Boris Kodjoe Says Gaining Weight In A Marriage Is Unacceptable: “Part Of The Deal Is You Gotta Keep It Sexay”

September 13, 2013  |  


Source: WENN

We all know Boris Kodjoe has no tolerance for the plus-size lifestyle so it should come as no surprise that when asked about relationship dealbreakers, weight was a major one. During the press junket for “Baggage Claim,” Cocoa Fab’s Cherise Nicole talked to Boris and Derek Luke to ask them what they could and couldn’t tolerate when it comes to women, and when it came to the topic of weight gain, Boris said that was a no go.

“Ok part of the deal is, you got to keep it sexay.  Got to keep it Hot.  Because it’s easy getting married, but it’s not as easy to stay married.  And part of that is, like, I make my wife, my girlfriend.  She’s my girlfriend.  So, we got to keep it sexay. If we keep it sexay, we keep it right, everything else falls into place.

“What if I gained 200 pounds? And then she’ll look at me like, really? And I couldn’t even blame her if she started looking around.  Because I took her off the market, so I have to deliver what the market could possibly deliver for her.  So, I gotta take that place. Right? So, I gotta fulfill those things that the market could’ve given her.  I’m the market now, so I got to keep it Hot and she has to do the same for me.”

While Boris was on a role with his marriage market talk, Derek Luke was quick to jump in with a more tempered response to weight gain in a relationship, saying:

“That’s part of my character. Part of my character is about commitment.  You know what I’m saying?  So, even if you doing the humpty dumpty, it’s commitment, cause you know what? The dude could go humpty dumpty! He could go from six pack to one pack, you know what I’m saying? Because in marriage, your body changes.

“I think [Boris] is right, you should put in effort to keep it sexay. But I think if you have missed the effort to keep it sexay, I think that there should be something stronger than your effort to keep it sexay. It should be commitment. That’s why marriages are failing in America and across the world, because there’s no commitment.  Because commitment is the key to success.  You can go up and down.  It’s about where you land.  It’s about your commitment.  Cause sickness, weight, that’s in your confessions when you get married.”

Uh yeah.

Now in Boris’s defense, he did say if his wife were to fall ill, his intolerance of her weight would be a different story — and granted the interviewer did propose an egregious amount of weight gain (100 pounds) — but whenever we get into these discussions about something as minor as weight, I always find myself annoyed. I understand going from right and tight to obese is an extreme change, but are there not many more extreme changes one could go through in marriage that aren’t nearly as reversible as weight gain?

What if your spouse was to develop a degenerative disease or be physically scarred in a car accident, would you leave then to find something better in the market? Most times when a person gains serious weight, there are serious reasons behind it and if a man isn’t willing to stick by his woman and help her work through those issues, he probably didn’t need to get married in the first place.

Check out the full dealbreaker discussion in the interview below. What do you think about Boris and Derek’s responses?

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  • Lateformyfuneral

    Nothing but fat women complaining about something so reasonable.

  • exfromtheleft

    let’s be fair he seems to say that he submit himself to that same rule, second let’s not be naive here he is saying what a lot of men and women think.

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  • Taryn Bryant

    If all that shallow moron wants is a very thin woman, then let him have one. But let me tell you, it will always be something else he finds fault with. If your love for your mate is dependent on their weight, then it wasn’t love to begin with. No kind of happiness is based on one’s physical aspects. Love is of the heart, soul and mind. You would love them no matter what became of them. I doubt seriously doubt that anyone who focuses purely on the physical will actually be able to love someone other than themselves anyway. Mind you, love is unconditional. Otherwise…. It’s lust.

  • MJ

    He is keeping it real. Men are visual. No qualms with what Boris said.

  • so212

    Some of these women live in neighborhoods where they don’t have access to fresh fruits, vegetables and meats. Some can only afford processed high fat/high calorie/high sodium foods. Some of these women may be stressed and depressed with little access to health care and weight management tools (an issue prominent in the black community). Some are acting as mother and father for their children (who are statistically more likely to be fatherless), therefore they don’t even see or care for themselves. Some are stressing over housing, crime and financial depression (a problem statistically more prominent within the black race and within black neighborhoods) – so they DEFINITELY don’t see or care for themselves.

    There are so many comments about “back in the day”. Well guess what, back in the day, black women didn’t have to worry about carrying the world on their shoulders. Black men were not about hitting, quitting and getting locked up. They were about hard work and family. They MARRIED black women. They were PROVIDERS. They BUILT HOMES – healthy, happy homes. These young black girls who are overweight – are their fathers there to stock up the fridge with skim milk, wheat bread, lettuce, tomatoes, turkey and fresh fish??? Are their mothers able to afford tennis or karate lessons for them?? Are their mothers able to go on bike rides with them after school? Or are their mothers too busy working? Or better yet, is the neighborhood too sketchy in the evening?

    The same black men who are criticizing black women for being overweight, should criticize themselves for not fulfilling THEIR roles and partially contributing to the demise of their own race.

  • so212

    I agree in that post-marriage sloppiness is unwarranted. HOWEVER, I remember hearing a pastor speaking about marriage, and he said that your spouse is a reflection of YOU. Meaning, if your wife is gaining weight, take her on a walk. If her hair is not done, take her to the salon, if her clothes are tattered, take her to the mall or buy her some nice outfits etc. As opposed to sitting around and criticizing her or looking for other women. Marriage is for better/worse. Sometimes, the other spouse simply needs some encouragement. Today’s society is so bent on being quick to run to greener pastures, that the divorce rate is tipping 50%.

  • Serjoyp

    As a woman – I agree with him. I would take the same stance with my husband, if I ever get married. I could never be with a man that doesn’t respect his health or his body. I know you all are going to say that you can be healthy at a higher weight… But it’s just not true. You start gaining all the weight and your joints start suffering ( back, knees, etc). Your blood pressure and arteries may be in the clear, but cancer predominate in the over weight and obese, strokes are still prevalent. Just because you don’t do it in tests, doesn’t mean it’s not happening. Whether you like it or not, gaining weight isn’t a sign of aging, it’s a sign of lack of self control and laziness. Yes, illness is another issue, and the chances of illness causing weight gain is very low.

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  • Pickanose


  • Pickanose

    What if your man loses his hair like Boris?

