Being home on maternity leave has afforded me the opportunity to watch every talk show, court show and game show on television. Many of them serve as passive viewing for me, but others touch on topics that make for fun conversation or food for thought. So I’m watching The Bethenny Show, and one of her guests last week was comedienne/actress Kym Whitley. During a segment, Kym shared a video of herself receiving a kiss from fellow actor Shemar Moore…with his fine self. Bethenny asked her if she’d ever date a man “prettier” than her, to which Kym swiftly replied “No!” She said she can handle 5 women pining after her man, but not EVERY woman.
I chuckled at her response, but then thought about it for a second. I wondered if I ever dated anyone that I considered “prettier” than me. I also pondered if I ever dated anyone I considered “out of my league.” I remember in high school having a crush on a guy that EVERY girl wanted to date. He was an upper class-man, I was a freshman and thought he’d never give me a second look. But one day, one of my girlfriends who knew I had a thing for him introduced us in the cafeteria. I thought my heart would stop when he said he was wondering when I would stop being shy and smile at him. Turns out, he DID notice me but thought I’d never date HIM. Who knew!?
From that point on, I never really saw any man as too cute, handsome or sexy for me. If I was interested, I’d let it be known – and it usually worked out in my favor. But what I DID find interesting were comments that some of my girls would make. “How did you land HIM?” It was as if they thought I was the dog-face girl and that these fine men I was seeing were doing me a favor by dating me. When they were questioning why certain men would be interested in a girl like me, I was thinking “Why wouldn’t they?”
I get it – the idea of dating someone who looks like a movie star or a model is a dream to many people, but the reality is most people may find it a challenge if one of the two is not considered as attractive as the other – especially if that one is the female. After all, if we see an “average” man with a stunning woman, we just assume he’s making up for his lack of looks in other areas, like having a great personality or lots of money. But the reverse is rarely true. It’s uncommon for many to accept that men would be interested in a “less attractive” woman unless she was exceptional in every other way. If she’s not up to par with his looks, she had better be incredibly rich, successful, charming or have something going on that makes her worthy of being with him. Shallow, but true.
For me, what dating extremely attractive men has taught me is that looks clearly aren’t everything. A lot of those men, while looking like they stepped out of the pages of magazines, didn’t have much else going for them – at least not enough to keep me interested outside of simply looking at them. And while I think my husband is gorgeous, what has kept me around for the long-term has nothing to do with his looks. It’s what is on the inside that made me want to marry him, not the fact that every other woman who passes us by in the mall secretly wishes she could get a taste.
All of us have that “something” that is attractive to a man – any man. Too many of us refuse to see the beauty that lies within us, or we wait for other people who we deem “perfect” to validate us. No matter how often people tell us how beautiful, smart or funny we are, we refuse to believe it…thus hindering us from going after that guy who we feel is out of our league.
The truth is, the best reason for anyone to be attracted to you is not just because of your looks. Eventually beauty fades, even for Shemar Moore. But what is on the inside lasts forever.
So what say you, would you or have you dated someone “prettier” than you? If so, how did it work out?
