My Love-Hate Relationship With My Big Booty!…An Analysis Of Why I Don’t Like My Backside

31 comments
August 23, 2013 ‐ By Esi Mensah
Source: Shutterstock

Source: Shutterstock

Yes, I’ve heard it so many times before. “You’ve got a beautiful figure” “I’m so jealous of your big booty.” “Men love a woman with curves.” “You’re not fat, you’re just curvy.” “I would love to have a curvy figure like yours.” To give you a better idea about my size, I have what you would call a pear figure, or what some might call a coke bottle figure . I am 5 foot 4, with a 29-inch waist and 42-inch hips. It’s not the perfect body and I would love to lose 10 pounds, but more times than not, I usually get admired for my body.

To make things better… these days, celebrities with big bums are constantly being praised. Those who have a big booty are constantly trying to show it off, and those who don’t have a big bum are trying to get one. Women literally spend thousands of dollars to get what I already naturally have. So why do I still feel so self-conscious about it?

Some women absolutely love their big booty, and are proud to show it off. Tight dresses, short tops all in an attempt to show off the goods. I, on the other hand, find ways to cover it up, by wearing looser fitting blouses and dresses, while wasting time in the mirror analyzing if an outfit makes my butt look too big. Don’t get me wrong, I would never trade my big bum for a flat “pancake” bum, but there is a fine line between feeling the benefits from my bum and curvy figure, and feeling self-conscious about it. I’d say 50% of the time I’m happy with my figure, but then the other 50% of the time, I don’t like it. My big booty and me seem to have a love-hate relationship. I guess this is the reason for my analysis, because I feel like 50/50 is not a good ratio. I should be proud of my body at least 80% of the time, which is what I would say is healthy for most women. So why the 50%? After doing some thinking, I’ve concluded I have two main reasons why I don’t always feel proud of it.

The first reason is that I feel fat. There is a fine line between being a “thick” woman, and being fat. I especially feel worse when I meet a woman who claims to be “thick”, but in reality is overweight (sorry girl!). If she considers herself to be thick, but she’s actually fat, then what does that make me? Based on my measurements, I am not fat, but I definitely at “thick.” I usually wear a size small or medium when it comes to tops or shirts. The bottom is a whole other story. On the bottom, there is no consistency at all. Depending on what the clothing item is (whether it be a skirt, pants or shorts), I can wear anything from a size 7 to a size 11. Sometimes when it’s on the larger side of the size chart, I feel terrible about my body. I feel overweight and like I want to lose weight. I guess there is a bit of a double standard, because when I can fit into clothing that’s on the smaller side of the size chart, I don’t give myself enough credit either. On top of that, some clothing items just known not to look good on curvy women. High waisted jeans are a huge no-no, and don’t even get me started on any sort of bright or bold patterns. Perhaps if I did lose the 10 pounds I mentioned at the beginning, this would alleviate this concern?

The second reason is probably the more important reason. I don’t like being stared at like a piece of meat. Not all attention is good. What I consider bad attention is having men stare at me like the way men look at girls in music videos or “video hos” as some may call it. This is the stereotypical black woman with the huge booty dancing in a rap video. It’s that fear of being admired in a sexualized disrespectful way that makes me feel ashamed of it. If men would stop staring at my booty like it’s Thanksgiving dinner, then I would stop feeling like I’m being disrespected because they may be associating me with the “big booty ho” stereotype. It may be the little bit of the Postmodern Feminist in me talking, but I just don’t like the idea of being admired as a sexual object, as opposed to being admired for a beautiful smile, or a kind personality…which obviously means not as an object, but rather a human being. I can’t help but wonder that if I did have a slightly smaller bum, would I be noticed more for the other positives that I have to offer?

At the end of the day, I just want to be admired for my personality, and not feel like my bum is holding me back from people trying to get to know the real me or feel like my bum is attracting the wrong crowd. If I do happen to have nice booty, it should be the cherry on top of an already delicious ice-cream sundae.