  • Darlyn

    I’ve been fat, and when i was fat, I didn’t expect men who weren’t fat
    to look past my fat, and see my great personality, character,
    substance…etc. You are delusional if you think you can let yourself
    go physically, be okay with that…and expect your spouse to be okay
    with it too. Yes, our bodies change as life/illness happens and we age.
    However, we’re not talking about that, at least I’m not. Physical
    attractiveness is not all there is to a relationship, but we decide
    whether we want to get to know what’s inside a person, by first checking
    out the outside. After marriage, It’s quite reasonable to
    expect a person to maintain what they started with.

    As far as marriage
    vows, “for worse” should not include a decision to let your body get out
    of shape. That’s ridiculous and irresponsible.

    Now, some men
    and women are shallow, and they’re really about appearances and not
    about loving the total person, and not just the packaging. They have unrealistic expectations..of themselves, as well as others. Know who you’re committing to – be on the same page.

    • jennyct

      How about getting old? Is that cause for dumping?

      • Darlyn

        Why would you even ask that question? We all get old…can’t exercise age away, can’t take care of yourself enough to ward off age….and yes, men dump women for getting “old” and a ton of other reasons. You don’t maintain your appearance to prevent being “dumped”. What I said in my original reply is pretty clear.

        • jenbaker

          Because if you look around people almost never maintain at age 55 what they had at 25, do you? there are different degrees of “letting go,” and when my mom got alzheimers at age 60, most would
          say she let herself go…

          • Darlyn

            If you look around, you’ll see a lot of things…which often have nothing to do with what’s possible. Take away sickness, medication, etc., and what do you have? In MANY cases, it’s folks who have let themselves go. It’s easy to do. You get married, and you get comfortable. You stop trying to look your best…it’s simply not the same priority it was when you were trying to get a husband/wife.

            I’m the same size as I was in my twenties (I got fat in my thirties). I haven’t had children, so I’m still pretty tight (no gut and not all over the place)…and I’m 50. The body does change, as we age – fat moves around to other locations, and that means we have to change what we eat, along with adding simple exercise to our routine – you don’t have to be gym rat to maintain a reasonable weight. But gaining so much weight that you look like a completely different person doesn’t have to happen – unless we’re talking about illness, steroids, etc.

            There’s no way in the world I would have a drop dead gorgeous husband (the man isn’t really the issue, but I’m just saying), and look like I came from up under the stairs…and that’s not just about weight either, but that’s just me. Some women aren’t fat, but they look like Frumpty Dumpty.

            Anyway, what’s the big deal? Boris can have his standards, and his wife Nicole seems to be down with his way of thinking. I don’t take his opinion personally.

            • jennyct

              You got it – you don’t have to be thin to look frumpy. But I guess it’s how much you will tolerate, 20 pounds could still keep you within healthy weight range, but 50 obviously won’t. Some men have unrealistic expectations for everyone but themselves.

  • IJS

    Life happens, sickens may occur and everyone is not fat because they eat a lot. Medicines and illness can also make you gain weight. If the physical appears is what drives you the most then that is really sad. Heaven forbid if someone has an accident or something devastating happens like cancer and you lose your hair and start looking frail . I think you should do your best to maintain your appearance but it is more to a marriage than just the physical.

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  • Yvonne Watkins

    Marriage is for better or worse, in sickness and in health. It is a vow before God. Yes, try to stay fit but you ARE going to get older and more wrinkled. That’s not cute either. Are you going to trade your wife in for a younger model? Who wants someone so shallow? Love should be deeper than looks.

    • Nope

      See, this is the problem. A lot of the comments on here from women are jumping to the extreme/unrealistic examples of men expecting their woman’s bodies to NEVER change. False. All a married man (or most reasonable men) want is for a woman to keep herself up relative to her age. A LOT of women don’t keep themselves up beyond their hair and makeup.

      • Yvonne Watkins

        Extreme or not, adultery is the only grounds for divorce in the bible. Fat is not grounds for separation either. Nothing negates the for better or for worse vow before God and men.

        • Nope

          Shame on husbands for wanting healthy wives.

          • Yvonne Watkins

            It’s not about what they want, it’s about what they do. You don’t leave your mate because they got fat. Anyone who has a problem with that, take it up with God.

  • Nope

    No man wants to have marriage photos all over the house of what his wife USED to look like.

    I swear, a lot of women put SO much effort into trying to change and “train” men in relationships, yet these very same women are so resistant to a man’s desire for her to remain relatively the same
    physically as she did on her wedding day (assuming she wasn’t already fat and sloppy….).

  • Rachel B

    Sistas we have a problem with listening…

    Maybe we can take a queue from other races/enthnicities and be a bit more concerned about how how our brothas feel.

    If you can do moe to stay fit, do it. We just need to shut up and listen sometimes.

    You WANT a husband? Get with it!

    • Nope

      We’re both going to get a million thumbs down for our comments, but IMO Black women put a lot of work into their appearance, but focus it in the wrong areas. Not to mention sit ups and jogs are free.

      • Rachel B

        I agree buying hair and maybe clothese or handbags but your grossly out of shape. My husband made an oberservation about not seeing enough black women running when he runs in the morning but white and asian women are out there. We have to own this and face it and just do better.

        • jonesie

          Hey Rachel. As a black woman, I am inclined to agree with you. I run a total of 6 days a week and watch what I eat. In my city, I do see black women being active and hitting the gym but it’s few and far.between. There is a serious problem in the black community with women thinking that it’s ok to be 20, 30 lbs overweight. It looks sloppy and is dangerous.

  • UdonNo

    ** HIDDEN SECRET: ITS NOT BLACK MEN THAT LIKE BIG WOMEN— ITS *BROKE* MEN THAT LUVS U FAT GIRLS. case in point–how many rich black celebrities, athletes, personalities, businessmen, etc have you seen with a big woman? exactly. I rest my case.

    • Nope

      Exactly. And I used to hate the stupid complaint about “Black men chasing fat White girls”. As opposed to who, fat Black women???

      • Drew

        Y’all are actin’ up in this thread (read: telling the truth). I won’t say “never,” but the successful men are simply not interested in being with a woman who obviously can’t manage her physical person. At the end of the day when it boils down to aesthetics, a fat woman is the bottom of the barrel. And, who wants the bottom of the barrel? Answer: Men who can’t do any better.

