8 Reasons to Spank Your Kids

108 comments
February 8, 2011 ‐ By L. Nicole Williams

Editor’s Note: Another writer of ours recently wrote about how spanking is not necessarily the right way to discipline a child. LaShaun Williams has a different take on that…

Spanking has become a highly debated form of discipline in recent times, with some arguing swats on the bottom are crimes. A generation ago, most kids felt the sting of a belt. Now, it’s time out. As with everything pertaining to kids, the effectiveness of discipline depends on the child.

Timid, approval-seeking kids are usually good with a time-out. But there are some children who like to push their limits. Those are the children who may require a pop. Knowing your child is the key to nailing down the most effective forms of discipline. While some studies have shown the negative effects of spanking, today’s disrespectful youth have shown what happens when necessary spanking is forgone. Controlled, purposeful spanking is not abuse. Impulsive spanking out of anger and frustration is abusive. Believe it or not, it is not unrealistic to teach a child to obey the first time—tough but not impossible.

If you’re not spanking and you have a child who is testing you time and time again, you may want to consider picking out a switch before he (or she) ends up on Beyond Scared Straight. Here’s why:

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  • The Buccaneer

    If more parents would give their kids a crack across the face when it was deserved, we wouldn’t have so many strung out on “ADHD” drugs, disrespecting adults, and so much violence in the schools.

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  • Rod Longhard

    If you disagree with this article, you’re an idiot.

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  • Ashley-Jaenelle

    I have never hurt my children in anyway. I practice love, patience and respect with my children and they are extremely well behaved, kind and respectful. No hitting or spanking here. Hitting and spanking does not teach respect. It teaches fear and rebellion. It teaches children to hold in their feelings, desires and needs. I think the reason why so many parents hit their kids is because it’s a fast solution and seems to work. There are many effects spanking and hitting leave on children as they grow into adults and many of them remain permanent and cause more problems. I was taught to fear authority by my father who spanked, slapped and hit every time I talked out of turn or touched something fragile, etc. This led to me being severely abused as an adult because I was terrified to defend myself. Say spanking your babies is fine all you want, you will probably regret it down the road.

  • j.a.

    Great article! LaShaun is right on and for exactly the right reasons. Firm discipline early on in life will make a difference to the child forever. Consequences which hurt are remembered much more than consequences in which something is taken away. One good spanking is worth 50 time-outs.

  • Blackwind137

    Y’all can say as you please. In the end, it’s the parent ‘s choice what to do. Hell, I myself was spanked. Did they do it at an age at which I could remember? It’s vague. Do I abuse people or have mental issues with the fact I was spanked? Hell no. If anything, it made me respect authority more. Those who say that spanking can not be done out of love, or it’s plain abuse, in reality almost everyone before the 1980s was spanked. How can it be done out of love? Because if a child doesn’t respect authority, doesn’t understand that they aren’t on top of the world, than they’ll think they can do as they please. Spanking can be done outta love by the fact that the parents don’t want them getting in trouble because they don’t understand the concept. Abuse? By that logic, everyone throughout history should’ve been arrested for “abuse”. It was a common punishment. Personally, it taught me respect. And I have amazingly healthy relationships with everyone I know. If you were spanked to the point of bleeding or anything like that, then yes. You were abused. But spanking is a form of disaplain. And in the end, it’s not the worlds decision if it’s used on a parents child, it’s the parents choice. So get off your high horses, stop using the bible- a MAN MADE text scewed by years of rewrites- and understyand that you can debate all you want, but it ain’t your choice. Think I’m tellin y’all my thoughts to convert you to my beliefs? No. So don’t think that. You self-centered asshats. I’m doin exactly what y’all are doin.

  • http://rebootedbody.com/ Kevin Geary

    Hey look, nine logical fallacies written by a racist black woman who appears — on all accounts — to be highly uneducated.

  • Osiir

    Spanking is wrong. Reason 1, love? Get the f out of here. If you loved your kids, you would find ways around using violence to abuse them.

  • Sarah K

    I totally agree with this article. My kids (10&3) both get spanked. Sometimes only once, sometimes repeatedly in one setting. It won’t kill them.

    Today’s world is FULL of disrespectful little breads and I predict that the crime rate is going to skyrocket once these little breads reach adulthood.

    Let’s face it, timeouts don’t work…nor will they ever.

    A spanking is nothing compared to what life will throw at them if they mess up. A judge is not going to sentence them to a ten-minute time out if they break the law…No, their butts are gonna go to jail for years or the rest of their lives.

    • http://rebootedbody.com/ Kevin Geary

      The crime rate is already skyrocketing amongst blacks who are spanked. Been to Chicago lately? Seen the statistics about black violence lately? What you’re doing isn’t working.

  • blwpyrtv

    “In some states, it is still legal to use a weapon against a child’s bare flesh and leave marks for immediate compliance”

    Actually, that’s pretty much true in ALL 50 states.

  • blwpyrtv

    Cruelty–not anger–is the essence of abuse. To illustrate, consider this controlled and purposeful spanking:

    “The little blond-haired boy is about four years old. He simpers as a
    middle aged woman drags him downstairs into a dimly-lit cellar and
    orders the child to bend over and touch the stone floor with his hands.
    Another little boy watches as the woman pulls down the first boy’s pants
    and then draws out a willow cane.

    “’Say you are tired,’ commands the woman in an emotionless
    voice. The swoosh of the willow cane is audible as it strikes the
    screaming child’s bottom three times. The little boy refuses to say he
    is tired so he is hit again and again – a total of ten times – until, in
    floods of tears, he finally says, ‘I am tired.’ Within
    the space of a few hours, six adults are filmed in the cellar and in an
    underground school central heating room beating six children with a
    total of 83 strokes of the cane. . .”

    [source: The Independent, September 10, 2013]

  • Peter

    Great blog,
    Short, clear, helpful.
    Loving thoughtful parents spank their kids when they need it.

