Begging For Forgiveness: Jamie Foxx’s Dad Looking To Make Amends With Son

46 Comments
January 20, 2013 ‐ By Drenna Armstrong
PNP/ WENN.com

PNP/ WENN.com

When you’re looking for a reunion of some sorts, it’s probably never a good idea to put it out in public.

According to the National Enquirer, Jamie Foxx’s father, Shaheed Abdullah (his former name was Darrell Bishop), has been trying to get in touch with the actor for years but Foxx will not return his calls.  His father is now very sick and is still looking to speak to his son.

This was all told to the Enquirer by Abdullah’s wife, Hellema.  She says that her husband now has scar tissue on his lungs and is on oxygen everyday but is still hoping to end the feud.  As she states, “We’ve called Jamie several times over the years and left hundreds of messages.  But he has never returned our calls. I just wish Jamie would call.”

Foxx has told the story many times in the past that he was raised by his grandparents (his mother’s adoptive parents) after both of his parents abandoned him. While they continued to live close to him, neither parent had a hand in Foxx’s upbringing. In fact, Foxx credits his grandparents, particularly his grandmother, in making him into the man he is today.

A source said Foxx and his father kept in touch which his father for many years due to his grandmother’s encouragement. However, that ended in 2004 when his grandmother passed away. The source says Jamie is getting revenge on his father for abandoning him when he was young.

During an interview with Oprah last month, Jamie revealed that his mother Louise and her ex-husband live with him so Hellema wonders why he’s helping her but holding a grudge against his dad.

While that may be a valid question, it is irrelevant in trying to repair a relationship. No matter how old a person may be, they may never forget how they were treated as children, especially by their parents.

What do you think? Should Jamie give his father a call and get to the full root of their problems? Should his father just forgive himself for what he’s done and move on?

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  • http://www.facebook.com/maman.jeanne.9 Maman Jeanne

    This is therapy for us. I agree with
    most of the comments here. This will be LONG. It may provide extra perspective
    about the why of those who choose not to reconnect or end the rejection.

    When I was six weeks old, father went to a New Year’s Eve party at a local
    club. Mother was never into that scene or very amorous, which he claimed to
    admire. She had been a young cancer widow over five years before they met. Her
    late husband warned her not to be left with an armful and a bellyfull. Father
    was not physically abusive or profane. He was self-absorbed and a sex addict. He
    met another young married woman who lived at home with her mother that always
    kept her children while she worked and partied, etc. There were no grandparents
    to help raise me due to distance, age, one already deceased and values. My
    Mother’s parents always said, “The best birth control is self-control. Mother
    and Father, you will raise your own children unless you are disabled or dead.” A
    married two-parent household and having graduate degrees did not guarantee
    stability. Before I was three months old, my father lied to my mother that since
    he could not support like he wanted, he was moving in with a friend, but to call
    him at his job as a cashier if we needed anything. He was about to begin a CPA
    internship. Mother earned far more money which both admit was not an issue since
    they did not live an extravagant lifestyle. Somehow she remembered asking
    herself, “Why is talking about club women being trouble if he does not know
    about it firsthand?” “Why is moving out to share expenses with a guy when he
    whine he earns so little now?” “Why does he say that if you get involved with a
    married woman and the husband finds out, he will come after you?” My mother had
    her first marriage as a widow posthumously annulled for this! Never being one to
    wonder if she was neat or loving enough, she tarried on alone with me across
    town and knew divorce was inevitable.