        • Darlyn

          It’s tight (the truth hurts), but it’s right. The lack of self control and discipline – when it comes to pushing away from the table and taking some walks around the park, should be “red flags” to the discerning.

  • UdonNo


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  • Willie Murray

    I noticed that some of you women are enraged by the fact that Boris is fond of women who take care of themselves and genuinely want to look good for their man. I don’t see anything wrong with it. I bet you wouldn’t be so angry if he said he liked “Thick”(euphemism for overweight for many) women as opposed to skinny women would you? That’s because you’re not really comfortable with your weight, you just deal with it because “some”(street people) guys like it… it’s an easy way out. #TrustMeIKnow

    • GeekMommaRants

      The thing that angers me is the complete lack of knowledge Kodjoe displays with regard to pregnancy and how our bodies work. We are not appliances, damn!

      • alexander

        If you gain 200+ pounds during a pregnancy, you are a disgusting woman. He isn’t asking anything unreasonable. Don’t get grossly overweight! D*mn, it isn’t that hard! If you are asking an attractive man do be committed to you and ONLY you, then you need to be at the top of your game. Excessive weight gain is disrespect towards him and towards your relationship.

        • GeekMommaRants

          You do know that medicine and physical illness can cause weight gain? Women are humans not appliances. So, lupus is an offense to a man and a marriage? How old are you?

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  • GymJunkie43

    I agree with him. You cannot have a husband or even BF that looks like Boris Kodjoe and you look like a potbelly pig. If your man is good-looking and successful you have to make sure that you are the baddest b**** around him.

  • pups

    its true! we must exercise 30 minutes a day to maintain cardiovascular health. eat healthy.. no excuse!

  • kierah

    That’s his marriage. If Nicole is cool with it, the rest of us shouldn’t have an issue.

  • Rachel B

    Bottom line sistas…if you want to be in the game of getting and keeping a man we have to care about our appearance. Stop with the “oh Boris is shallow B.S.”
    Sometimes we immediately argue and disregard what brothas are saying before listening. I’m not saying we should take whatever they say all the time but sometimes we should listen.
    Remember 70% of black women between the ages of 25-29 have never been married so let’s not make being overweight and unattractive a sizable portion of the excuse the little portion of qualifying eligible marriageable black men use to explain not dating us.

    • Sheena B

      *waves church fan* ^^^^^^^ THIS!!!!^^^^^^^ Often our sisters are so busy shaming the MESSENGER that the message is totally missed.

    • KeepingItReal

      That’s what may work for him and his marriage. But, don’t use his comment about his personal relationship to color all relationships with the same brush. Different people like different things. Also, different people have different body types. To each his own.

  • Rachel B

    I am a 35 year old woman who is a curvy size 6-8 and I am 5’3 1/2. It must be genetics but I pride myself in watching what I eat and exercising. I slacked off on the exercise but when I met my husband, a big fitness freak, he encouraged me to pick it up again. He comes from a family of fitness and health freaks. He’s expressed that he would like me to keep my figure intact if I am not just recovering from giving birth. I watched Angela Bassett on the Arsenio Hall show and for a woman in her 50s she is putting 20, 30, and 40 year old women to shame. As black women we can work on our weight. I’ve noticed how many of my friends from high school have let themselves go and then they wonder why no men are trying to date them. Some of us can do better. But there are a lot of sistas i know that take fitness and their appearance very seriously. I seem to notice that the lower a black woman’s socioeconomic statuts is the sloppier she is.

  • Jimi E. Rogers

    I cannot stand Boris Kodjoe. Everytime he opens his mouth, he says something incredibly shallow and stupid. A lot of men prefer plus size curvy women. He needs to get his life!!!

    • Drew

      He’s an accomplished actor who works steadily and has a killer wife. I’d say he’s gotten and is continuing to get his entire life.

  • ccpeachgal

    dont talk borris ……just hush !!!!

  • James FitzGerald IV

    he did apply it to himself in fairness. I don’t like when men say that about the woman while they can get bald and fat and expect you to look like jada. he’s saying it’s the responsibility of both parties to keep fit. I don’t think he’d mean that if it was something beyond her control physically because he’s dealt with health issues for his daughter.


    Why is everybody lying to themselves – if your partner gained 200+ pounds due to nothing more than greed and lack of effort – you wouldnt have a problem? Well how about we switch that up – if your partner suddenly blew all his money and decided to not work anymore due to nothing more than lack of effort, now would you have a problem? I think so.

    Lets be real, looks matter to men more than personality, security matters more to women than his personality. If the other partner is too selfish to make the effort to ‘hit the gym/get a job’ to provide your needs, then you have every right to walkaway.

    It’s the effort thats most important. One partner stops trying because they cant be bothered NOT BECAUSE THEY PHYSICALLY CANT, but cos they dont care. Then Boris has a point.

  • KIR12 Seconds and It’s DONE

    Now recognizing this sounds EVEN more shallow – I can’t stand OLD D!CK & sagging balls! The firmness and such changes too much once a man ages over 40 it seems. I hope Boris can combat THAT, bc it might send Nicole packing otherwise!!! Oh, and testosterone causes even more problems too, alongside the lil blue pill, soooooo……, hopefully he’ll keep THAT tight too!

    • Soulful2

      I totally agree….Lol

  • D Man

    The main reason there is so much push back against Boris’s comment is because obesity is a MAJOR problem in the black community. We even created a “cute” word for it: “thick”. People are just being defensive.

    Most overweight people don’t have a medical issue. They have a spoon and fork issue. And a lack of exercise issue.

  • EwurabaEfua

    Very shallow. I lost all respect for this gentleman. Especially when His Father comes from Africa

    • Drew

      Your comment was easily one of the dumbest things I’ve ever read in any section for comments on the entire internet. My goodness.

  • Chas

    Lol I have to agree with him a bit. If your going to take someone completely off the market you should at least make an effort to not let yourself go completely. There absolutely needs to be something more there besides physical attraction but physical attraction is where it all started. I sure don’t want my fiance going from athletic and fit to lazy and big without a good reason.

  • stewie

    He is absolutely right, but women don’t like hearing the truth, they rather here some Politically correct BS, to make themselves feel good and live in this delusional state. That is why they get mad whenever someone with cojones come out and tell them the truth, they try to shut him up. Sexual attraction is very important in a relationship, and no it doesn’t mean you can let yourself go once you are married.

