Let’s be honest, do we really ever know what people want in relationships? Sometimes I just feel so confused. You have some people who hate drama, and others who gravitate to it. Some people like those who are head strong, and others who like those who are submissive. The problem is, that when some people get what they feel like they want, they don’t want it anymore. Hanging with my guy friends I would always hear what they wanted from a girl, but when they got it, they would complain that she was “too much” of it. Really, dudes?
The one thing that seemed to be a constant would be that guys disliked high maintenance girls. There seemed to be ultra prissy girls that wouldn’t eat food in front of men, and the ones who were just too much. Nothing was ever good enough, and they sought to change the man that they dated. To be honest, I’ve never met these women, they more so seemed like the over the top stereotypes that only resided in movies and dating urban legends, but to some men, not only did these women exist, they have stories, examples, parables of these women. So, I figured that as long as I was low maintenance I could be successful in relationships. That wasn’t a hard thing to do, because I’m low maintenance period, like a Toyota. I don’t like to argue, I stay away from drama, and if you’re exuding bad vibes I’ll avoid you (while also being cordial).
So when I started dating and being in relationships, I tried to be Super-Kendra. I would be attentive to him, but if anything bothered me and I wanted to address it, I would suppress the urge to talk about it. My mind would immediately ask: “Is this fight really necessary? What do you hope to get out this? Are you reading too much into this?” So, I would try to pick and choose my arguments wisely. But it would sometimes seem that when I would finally speak up, the dudes I was with would play the: “Man, I thought you were different. This is some high maintenance type stuff. …You whining right now…” So, I would stop the addressing, that had apparently turned into complaining, and see the men I was involved with get this entitled smirk on their faces as if they got me to stop talking. Like they knew something that I didn’t.
The truth was, they did know something that I didn’t. I had gone from being low maintenance to being a doormat, and they reveled in that. There was no need for them to be the best boyfriends that they could be, because I would just handle all of their foolishness. But you can’t deal with something like that and be ignorant to your feelings for too long. After a while, I stopped feeling like a Toyota and began to feel like a Pinto.
Now, I know that you all have seen and discussed these people to death, but remember, all of this is new to me. In that episode of Love and Hip Hop New York where Mendeecees gave that informal suggestion of “we should go and get married,” and Yandy’s response was shock with a: “Is that supposed to be your proposal?!” I became inspired. Now, she loved Mendeecees, but she knew she deserved more than that suggestion of marriage over a dinner table. The same way I felt like I should have realized that over the proposal that came over a text message (which my immediate reaction to the message was: “Are you drunk?” Yep, should have seen that that wasn’t on a good path to eternal happiness).
So my message to you ladies is that at the end of the day, whether you’re high maintenance, low maintenance, or any other maintenance, you have to find someone who is going to love you. Not someone who’s going to give you the bre minimum and then get mad when you express yourself about it. You are amazing, and if you’re an Escalade, CR-V, Lexus, BMW, whatever, just make sure that you know your worth and never let anyone make your value depreciate.
Kendra Koger is feeling like a Ford Mustang right now. How are you driving? Let’s discuss it on twitter @kkoger.