    • Angela

      Loving thoughtful parents love their children enough to do a minimum of 15 minutes worth of research. Physically assaulting a child is permanently damaging.

  • Cdc123

    So many parents in today’s society think spanking is awful for children. Even though the ones who say that are the ones who I see their children controling them. I go to eat at a restraunt and hear parents tell their children that if they mind they will get a candy bar or a “reward” because that children is acting up. If the parents were to be the one in control that child would either mind them or get a swat on the bottem for disrespecting. I was spanked as a child when I didn’t obey and I turned out just fine. Most people who had to mind there parents are the people who agree with spanking. I can’t go into public without seeing a screaming child or a disrespectful one. But when I see a parent who is “In Charge” and actually being a parent I want to clap for them. There is a difference in abuse when your child has done no wrong and you beat them but thats a different situation. I feel sorry for the children who their parents think they have to be their friend because all they are doing is making that childs life a lot harder in the long run when they are not taught to be respectful.

    • http://rebootedbody.com/ Kevin Geary

      Anecdotes and nonsense. I see rovings gangs of blacks who were likely spanked knocking people out and driving the murder rate in Chicago through the roof. You’re full of it.

  • Andrea

    Everybody hit your children all day make them cry they will be thankful one day.Bad parents are those who are nice,these are true criminals.

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  • Angela

    I can not stand when someone says that a non spanker must not have children. I do. I also worked for the Boys and Girls clubs for three years. First year, a Teen Center for the most troubled and rebellious teens in my county. My second year, a club specifically revolving around the most outstanding special needs cases. Third year, troubled children. We saw them more than their parents did. 14 hour shifts. My aunt is a child psychologist who worked with a group of children who were in need of serious help. They were burned, gang raped, placed in ovens as punishment and worse (and yes it gets much worse from there). If ALL of these children can have their behavior modified and their respect for our society restored without physical violence, what children are you referring to who *need* to be hit? The places mentioned above, day cares, summer camps, girl scouts, the little gym, there are hundreds of facilities that work with children that will teach you skills to correct behavior without harming ANYONE and they accept new volunteers daily. There are hundreds of free programs that offer advice and resources to parents. No child ever NEEDS to be hit.

  • wolfcat

    There are nearly 200 scientific studies proving that spanking is bad which is why it’s banned in 30+ countries. Some of the best people I know were never spanked. There’s a huge difference between discipline and punishment.
    One is teaching a child to be the best person they can be, the other is
    trying to make them hurt for upsetting you and does not teach them
    anything good. How many prisoners have you met who were ever spanked?
    It’s a very short list. There is always a better solution than violence,
    and violence only begets violence, negativity, and fear.

  • Mable

    I was under the impression that this was satire haha! Most of the reasons given are knowledge stunting techniques meant to beat children into submission! Fear is not the same as respect and I have never had respect for someone who wants to hit me. I value intelligence, creativity, empathy, and SELF control over blind obedience. Spanking doesn’t foster any of these qualities, ESPECIALLY not empathy or self control. Children don’t misbehave out of fear. Not out of understanding! They don’t focus on the right answer because they’re just concerned with what the wrong answer is! This stamps out empathy and self-governing behavior. I still kind of hope this was a satire piece :/

  • will

    This author does not make any sense. She seems to believe that spanking is the only form of punishment. “Some kids need it, period.” Well, that’s great reasoning. ” …you have to get that butt.” Are we supposed to take this seriously?

    Spanking IS weak. It is done by frustrated parents who themselves lack discipline and want a quick fix. Spanking teaches a child to fear you. Great, but it does nothing, NOTHING to promote self-reliance or self respect.

    Noted researcher Murray Strauss linked corporal punishment to “(1) increases anti-social behaviors such as lying, cheating, disobedience, and bullying; (2) decreases children’s IQs; and (3), increases the risk of sexual problems later on in life. ”

    Other reaserch shows higher liklyhood for depression, alienation and, “they tend to hold less desirable jobs and have lower earnings. For those and other reasons, many researchers are against spanking.”

    OR you can just take this woman’s advice.

  • Michelle

    It is not like parents just love to spank their kids: They don’t. Yeah, sure, you get abusive people out there, and those people do need to separate from their children until they can control themselves. But look at our generation now. It is not out of the norm to go to a grocery store and see kids throwing fits to the point of ridiculousness. I saw a kid actually smack him mom in the face for making him sit down. What does she do? “Now, now, Aiden, that is not nice.” What??? If I did that when I was young my butt would have been in the bathroom quicker than a president’s drop in approval ratings. And it would have been sore as hell. Don’t get me wrong, I am against kids getting smacked out of anger, that is not right at all. But some kids really do need that extra pop sometimes. Drugs are worse than they ever have been. Crime is worse than it ever has been. Between people thinking they are in charge of repopulating the planet and then on top of that not teaching their kids what consequences are, we are headed for some serious problems. I will not have my child be a part of that, period.

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  • Empathy

    These are all great ideas… If you want your child to lose trust in you, fear you and and feel controlled. Y you. Try gaining some patience and understanding of child development instead. We’d live in a much more peaceful world with less spanking parents and spanked kids.

    • Deni

      Amen to that.

  • http://twitter.com/GayAtheistLH GayAtheistLeftHanded

    Since So Many People Were Not Offended By This Disgusting “Parenting” Piece, I’d Like to Invite You to Read My New Article  “8 Reasons to Beat Your Wife”.

  • Guest

    There is  nothing wrong with spanking , it how you do it.  Spanking a child vs hitting one is totally two separate thing. The baby boomer generation didn’t turn out bad, I bet plenty of us had spanking and turn out to be Professional people (I did and give thank to  my parents everyday for their love).