    The truth may hurt but it will help you in the long run.

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  • FromUR2UB

    Were they really saying, “sexay” every time?

    Gaining two hundred pounds is extreme. But, as you age, your body naturally thickens. Even women who basically kept trim and never had children, have a thicker waist in their 40s and 50s than they did in their 20s. Maybe the organs expand or something…I don’t know why. But, you hope that after you’ve been married to someone for a time, you’re loved for more than your waistline.

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  • ch

    It’s not the fact that he spoke about weight- we all understand physical attraction.
    It’s the fact that it really is a focal point with him. There are more important things in a relationship and he sounds very shallow and immature.
    We all gain weight with age as our metabolism slows down and hormone levels change so it’s just a fact of life.
    That kind of thinking makes an ugly person no matter what face and body look like.

    • Drew

      Ummm… if you watch your diet and go to the gym on a regular basis, you don’t HAVE to gain weight. Tell that to the 70(+)-year-old fitness model who’s shaming all of you young ladies. Hmph.

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  • DrLCJenkins

    Most men who make demands like this are walking around looking like their 6-, 7-, or 8-months pregnant!!! I know and understand that men are visual, but so are women. So if she’s been sick or has had your children, then he needs to be more understanding and considerate of that, and be willing to work with her on getting her health, wellness, and fitness back on track, and make sure that he’s doing the same.

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  • SexNdaCity

    I think folks are reading too deep into this. I don’t think he’s referring to situations that you can’t control such as illness etc..I’m sure he’s talking about folks that refuse to eat right and exercise and aren’t active, so therefore they cause their own weight gain. So therefore, I for the most part agree with him. If I’m keeping myself in shape and eating right and being active, I would expect my man to be doing the same. Especially in our younger years where you don’t have many excuses to not be in shape. I don’t find that shallow to want your mate to still resemble the person they were when you met them…especially if they can help it.

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  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    I can understand where Boris is coming from and I’m working on lowering the scale myself. Personally, I would want a man that can encourage me to stay healthy and in shape. I just love to see couples working out together at the gym. It gives me hope.

    However, gaining weight does not give one the reason to cheat. Marriage is for better and for worse. Through THICK and THIN. There has to be something else besides looks to keep a marriage strong.

  • 1Val

    If Nicole likes Boris’s attitude about weight then I love it! Boris’s acting is stiffer than a Viagra erection!

  • marley

    Women please don’t hate on me but there is some truth in what he’s saying. When I got married years ago, my Dad told me “always try to look the same as you did when you were dating – give and take just stuff that comes along with aging.” And now that I’ve been married 10 years, I can see what my Dad was saying. Basically, men don’t like extreme changes. Whatever you looked like when they got with you is what they want you to try and stay like. For my Dad it was my Mom’s hair. He rocked a short haircut and was realy fly like Keri Hilson back in the 1960’s and to this day I have NEVER seen my Mom with long hair except in photos when she was in high school. For my husband it’s crazy styles. He doesn’t like all that ‘trendy’ stuff. I’m tall and somewhat slender, so when we met I wore a lot of maxi skirts and cute matchig tops, wore my hair pulled back in a long ponytail, and always wore brick red lipstick (basically trying to imitate that ‘Sade’ look) and I still dress like that now becasue it wasn’t gawdy then and it isn’t now – even though I’m pushing 40. That’s the look my husband fell inlove with. So for Boris, it’s weight. When he married Nicole she was a certain size and he would like it if she stayed that way. So while it does come across shallow. Basically what he’s saying is unless you have some kind of medical problem, do your best to try and keep like it was when we were dating becasue that’s what I fell in love with. Every woman really should do her best to ‘keep herself up’ anyway for herself – not just her man.

    • marley

      I meant to say, “SHE rocked a short haircut like Keri Hilson…” not my Pops!

    • Willie Murray

      You worded it to where everyone within this forum should understand and respect the sentiment behind what he was saying… but I know they will even protest against what you have said.

    • Soulful2

      Marley, I am not hating on you, but it appears that your dad, as well as, men in general, have such an extremely high expectation of women. Why in the hell do some men think that they are perfect and want you to be perfect, too. When you work hard to maintain good health (mentally and physically) … DO IT FOR YOURSELF!!! First of all, you have to make yourself happy…..always. You have to live with you. Because at the end of the day, regardless, of how you beautify yourself, if he wants to cheap on you or decide to end a relationship, then he will. If he is TRULY YOUR MAN, then he should ACCEPT and EXPECT…..what he gives to you in return. It’s all about RESPECT! We both are human….just a different gender.

  • He needs to stfu

  • Jaytee2

    Where did you get the data Most times when a person gains serious weight, there are serious reasons behind it? The reason behind most weight gain is obesity…overeating and lack of exercise i.e. being a pig and being lazy. I’m sorry but if I marry someone and they gain a whole bunch of weight I probably will not be physically attracted to him anymore and we all know the relationship will go downhill from there. I don’t think he’s being shallow. Men are visual creatures…why do you think the strip clubs stay open?

  • LaylaAjmine

    he’s not tat attractive, lets hope his wife doesn’t gain weight when old

  • vanelle22

    My comment is……..if it works for his wife and if it works for him, then congratulations. They can both be SEXXAYY together lol….


    Yeah that is a pretty disgusting thing to say…like MN said, if your partner was horibly disfigured in an accident and was no longer SEXAY as you put it boris are you running to the divorce lawyer the next day because thats what i heard? Its all about whats on a dam market?….how about the LOVE AND COMMITTMENT to the PERSON you married, not your love of thier BODY And Hello KITTY. What if your member stops working, you ok with her LEAVING? Some of these morons act as if they will never get old and look old…you not going to be young forever (YOU NOT YOUNG NOW), and after a while you keep upgrading aint nobody gon want your OLD D LIST DUSTY A…let me stop.

    • KIR12

      Ok, good luck with finding a young man who wants a fat 200+ pound wife. Let me stop. lol

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  • MM82

    I agree with Boris unless there were health issues I would expect for my husband to stay close to the same size and I work hard to stay the same size. Our relationship is based on more than looks but I didn’t marry a plus size man and my husband is not attracted to plus size women. It’s not right that some people just let theirselves go because they now have a ring.

