How I’ve Learned How to Protect My Heart While Keeping It Open For A New Relationship

Relationships are hard. In fact, starting and maintaining them may very well be one of the most difficult things to do in life. Why you ask? Because while involved with someone, no matter how old or new the relationship is, you are vulnerable, and there’s always a chance that your heart may get broken.

For the past few years, I decided to take a brief hiatus from dating because of a massive heart break I experienced with a man I was involved with for quite some time. I said to myself that I wouldn’t have any interaction with men because I needed time to heal and mend the pieces of not only my shattered heart, but my self-esteem and trust.

While on this vacation from dating, I realized that during my healing process, I’d become mentally and emotionally closed off from the idea of having a new relationship. I remember that I kept telling myself, ‘I’m good being single’, ‘I’m more than happy without a man in my life.’ In so many words, I talked myself out of even wanting a relationship. Truth be told, I was borderline boycotting them!

And while I still am happy with my own company, I had to take some time and ask myself why was I so hesitant about getting out there and trying to meet someone new. Of course, the answer was obvious–I didn’t want my heart crumbled again. I know this may seem like the typical answer for most of us who’ve had our hearts broken, but it’s true that no one enjoys being hurt, especially when it involves matters of the heart. So after careful consideration and several pep talks, I decided that it was time for me to take a step out into the dating world and open myself up to the idea of letting someone new in. However, I’ve learned how to do this while guarding my heart. If you’re looking to do the same, keep these simple things in mind:

Keep things on the surface.

How did I do this? By not allowing myself (and my feelings) to get deeply involved in things too fast. And most importantly, by being clear about the nature of the relationship from the start.

Don’t have expectations for a new guy.

I can’t expect anything from someone that I’m in the process of getting to know. Why? Because this is the fastest way for me to be disappointed in who they may or may not be according to who I want them to be. Also, it’s not fair for me to have preconceived notions and expectations set, so I had to learn to let a person show me who they are and take them or leave them from there.

Enjoy the time you spend together but don’t make more of it than what it is.

So many times we overlook and overanalyze time spent with someone we enjoy being around because we want to know what each moment means, or what the future will hold. Learning not to overevaluate things saved me a lot of time and allowed me to enjoy the moment, which is ultimately what matters.

I understand that I’m the only person who can prevent or allow my heart to be broken.

This was a lesson hard learned but well-appreciated, because it allowed me to see the mistakes I’ve made and how I can prevent them from happening again.

Time is not of the essence.

I had to learn to take my time with a new “love” interest and get to know as much about him as I can without placing pressure on myself to get him down the aisle!

Keeping my heart open to love while protecting it is a hard task, but it’s something that is a must in order for me to move forward with relationships. The more I keep these simple things in mind, the better off I’ll be.