What are some expectations we place on our boyfriends or male companions in a relationship? Do we expect too much from them? Why do some of us expect husband privileges from men we simply deem as boyfriends? In dating relationships, many women often confuse the role of a boyfriend with that of a husband. This is done more often than not because a number of women don’t realize the difference in the roles.
A boyfriend is a frequent male companion that a woman is involved with romantically and sexually, while a husband is a woman’s partner in marriage and the male head of a household whose task is to connect and keep a family together. These two definitions clearly show the difference in both roles, so why is it that many women often expect more from a boyfriend than they should? The answer is simple. Many women expect husband privileges from boyfriends because we give husband privileges to our boyfriends in hopes of securing a long-term relationship with the possibility of marriage. This is a major mistake. Giving husband privileges to boyfriends and expecting husband privileges in return takes away the fun in a dating relationship and places unnecessary pressure on both parties involved. How? Because it takes the focus off of getting to know someone for who they are and places it on what they can bring to a relationship other than themselves.
Now don’t get me wrong, a person should know as much about someone they are dating from every aspect to see if they are the one for them, but the expectations of a boyfriend in a dating or monogamous relationship should remain sensible and simple…expecting him to be your boyfriend and do the things a boyfriend should, and not expecting things from him that you would ask of a husband. I know some of you may be thinking, what husband-like expectations do some women actually place on their boyfriends? You know the ones. That includes paying bills that you created, buying groceries, placing the responsibility of taking care of your child/children on him when he’s not the father…just to name a few. While there is nothing wrong with a man doing these things for his significant other (girlfriend), especially if he volunteers to do it out of the kindness of his heart, we should know not to expect these and other husband privileges from a man who has not put a ring on it.
Women can learn how not to expect husband privileges from boyfriends by keeping the following things in mind:
1. By learning and understanding the difference between what a husband is, what a boyfriend is, and the different roles each play. It is clear that the roles of a husband and a boyfriend are drastically different, yet many women have the tendency to combine them, which is unfair to men. Learning and understanding the difference between a husband and a boyfriend and their roles will allow women to set and keep conscious and subconscious boundaries within a relationship for herself and her mate. And keeping these boundaries in mind and practice will allow women to focus more on getting to know a partner for who he is to her at that particular time in her life, rather than focusing on how he would be as a husband.
2. By learning and understanding your role as a girlfriend. As a girlfriend, your purpose in your boyfriend’s life is to be a companion and friend. It is not your job to be his wife or his mother, but simply a girlfriend. And as a girlfriend, it is not your job to give him husband privileges to try to convince him that you are wife material, because no matter what you do or don’t do, if he wants to marry you he will. Understand and know your role as a girlfriend and you won’t slip into expecting husband privileges from your boyfriend, and you won’t be prone to giving him husband privileges.
3. By learning and understanding the value of a courtship. A courtship will allow both parties to engage in a steady-paced relationship without expecting or giving too much too soon. A courtship allows a man who is interested in a woman to show that interest without pressure, and it allows a woman to do the same. Understanding the value of a courtship and implementing it in a relationship will keep things fresh and new and allow both parties’ expectations to remain reasonable. Everyone has certain expectations for their mates and relationships, but we must take the time to reflect and evaluate if the expectations we have are appropriate for the relationships we are involved in. A man who is simply a woman’s boyfriend should not be pressured to act like her husband and a woman should not expect him to. A boyfriend is just that, a boyfriend. If he wants to do and be more, it should be at his own discretion and not the expectation of his mate. Now ladies, don’t get me wrong, at some point in a relationship things should progress, but as things progress they should still remain on a level of a dating relationship and not that of a marriage. What expectations do you place on your boyfriends?
Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.
