Know The Rules Before You Play The Game: 14 Rules Of Hooking Up

April 22, 2013  |  
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So you’ve been getting vibes from this one guy all night, and you’re definitely feeling him. You know you’re not looking for a relationship but at the same time you kind of want to make this guy yours, just for the night. Sometimes hooking up just happens, right? We all get that urge to get some and to have some fun between the sheets, especially when we’re single. Hooking up is supposed to be fun, but most importantly safe, so there are definitely some rules that need to be followed. Here are 14 dos and don’ts when it comes to hooking up with someone.

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Know what you’re getting into

Before you jump into bed with someone, know exactly what you’re getting into. More than likely he is just here for sex, though maybe a friendship will come out of it. You don’t want to go into a booty call thinking that this may become something more or that maybe this guy will be your next man. Take things at face value and accept it for what it is. You’re both there for some fun in bed and that’s about it. Whatever happens afterwards will happen.

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Don’t hook up with friends

One of the worst things you can do is to hook up with a friend. Even if the sexual and physical attraction is mutual, there has to be a line drawn between friend and friend with benefits (FWB). If you’re willing to risk having a normal friendship with a guy, don’t hesitate to hook up with him, but know that things between the two of you are bound to change drastically. It may also cause a bit of drama within your circle as well.

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Keep your heart out of it

One night stands aren’t for falling in love and finding your soulmate. The guy you hook up with likely isn’t looking to fall in love with you or marry you. It’s best to keep your heart out of it as much as possible. Don’t try to lure this guy in to be a future boyfriend. Keep it at the hooking up level and keep your heart somewhere safe, or else you may risk breaking it yourself.

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Don’t hook up with exes

Exes are exes for a reason, right? Even if you still have feelings for him and you two are pretty cordial to each other, that doesn’t mean that you have to hook up or start having sex casually. Hooking up with an ex is bound to start all sorts of problems, especially emotional ones. You still have feelings for him and maybe he does for you, so hooking up will only make these feelings even stronger and before you know it you’re down and out because he doesn’t want to date and you feel like he’s using you. The drama isn’t worth the sex, trust!

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Always use protection

During a hook up you want to protect yourself as much as possible. Even if you’re on birth control, it’s always best to use a condom. Protect yourself from STDs and further protect yourself from an unplanned pregnancy, otherwise you put yourself at risk for more problems than anticipated.

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Don’t have high expectations

If it’s your first time hooking up with a certain man, don’t go into it with extremely high expectations. He doesn’t know your body just like you don’t know his. Don’t expect mind-blowing out-of-this-world sex, especially if you two have had a little to drink. If you decide to be casual FWB then the sex will get better, but a one night stand with a random guy isn’t going to put you over the moon in sexual bliss. Sorry, it just doesn’t happen like that.

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Keep it no strings attached

He doesn’t have to call you in the morning. He doesn’t have to cuddle with you that night. He doesn’t have to acknowledge you after you two hook up at all. When it comes to hook ups, you want to keep it no strings attached. If it really turns into just a one-night-stand, remember that is what the real plan was. At the same time, don’t fall into the trap of calling or texting him the day after, unless you two have agreed on making this more than a casual thing.

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Don’t tell your friends too many details

You may want to brag about it or maybe you’ve found yourself thinking about a guy you’ve hooked up with. Whatever the case is, you may not want to spill all of the details, otherwise your friends may start judging you and seeing you in a negative light. Not all women see casual sex as being acceptable, so it may be best to keep the details to yourself. If someone asks, say it was just a casual thing, and nothing more.

"Woman on date PF"

Make sure he understands it’s just a hook-up

You may not run into this too often, but before you jump into bed with a guy, make sure that he also knows that this is just a hook up and nothing more. Though guys tend to be in it just for the sex, you may come across one who is looking for a rebound or to turn a random booty call into something more. Don’t jump into bed assuming that he’s on the same page as you. Talk about it first and then get to having fun.

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Don’t hook up with him if a friend already has

It’s kind of embarrassing to hook up with a guy that your best friend hooked up with last week. If you know this guy has made his rounds amongst your circle of friends, don’t let yourself fall into the trap. A guy that has been around your circle is probably doing it for status or so that he can go brag to his boys. Find another guy and definitely let this one go.

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Consider going somewhere neutral

Bringing someone you don’t really know to your house or going to his house can be kind of odd feeling, not to mention it can be a bit unsafe. If possible, try hooking up in a neutral location, like a hotel, or maybe even somewhere riskier like a car. Whatever you do, don’t go to his house and don’t bring him to yours. You never know what someone is like and you could be hooking up with someone who has a couple of loose screws.

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Be a little adventurous

Why not make the best of a hook up? There’s nothing that says a hook up has to be mediocre at best. If you’ve been single for awhile and you’re really craving some fun between the sheets, let your wild side out! There’s nothing wrong with being adventurous and maybe trying something new, especially if he’s up for it. Use hooking up as a time to learn what new things you like, or don’t like.

"Woman on the phone in bed pf"

Keep it off the Internet

Keep your hook up to yourself. Even if you hooked up with the hottest guy in town, there’s no need to post that on your Twitter or Facebook. At the same time, avoid taking sexual pictures or videos of you two together, otherwise they could come back to haunt you later on. Keep your hook ups away from social media and off of someone’s phone. Though it may seem like a wild decision at the time, it’ll only end up badly for you.

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Get tested

You can’t trust anyone’s word when it’s comes to STDs, especially since so many people don’t even know that they are infected. After having a one-night-stand, you’ll want to get yourself tested not too long after. Even if he said he’s clean, you still want to have peace of mind. This way you know that you are clean, and if you aren’t, you know the steps to take to treat whatever infection you have and how to go about having casual sex more safely.

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  • Tati

    I have never been a hook up person and never will. If it is not a relationship, I don’t want it. I love me too much to be doing risky stuff like that.

  • mac

    I can’t even begin to get into how irresponsible this article is.

    In a time where Black women are the most at risk for HIV than any other demographic, and out of wedlock pregnancy is at an all time high, a site that’s masquerading as a “sophisticated lifestyle publication” for empowering Black women is encouraging casual s*x with practical strangers and promiscuity.

    Shame on all of you. My days on this site are numbered. I refuse to give this site hits and revenue for writing trash like this.

    • AncientSpiritNewDay

      Exactly!!! These ‘how to be a professional booty call’ threads are getting way too old, and really disgusting. I wish more women were made aware of the spiritual, mental, and emotional adverse effects of casual sex. *deep sigh* smh

    • Ladybug94

      I thought I was the only one who had my fill of this muck.

  • mac

    I can’t even begin to get into how irresponsible this article is.
    In a time when Black women are at the most risk for HIV than any other demographic, and out of wedlock pregnancy is at an all time high, a site that’s masquerading as a “sophisticated lifestyle publication” for empowering Black women is promoting casual sex and promiscuity.

    Shame on all of you. My days on this site are numbered. I refuse to give this site hits and revenue for writing trash like this.

  • Mike Smith

    What makes the writer an expert on hook-ups? It’s dangerous for a young lady,now adays unless shes into prostitution.. to decide that shes ready to have sex with a total stranger,because he looks ‘cute’. He may be measuring you up for a very large trunk. Men do this all the time because they can handle themselves.