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  • Pastgenerations

    You guys are all idiots, frankly. In the past, there was never any of this non-spanking bullshit, and look at all of the past generations? I guess every generation before this one grew up to be violent, non-disciplned stupid childish adults, OH WAIT, that’s  this one. As a parent,you aren’t there to make friends, you’re there to make your child into the best productive citizen of the world he can be, discipline is good, and a bit of pain is understood by everyone. Every argument i’ve seen made by “professionals” is always super invalid, I guess EVERY child prior to this messed up generation, that’s been proven to be the ONLY generation in history, to accomplish less than their parents is messed up huh?

  • Areinhard4

    this is ridiculus, whoever wrote this is VERY ignorant

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  • Guest

    If an adult hit another adult on the butt, it is considered sexual harassment…how is this not the same for a child?  They are people too.  Spanking is also not Biblical.  The rod is a tool used to guide sheep.  Therefore, we should “start off children in the way they should go.  When they are old they will not turn from it” (Proverbs 22:6).

  • Sha-sha

    anyone that say spanking is wrong and no child should be hit either hasnt have children, or their child is a wimp and follows all the rule(unlikely) or their child is the that bart that stealing or blow a tamper. There are worst things to do to a child than tap their a**,,, what does sending a child to their room say to them (I DON”T LOVE GET OUT OF MY FACE) that a great message where as a spanking it says i love you enough to deal with this and to teach you right from wrong. Grounding is stupid it waste the childs time and forces you not to be able to play games or watch a movie with them. Modern punishment take time away from spending time with your child. I personally thing people who ground their child it because they dont want to spand time with the child. Its an excuse to get them off their back and that wrong. no wonder children today dont feel loved unconditionally. and grow up with selfeestem problems. Honestly talking to your child is the best but when they dont listen a tap on the butt wont hurt it just shows them your serious.

    • Jon zamon

      And good children come from people who know who “hasnt have children”, or about “barts that stealing” What are “selfeestem” problems? What I’m getting at is how can you teach a child right from wrong in terms of reading and writing with these examples? Also, time-out to calm down is simply rejection, so it should be “let’s get this done fast so we can all move on and have some fun my love, SMACK POW POP BANG all done dear, now let’s watch that movie.

    • Jon zamon

      And good children come from people who know who “hasnt have children”, or about “barts that stealing” What are “selfeestem” problems? What I’m getting at is how can you teach a child right from wrong in terms of reading and writing with these examples? Also, time-out to calm down is simply rejection, so it should be “let’s get this done fast so we can all move on and have some fun my love, SMACK POW POP BANG all done dear, now let’s watch that movie.

  • Jambox5000

    How to know you stumbled onto a black webpage: reading this non-sense.

  • CJ

    I agree with this. I would never “hit” my child, but i would give her a swap on the butt. I resent that people use the words “hit” and “spank” interchangeably, they’re Not the same.

  • blkstudent

    The problem is, a lot of people spank without telling the kid what they did wrong. If you don’t let the child know why whatever they did was wrong, no punishment (spanking or otherwise) will work. I was spanked but my mom told me why I was getting a spanking. And she never did it while she was mad and it was usually a last resort. No switches or anything was used. I wasn’t spanked after like age 8 and probably was only spanked like 3 times. I don’t fear my mom or feel abused and I’m not trying to say you should spank because it’s in the bible. Also spanking affects different races differently. It usually is very harmful for white children because it’s not culturally normative for them to be spanked. Also, I don’t believe the studies on spanking pay attention to other factors that could make a child more aggressive or depressed. Look at how much violence is on TV and in other media that children see, also what if they grew up in an impoverished neighborhood or something. This author really should’ve included some facts though. And I’m black, btw.

    • Jon zamon

      Very racist. Color determines what works best for each child. Are you a eugenics specialist? You know, that bogus profession that the Nazis applied.

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  • Holly

    Remember, children are people too! Children are only able to achieve their full
    potential when they are their own individual. An individual with their own
    rights. 

  • Leslieannalvarado

    100%agree, I refuse to have a brat child!

  • Student

    YES! Spanking is NOT abuse when done in a calm, disciplinary measure towards children. I was spanked as a child, but only when i truly deserved it. It taught me to be respectful and follow the rules. Students in my school who have never been spanked and raised on permissive parenting are far less successful academically and are more prone to use drugs and alcohol than myself and others who have been properly raised. I definitely do not think that it should be used often or for minor instances, but big issues absolutely cannot go unpunished.

  • TealRose

    Fatty McFurry – look at the dictionary. Spanking IS hitting – as is whipping/caning/paddling etc etc. Also discipline means to teach – it does NOT mean to hit.

    If you cannot 'teach' a child without hitting it one should not have a child anywhere near you – the same as if you can't control yourself around your colleagues, friends, wife, husband etc when they do things you don't like, you shouldn't be around adults either!

    There is NO reason ever to hit a child period. It is lazy and damaging – and I know all about that at 57. My children were not hit or treated badly in any way – and are now wonderful adults, as are my growing grandchildren who are not hit either.

    HItting is disrespectful in the extreme. I have never respected or trusted anyone who hits me .. why should I ?? As an adult one needs to earn respect just as children do too – and that means by showing respect – you don't get respect just because you are older and larger than another being!

    At 35 you should still be able to show your children love, care, kindness, gentleness, respect instead of violence – and thereby gain children who are kind, gentle and respectful of all beings – instead of mean spirited and resentful !

