Getting Over Your Hate Crush

January 8, 2014  |  

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There are those people, who bother you so much.  Just the mention of their name makes you rue the day…any day, pick one!).  This person just gets under your skin so much, but at the same time, you’re highly fascinated by them.  Do you know what this is called?  A hate crush.

I first came across the term while going through a back issue of “Glamour,” and it briefly addressed the almost obsessive fixation on a person that you don’t like.  The term makes plenty of sense.  Just like a regular crush, this person might not always be a fixture in your mind, but when they do cross your mental lobes, you must see what they’re doing, or figure out why they are like they are.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been on both ends.  I’ve been the person who had a hate crush, and been the subject of a hate crush.  After having a honesty session with one of my friends in college she revealed:  “You know, I didn’t really like you when I first met you.  There was just something about you.  But once I got to know you I realized how nice you are.”  Once I asked what was the thing that made me seem so odious to her, she went on to discuss not really knowing, but would spend a significant amount of time going on my Facebook and just looking at my photos.  As odd as this was to hear, I began to empathize with my friend a few years later.

Not to put myself too much on blast, but there’s a pseudo-celebrity that, in the past, really just bothered me.  Though she had a talent, she became more so a socialite and was just… around.  Like, girl, what are you doing?!  Dabbling in both reality television and over sharing on social media, she would do outrageous things to get people talking, and then pretend like she didn’t want the attention.  That bothered me, and I felt insulted that she thought she was so clever to question the public’s intelligence in this manner.  I would sit there and complain internally about how she was an “attention whore,” while I was giving her all of my attention!

Does that not sound crazy to you?!  Because after sitting back and really thinking about it, it came more and more evident that it was insane!

It’s the same for people who will willingly click on an article about their least favorite celebrity and then exclaim in the comment section:  “Why are you even reporting on her?!”  But at the same time, why do you care?

Fixating on a particular person isn’t hurting them, or helping you.  Yes, I feel your pain, they are truly annoying and it’s frustrating that they just seem to be out there, but the good thing about social media is no matter how much a person puts their information out, it’s up to you to feed into it.

In my own situation I had to come to terms with three things.  The first, I was feeling insecure about this person’s success.  It wasn’t that we’re in the same field, but the idea that one can work so hard and not get the recognition as easily as someone who has a perceived beautiful face and body was scary to me.  I didn’t want to have to feel as though I have to put myself and my body in the public’s view just to get to a higher level of success, and that’s what this person represented to me.

Second, why do I feel as though this person isn’t deserving of what they have?  Beyond what little I know about her, I don’t know if she’s a hard worker, or not.  So it’s not my place to say what some people do and do not deserve (except for that little bastard who killed his mother for her money.  That little a-hole deserves any and all punishments he gets from the penal system and in jail. Excuse my language.)

Finally, this person is only as relevant to me as I allow them to be.  No one was holding me hostage saying:  “Read her Twitter feed!  Look at her Google images!  Now fixate, FIXATE on her interviews where she acts as if everyone else is below her!”  I was a willing participant to how much of her I was getting.  Once I realized that, this person has become a tiny blip on my radar now.

There will be people who get under your skin, but you dictate how far they can burrow under.  Once you take back your own power, then you can think about your real crushes.  Like that cutie who serves bagels at the coffee shop.  Yeah, that one.

Kendra Koger is over her hate crush, but still into her twitter @kkoger

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