The Absolute Most Awkward Places To Meet Your Next Man
They say you can’t choose when or how you meet someone you fall for. But we beg to differ. You should at the very least be able to alter how you meet someone who you might spend the rest of your life with — at least when it comes to telling your kids and grand kids how you met. If you can avoid it, don’t spark off that first conversation with the guy making twinkly eyes at you in these situations.
So the line to the women’s restroom was too long and you snuck into the men’s room, only to find yourself washing hands next to a very handsome fellow. Don’t say a word. Exit the bathroom. Re-find him somewhere later, where there aren’t repulsive smells and men with their pants down.
It’s nice that you’re paying your (hopefully wrongly) convicted family member or friend a visit in jail. But please ignore the broody, bashful and painfully good looking inmate also hanging out in the visitation area. Even if he does make a cute and witty comment to you each time you pass him. Should he ever get out, and the two of you start a life together, you can’t put his prison days behind him if it’s how your love began! Not to mention, that kind of love is often delusional and fueled on the “wanting what you can’t have” principle.
These can go on for weeks at a time, and you can fall for someone having no idea what they are like in normal life. Many nerds even end up eloping during these conferences, having not a clue what their love dresses like out of their Darth Vader costume. And a lot of the love you think you feel is just the excitement of being in a fantasy environment. But once you get back to mortgages and jobs, you find out you’re just two boring people. No super powers. No hidden scales.
A strip club
So you and your group of girlfriends had the same “crazy” idea as a guy and his group of friends to hit up a strip club after the bars had closed, and you still felt like partying. Try telling that to your grand kids. They don’t want to picture foreign breasts in their dad’s face. And try telling your in-laws. They don’t want to see you as the type of woman who’d go to a strip club! Not to mention trying to celebrate your anniversary where you met…
Relationships are hard enough without mixing your job into them. There’s plenty enough to fight about already, without getting angry when one person gets promoted and the other doesn’t, or one is clearly the boss’s favorite, or one isn’t pulling their weight on a project both people are involved in. Or, even worse, when one person gets promoted to the other one’s boss!
Your favorite bar
Specifically, dating the bartender at your favorite bar. You have to see him get hit on by other women all the time and there is nothing you can do about it. You can no longer go to your favorite bar on the nights you just want a girl’s night or a night away from your man because he will be there! And should you two ever part ways, not only is that bar off limits, but you’ll probably overhear other women talk about having slept with your man! A cute bartender at a happening spot is a hot commodity.
Here’s the thing: you really can’t tell anything about someone from a two minute interaction. Anyone who thinks they’re in love with someone, all because they said “hi” in passing at a CVS is delusional. Someone like that “falls in love” a hundred times a day. They project grand ideas onto someone they only encounter for a minute, all because they are deeply desperate. So no matter how cute, how intelligent or how personal that Missed Connections ad is that is clearly directed at you, do not respond. It speaks wonders (in a bad way) about that person’s emotional and psychological stability that they even wrote that ad in the first place. And on that note, what are you doing on there?
Your therapist’s office
There’s a reason that person is at the therapist in the first place. They are feeling less than stable right now, and that means they will be extra clingy to a partner. Or, perhaps they’re there because they have commitment issues, which is another bag of craziness. If things do work out, you’ll probably have to start seeing a different therapist, because it will be a conflict of interest.
Anybody connected to the deceased will think it was highly disrespectful of the two of you to be flirting at a funeral, or even to be in high enough spirits to think about picking somebody up. Plus, if things work out, your anniversary will always fall around the anniversary of a loved one’s death.
Helping a friend move out of her partner’s place
Your girlfriend just broke up with a long time boyfriend she was living with. The day when they both give up and move out of their shared home, she wants support from her girlfriends, and he wants support from his guy friends. So you’re all awkwardly trying to be polite, packing up clothes, standing by as the couple argues over who gets the couch. But one of his friends is really cute and has been so sweet throughout this whole process, making everyone laugh and smoothing things over…stop right there! You risk losing your friend if you go out with a friend of her new ex! You know nothing about this guy. Walk away. Keep your friendship.
On another date
Sitting at the bar with your blind date, you notice how handsome the guy on the other side of you is. You casually include him on your conversation. Slowly but surely it’s obvious the two of you have better chemistry than you and your date. But now you’ll forever question one another’s loyalty and integrity. Are you both always on the look out for something better?
If you meet on Jury Duty, you can never really tell the story of how you met! You can’t legally discuss the case so there goes all the cute details!
A sex party
An old fashioned party where everyone throws their car keys in a bowl, and whoever’s keys they pull, they’ll be going up to a room with. You’re probably friends with some of those attendees. You have to have them keep this a secret for the rest of your lives, should you end up marrying and having kids with your, um, partner from that night.
So you had an unprotected sexual encounter with someone, and then a few weeks later felt a little burning, so you took yourself to Planned Parenthood and there, looking adorable walking out of his STD test, stood…Oops! That’s not exactly how a, “How we met” story should go.