    • Zacharia99

      Well let me help you off your self-righteous pedestal.  You are so blinded by what’s actually going on in the world because of your extremely rare situation.  More and more kids are flat out disrespectful and undermining authority because their parents are being kind and gentle when their kids are showing signs of misbehaving.  Oh, you got caught for shoplifting…well sweetie, it’s only fair that you spend five minutes in time out…

      • Don Nacho

        Studies show that most parents still spank their children, sometimes reports as high as 90% of people. So the supposedly strictly-disciplined children are among those “flat out disrespectful and undermining authority.” Maybe children have problems because parents are getting divorced more
        often instead? Maybe they’re loosing their identity in the constant and
        increasing testing and pressure in the school systems? Maybe because we’re in
        international economic crisis and there is stress and problems for the
        whole family in general? Maybe the violent and sex-obsessed images we pander to them in television and in movies are taking an effect? It is a defensive and intolerant attitude to turn around a place the blame on methods of punishment that are not physical, a line of thinking surprisingly consistent with giving a beating to someone who does something THAT you don’t like. I think insecurity especially and frustration is at the root of insistence on corporal punishment, though it is mistaken by some as power. Zacharia, the tone of the comment you wrote is an example, you get sarcastic and mad, rather than debating solutions with consideration. People just want their problems to go away, without much thought, which is why we fall into a simplistic even illogical reassuring ourselves– oh they MUST have had weak parents, even though we have no knowledge of a specific situation. It is as easy as slapping and slapping someone on the back, but life is more complicated than that.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100002842787613 Fatty McFurry

    I found this post googling "Spank your kids". I am Asian, and my culture advocates spanking. I think there is a big difference between "spanking" and "hitting". Spanking actually takes control on the disciplinarian's part- it may be a tap on the bottom that is just hard enough to where it smarts. Hitting is abuse, and beating your kid as if they were equal to an adult.

    I am 35, and many in my generation are parents who refuse to discipline their kids. Time outs and taking away things can only work so much- there are some kids who require much more discipline. Many in my generation also treat their kids as "friends" first rather than parents, then wonder why their kids are so uncontrollable, why their kids don't respect them, and why their kids take advantage of them.

    • aprilharney

      I agree with spanking in some situations.  I think it if is done properly it should not be confused with hitting.  Whenever one of my children needed to be spanked, I always waited until my initial anger at their actions passed.  Sometimes, this took a while.  I was willing to wait most of the day if that’s how long it took.  Next, I always sat down with the child first and explained why they were being punished. Until I was confident they understood, I didn’t stop talking.  Nor did I rush this part.  Next, I always used an object.  I preferred a little wooden paddle.  I didn’t want my kids associating my arm with hitting.  I always pulled down their pants (not their underwear though) and made them bend over my knee.  Than, I would carefully spank until I saw just a few tears. That’s a lot different that slapping someone across the face or punching them.  My children always understood what a spanking was and why they were getting it.  I found it to be an effective way to discipline.  I am totally against abuse, but reasonable spanking has its place.

  • abigail9609

    "Spanking will not damage their self esteem." That is a lie. It damaged mine.

  • TealRose

    Spoken more like a person with gentleness and kindness in their heart. Bill – you are totally right. No-one should be hitting anyone. Especially not our vulnerable children.

    If parents use spanking as a 'last resort' what are they going to do, if and when it doesn't work? Hit harder and longer ?? Madness….

  • TealRose

    Well James, you sure have confused discipline [which means TO TEACH] with being beaten and hit ! Hitting is NOT respectful and if an adult wants respect then they have to give respect and show a reason as to why they deserve it – it's a two way street. I don't and never HAVE respected anyone who hits or wants to hit me.

    It is time for adults to LEARN how to properly bring up children with love, grace and kindness that will teach the children how to behave with others and eventually we will have a much better, kinder, gentler and stronger world for it, with all of us getting along with each other with greater tolerance and care.

    I am 57. one doesn't have one's character built by being hit – one has one's character built by learning right from wrong and learning how to differentiate the difference when one is on their own without the 'benefit' of a parent standing over them physically or mentally with their belt etc in one hand. One has to KNOW what is right to do for right's sake – not merely to avoid being hit.

    If YOU and I are safe under the law from being hit – why on earth shouldn't our vulnerable, children ??

    • Feminism1999

      If YOU and I are safe under the law from being hit – why on earth shouldn’t our vulnerable, children ??

      This is the question that I will always ponder.  Why are there various laws against adult abuse (ex., spousal abuse, elder abuse, assault and battery, etc,) but not one specific law stating the same thing for children?  People please wake up.  Just like adults are not another individual’s property to be used and abused, children should be perceived in the same matter. 
       
      If you hit an adult because they did not listen to you, you will be arrested…this should be the same rule when you do it to children. 

       If you yell and slap an adult because they upset you tremendously, you will be arrested…this should be the same rule when you do it to children.

      If you grab an adult and hit them with an object (belt, shoe, your hand), you WILL be arrested…this should be the same rule when you do it to children.

      Perhaps instead of sending parents to jail, there can be mandatory programs to assist them in obtaining more productive and postive parenting skills.
       

      • Tha Boogster

        I’ve always thought the exact same thing. We’re raising them to be adults, to be hard working individuals but a boss would never put their hands on an employee for turning a spreadsheet in late. Common sense

  • james

    "as a childless person". I see why you are clueless. yes, perhaps your parents did it wrong (obviously),respect is necessary in dicipline,striking a child in public is humiliating for them,spanking a child in private is dicipline. If your parents did so bad raising you then you dont have the credability to even respond to this thread.

    • TealRose

      There is NO reason why a childless person should not be able to have sense and be able to comment. And spanking a child ANYWHERE is NOT discipline it's punishment and a cruel one that is a 'quick fix' and a very lazy way of parenting. Children do not need to be hit to be taught right from wrong. If you feel that children 'need' to be hit – you shouldn't be anywhere NEAR them ..

    • Feminism1999

      I am not childless and I do not spank my children.  Respect is demonstrating through actions (not just words), that I value who you are.  And respecting them means doings this in public AND in private. 

    • lorimakesquilts

      She was a child once, a child that was subjected to violent discipline. She has every right to respond and more right than someone who wasn’t a victim of violence.