    She told my father when he said I was so pretty that a stranger in the
    street can admire a child, and the beauty is being there for your child and
    his/her mother. She had almost died after the difficult only pregnancy with
    me.Each time he was in the streets, except for when I was born during an
    emergency C-section after he was at work. Because he chose to flee his
    responsibilities, my mother had to start out with me before 6:00am to get me to
    day care and schools over the years on the way to and from work. We both almost
    died from pneumonia when I was almost four months old from the cold, wet wintry
    climate we were in. My father never came to help us. When I was eight months
    old, my mother had kidney failure and also got “walking pneumonia”, losing over
    twenty pounds in a week. When she was on machines in a renal ward for three
    days, he never came. As a toddler, I got a near deadly staph infection although
    home was clean and I was in very good day care and preschool facilities. That
    day, a pediatrician’s convention found my mother crying across town and on the
    telephone to get someone to see me before going to an ER for a longer wait. The
    internist thought it came from being on public transportation so much, and my
    mother had to almost empty her bank account for me to be treated. The doctor
    gave her his very elite home telephone number if I did not improve from the shot
    and Rx in twelve hours by 9:00pm. My mother had called my father at work, and he
    lied about coming to see about me. It gets even sleazier. Shortly after thier
    divorce, he paid for the divorce of the woman he met at the club and her
    children with her ex-husband, having already ste her up in an apartment they
    shared with new furniture he bought. My father was so shady that he did not
    immediately tell this woman about is or his education. She found his briefcase
    unlocked with our photographs, his diplomas, etc., saying nothing. Eventually,
    they did talk when my mother randomly checked to see if he had a new listing
    when the telephone book changed. Bingo! A woman amswered the telephone,
    revealing all and pretending to care that he supported me. Instead, she joined
    him in blasting my mother for going after her husband as if she were a
    homewrecker! My father took her to dinner and shopping to celebrate their
    solidarity against us we learned years later.

    My Muslim father did not want to attend my Catholic christening, and he
    actually sponsored the Protestant christening of one of her nephews. This should
    be a book, but I will close this part by reminding you of the Glen Campbell hit,
    “By the Time I Get top Phoenix” and the Carolina Chocolate Drops smash remake of
    “Hit ‘Em Up Style”. When he bought a new car after his success as a CPA, one of
    the woman’s brother wanted to use his little old Camaro for him and his
    girlfriend. A fight ensued, putting my father in the ER and after he got charged
    with domestic disturbance when they teamed up on him for an alibi. My mother and
    I have Department of Justice clearance, so it was easier to know how to connect
    dots over the years. A clerk even said, “The victim of the injuries is in the
    complaint as the instigator and perpetrator of the fight.” This is why he fled
    whne she was at work, this time leaving a briefcase with credentials and
    mementoes behind. They had stopped sleeping together, and he could not share the
    closet or use the washer and dryer in the house he helped her to buy! Credit
    cards he applied for came right after he left town, and the woman spent them up
    and bragged about it all over town.

    Because we shared the same surnames, his troubles found their way into our
    lives, including my mother’s job to the point that the whispers caused her
    position to be cancelled. Once, he had a DUI and used a younger, false
    birthdate. Their creditors tired to locate him at times through us.

    My mother still worked for far less pay in academe and on menial jobs also
    to keep a roof over our heads. Even so, the money was low enough to qualify for
    food stamps and Medicaid at times, Yes, when I was very sick, she could no
    longer afford the health coverage at work, ending hers before mine. Although she
    went after him for child support when the former job ended, the system dragged
    its feet, first because he was in training and because my mother still worked.
    She had given his name, SSN, family information and addresses. Not until she
    applied for public assistance did anyone give a hoot ot holler. Authorities out
    West arrested and prosecuted him at the behest of the ones in the South. My
    mother nor the district attorneys in either place went after him for a higher
    judgment due to the drop in her income. He repaid us by lying six years ago that
    he had sent me/us $25,000 since 2001, when he found us after I got in the ninth
    grade. Externally, my mother looks younger, but internally her health is that of
    a much older person. Neither the wire or bank transfers come to near that
    amount, but he was able to cry broke to successive women assistant district
    attorneys after he had married again! My mother refused a partial award or the
    excuse that payments he made were lost in their system which were never repaid
    by the agency. Insyead of sending his half-payment to the state treasurer, he
    got the money back. When I needed it to jump start college loans, the current
    assistant district attorney asked my mother to call her then got aggravated
    about her pursuing it in the ONE followup call back. We kow how crooked the
    legal system can be in many ways, and going to the bar association got no
    investigation. After all, it is my father who could have been a responsible
    husband and father so that the law would hve not had to be involved. My mother
    always says that we are and were richer than 90% of the mostly poor world
    citizens. We tried to avoild blocking blessings by not appreciating having each
    other and life. That alone does not help you survive. My Ivy League education
    had about an 80% scholarship, so cash and loans paid for the rest.