  • Kenedy

    Well Boris…..the last movie you were in is Baggage Claim….okay? Not Batman, Not Star Trek, Not World War Z or any other kick a** movie, but Baggage Claim. Get your life.

    • yeppers

      Now that was a READ.

    • KIR12

      Young men of all races are not into fat women. getoverit

  • Aaliyah

    He was fine as hell until he opened his big mouth! Nothing wrong with looking sexay for your man, but looks and body change when we get older, that’s life. Now I dislike his shallow butt.

  • If a part of someone’s marriage deal is so heavily predicated on looks, I’d say that something is up with that marriage in the first place. Has he heard of something called pregnancy? This is extremely problematic. Not only does it operate purely on the premise of the physical, but he clearly has a picture in his mind of what “sexay” constitutes in terms of size. There is nothing wrong with staying healthy and fit, but he and others like him don’t seem to realize that someone can be healthy, fit, and beautiful at different sizes. I like the way that Derek Luke did damage control; his comments are more insightful and sensible.

    • Aaliyah

      Yeah, his wife been pregnant twice. She looks good, but him saying that weigh gain in a marriage is unacceptable makes him a shallow a-hole.

  • SeriouslyThough

    I think Boris is an idiot.. but his wife loves and must agree with him so that’s on them… I’m married and commitment and monogamacy are what’s most important.. everything else can be worked on… Boris is shallow and everytime he opens his mouth I like him LESS… he should just be quiet and be pretty… #Sad4Nicole #DamnHisValuesAreF’dUp

    • SeriouslyThough

      *monogamy (my bad.. typing too fast)

  • Dee

    Well I won’t be going to this movie or any of his movies ever again.

    • Drew

      Because of the content of ONE interview??? Hmmm… I guess he must have struck one of your chubby nerves, then…

  • bepositive

    Of course I believe it goes both ways. He sounds a little extreme and I may question is commitment capabilities but I do believe and as women and men that we should keep ourselves up so that we keep the flame of romance alive and well. Not to an extreme but don’t let yourself completely go just because you are married. Like one comment he made, “Because it’s easy getting married, but it’s not as easy to stay married.” Now by right there is much more to marriage than looks and sex but it is a big part. But not to forget that marriage is for better or for worse and a lot of work!

  • JustSaying_IMFO

    Keeping is “s*xy” AND healthy is one thing. But using weight as an excuse to “look around” and then cheat is unacceptable.

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  • Me

    I agree what Boris is saying..I like how he put it ..his perspective is insightful

  • Mia

    I can’t stand Boris and his arrogant over rated behind. But I feel him on the weight thing. If I can keep it tight, he shud too, unless illness prevents it.

  • Patricia

    Boris, if you are reading this, that means you yourself should not gain any weight. It works both ways,

  • Laverne

    I think that people take these things to the extremes. There is a difference between someone falling ill or getting pregnant and gaining weight vs. someone deciding to sit on their butt and gorging themselves til they gain 200 lbs. The commitment factor comes in when you say to your spouse “hey, why don’t we exercise together?” instead of just leaving them like you may do a random person you’re dating.

    People know what their spouses are attracted to and should strive to be that. How you get him/her is how you keep him/her pertains to more than you think!

  • Dani

    I know what he’s saying but it came wrong or maybe worded it wrong. Nothing is wrong with wanting your spouse to look hot and healthy. But that being your breaking point is kind of crazy to me. Weight can be gain and lost but finding someone who is honest, loving , and all those other good things. Isn’t worth leaving for looks.

  • word

    do you see how easily you can get a really clear snap shot into the dynamics of someone’s marriage?? …simply listen to them talk. Correction…the lifespan of a woman has many stages that can promote weight gain i.e pregnancy and menopause…. oh borris you chauvinism is showing..

    • KIR12

      You’re being silly. She’s been pregnant multiple times and they’re still married.

  • Kath

    While the entire black female community was all gaga over Boris, I have always wondered why I just never found him attractive. Hell at some point I even like Terrence Howard, but never Boris! Now I see why, and am what everyone consider tall and slender.

    • St. Hubbins

      I’m not sure as to how height plays into this but if you’ve decided that it’s a trait that makes you more attractive than shorter people–seeing as how you paired it with his slender ideal–lucky you. Many others do the same. But I never warmed to him, either and Terrence Howard has always been King Creepy.

    • JustSaying_IMFO

      Yeah. He’s cute and all, but always came across to me as dumb as a box of rocks.

    • Like I said above, I have never found him to be all that cute when others were swooning over him. He strikes me as someone who expects to be fawned over because of the way he looks (his complexion, features, etc.) but he doesn’t do it for me. Now Derek Luke, on the other hand…

      • KIR12

        Derek Luke don’t want a fat woman either. Go take a look at her pictures. lol He’s just being politically correct.

        • I know, I’ve seen her pictures. However, I’ve never gotten the impression from Derek Luke that he married her just because of her looks, or that he would drop her if she gained weight.

          • KIR12

            You’re living in a fantasy land. He might stay especially if they have kids but he definitely wouldn’t be with her if she was 200+ pounds before they met.

      • Yvonne Watkins

        Derek is one of those who doesn’t want a Black woman.

        • CaribbeanGlow

          Yeah, total turnoff… Was curious about his wife after his good comments here. Smh. I think I’d rather have an azzhole who wants me to stay thin than one who wants me another race. How ’bout neither.

    • KIR12

      Newflash, if he’s a young man with a good job or baller like Boris. He is going to have the same opinion of fat 200+ pound women. He might publicly be politically correct like Dereck Luke but before you think Luke’s into fat women I suggest you take a look at his wife.

  • Meena Yusuf

    “Sexay” tho .. really MN? #dobetter

    • enlightenment

      They have content filters! They cant use “s*xy”

      • Meena Yusuf

        Oh okay .. good to know. Because I was super judging, lol.

  • mia

    Did I miss a new term? Why are spelling it as “sexay” don’t get it sorry:(

    • bvictorian

      Because we have content filters that do not allow use of that term.

      • mia

        ok thanks

      • JustSaying_IMFO

        I think you need better content filters.

