Catching Feelings: Is It Impossible For Women To Keep Sex Casual?

May 24, 2013  |  

Let me premise this story by saying that jump off, casual-sex situations almost never turn into legitimate monogamous relationships.  If I could do an actual statistical study on the subject, I’m sure it would say something like, “Only 25% of the couples surveyed who began their relationship by agreeing to have sex with no strings attached ultimately ended up pursuing a long-term monogamous relationships.”  Even I agree that I got lucky, because I could have easily ended up as another notch on a bedpost with a broken heart.

When I first met my boyfriend in 2004, he was completely honest about the fact that his priorities were money, alcohol and sex and in that order.  Meeting through a mutual friend we weren’t exactly trying to make the best first impression, so I’d often see women parading in and out of the bachelor pad he shared with a roommate and I even got to be a fly in the wall during the conversations that played out after the girls left about their sex game (or lack there of), who had pretty panties and who had grandma britches.  Sorry, ladies but if you don’t know now you know: Men gossip about the opposite sex as much if not more than their female counterparts.  Even with all this top secret info, soon I found myself all seduced by that dreaded swag that at the man who is now my boyfriend possessed and before I knew it I had joined the parade.  Boyfriend was honest about his intentions about only wanting sex, but silly behind me over-analyzed every look, gesture and random compliment.  He may have said, “You’re a cool chick,” but I just knew it really meant, “I want you to be the mother of my children.”  The mind can convince you that the sky is purple if you want to believe it bad enough.

David Blaine has nothing on the female brain.  I ended up convincing myself that I could be happy in a relationship based on sex, when I knew what I wanted was a relationship with this man.  In fact, I think how honest he was about everything made him even more attractive.  He wasn’t lying to spare anyone’s feelings, I didn’t have to go through his phone because all of the girls he was involved with knew exactly what he was about.  In fact he told me something I’ll never forget, “Men only lie when they feel they have something to lose.”  Well, damn I should’ve known then, but even with him being up front about being a jerk, he still had girls doing the most to be down with him…even if it was only for that night.

Even if he was the man of my dreams outside the bedroom, the truth was he didn’t want a relationship at the time, at least not one with me.  Gender-stereotypes just aren’t my thing, but the truth is I’m a typical girl and as much as I may admire the girls who can play like Robin Givens in Boomerang who get their needs met and then roll out in the middle of the night leaving Eddie Murphy with the smack face, it’s hard for me to separate romantic feelings from sex.  That’s not to say I go falling for every guy I’ve ever gotten physical with, but if I like a guy I can’t just get it popping with him one night and then give him advice about the new girl he’s kicking it with the next.

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