    My mother still worked for far less pay in academe and on menial jobs also
    to keep a roof over our heads. Even so, the money was low enough to qualify for
    food stamps and Medicaid at times, Yes, when I was very sick, she could no
    longer afford the health coverage at work, ending hers before mine. Although she
    went after him for child support when the former job ended, the system dragged
    its feet, first because he was in training and because my mother still worked.
    She had given his name, SSN, family information and addresses. Not until she
    applied for public assistance did anyone give a hoot ot holler. Authorities out
    West arrested and prosecuted him at the behest of the ones in the South. My
    mother nor the district attorneys in either place went after him for a higher
    judgment due to the drop in her income. He repaid us by lying six years ago that
    he had sent me/us $25,000 since 2001, when he found us after I got in the ninth
    grade. Externally, my mother looks younger, but internally her health is that of
    a much older person. Neither the wire or bank transfers come to near that
    amount, but he was able to cry broke to successive women assistant district
    attorneys after he had married again! My mother refused a partial award or the
    excuse that payments he made were lost in their system which were never repaid
    by the agency. Instead of sending his half-payment to the state treasurer, he
    got the money back. When I needed it to jump start college loans, the current
    assistant district attorney asked my mother to call her then got aggravated
    about her pursuing it in the ONE followup call back to confirm that he got the
    money returned to him and that her predecessor had closed the case. The case
    file in the court house is an empty folder. We kow how crooked the legal system
    can be in many ways, and going to the bar association got no investigation.
    After all, it is my father who could have been a responsible husband and father
    so that the law would hve not had to be involved. My mother always says that we
    are and were richer than 90% of the mostly poor world citizens. We tried to
    avoild blocking blessings by not appreciating having each other and life. That
    alone does not help you survive. My Ivy League education had about an 80%
    scholarship, so cash and loans paid for the
    rest.

    When I was in training for a large urban police force during college, I was
    an innocent bystander crime victim on the way to paying tuition (my part). My
    father’s excuse was that he could not come after I got because he was in trouble
    about child support. He had remarried again, with small children and a new born.
    My mother hoped that he would finally settle down and be happy with the much
    younger wife, another reason we did not up the amount he owed, upon learning he
    had a new family. After his scheme with the payment, he had a third child born
    with a physical handicap.Since his wife has no training or higher education, my
    mother and I would help raise the child if my father were not in the picture.

    My mother’s family mostly were not willing to help us, because it was not
    their responsibility. My mother’s late aunt in New Jersey wanted us to move
    there, but my mother refused because she did not want to be a burden. My
    mother’s youngest brother expressed interest in taking us back to the East
    Coast, but he had his own family responsibilities. My father’s oldest brother
    and his wife supported ten children on the earnings of their small business, and
    they had sent my father to college and graduate school. He ignored them for
    awhile on his way up. Even they were willing to help us, but my mother could not
    deprive their children. Now, I have told my father that the last ten years have
    been nothing but a sham, and that I will not answer his calls or e-mails. In his
    delusional arrogance, he is dismissve about the impact his selfishness had on
    us. My mother either never discussed certain topics or lied to protect me from
    the truth about all of our lives, NOT because she loves him after years. I found
    so much out either on my own or by researching on literal trips down memory
    lane. My mother stayed celibate for over twenty years for health and spiritual
    reasons, never dating and not wanting men or a lot of strangers around me. She
    had to fght in every sense of the word for us and me. My paternal uncle has
    asked me to not break ties, yet it is best, because I told him that if we stay
    in touch or visit that I do not want to see his younger brother. I do not care
    what my father tells my younger half-siblings, because he is a callous liar and
    proof that poorer men are often better providers. I thank God that I am a
    virgin. Many fatherless girls become immoral or involved in bad straight and gay
    relationships where they try to cater to abusive partners and spouses due to no
    father around as a child or bad male influences.

    Look at Shaquille O’Neal, Adele and
    others who are fine without their birth fathers. Look at the basket case that
    Rita Hayworth became due to her bad, incestuous father and alcoholic mother who
    stayed. The tragic “Precious” was a reminder that a bad father is worse than no
    father. My father would not molest a child, but he put a woman and other
    children that were not his before my mother and me. The toxic relationship with
    him is over. Check out the episode “Legacy” on “Mob Doctor”. I do not want nor
    will I provide blood from or for him. I have enough to deal with to support
    myself and a very ill mother as we pay off the college loans and interest – five
    figures. I have already notfied my father at my mother’s suggestion that since
    paying all of his reckoning was a burden that he will get back what he did send
    however long it takes to repay him. We are trying to find someone to detstroy my
    birth certificate so I can get a certificate of no find without his name on it.
    Then we are changing our names. GOOD RIDDANCE TO BAD RUBBISH. This is not the
    half of our hell due to his abandonment. He never supported us, and money is no
    substitute for time, care, dignity and respect.

