When Women Have A Boyfriend And Boo On The Side–And They Get Along

April 5, 2013  |  



A while ago I attended a party with a few friends and co-workers. While everyone was dancing, eating and drinking, I sat down next to one of my friends and we began to chat about the atmosphere. As we chatted and gazed around the room, we noticed something a little odd. We noticed that a mutual associate of ours was wrapped in a very intimate embrace with her main male squeeze…nothing too peculiar about that, but what was odd was that while we observed her intimately embracing her main squeeze, we also saw the man she was dating on the side standing next to them, watching them as they embraced; and not only that, during the embrace, she gazed into the male “Misteress’” eyes and he smiled at her. When this moment ended, they all stood there talking and laughing as if they were all best friends.

Now this may not seem strange to some, but it was to my friend and I who were observing this scene, because both men seemed aware that she was being intimately involved with both of them. Again, this may not seem too out of the ordinary for some, but ladies what I want to know is, is it okay for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get along, especially when they both know about her relationship with them both?

Some may say yes, as long as both men know where they stand, and they aren’t disrespectful to each other, which is a very valid point; but how respectful is it knowing that the woman they are involved with is intimately involved with someone else? And you know who he is! Personally, I think this is disrespectful to both men, and the woman. Why? Because both men deserve to be with one woman who will engage in a healthy, monogamous relationship with them, and give them all of the attention they need (if that’s what they want). It also shows disrespectful actions from the woman. How? Because as a woman, she should have more respect for her man and herself, and should respect the relationship she is involved in. Now I know many of you may be thinking, but men do this all the time and no one seems to have a problem with it! While this may be true, what we fail to realize is that some mistresses do struggle with being the other woman; but they keep their struggle inside.

Relationships are hard to maintain with two people involved, and when there is a third or even fourth party involved, things can really get crazy because of the emotional attachments that can occur. It is my personal belief that it is not cool for a woman to have her main squeeze and her side dish get a long, or even know each other at all, because as I stated previously, it’s disrespectful to the men involved and the relationship(s). Even if the men involved are okay with knowing each other and knowing their position, you never know what they are saying about the woman behind her back to each other, and other men. The art of discretion is a gift that is a part of a woman’s natural being.  Practicing discretion as a woman is a must, especially when it comes to our intimate affairs and our relationships. If you have a main squeeze and a side dish, or you’re just seeing multiple guys at one time, keep them separate for your own self-respect, and for the sake of the self-respect of the men involved. Even if they don’t care, you should because showing and giving a man the respect they deserve in any type of relationship will make you a better woman and them a better man.

Ladies do you think it’s cool for a woman to have their main squeeze and their side dish know each other?


Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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  • tintin

    i just don’t want to know my man is sucking on all coochies, so i wouldnt do this to my man and i would hope he wouldn’t do this to me.

  • Pivyque

    I say mind your business. If they are good with it, let them be good with it.

  • Probably swingers with the two dudes being “Bi” and doing each other. Trust ain’t no 100% hetero man gonna be cool with being an open cuckold.

  • intelligent chik

    let people find their own happiness and mind your own business

    • Na Na

      Thank you! Who is the author to tell somebody what they deserve. They deserve to be happy and you up out they business!

  • S.A

    Honestly, we never really know what anyone says behind our back. If I feel for any reason that his accountability is questionable, or hell if I think he has loose lips; I couldn’t be with him. That’s a judgement of someones character. Now I do agree that discretion is number one in a woman’s playbook. You can’t confirm or deny anything. However, Why should she have to be discrete if both men are willing to not only still continue to see her, but hang with the other man? Anytime you have a man & a boo, and are discrete about it your cheating. Your considered a cheater because you at some point lie. Even if they’re little white lies, it counts. So, why should you discrete if you don’t have to be ? Its a good tool but not applicable to every situation. I respect the honesty. It’s not a situation I would personally consider, however at least all parties involved know. Knowing is typically half the battle.Knowing gives you a choice, and at the end of the day you get what you allow. If this situation is what she wants right now, then so be it. How she lives her life is up to her. I hope she learns from this experience regardless of the outcome. I honesty don’t think she’s just met the right man yet.

  • Just throw the whole swinger and poly cultures right out the window huh?

  • kierah

    A woman doesn’t have a boyfriend and a boo on the side that get along. She has two dudes that she effs with – one that she has stronger feelings for than the other. Trust, her “boyfriend” doesn’t think of her as a “girlfriend.” When the SO and the side piece get along, it’s because everyone is doing their own thing. There is no relationship to threaten.