  • james

    this country has went downhill since people have confused beatings with discipline.i was beat when i was a child,i was whipped when i was a child,as a child i knew the difference.people today no longer have respect because thier parents didnt teach them consequences for thier actions.we have raised a nation of sissys and lazy bums.all the result of not wanting to "hit" the child.its time for the parents to grow a backbone and teach our furture respect before our future votes to youthenize the elderly and we get our just reward.seem farfetched?you cant dissagree that the new generations are getting lazier and more disrespectful.we werent like that because we faced adversity and overcame it building our character.the new generations have had everything handed to them. can you guess my age?

    • lorimakesquilts

      I most certainly can disagree that new generations are lazier and more disrespectful. That hasn’t been my experience at all. They are most certainly different from my generation as well they should be. The world has changed during my life time, a lot, and in ways that were incomprehensible when I was a teen. Of course our children have different values when it comes to learning and working and life in general. That doesn’t make them lazy or disrespectful or undisciplined. It simply means they view the world differently.

      My young son, cousins and my nieces and nephews are all great kids who are nothing like me at the same age. So what? They are also incredibly giving and generous, thoughtful about their actions, show amazing dedication to their goals, and are driven to learn about the world so they can be fulfilled in their lives. They are also all growing up without violence in their lives.

  • Samuel Greén

    This is basically a list of things that are good, then it says "if you spank your kids this will happen".

  • Bill

    Noone is allowed wo inflict violence upon another living creature! Inflicting pain upon the weakest, smallest members of society is a crime! In the 50ies it was ok to spank your wife if it was "good, loving spanking and she really deserved it". Now this is called abuse and rightfully so.
    If you need spanking as "last resort", you have previously failed as parent. Badly. Do not punish the child for your poor parenting skills, or for your not being able to teach discipline.

  • Happy1

    Lady, Your words are terrible. Spanking of any kind is a terrible, dirty, disgusting, violent attack on a defenseless child. Advocating violence on a child out of LOVE is a twisted midset. I would never consider hitting any child, and certainly not my own. Our children deserve our authority, guidance, and learning, but they most assuredly do not deserve your kind of LOVE.

  • christin

    OK People, lets look at what has happen since we have stopped disciplining our children. Our "time out" generation is more violent then any other!! They need metal detectors in schools to see to it these children don't murder eachother! Children need discipline, boundries, and consequences. Do we really believe that when we put a child in time out they are thinking about what they did? Do you remember being a child? A child needs to understand that there is right and wrong and it is our job as parents to see to it that they learn this before they become an adult. I spank my children as a last resort, usually after weeks of discussions, groundings, taking every electronic and privilage away. Sometimes it is the only thing that works. I hate doing it, sometimes I cry along with them, but I feel that it is my job to rectify the behavior before it gets any worse.

    • TealRose

      Actually you are wrong – the time we are living in is WAY more peaceful despite the wars and street violence, than any other time in history.

      I live in Europe where hitting children has been banned period – and people couldn't be more polite and helpful and kind.

      Your job is to help that child grow up and learn right from wrong yes – but NOT to hit it into submission.

    • Angela

      The crime rates have been dropping annually in the U.S. for the past two decades. Nations which banned corporal punishment have seen their crime rates plummet. Nations with the highest acceptance of corporal punishment and most lenient laws regarding it have the highest crime rates, where the opposite is true of nations with strictest laws and lowest acceptance.

      The same can be said of states in the U.S. North Carolina has some of the most lenient laws as does Texas. Highest crime rates. Maine has the lowest acceptance, lowest crime rates. Teen pregnancy rates, drug use, mental and physical health rates, education success rates, et cetera are all examples of other statistics which follow suit in a more than coincidental pattern.

  • Danika the Lesbrarian

    How does teaching your child to fear you teach them to make good decisions? How does it teach them restraint? It teaches them that they should obey the rules because if they don't they will be punished. If they don't think they will be caught or punished, why should they obey? And I don't see how teaching your child to obey authority because they fear pain otherwise is a good lesson for life.

    • That guy

      Well isn’t that life if you don’t listen to authority your punished. If you you don’t follow the law aren’t u punished. A lesson is a lesson I’m not saying beat your children for ever little mistake here I’m talking extreme cases where they don’t understand adult reasoning. They are still children after all.

      • lorimakesquilts

        You are not punished by violence if you don’t follow the rules. You are censured in some way — isolation, confinement, fines, job loss, etc. None of those are violent (or shouldn’t be, prison is less than successful there.)

        Those are real-life consequences that can be mirrored in establishing consequences for a child. Beating is not an acceptable punishment in this society or any civilized society.

  • Kira

    Come out of the dark ages. Teaching and bodily pain are two different things, and whoever invented the rule that pain should be used to teach was a barbaric idiot. It is just unfortunate that this heartless, degrading, mean-spirited way of handling children became so firmly ingrained in human culture that many people still don't think twice about approving its use. Spanking is something that is automatically accepted as normal and appropriate without anyone pausing to truly think about what is actually being done to the child. We are strongly opposed to the sexual touching of children and are very aware that sexual touches are unwelcome to a child, but no one stops to realize that a painful touch done to them by an adult is every bit as unwelcome to them as a sexual one, and they feel every bit as violated by it.

    • ITZUKNOW

      USUALLY SPANKINGS IS IN REPSONSE TO A BAD ACTION. IF KID DOES SOMETHING BAD OR INTENTIONALLY DISOBEYS PARENTS AND GET SPANKED….MOST KIDS DONT FEEL LIKE IT WAS UNDESERVED. I.E. IF A KID PLAYS WITH MATCHES AND ALMOST BURNS THE HOUSE DOWN AND THEY GET A SPANKING FOR IT THEY DONT USUALLY FEEL VIOLATED. MOLESTATION IS DIFFERENT BECAUE IT IS VIOLATION. GOD SAID IN THE BIBLE "FOOLISHNESS IS BOUND IN THE HEART OF A CHILD….BUT A ROD OF CORRECTION DRIVES IT FAR FROM IT" SOMETIMES YOU CANT REASON WITH A CHILD BECAUSE THEY ARE CHILDREN THATS WHY THEY NEED GOOD LOVING PARENTS. KIDS CAN UNDERSTAND PAIN AND THAT IF THEY DO CERTAIN THINGS IT WILL RESULT IN A PAINFUL CONSEQNCES..

