For The Fellas: Signs A Woman May Be Totally Crazy

May 21, 2013  |  
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We women know we can be a little emotional, and we can see how that can make it hard for men to discern the truly crazy ones that will engage them in a Fatal Attraction situation from those of us who are just displaying typical female behavior. But you need to know, because filing for a restraining order is a motha. Here are the signs.

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She reads your texts over your shoulder

This is no accident: a sane girl intentionally looks away when you’re reading a text (or an email) to give you privacy. Remember, that is always an option. The crazy one banks on you thinking, “Oh, she’s just peering over here by coincidence” and looks.

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She gives one of your friends the axe

She tells you she’d rather you didn’t hang out with a certain friend. It takes a deeply insecure girl to even think that the friends you choose for yourself somehow put her at risk of you dumping her.

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She fights with you in public

Really? She couldn’t just wait ten minutes until you were alone in the car? Fighting in public indicates some serious struggles with holding ones temper, and it shows complete disregard for the privacy of your relationship.

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She makes up a reason to see you

She asks you to come over because “you’re the only one who knows how to fix this DVD player” and when you get there she has dinner for two, candles and a bottle of wine out. Sporadically, this may be spontaneously cute, but if this happens on a regular, she has zero reserves about trapping a man for company’s sake.

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She gives you a texting deadline

If you don’t return her texts in X amount of time, you’re in big trouble. In fact, you must be cheating. Normal women understand that anybody with a life is often in a position where they can’t text back for a few hours.

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She counts your condoms

Do we need to say much about this one? Oh P.S. she’s reading your prescriptions too.

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When you don’t text back, she calls

And when you don’t answer that call, she emails and when you don’t respond to that email, she sends angry texts.

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She cries within the first three dates

Anyone who is emotionally stable should be able to put on a happy face for three dates, even if there are stressful things happening in their life. If they’re crying in front of someone they’re just getting to know and should be putting their best foot forward in front of, they do not have a handle on their life.

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She befriends your friends fast

She meets them once and suddenly has all their phone numbers, is friends with them all on Facebook, has invited them to her parent’s summer home and is having one on one drinks with your best friend. She is fortifying herself against you dumping her by getting in with your friends.

 

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She opens your drawers

You find your things have been rifled through. Even worse, she admits to it and doesn’t see anything wrong with it! She’s essentially looking for evidence that you’re cheating on her, or that you have belongings of an ex still around so she can accuse you of still having feelings for said ex.

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She asks your friends about your exes

She plays detective and tries to get information from your friends, or even your family, about your exes—particularly 1) Was she pretty? 2) Was she prettier than her?? 3) Did you love her? 4) Are you madly and deeply in love with her still?

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She shows up at your job a lot

It’s cute one or two times if she’s bringing you a surprise lunch, but if she’s your girlfriend and showing up on a weekly basis, she’s just spying on you. And if she’s someone you’re newly dating and she shows up before you’ve even had a third date, she’s already planning your kid’s names.

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She’s delusional

She tells you she once dated a celebrity, but you find out all she did was get his phone number and send him 100 unanswered texts. You continuously discover that she blows up tiny details into illusions of grandeur.

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She fights with her parents a lot

A phone call with her parents means screaming and crying for thirty minutes. Look: we all have family drama. But if you’re an adult who still regularly gets into it with your parents, you have daddy/mommy issues. And that always makes for a crazy chick.

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