  • pretty1908

    i agree with him ! if a man fell in love with shapely slim young thing , he isn’t is going to be too found of her turning into shrek. im sure he loves his wife no matter what , but he wants both of them to stay healthy and look good. i hear a lot of married men complain about their wife’s weight gain. even now, im not married, but i love how i look and i only get body so im going to take care of it.

  • aDayLateAndAdollarShort

    That’s funny because when I pick my niece and nephew up from daycare, the husbands picking up their kids are as big as a house. It’s men who gain weight too.

    • Nope

      Yeah, men weight gain weight too, but lets be honest, more men are physical active than women. Especially within certain races. I’m feeling nice today so I’ll just leave it at that.

  • enlightenment

    I’m not offended by this statement at all. What’s wrong with a husband (if he’s exercising, too) encouraging his wife to stay fit and exercise? That can’t do any harm but keep the woman healthy (as well as the man hopefully) and on top of that, he will remain highly attracted to her.

  • Cheryl Robinson

    I do think that we as women should not just totally let ourselves go once married but to make that a focus is so silly when there are so many more important things to be concerned with in a long lasting relationship. 20 years in. So you know I can speak on it.

    • Laine

      But excessive weight gain should be one of the very important things. It’s usually related to emotional problems (so called eating your feelings), and it brings along health problems. I would want my partner to be involved and care about my emotional and physical health and vice versa.

  • JMO

    Bottom line…men are visual creatures. I don’t know who to blame for that but they are! Maybe I’m in the minority but I’m not offended by a man telling me his expectations (so long as they’re reasonable). Weight gain is normal for life in general but lets not act like working out is some unreasonable request.

    • St. Hubbins

      People use that excuse to justify some pretty crappy behaviour and women just soak it up. Are all women Helen Keller, do they not respond to visual stimuli? Are there billions of women who don’t find a single male on the planet attractive for his physicality? We’ve been conditioned into a double standard and use pseudo science to pathologize a universal trait into something uniquely male. Even assuming they look around to some degree more than women, it’s considered to be a feature of nature so they can talk and be more demonstrative about that attraction, or lack thereof. That’s why he can’t go to seed either if he has that expectation of the lady–she has eyes too!

      All I’m saying is that it would sound funny if people started saying ‘women are aural creatures so if the man changes the amount of words he speaks in a day, he can hit the bricks, I don’t care if he has throat cancer!’

      • MLS2698

        You’re making me think of Rick Ross and his man boobs. Most women would not like to see a man walking around shirtless with boobage hanging out, but when it comes to men with money…..yes, some women have been conditioned, as you say, to overlook the boobs. What a shame…

      • KIR12

        For men it’s looks. For women it’s security ie money, good job.

        • MLS2698

          True. But I hope some men realize that a woman with brains is more valuable.

          • Drew

            Show me the data.

            • MLS2698

              Be quiet. That’s why men will have their whole house fall down on their heads, whilst gawking at a woman…LOL!

              • Drew

                And… ? Rinse and repeat. It’s not that big of a deal. Men do it everyday.

                • MLS2698

                  And their houses fall on their heads everyday…..all over a woman. We almost had an impeached President dealing with that mess, remember?

    • JustSaying_IMFO

      What I find unreasonable in his comments is that weight gain is a reasonable excuse for “looking elsewhere”. Not much of a commitment in that relationship if it’s going to hinge on a change in a few pounds.

  • SB

    Never understood what the hype was about him. He always was shallow to me.

    • I’ve never found him to be all that cute, either. I’m just saying.

  • A.

    Some men are so much more attractive with their mouths shut. I never thought I’d say that about Boris, but after this set of comments? Yeah.

  • NatashaDecemberBabyThomas

    I’m 30 pounds heavier ever since marrying my husband 11 years ago and I was skinny weighting 125lbs at 5’7″, I still keep it sexay and healthy at the same time. My hubby gained weight too (50lbs), but he still tells me my health is more important to him than my looks, looks can change over the years.

    • Janet

      You really are not what he is talking about. I’m the same height and my weight sits around 150 (highs) to 140 (lows). That is a good range for me. Many women though regardless of race are almost 80 to 100 pounds over their ideal range. That isn’t healthy

    • Willie Murray

      155 at 5’7″ is a little different from 200+ ma’am.

  • Men like him need to make sure they marry naturally skinny women who will bounce back after a pregnancy or still look good without diet and exercise….Nicole seems to fit the naturally skinny build

    • melyssa

      She works out.

    • Willie Murray

      Nope.. just “bounce back” into the gym and exercise that ish off. He would only have to worry about the sentiment of your statement if the lady he married didn’t worry about what she looked like. It is what it is.

  • Tonyoardee

    Naww if I ever have the day of marriage there’s def gonna be a weight stipulation in that marriage contract somewhere, I’m not gonna get obese so you shouldn’t either

    • yeppers

      Well GOD FORBID something out of your control happens to you where you are not able to live in the gym…will you take your life?? I dont think you can say what you will NEVER do…or how you will NEVER Look you could walk outside and get hit by a bus and there goes that pretty face. Stop being so shallow….

  • bluekissess

    So he can walk around with thinning/bald head but his wife has to be a size zero? I don’t think a woman should let herself go but I think its important that she (women) stay healthy and fit for themselves.

    • KIR12

      A lot of women like bald men. A lot of women don’t like broke men with full heads of heads of hair. See how that works? Women want men with a good job men want fit attractive women. Yes, everyone would prefer both but men and women have different deal breakers.

      • bluekissess

        I never said I didn’t understand that. He sounds like a hypocrite to me.

        • KIR12

          ok,my bad. A hypocrite in what way?

          • bluekissess

            I stated my opinion in my original comment. No need for rewind and repeats. But, I understand your point

  • Sheena B

    Just keep your spouse happy. If you see some issues (in regards to weight) rise be encouraging. “Hey babe lets go walking in the mornings before work.” Cook healthy meals together. The other spouse probably knows that their weight is getting out of hand and may not be as comfortable as you think. That little nudge makes a world of difference.

    • KIR12

      Thank you! Stop trying to tell men what is and is not a deal breaker. These women are completely unrealistic with their “You’re going to have to accept me as I am” demands. Young men with good jobs aren’t going for that.

      • Sheena B

        I’m not sure if everyone read the same thing I did at all. I wasn’t offended one bit. I think it’s the insecure and/or overweight that took this to a whole different level.