      • TealRose

        Yes, and Jesus told us to be gentle ..to love one another and to suffer little children to come to Him. He NEVER ever told us to hit them. You can't reason with small children no, but that is NO excuse for hitting them! I now live in Portugal, and as such do not yet speak the language – now… do you expect the locals to hit me when I can't understand them ?? No !!!

        As an adult we can think of many ways of disciplining our children – which btw means to teach – without hitting them. I didn't hit mine and they are now great, kind, gentle adults.

        Good LOVING people don't hit anyone, especially defenceless children. Love and spanking/hitting don't even belong in the same sentence let alone in the mind of a child! Respect children and they will respect you. Adults have to earn respect … it's a two way street

      • TealRose

        I as a 57 yr old – ALWAYS felt being spanked was wrong. I ALWAYS knew there was NO difference in hitting and spanking they ARE the same thing and have NO place in child rearing. The rod of correction – was actual knowledge and teaching … the rod that the shepherd used was a massive stick to keep away wolves and predators it was NOT used to hit the sheep, it was used to protect them and to help them by hooking them to safety.

        Hitting destroys the relationship between children and parents. It is far more destructive than a lot of people give it credit for. Teaching and helping a child to learn takes more effort on the parent's part – but then that is what parenting is about. It is not about 'quick fixes' that teach violence….

        • JC

          You dont realize. I was spanked as a kid, and i LOVE my parents to death. It was good for me. My father gave me a warning: disobey, or obey. if I didnt obey, i’d face the consequences, just like the real world. putting your children in time out? really? “Go to your room and watch TV” or something along those lines.. That is all modern day parents are going to do. thats SUCH a HORRIBLE punishment eh? OR just give your child the warning to behave, or face the concequenses… YES it is ABUSE and it’s called “HITTING” IF!!!! it has no real cause and no intent on correction. NO you should NOT hit your child if they do something like.. Stay up past their bed time. I can remember as a child (note, i am currently 16), My mother grounded me up until i was.. i dont know, 11? My dad spanking me only lasted until i was about 6 or 7.. And i can say I love him for what he did and what he made out of me. I am proud of what he did.

          PUNISHMENT SHOULD ALWAYS BE FOLLOWED UP BY LOVE. If you teach them that chastisement is easier to deal with than corporal punishment, they will be more hesitant to break rules. You can’t say you’d rather be beaten than put in your room. JUST IN MODERATION should children be spanked, and ONLY out of love.

          • lorimakesquilts

            “Punishment should always be followed up with love.”

            That’s an abuser’s tool. Disgusting.

            You are describing lazy parenting. There are always non-violent alternatives to underscore the consequences of undesirable actions. ALWAYS. If you don’t know your child well enough to determine what that is then you’re a crap parent who needs to get to know your kids better, not beat them.

      • lorimakesquilts

        I don’t know where you get your data from but I certainly don’t fit your generalizations. I never felt spanking was deserved or that it fit the misdeed. I can’t stand to be around my father or even look at him because of those few, undeserved beatings he gave me. (among other reasons.)

        All a child learns from spanking is that violence is an appropriate way to deal with wrong-doing. It perpetuates violence and doesn’t work. Your children might learn to behave in front of you but they will also learn to beat those, who are weaker or more vulnerable, who don’t do what they want.

  • Tommy

    I remember being spanked as a kid, amongst other things…

    All it taught is that "pain erases sin" (the fact that I was strongly religious didn't help).

    I was compelled to tell them everything when I misbehaved because I would have a strong sense of guilt haunting me if I didn't.

    But it didn't took long for me to do the math…if pain erases sin…all I needed to do was to GIVE MYSELF PAIN so that MY PARENTS WOULDN'T because I would not need to tell them, since I already cleansed my "sins" with pain.

    Now here I am, almost 20 years later, dealing with self-injury issues, and I just can't bring myself to stop.
    Oh, and I also am very emotionally detached from my parents. I really can't say that I love them, and the mere thought of being touched by them almost disgusts me. I don't trust them. I can't trust them.

    There are so many ways other than hurting your kids to teach them a lesson. Hitting a kid is often only done out of anger or lazyness. Yes, lazyness, because it takes more effort to come out with a valid punishment that does not involve causing pain. If you're too lazy to do that, I'm sorry but you shouldn't be a parent in the first place.

    Of course, not every child who was spanked will end up with issues like mine. But what if they do? And what if they develop even worse ones? Is this a risk you're willing to take?

    • itzuknow

      my hubby and i believe in spanking as last resort. we have two children a boy & girl , 12 & 6. when they misbehave the general approach is to #1. find out why they misbehaved …. what where they thinking & what led them to make that choice /actions etc… we then explain to them why their choice to misbehave was wrong/ how they could have handled it better… and how we expect better results next time they get off with a warning.
      if they repeat the behavior then we try #2. restrictions. ( we repeat number 1) and then we take
      aways toys / privilages tv etc….. for a limited time…. or until behavior improves. if the behavior was repeated a 3rd time i repeat #1 followed by a spanking. IT ALSO DEPENDS ON THE CHILD.
      my daughter is very sensitive/timid shy. ive only popped her once on her bottom but since then all i have to do is use a certain tone or give her a "look" and she gives me no more problems. i dont have to spank her…. my son IS A LOT MORE "COCKY & STUBBORN so he use to got spankings ages 6-10 (six spankings total) HE IS GOOD NOW!

