He Might Be A Good Man, But He’s Not The Man For You: Why If A Relationship Doesn’t Fit, Don’t Force It!

8 comments
February 19, 2013 ‐ By Liz Lampkin
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“Girl, he’s a good man….you better stick with him.”

“He’s a great catch…”

“He’s going to make a great husband…”

“Girl you better do what you can to keep him!”

How many of us have heard one of, if not all of the quotes listed from friends and family? How many of us have forced ourselves to stay in a relationship where we weren’t happy because someone else thought the man we were involved with was a great catch? Or how often have we convinced ourselves to stay in a relationship we weren’t so happy in because the man we were involved with was indeed a good man, but he wasn’t the good man that we should have been with? I recall several of the relationships I remained in being with men that were indeed good guys, but I wasn’t happy in those relationships.

I wasn’t happy because I often felt that there was something missing within the relationship, but I stayed because at that time in my life, I didn’t want to be single, and I didn’t want to let go of a good man. At that particular time in life I didn’t see the value in being a single woman. I didn’t view my single life as the blessing that it is, but rather saw it as a burden that I would have to bear. Now that I think about it, I sacrificed my personal happiness for personified happiness; and was it worth it? Not at all. Oftentimes we as women force ourselves to remain in relationships with men because we fear being alone, we think that we won’t find anyone as good, or we think that there is a shortage of good men to have happy, healthy and productive relationships with, when the fact is that none of these things are true.

There are so many great men in the world to have relationships with, but we have the tendency to hold on to one we think is good for us, and our fears won’t allow us to see that. Forcing ourselves to remain in relationships that don’t make us happy only limits who we are, it puts a hold on the relationships we deserve and it stifles our internal happiness and it is not worth it! Why isn’t it worth it? Because happiness is something that should be valued and every woman deserves to be happy in or out of a relationship. Over the years I learned that just because someone else thinks a man is a good man, it does not mean that he is the good man made for me. I often listened to my friends and family when it came to men and dating, and they would encourage me to date a guy they felt had great husband qualities and whom they thought would be a great match for me, or to stay in a relationship they thought was good from face value. I even remember a few of them saying ‘don’t mess this one up!’ While their intentions were good, I should have listened more to my instincts in regard to what made me happy in a relationship, rather than forcing myself to stay in a relationship that made everyone else happy. Now that I think about it, I didn’t really know what made me happy because I was so focused on having a relationship rather than enjoying my single life.  Having a relationship is something that everyone desires, but being happy is something that everyone deserves and that should not be sacrificed. Ladies, if a relationship you’re involved in does not enlighten you mentally, uplift you spiritually, and balance you emotionally then walk away from it because it does not fit you, so don’t force it. How many relationships have you forced yourself to stay in? Did they really make you happy?

Liz Lampkin is the Author of Are You a Reflection of the Man You Pray For? Follow her on Twitter @Liz_Lampkin.

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  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Many of my friends have stayed in dead end relationships. With dumb reasons like: “at least he doesn’t cheat on me.” “he pays half the rent” “My family likes him” “He’s never hit me”

    *face palm* so you are going to waste 3,4,5 and 10 years of your life with someone “that’ll do?” That shouldn’t be good enough.

    • TRUTH IS

      I call it half ah man. They think half a man is better than none….lol

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        For real, that’s the whole sentiment I take from it. Having SOMEBODY who isn’t totally dysfunctional is better than being alone. I don’t get that rationale.

  • Tonyoardee

    Statistically speaking there is a shortage of good men, facts to support this as well.. and its even harder for a black man

    • Nope

      Still doesn’t explain why a lot of women complaining about this aren’t able to snag the “good” men that are available.

    • Stanley 001

      There are not that many more good women than good men either.

  • TRUTH IS

    This is the gospel!

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