10 Of The Worst Co-Workers Ever And How To Get Through The Day Without Hurting Them

August 6, 2013  |  
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Even if you love your job 100 percent, that doesn’t mean you love your co-workers the same. Some you might form a tight bond with, while others can make your skin crawl and send you to your lunch break with anxiety attacks. We’ve all had just a few we’ve tried to stay clear of, and while you’d often like to tell them where to stick those snack cookies they’ve been smuggling from the office kitchen, every playa has to keep their job. Here are 10 characters you might have encountered at your place of employment, and ways to smile and grin through it long enough to get that check (aka, “dat bwread” in Stevie J lingo).

The Touchy Feel-y Creeper Who Thinks All The Women Love Him

He thinks he’s too cool for school, creeping up behind you during work touching your bare arms for a hug, trying to talk in that smooth and suave voice he thinks is blowing your mind 69 times. Unfortunately, his presence is repulsive. And you’re not the only person who rolls their eyes when he walks out of a room. Sure, he dresses nice, but he thinks way too highly of himself as a mack daddy. Especially in the workplace. Do your best not to lead him on (if he was your workplace ” play boo” you might want to stop all that..) and remind him that you’re at work…not the club.

The Jacka** Who Thinks He’s A Comedian

This is always how I felt on the inside:

They’re the ones who always have to be heard, pulling out their best, aka, worst jokes at happy hour, possibly even embarrassing someone for a laugh. I once had a co-worker who tried to make a joke out of everything, and even everybody, including one of our more meek colleagues who would never respond. Unfortunately for this fake Chris Rock, he joked so much and for so long, he joked himself right out of a job. Well, that and he just wasn’t that good at his job in the first place and someone finally realized it.

The Employee Who Doesn’t Care If You Haven’t Watched A Show Or Movie, They Want to Have An Office-Wide Debate About It

You haven’t had the chance to check out the new episode of Scandal, or finish the first season of Orange Is The New Black, but there folks go, talking at the top of their damn lungs in excitement, foaming at the mouth at the prospect of talking about all the juicy happenings. They don’t care when you turn around and say, “Hey! I haven’t seen it yet!” Who gives a s**t? They’ve been waiting all night to have someone explain the major cliffhanger to them. Too bad they talk about it for damn near an hour. Headphones on…or lunch break?

The Absolutely Disgusting Employee With Germs To Share

Whether they’re coughing up a lung at their desk when they should have stayed their behind at home, or putting their bare dirty hands in a communal treat (use a napkin, son!), these people are the bane of your existence. They come around you with that “MY GERMS!” aura and touch things on your desk or on you that you sure as hell didn’t ask them to. Keep that hand sanitizer on deck and hold your breath when they need a moment to cough up that young fur ball.

The Happy Hour Drunkard Who Gets Way Too Comfortable

It’s one thing to dance the night away without a care, but it’s another to drink like a fish and do some things EVERYONE will regret later. From calling your boss a b**h around a everybody else, to telling you that they’ve always had a crush on you and that you should do something strange together, it’s best to watch this employee’s shenanigans from afar…so you can joke about it all weekend with your friends with no shame.

The Co-Worker Who Puts Your Personal Life On Front Street And Feels No Shame

Damn you. You made the mistake of thinking you had a friend, didn’t you? But it’s often the same person you divulge a little info to at work who will turn around and use it against you. Or even worse, just blab about it for no reason: “YOU GOING TO LUNCH TO MEET UP WITH YOUR NEW BOO, HUH!?” Some don’t mean any harm, they just happen to have big a** mouths, but others just love to see you sweat. Keep your business, especially your relationship business (which has nothing to do with work) to yourself, girl…

The Co-Worker Who Is A Snack Smuggler

Really? So you’re just gonna smuggle all the snack cookies at your desk, huh?

Office-wide snacks are like a dream come true for some (Oreos in the house!!!), but it can also become a nightmare. I’ve literally watched folks stock up on numerous boxes of cookies, Gatorades and chips fresh out of the box with an excuse that, “I’m trying to get mine before everybody else takes all of them.” Unfortunately, these hungry mugs are really just talking about themselves (and has anyone noticed it’s always the smallest folks with the largest appetites??).

The Difficult/Agressive/Hostile A** Coworker

You can’t have a difference in an opinion with them, because chances are they will pull out their outdoor voices when they’re clearly indoors. Like something they don’t and they’ll literally try to find a way to change your mind (instead of just respecting your opinion). They live to share a good side-eye, expletives are their best friend on a bad day (which is every day) and there’s always one person they give a steady death stare to. Pray for that person…and then do your best not to engage them and incur their rage.

The Employee With Too Much Free Time When They Know They Have Hella Work To Do

And this is your face when you see them:

That’s the look that best exemplifies the thought of, “Here she come again, standing next to my desk, talking about nothin’…” Haven’t we all been there? While this initiative-less individual doesn’t mean any harm, they spend too much time trying to chit chat, and still find time to get out of work either on time or mad early. It’s work, there’s always SOMETHING to do, and if you’re trying to keep your job, you should kindly smile…and then put your headphones in and get back to work before you get looked at as the office slacker too.

The Co-Worker Who Doesn’t Believe In Space

This can pertain to the co-worker whose breath you can literally feel on the back of your neck because they’re so close to you all the time (and I bet you know what they had for breakfast too), and it also works for the co-worker who sits next to you and makes your desk an additional space for his or her crap. Do you really need more book space, son? I know this isn’t MY tampon! The struggle can be really real when you’re talking about the person who is often too close for comfort. You can always tell them to back up, but for the passive aggressive in you, a loud deep sigh or moving that person’s stuff back to their side every morning should also send the message you’re looking for (*wink*).

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