In an article for The Atlantic, Heidi Grant Halvorson writes about the changing definition of happiness as we age:
“I’m just shy of 40 years-old. I spend most Saturday nights at home in yoga pants, rereading favorite novels or watching old movies, or playing Monopoly Junior with my seven-year-old. (If you think Monopoly is boring, then you haven’t tried Monopoly Junior.) This way of spending my Saturday nights makes me happy. If you went back and told my cooler 20-year-old self about the typical evening that awaits the future her, though, she would be pretty devastated that her life turns out to be so … boring. That a Saturday night spent reading a book — not even a new book — qualifies as a great time.”
Partying was a huge part of my twenties. And I can’t emphasize just how huge. There were times that I would be out all night, drinking, dancing and getting into God knows what else, and without missing a beat, still manage to make it to work on time. In my twenties, this past Memorial Day weekend probably would have been spent club and BBQ picnic hopping. Instead, this past Memorial Day weekend, the only time that I came outdoors was to go around to my brother’s place for a second to grab a plate of barbecue. In fact, the major highlight of my weekend probably was the Arrested Development season 4 marathon on Netflix that I devoured. To be fair to myself; I had intentionally decided to be a hermit so that I could do some much needed writing. However, I would be lying if I didn’t say that there have been plenty of weekends I had spent at home without a task nor project to do – just because I was comfortable. In fact, the Friday before last, I spent the whole day inside. I had a bottle of vanilla vodka, some cola, and my CD player on repeat. And surprisingly, I loved every minute of it.
According to The Atlantic piece, there comes a time in your life where your primary motivation switches from doing things for the purpose of personal gain (also known as promotion motivation) to doing things for the purpose of avoiding loss in one’s life (or called prevention motivation). She writes of this change: “Happiness becomes less the high-energy, totally-psyched experience of a teenager partying while his parents are out of town, and more the peaceful, relaxing experience of an overworked mom who’s been dreaming of that hot bath all day. The latter isn’t less “happy” than the former — it’s a different way of understanding what happiness is.”
In my twenties, I dated a guy, who was a little over 10 years my senior and used to annoy me because he didn’t like going out. He was basically a homebody. He hated everything and was quite comfortable sitting at home, playing video games, or watching movies. I would literally have to beg him to go out to events with me and just about every time, he would do some s**t to sabotage our evenings (like wearing sneakers out to places he knew had strict dress policies). Finally, one pissed off day after having him show up with the wrong outfit again, I asked him straight up what his deal was. He said, “I dunno. I feel like everybody only goes out like that all the time, does so because they are searching for something. I just feel like I have everything I want right here at home.”
Needless to say, that relationship didn’t work out. But I wonder if we had met now, would I have been more receptive to evenings with him of just watching movies and vegging out on the couch? In some ways, I think so. In my younger years, I was more inclined to be more sociable out of boredom or fear of being alone and what that might imply. However, the older I get, the more reluctant I have become about spending my free time, doing stuff just for the sake of saying I had something to do.
But here is where my old beau and I still part ways: despite a newfound appreciation for being a homebody, I still do enjoy going out too. It’s just that now, I tend to be a little bit more ambitious and purposeful in my social activities – basically mentally checking off the things in life that I said I’ve always wanted to try or experience. On the scale of promotion motivation to prevention motivation, I probably lean towards the latter, but there is a part of me that hasn’t quite given up building towards the future too.
So what do you think? Are folks likely to become homebodies as they age? Or is that just down to the individual?