    • http://www.facebook.com/maman.jeanne.9 Maman Jeanne

      P.S.
      I noticed some spelling errors, and I had no spell check without losing the comments. On e pasage was duplicated. My father lied to his brothers and ohers about no knowing where we were for over ten years since 1988 when I was a few months old. He never siad goodbye when he fled town or fromplace to place. It is clear that his locating us in 2001 was a ruse to weasel out of child support. I never had a relationship wih grandparents and others. We could not afford travel or relocation. fter seeking us out, he had over eleven years to show good faith in return. Our good will has been returned with more deception and instability. This is his dirty laundry that is being anonymously aired to get rough to some one hurt or causing hurt. Whether or not either Mother or I forgive or forgave him is less inportant than him getting God to. WHen asking where or who the father is, know that a number of them are unfaithful husbands and profesional, educated men like mine.

  • reto

    completely immature and stupid. only forgiveness sets free. one has only one father and one mother -you really should work things out before they die …nobody’s perfect and you better find out why they behaved the way they did.

    • http://twitter.com/HollyGrove7 Holly Grove

      Why should a child have to find out why his parent(s) left him? I never understood that for the life of me why people expect the child to “be the bigger person”. My grandfather was never in my mother’s life. I remember when I was younger, people used to ask my mom why she doesn’t call or come visit her father (he lived in the next town.) I couldn’t believe it. HE was the parent. HE should have made it his duty to come see her.

  • Abandoned 2

    My grandparents also raised me. My mother moved to New York when I was six months. My biological father lived less than a half mile down the road. Both parents married other people. My father gave me school lunch money and Christmas clothes and Easter clothes. Everything came to an abrupt end when my father had relationship with my 15 year old aunt, my mother’s young sister. She had a down syndrome daughter, who is not only my half-siter but my first cousin. My poor grandparents had taken him to court and loss on the grounds of not statuary rape but rape (circa 1967). My mother’s family stop speaking to my biological father and the other relationship with the two families were strained. My father stopped all the financial support when I was about twelve years old.

    After high school, I moved to New York to be with my mother, siblings and a step-father. My step-father made sure I will attend college. In 1985, I visited my biological father, introducing him to my wife and son. I have three half siblings by means of him. He sent them to college. He’s especially proud of the oldest one who is 10 months younger than me . I haven’s seen him in almost 43 years. Trying to acquaint myself with my biological father at his home, I wasn’t in a hurry to leave then after about a half hour he said “Well , Ronald, it was nice for you to visit.”. I was stunned. I stop speaking to him. I tried to make peace with this man who had abandoned me. I was closer to my maternal cousins. I don’t want anything from this man, I was a Federal government worker.taking care of my family both spiritually and financially.

    Circa November 2011, I called him who is in a nursing home where he has Alzheimer’s disease. I never bonded with his other children . I have been working on a book, (Not about my life). Now retired but now a NYC licensed tour guide. I had a great relationship with my step-father whom I call dad. He is a retired police detective. Both men are very sick, but there is one that my heart goes out for, that is my dad,the one whom married my mother.

    I definitely understand Jamie Foxx

  • Candacey Doris

    We all want to be forgiven, but sometimes the person we wronged isn’t ready to forgive.Maybe the way he treated him was that bad. I wasn’t there, i don’t know, but i do think that his father’s wife going to the press to try and have us peer pressure him into calling is a low blow.

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    he doesn’t owe his sp*rm donor any damn thing. If he wasn’t who he way his father in all likelihood wouldn’t give to shyts about Jamie. You reap what you sow, and only the lowest of the low abandon their children and then try to squeeze some funds out of them. Gross.

  • Chassie

    Who says he didn’t forgive him? i was in a situation with a “friend,” she sent me a message to apologize. I moved on, grudge-free, but I certainly didn’t respond. They say forgiveness is for yourself, and I take that to heart. Just because Jamie doesn’t respond doesn’t mean he hasn’t reached a place of forgiveness within himself, and even if he hasn’t, that’s his business.