  • Melody

    Andrea, I'm not claiming that hitting children is unique to our community, nor did I say it was inhumane. I was merely pointing out the fact that the artilcle posted on this website, which is aimed at African Americans, has no merit. The "facts" that it stated did not lean toward any good reason to spank our kids.
    Kudo's to you for being able to spank your child and only see the positive in it, however, so many parents don't just spank their child to teach them a lesson, to many times it becomes away for a parent to take out their own frustrations and then so many of them hide behind "well the bible says…" There are way to many physical, emotional and psychological problems that come hand in hand with spanking a child and I won't subject my child to that. Thats all I was trying to say.
    By the way, the bible does say "spare the rod, spoil child" and that was ok back then. These days, it just is not! We know to much now about the effects to just pretend that it will be ok.

  • Kai

    Yes, disciplining a child does not (and should not) involve spanking or beating them. You say spanking should be done in a controlled manner but do you really think that is true? Who can seriously say that when their parents beat them, it was done in a "controlled manner"?

    • itzuknow

      not all kids need to be spanked but there are some kids that dont respond to talk , time out or restrictions no matter how sweet and nice you are to them. some kids have no fear /respect towards their parents…and spanking a child can sometimes save their life.

      the bible says….."foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but a rod will drive it far from them"…. swatting a kid on his/her butts…with a belt or paddle when all else fails will drive the message home.

      • TealRose

        Nope .. it will make them even more rebellious and quite rightly so! I call it 'self defence' .. from a brutal and senseless form of punishment, that should have been banned in Adam's day !

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ricky-James-Moore-II/1685116178 Ricky James Moore II

      I tell you what, anyone hits their child in front of me I’ll knock their teeth in.

      • Aaron Ice Aw

        Did you know that in the bible it says “If you don’t discipline your children you don’t love them” I didn’t say it God did ……
        What is this country today ? Or perhaps the world ? If you look at statistics of the children that don’t get punished, they are smart mouth punk kids that have no responsibility or respect for their elders. If people would stop thinking like tree hugging liberals and read the WORD OF GOD, the very same word that our country was founded on they would realize that even thousands of years ago God even said “spare the rod spoil the child”. These days if you spank your own child, especially in public you are committing child abuse. I’m not saying that you need to hit them with a rod, but don’t you people understand that all these psychologists that suggest that spanking is wrong, where do they get there information. They obtained a degree from a man made book, by men and for men . If you look at the United States these days we are more broke than any other country in the world. We also have the most sin than any other country. Do you know why it worked even a hundred years ago? Because people actually obeyed God and his commandments. We have now turned our back on him and look were we are. Who knows better man or God ? You decide

        • Don Nacho

          This is absolutely irrelevant. Not all of us are Christians. I am sure you would say that such a Godless way of living is apart of society’s problems. However, the Bushmen people of the Kalahari desert live in a polytheistic egalitarian society, and are the most ancient and peaceful groups of people in the world, their easygoing ways have stood for millennia, and they have a far more respectable society than the western world has shown in any common era. People spend their time composing music and dancing and taking part in great sports, and children are treated gently. Women are revered in status. There is no war or greed or prejudice. Everyone shares with one another, and dines together like brothers and sisters. People give presents to each other on a daily basis to show that they love each other and don’t have a money-based economy or even a notion of trading for equivalent value. Everyone works hard also and has the strength to stand against the most brutal of environments. I tell you this to say it is not necessary to follow the bible as you suggest to have a wonderful and loving life on earth. Even for those of us who are Christian remember that the bible has direct contradictions in its own text and revisions. Furthermore Jesus didn’t say “spare the rod spoil the child” (that particular line isn’t even in the bible, it is from a line of Samuel Butler POETRY it is not a christian text.) He instead spoke of throwing out many traditional ways of doing things and said this, “A new commandment I give unto you, that ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.” – John 13:34 Christ was a pacifist, you cannot compare that love with inflicting a physical hurt. Jesus said this as well, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, for fear
          has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in
          love.” – John 4:18

      • moson moms

        Look out everyone, we got a badass over here. But seriously, it seems like you were abused as a child. Is that why you react so aggressively to this topic?

  • heartreak

    Wose heart didn't break looking at the picture of the child holding their hand out to receive beatings with the ruler

  • April

    Unbelievable. Some children ‘need’ to have pain inflicted upon them.

    Children do need discipline but that does not mean that need to be struck by people who are supposed to love and care for them.

    You may not like call such violence ‘abuse’ but changing the name doesn’t change what it is.

  • http://www.facebook.com/Trina.B.Love MrsTrina Sarita Brown

    Melody you are correct and most licensed professionals will agree with you. Study after study has proven that spanking causes a vicious cycle of learned VIOLENCE. If you ever wonder why kids are violent it can justifiably be linked to violence in their lives. Spanking hurts the child physically and emotionally. There is no way that a child is not negatively impacted by violence. No way period.

    • Aaron Ice Aw

      ader CommentsBack to article
      Did you know that in the bible it says “If you don’t discipline your children you don’t love them” I didn’t say it God did ……AARON of OK 12:19PM January 20, 2012[report comment]
      What is this country today ? Or perhaps the world ? If you look at statistics of the children that don’t get punished, they are smart mouth punk kids that have no responsibility or respect for their elders. If people would stop thinking like tree hugging liberals and read the WORD OF GOD, the very same word that our country was founded on they would realize that even thousands of years ago God even said “spare the rod spoil the child”. These days if you spank your own child, especially in public you are committing child abuse. I’m not saying that you need to hit them with a rod, but don’t you people understand that all these psychologists that suggest that spanking is wrong, where do they get there information. They obtained a degree from a man made book, by men and for men . If you look at the United States these days we are more broke than any other country in the world. We also have the most sin than any other country. Do you know why it worked even a hundred years ago? Because people actually obeyed God and his commandments. We have now turned our back on him and look were we are. Who knows better man or God ? You decideAARON WILLIAMS of OK 12:11PM January 20, 2012[report comment]

      • Jon zamon

        So the secret behind repairing the U S economy is “discipline physically” and that would improve foreign relations and pacify terrorism, and it would make everyone organizational geniuses in business, and it would even help us deal with extreme weather conditions: shield against hurricanes, predict floods or droughts, and everybody and everything would all come together in harmony. Fantastic.
        And about the ‘word of god”: like you said, psychologists obtained their knowledge from a “man made book”, the bible therefore is not a “man made book”? It was composed and continues to be printed by the actual deity “god” in heaven and delivered by one of his messenger angels? Really?

