaribbeanGlow

            It’s so sad that she is wearing his ring, along with her own. He took off his ring and she picked it up? Really sad.

    • Laine

      I felt sad for both of them.I felt more for the wife, but also for him. Obviously this guy is struggling with being a homosexual, especially since he is a pastor himself. We need to realize as a society that not accepting people for who they are, causes more bad than good. I hope she can get a divorce and move on. And I hope he can finally accept who he is, and can just be himself. This was just so sad…

      • MsLadyE

        Yes, it is sad. What’s even sadder is that he married her so that he could appear “normal”. And I agree with you about accepting people for who they are. I hope they can both move on.

  • uniquefashionista

    That is sooo selfish.

    • CaribbeanGlow

      He’s probably not even crying for her pain. He’s crying for his own embarrassment and the 20 years he lost on p0rn sites and magazines of the same ilk, as this was going on before internet.

  • Eirene Omaivboje

    I would be on the next episode on Snapped!

    • fanie

      Me too…

    • KT

      She needs to stop feeding his #$% those “nightly dinners.”. Smdh

  • jana

    Wow, just wow! O_O