I was talking to an old friend recently about my weight loss.
It had been a solid year since the last time we’ve physically seen each other. Back then I was two and a half dress sizes bigger than where I am now. He said I was looking good. I smiled and then said, thanks. And then proceeded to tell him about all the effort I had put into my weight loss. I might have been a little overzealous in my description of my fitness and health regimen but I had been giving serious consideration to my health and fitness lately and felt rather proud of myself. Also I thought that my friend, who is also into his personal fitness, might appreciate my journey. However my dear friend didn’t share my enthusiasm. Instead when I told him about my next fitness goal, which is to run a 5K, he advised me to, “don’t get too skinny.”
No, “hey good job.” Or “hey here’s some tips on how to improve your stride.” My friend, who had listened to me for years cry over pains and other ailments likely brought on by my excess weight and overall poor eating habits, felt that my fitness priority right now should be how not to get too thin. I was slightly annoyed but laughed his comment off as just the misguided compliment of a man with a preference for bigger women (nothing wrong with that). However, my friend is not the first to express such weighty sentiments.
Over the years, I have struggled to find the perfect regimen to manage my weight. (Who would have thunk it to be good ole’ diet and exercise?) And for years, I have had those naysayers. The casual girlfriend, who compliments me on how toned my legs have gotten but advises me to watch that I not get too hard and bulky. The nosey coworker, who in the midst of singing the blues over her own weighty issues,throws shady jabs at me while expressing her fear of losing her curves. The random guy at the gym, who invasively interrupts my workout routine just to tell me that I don’t really need be in here because “men like women with some meat on them.” Even my own dear old dad, who would hound the teenage-me about my weight and the need to exercise but upon seeing first draft of the adult thinner me made the remark, “you don’t look well.”
Individually, the comments deserve an eye roll but the collective sum of “concern” makes me wonder why some folks seemed adamant on protecting me from getting too thin? And maybe, I should be concerned too?
“It’s just ignorance in the purest form. And by that I mean people are just unaware,” said Jena Renee Rogers, Philadelphia-based certified personal trainer, who has over 15 years experience instructing mostly African American women (including me) on how to reach and maintain their fitness goals.
She adds, “What happens is that when people see someone losing weight, they don’t really have a point of reference. It’s not that you are getting too thin, they just see you still exercising and eating healthy. They don’t understand your fitness goals, where you are and where you are going. They don’t understand health benefits. They don’t understand BMI. They don’t understand your hip to waist ratio. They don’t understand visceral fat around your waistline. The majority of the people, I find who make comments like that are the ones, who are not working out. So there is no point of reference. They don’t really get it or understand.”
The understanding Rogers speaks about is the knowledge that losing weight is not an easy task. Nor is maintaining a healthy weight. So while you might have reached your fitness goal, and you may look great in the eyes of your concerned spectator, there is still work required to maintain it all. Roger said that means continuing on the same dietary and exercise regimen that got them to the point. “To maintain that lifestyle, to maintain that look and to maintain that level of fitness, exercise is necessary for the rest of your life – at least three days a week, 30 to 60 minutes a day,” she advises.
Rogers says that she too hears among prospective clients the fear of bulking up and losing their curves, which she says is just all code talk for losing all fun feminine parts like boobs, hips, thighs and an ample behind. But she said that outside of having an eating disorder like anorexia and bulimia or some other health ailment, the odds that you could get to a point of being “too skinny” just from a healthy diet and exercise alone are relatively slim – pun intended.
“The amount of work that you would have to do to get bulky is unbelievable. Like you are not going to get bulky by lifting some five to ten pound weights and doing some squats and jumping jacks. I mean you have to change your diet. You have to be extreme. You have to be working out five to seven days a week, for one to to hour bouts at a time. It’s excessive to get those muscles,” she said.
She also adds that skinny women can have curves too. “Look at Angela Bassett or Jada Pinkett Smith. Look at Halle Berry. Look at that woman from 12 Years a Slave [ Lupita Nyong’o]. She is really thin but has a very toned physique and some wonderful curves. The whole idea that you can’t be thin, toned and have nice curves is silly,” she said.
And because it sounds ridiculous Rogers advises those, who find themselves facing the “too skinny” criticism to not get defensive. Instead, she says to just thank them for their concern and continue on with your fitness goal. “Seriously, just focus on the compliment you do receive,” she said.