      • Angela

        The bible never once condones spanking children. It does state that if you beat them with a lethal weapon, they will not die from it. This is obviously fallacious. It was not written in English and the word for beat in Hebrew also means to embrace. In other words, embrace the metaphorical rod of correction for they will not die from it. “I’m taking away your cell phone for a week. Don’t give me that look, you won’t DIE from it” makes much more sense than an action lethal against a grown man would not kill a child.

        And who is to say that these scriptures are native to Christianity? The story of Noah’s ark appears in Greek history predating biblical scriptures by hundreds of years. The holy grail is pagan. As is Easter. Early missionaries rewrote the man made book you reference and included passages and anecdotes to gain the approval of other cultures and religions so the conversion would be easier on them.

        As it stands, this is not the theocracy you believe it to be where one religion defines our laws. Otherwise, polygamy, stoning gay men, and killing drunks to deliver them to heaven would be socially and legally codoned practices, alongside beating children with weapons, and none of them are.

        • Greg

          Hi Angela,

          I wanted to say that you have posted a great comment. However, I disagree with your statement, “The bible never once condones spanking children”. In the Torah and the bible, the Hebrew scripture Proverbs 13:24 states The one holding back the rod is hating his son… It is okay to spank your child when necessary as long as it is not excessive as stated in Col. 3:21. If parents need to spank their children, let them do it when they are heated. Just you have said we want to embrace our children, in which I agree. In Matthew 24, Jesus had prophesy about our time especially when children are disobedient to parents and/or authority figures. The author is not condoning violence against children as most make the mistake of thinking. Yet, the author is only stating that children need discipline.

          • Angela

            1: The Bible predates spanking by thousands of years, thus, can not be referencing it.

            2: The rod you mention is the shepherd’s staff used to guide the sheep, not to hit them. Hebrew was rife with metaphors and a rod used to hit does not comfort anyone.

            3: Col.3.21 is completely backwards. That’s not even in the Bible! Are you just taking scriptures and adding the word spanking so it helps with your argument?

            4: Children have always been construed as disrespectful. We have unearthed tablets of ancient Sumeria depicting them this way. Aristotle, Socrates and Plato are all famously quoted for believing the same. When you are 6 years old, you have a wide variety of memories just prior to your 6th birthday. Mundane activities such as your tantrums, not eating your dinner, rude vocalizations, et cetera. When you are 36 you can remember very few if any of them. This is because as we age, we lack both memory and perspective.

            5: The author is not condoning violence? They are giving you 8 justifications for such against children. No amount of domestic or institutional violence/assaults will ever better another human being. Especially not children.

      • dragongirl

        God also said, “If thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.” (Proverbs 23:13). It seems Hana Williams’s adoptive parents proved God wrong about this. Perhaps he was wrong about beating being an expression of love as well?

  • Andrea

    i totally disagree Melody. all different nationalities, religions, and classes of people "hit" their kids. i think trying all different discipline techniques on each and every child is worth doing for the child's sake. spanking is not inhumane if it's done with the best of intentions. the bible speaks there is a time and a place for everything (tough love, war, execution are all included). if you spank your child and see that it HELPS that child and you do it out of love go for it. i have spanked my 4 year old before, but she is such the meek child that i don't think i will ever have to again. i can just raise my voice and get her right. me, i needed a spanking PERIOD, but not every time i did something and NEVER while hostile.

    • TealRose

      No one but NO one 'needs' to be hit. Especially a child… and even more so a meek one! Hitting a child is just as wrong if not MORE so than hitting another adult. There is nothing loving about being hit. [As an abused spouse] The word spank/hit doesn't even belong in the same sentence as love! There is nothing respectful about hitting.

      The OT also mentions stoning one's son to death in the square … I presume you will be following that too then ?? Or perhaps as Jesus came and told us about the New Covenant… and NEVER mentioned hitting children, in fact warned us about hurting them [ remember that millstone around the neck ???] and he also told us to be gentle, and treat others as we would want to be treated. Apart from a few people who are masochists no one 'wants' to be hit …

      • Feminism1999

          “Hitting a child is just as wrong if not MORE so than hitting another adult.”

        Exactly!

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ricky-James-Moore-II/1685116178 Ricky James Moore II

      The Bible is full of all sorts of iron age barbarism. Let’s burn witches, too. What a tool.

    • Amber

      of course, use religion as an excuse to hit your kid

  • monica

    whoa.

    • itsuknow

      your against spanking because your parents went OVERBOARD…most people who are against spanking are against it because they were abusivily spanked. but there is a loving way to spank a child…… and spanking is good for certain "hard-headed" (defiant) children who dont respon well to time out, toys taken, talking etc….
      its very important to know your child and use spanking as a LAST RESORT. i also dont think children dont need to be spanked if they did wrong because of thier confusion or lack of understanding. spanking is a last resort not a solution.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Ricky-James-Moore-II/1685116178 Ricky James Moore II

        Assault is assault is assault, you primate. If you hit someone who isn’t trying to hit you you’re a punk, and deserve to get smacked around a little until you learn what happens to punks.

        • Alontorressr

          I bet u have no kids

        • Punk Hater

          Ricky you nothing more than a Punk yourself little boy. You need to be smacked around, you moron. Sounds like you know all about what being a punk is. Did you even read what you wrote. You sound like a real idiot.I bet now you wanna smack me around huh Ricky?

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