        • KIR12

          I agree. They want to tell men what they should and shouldn’t be attractive to. These are the same women who complain daily about not being able to find a good man. smh

  • Shirley768

    Boris said “We got to keep it sexay.” He’s not putting it all on his
    wife, but taking responsibility too. All kinds of people (preachers,
    other celebs) say the same thing. We shouldn’t hold some high
    expectation of our spouse’s looks throughout the years, but love each
    other enough to keep each other motivated to be healthy and satisfied
    (happily) with each other.

    • Nope

      Yeah I agree. F that bait and switch mess.

    • JaneDoe

      I agree with you and I agree with what he says. It might seem wrong to some ppl bc they see marraige as a comfortable situation but marraige is work and you have to put it in. I def am one of those women who stays in the gym, eats healthy and don’t eat after 7. I am not married but thats not something I plan on changing when I do get married. I plan on implementing a health regime into my marraige contract bc I don’t want a sloppy man and I am sure my man won’t want a sloppy woman.

      • tynika

        thats not going to work in a marriage because you can control anyone but yourself


    He sounds insufferably shallow.

    • smh

      Dang now I don’t like his fine @$$ now! I

      • MReand1989

        There is nothing wrong with staying healthy and fit, but he and others
        like him don’t seem to realize that someone can be healthy, fit, and
        beautiful at different sizes. I like the way that Derek Luke did damage
        control; his comments are more insightful and sensible.

        • Sojourner’s Truth

          No one gives a FAWK about your cousin.

      • KIR12

        Wow, I guess all the other men are now thrilled that you and your 200+ pounds is now available. lol

      • Margo Wilkins

        Daniel Sunjata looks wayyyy better than this clown, IMO.

        • CaribbeanGlow

          He is wayyyyy yyyyyyy worse of a dog, “allegedly”… Plays the role, sweeps you off your feet, is the greatest gentleman you will ever meet… Right up until he gets what he wants. Then you will never hear from him again. This is his m.o.; he is known for it. You have been warned. 😉

    • Leigh

      He IS insufferably shallow and an a$$! There are a lot of reasons why some people gain weight. Childbirth, sickness, medicine that make you gain or you work all day and it is very difficult to make time for the gym. You can lose weight but you can never change stupid. Some men should just keep their mouths closed and not ruin the fantasy.

      • KIR12

        Ok, that’s true. Now, what’s the reason 90% of black women gain weight? Tell the truth. lol

        • bluekissess


        • FromUR2UB

          Where do people who think like this come from…Head in a Box Land? When someone makes a statement like, 90% of (insert name) are a particular way, it just makes me wonder, where the hell do you live? How have you had an experience to support that?

          • KIR12

            Look around. Why are most of your fat friends and relatives fat?

            • FromUR2UB

              Why are most of your friends and relatives woefully stupid? Is it genetic or environmental?

              • KIR12

                lol ok, I see you’re in denial

        • Monica

          That’s the same question I ask all the time. Many black women in 2013 are overweight and obese. Women thirty years ago didn’t look like this. They took pride in themselves (hair, make-up, clothing choices, and staying slim). There’s no reason to let yourself go, what’s a shame is that many young girls between the ages of 5 and up, will grow up never knowing what it’s like being a normal size. They are overweight all ready.

          • bigdede

            I so agree. When I see my grandmother’s pictures of her friends and family, I did not see anyone overweight and even when just laying around the house they dressed well. I understand with all the hormones in food that it can cause weight gain exercise and watching what you eat can help offset the weight gain. I agree with what he says. Unless it’s a serious medical condition, there is no excuse to get comfortable and just gain weight in a marriage. We need to stop celebrating fatness calling it thickness. That’s why Blacks are #1 in hypertension, heart disease and diabetes!

        • KIR12 Seconds and It’s DONE

          The eat to get over your ugg face and lame d!ck you offer.

      • iain_banks

        People gain weight, then lose it. What percentage of white women stay fat after having kids? 10, 15%? Now look at the percentage of black women, why is that list 5 times larger?

        • Monica

          Really? I wonder where you live because where I’m from there are just as many over weight WHITE women as they are black! This is a SOCIETAL PROBLEM that affects EVERY race and yes, even the precious white race!!!

          • FromUR2UB

            Agree. People in general, are heavier than they were 30-40 years ago, even if they are physically fit. Just look at a person who is fit today,compared to someone who was slim years ago. There is more mass!

      • Sojourner’s Truth


      • exfromtheleft

        He is a celebrity, he has to speak to a microphone all the time, there will always be a time where he says something stupid, so here it is… I think that was the inspiration to episode one of real husband of hollywood where he is supposed to have gain a lot of weight… my take is that he has since seen what was wrong about that statement, and decided to make fun of himself in realhusband of hollywood as hubsnad who gained weight!

    • Pam

      This is not the first time he has said something sideways about a woman gaining weight. I tried to give him a pass the first time, but this seems to be a reoccurring theme for him. I never understood the appeal of he nor Tyrese.

      • Trust me when I tell you

        It probably has to do with him growing up in Europe (Germany). Many men here prefer skinny women. Of course there is a small percentage of man that might not care, but the average men here don’t bother looking at a more curvaceous women.

        • Shut-Up-Boris

          Please, I lived in Germany for 4 years and them chicks teeth is brown and they sloppy looking with burgundy hair. He is an alpha male and shallow. She’s older than him and I bet if she gained a lil weight…. he’d bounce or be like Robin Thicke with the booty touching.

          • Trust me when I tell you

            Did nobody say that every woman here looks like a dime…so not sure what our silly comment has to do with any of this. There is sloppy women all over the world…even on military post where you probably stayed the time you spent in Germany…where wives walk around as if they just rolled out of bed…hell you probably one of them…so your comment was senseless.

          • Girl bye

            You just mad cause you probably fat

          • Lisa

            Don’t know where in Germany you stayed, but when i was living there i never saw people at the grocery store with their houseshoes and pajamas on or rollers in their hair, like I did in the states. Most people looked very well put together and females where definitely more into keeping a fit and healthy body. Bottom line…Boris was talking about his preferences. But if you want to talk about looking sloppy, the prior person was correct by saying that almost every military wive on post looks sloppy

      • KIR12

        Young men don’t want a fat 200+ pound woman. Get overit. Whatever young black or white actor you name they might not say it publicly but I guarantee you privately they are not going to be into fat women.