Am I wrong for having these feelings? Leave your feedback below.

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  • Trinigyal

    i used to hate my big booty until i learned to dress it. wearing big, baggy clothes looks frumpy, and the “trendy” things like daisy dukes, tights, or yoga pants could blind somebody (lol). after i learned what flattered my booty’s shape and size, i actually love it :)

  • tremoney

    I understand…cause I have a booty; HOWEVER, the only time people stare at it is like it an icecream dish is when I wear things like exercise SPANDEX. Ummmm, THERE ARE clothes that make your booty look less delish…wear them. I get the size schizophrenia with my booty tho.. that is why I wear a lot of dresses. Depending on my booty-mood determines the pants I can wear, but with dresses, they usually fit AND look classy because it doesn’t hug my curves like pants. Big booty women (like myself) are the only people I know that can make GAP khakis look x-rated.

  • Keeping It 100

    I call b.s. on this post. I feel that even the concept of it is a way of fishing to get afirmation. Prime example is the way the writer actually listed her measurements in the beginning. You can’t tell me that part of that wasn’t inspired by a wish to have someone say, “Oh, girl I wish I had your measurements.” Every woman wants to be found attractive. To me, this article is like the skinny girl saying, “I feel SO fat today.” Or the girl who knows she thinks she’s prettier than the girls around her saying, “I’m ugly.” Yeah, there are times when you want to downplay your assets so you can be a little more incognito, but you can’t tell me that you don’t want any of the attention that guys give you. I always feel like posts like this are a good way to determine what a girl feels attractive about herself. Perfect example is the fact that you often see “pretty girls” with face shots on fb and some of other girls with their butt shots. Oh, “I hate that my butt is so big.” Yeah, no you don’t. As a woman with a smaller but more but equal curve ratio, I can say I hate buying jeans, but I love my curves even though there are times that I try to downplay their impact to keep things professional or kosher in some situations. While I will agree that not all attention is good attention, I can guarantee if this writer wasn’t getting ANY attention from guys for what she thought was attractive about herself, she’d complain about that too.

    • mac

      could NOT have said it better!!!!

    • Jade

      You definitely missed the point of the article…it was meant to show people that having a big booty isn’t as great as people think and that it’s not what Hollywood makes it seem. She clearly just provided her measurements to give the readers context.

  • D.D

    I love my butt I do the only thing that annoys me is the never ending search to find pants that fit my butt and thighs but also fit my small waist I have come to realize that all my pants will for ever need to have spandex in them. That is like the first thing I look at when buying jeans lol I am also short 5’2″ so on top of that alot of pants and skirts I have to hem. It is the never ending issue for me but I hem them myself so it saves time and money.

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    I’m plus size (working on minimizing it though), but I carry most of my weight in my bottom. It’s a blessing and a curse, but at the end of the day I gotta work with what I got. The right man will see past my derriere and also love my personality.

    • chanela

      not to be mean,that’s different than having just a big butt. this is why the author (and me) don’t like being called “thick” or “curvy”.

      • Is It 5:00 Yet?

        Not that much difference. Either way men look as us like a piece of meat because of our bottom. Don’t try to act like you’re above me.

  • Kam

    I’ve come to terms with my big booty but I just wish that I could for once lay flat on my back without getting lower back pain from that “arch” that occurs when I do lay down.

  • Drew

    Esi, I just looked you up on LinkedIn. You gotta stop; you’re not fat or anything close to it. SMH. Outtie.

  • CKT76

    I love my big booty!

  • Sheena B

    Ditto

  • Bits

    I must say as a woman with a flat butt aka no butt and having been teased about it for all of my life, this write up made me feel great lol!!!

  • DivaScript

    I understand. What I think about my backside has run the gamut. It took some work on my part to get there, but here are the realizations that got me there. I’m simplifying for in the interest of space:

    1. Any man who thinks I’m anything but a lady who demands respect will learn that lesson real quick if he approaches me.
    2. It’s not you. It’s the clothes. Clothing in odd numbered sizes – 5, 7, 9, etc. is from the Junior’s department. Junior’s clothes are evil. They are inconsistent and often cut poorly for us pear shapes. Come on over to the misses department. Even sizes are better.