        • Nubian

          Please stop Trolling for dislikes! Your thirst is showing!

        • Pam

          Truthfully, I don’t have to get over anything, simply because just as he has his opinion and preference, so do I. I could care less if he or any other actor is into as you call it “fat” women. If I or any other woman that is above a size 6 worried about what type of woman actors wanted as much as you think we do then I think we would all be crazy. Boris is shallow plain and simple and judging by your comment, you are as well.

          • exfromtheleft

            i don’t think he is shallow at all, i’ve read and watched a few interviews of him and except for this one, he doesn’t normaly say things that are shallow…

      • UdonNo


    • MLS2698

      Is keeping hair part of this ” SEXAY ” deal?

    • KIR12

      Black women really need to stop trying to tell men what they should and shouldn’t consider deal breakers. You all need to stop this you gonna just have to accept me as I am nonsense. No, they don’t and their taking a pass on your demands. Get a clue. Young brothers with good jobs or in his case young ballers are not marrying overweight black women.

      The fact is almost all black men preference for women weight (145 to 165) is about 20 pounds heavier than white, asian and men of other races of aprox (125 to 145) and the majority of you all (black women) can’t even stay within that weight rage. Young fat black women is really a new phenomenon. Pre 1970’s black women didn’t start gaining weight until they were married with kids. (See early Soul Train videos or SNCC student pictures from the civil rights movement) You all want to come in the door close to or over 200 pounds. Young Men of all races are not going for that. At some point, you all are going to have to get with the program. If not, go ahead and keep eating your cheese burgers, fried chicken, mac & cheese, donuts, ice cream cakes alone, stop complaining, be happy and just zip it.

      • nubian

        I call Bull on this one!!! I know plenty of women 200lb plus white and black who are married, to good men, who love them and accept them the way they are. I’m not advocating for an unhealthy life style but people love who they love. People in Hollywood have an image to maintain so yeah they may not be attracted to overweight women. However in the real world, There a plenty of overweight women in loving meaningful relationships with men who have good jobs, provide for there families, and are dedicated to them. They’re not as shallow and small minded an the ignorant men such as yourself…and if you’re a woman, you probably got a fat girl friend your jealous of lol! GROW UP!!!

        • KIR12

          They gained weight after marriage and kids. They weren’t 200 walking into the door. lol Young men with good jobs aren’t going to green light that. They are not going to marry a 200+ pound woman. They are not going to do it. There are always exceptions but that’s the rule.

          • tynika

            my husband married me 200 plus. i was 213 when we got married. he dosent like skinny woman at all. we are 26

            • KIR12

              You are the exception not the rule.

              Is he a low skill laborer or is he educated/highly skilled? Does he have a good job making over 60k? Those are the type of young men black women want and those young men are not going to marry a 200 pound woman.

              • Pam

                You have the audacity to question this woman’s husband and what type of work and education he has? I work for a 4-year University and I know plenty of men with degrees who don’t think as limited as you. I see just as someone else posted, you like to argue and think (incorrectly) that you are getting your point across. I refuse to argue with a fool.

              • MJ

                My husband is educated, handsome (not just by my standards), highly skilled, and he makes well over 60K. I am also educated, beautiful (not just by my standards) highly skilled, and weighed over 200 pounds when my husband and I married as well. Guess I am just another exception and you’re just ignorant.

              • So212

                KIR12 – Let me counter your general statements. You’re a butt-kissing idiot, nothing more, nothing less. You seem like man who has been hurt by an overweight woman. You also seem like a man who has a lot of bottled up frustration, possibly stemming from a diagnosis of micro-penis.
                Answer this, are you a Statistician? Do you work for the Census Department? To make statements about specific racial or socioeconomic groups -with NO VIABLE FACTS, is pure idiocy on your part.
                “90%” of black women being overweight?? “MOST” black men preferring women in the 145-165lb range?? The “MAJORITY” of black women not being able to stay in the 125-145lb range that whites and Asians etc. are in?? Go back into your cabin.

            • Drew

              Jesus Christ.

          • Janae

            That’s right brother. Why should a professional mailroom brother have to settle for a fat chick? Powerless negro. And I’m not overweight.

        • UdonNo

          HIDDEN SECRET: ITS NOT BLACK MEN THAT LIKE BIG WOMEN— ITS *BROKE* MEN THAT LUVS FAT GIRLS. case in point–how many rich black celebrities athletes etc have you seen with a big woman? exactly. I rest my case.

          • Sojourner’s Truth

            Why would an individual choose a mate by the standards of “rich celebrities or athletes? They may get beautiful women but they also beat those woman azz bring home diseases, and make them homeless. Remember Brad Pitt left Jennifer Anniston for Angelina a freak….so beauty had nothing to do with it.

            • UdonNo

              the point im making is that some people believe that black men prefer fat women. if that was true then why dont rich black men get all the fat women? thats all.

              • So212

                Unfortunately for you, you’re not rich. So your broke a$$ will just have to settle for a fat girl.

    • stewie

      Yes, most men are shallow that way, just like most women are shallow when it comes money.

      It is our nature, live with it.

    • UdonNo


    • Rachel B

      Why? Just because he’s honest about wanting his wife appearance during their youth to appear somewhat similar? Only naive people think that your spouse will still love you the same and be attracted to you if you are 5’4 ballloon to 200 pounds and think it’s okay. Oh please.
      These are the women that don’t have a man-let alone a husband.

    • Sojourner’s Truth

      I agree. Why cant you leave a woman body to the woman. Or is he secretly desiring to be a woman, give birth, have breast etc.

    • exfromtheleft

      this is crazy talk, i mean whoever is watching NBC’s revolution every wednesday will easily notice that Nicole has gained some weight, yes she is still thin, but she is rounder than she is most of the time… Is he divorcing? NO! it’s not even consistent with almost everything they have said about their relationship… so whatever he was smoking that day, he should stop! If she let herself live to the point she gain 20 pounds over a year or 2 he will be there to help, he won’t check out on his marriage… That is maybe why on realhusband of hollywood, they kind of joked about him by making him gain a great amount of weight in the season premiere