    3. Work it. I don’t mean that you should walk around waving your behind, but find things that flatter, not hide and wear them with confidence. You’d be surprised the difference it makes. Good luck!

  • inessa

    Stephanie…how many personalities do you have?

  • leila

    Oh Lord, first that woman complaining about her breasts, and now another one whining about her booty. I don’t understand, Would you ladies like to be shaped like rulers? Curves are beautiful and nothing beats a womanly figure. I’d be devastated if I was shaped like a 12 year old boy with zero sex appeal but I guess that’s me…

    • Nope

      I’m not a woman, but I’m a little confused too. At the end of the day most women want to have the ability to attract attention from men in one way or another. Same thing goes for most men. And no I’m not talking about vulgar attention. I think a lot of women are mostly offended if they don’t attract that attention from the “right” man.

      • Live_in_LDN

        Being leered on and perved on by strangers is not nice and can make certain women feel ashamed of their anatomy. Everyone should love the skin they are in but for many women, from the time they hit puberty they are treated as meat and not human beings and it’s disgusting,

    • mac

      Exactly. And then the article would be, “men don’t pay any attention to mee!!”

      *rolls eyes*

    • Chanda

      You said it best, leila. Why would a woman complain about her curves? So what if men stare at you you better be glad somebody is. It’s not like you have to marry them, geez.

  • Kimchi

    I think you should just be content with what you have. The biggest flaw about us humans is that enough is never enough. It is likely that once you lose those ten pounds, you’ll find something else you’ll be dissatisfied about. It’s a cycle! Find inner peace within yourself first then how others view your body won’t even matter. God made no mistakes with your construction!

    • BoPeep

      Agreed! I’m 62 and get hit on by men 15-20 years my junior. I’m 5’10, with a 42, 30, 38 body AND flat butt. Everyone of my sisters have round butts and would trade my bust line and long legs for their butts. You’ve got to learn to grow with the flow.

    • BoPeep

      Agreed! I’m 62 and get hit on by men 15-20 years my junior. I’m 5’10, with a 42, 30, 38 body AND flat butt. Everyone of my sisters have round butts and would trade my bust line and long legs for their butts. You’ve got to learn to grow with the flow.

    • chanela

      yup!!! once i lose weight, i complain that i no longer have a booty or breasts.

  • Patricia

    I feel your pain. I have a big butt and I don’t like it. I can’t walk or go anywhere in piece I get harrassed and looks from married men, men with no teeth, thugs, no jobs, bums. I wish I had a smaller butt. Having a big booty has done nothing for me. I wish I had a smaller butt.

    • sabrina

      “men with no teeth” LOL!!!!!

    • Live_in_LDN

      Love yourself. To be perfectly honest, if you had a flat butt the same
      men will still be harassing you and you would wish you had a bigger
      butt. There are horrible people out there who think it’s okay to harass
      women and they are the constant. Just love yourself as the fault is with
      them and not you.

    • missloveontop

      I have a small frame but a perfect sixe butt not big not small yet i still get that same attention, if u had a small butt they would still stare and make comments just it would prob be worse, appreciate what you have

  • Stephanie

    ‘If men would stop staring at my booty like it’s Thanksgiving dinner, then I would stop feeling like I’m being disrespected because they may be associating me with the “big booty ho” stereotype’…
    This statement is EXACTLY how I feel. I don’t even wear shorts because of this very reason. It’s embarrassing as hell how men act and call it a compliment. WHAT! I feel so embarrassed and disrespected a lot of times.

    • http://theburningbush.disqus.com/ TheBurningBush

      Sis understand this the reason they star at your big booty is because they are attractive to your physical body it’s in their nature and most don’t mean any disrespect I bet you don’t have any problems with getting a date or finding a husband if you want one!

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