    • http://twitter.com/HollyGrove7 Holly Grove

      Exactly!

  • toyasg

    HE-LL NALL. I WOULD TELL HIS AZZ TO KICK ROCKS.PLEASE U CAN 4GIVE HIM BUT U DONT HAVE TO DEAL WITH HIM

  • kandikane

    I can understand Jamie’s feelings of hurt and abandonment, but forgiveness is the key to healing; in addition, his father is very sick now, and that is still his father. He should forgive him.

  • Babydoll 70

    I don’t think Jamie not speaking to his dad that abandoned him is him trying to get revenge, I think he is still hurting over it. As far as him helping his mom and not dad, boys want to know where they come from and relate to the person who gave them life moreso the one of the same gender as them. I feel that’s why it’s easier for him to make amends with his mom. He probably feels rejected by the dad as if what was so wrong with me that this man, my father didn’t want to raise me,spend time with me and give me the opportunity to be like him.

  • Babydoll 70

    I don’t think Jamie not speaking to his dad that abandoned him is him trying to get revenge, I think he is still hurting over it. As far as him helping his mom and not dad, boys want to know where they come from and relate to the person who gave them life moreso the one of the same gender as them. I feel that’s why it’s easier for him to make amends with his mom. He probably feels rejected by the dad as if what was so wrong with me that this man, my father didn’t want to raise me,spend time with me and give me the opportunity to be like him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/toni.clark.1217 Clark Toni

    My belief it is so easy for a person to say I’m sorry. Sorry is a sorry word, for one it is Jamie Fox personal business. If Jamie wasn’t rich would his father still be sorry? I raise three girls on my own without basically any help. Oh yeah they force him to pay child support which I never receive!!!!

  • faydie

    Jamie should forgive his father, not for his father’s sake, but for his own. It will relieve him of the burden of carrying around whatever the animosity does to his psyche. Grudges, hate, resentment, etc. are heavy loads.

    • Babydoll 70

      He may have forgiven his father but that doesn’t mean he has to foster a relationship with him.

  • Sagittarius81

    Jamie should forgive his dad, but not let him back into his life. If his dad wasn’t there for his struggles, he don’t need to be there for his success.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1279772105 Anita Cates Hodges

    I think Jamie should forgive his father, but he doesn’t have to let him in his life. Forgiveness doesn’t mean what other person did is right, it just means you’re willing to let it go. Unforgiveness is just like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die…..this is coming from someone who was betrayed by those closest to me. I chose to let it go and live a happy life. Jamie can do the same.

    • Babydoll 70

      I think that is what he’s doing. I really don’t think he’s trying to get revenge as the step mother says.

  • 1Val

    Jamie should not inherit absentee father’s guilt. Jamie does not owe his father anything including good bye. The father should seek forgiveness from God not his abandoned son.

  • dee

    He is at the age where he gets to decide on the relationships he wants in his life and that includes with his parents. To forgive is one thing but people don’t seem to understand that does not automatically mean that person wants a relationship with you. I can forgive you but that does not mean we are friends. Unfortunately when you abandon your kids it sticks with them so as the parent you have to understand that they may or may not want to have you in their lives and you deal with it, it’s not on Jaime to forge a relationship he doesn’t want, he did nothing wrong.

    • SunshineBlossom

      +100 on this :)

    • MLS2698

      You said it! Yes, forgive, but true relationship, no.

  • http://www.facebook.com/shehiplocki Kim Perkins

    ..one thing that J may not want to hear is that once the old man dies there is no chance to hear him apologize.

    • http://twitter.com/HollyGrove7 Holly Grove

      If it takes someone to wait until they’re on their death bed to say “I’m sorry”, the apology isn’t very sincere to begin with.

      • blkrazor728

        I totally agree with you.

      • http://www.facebook.com/maman.jeanne.9 Maman Jeanne

        You are spot on, and I nominate you to edit any newer reprints of NORTON ON EVIDENCE for lawyers.

  • GalaxyEmpress

    I’ve been going through a similar situation for the past four years now. I think Jamie Foxx is making the right decision, it’s just best to keep certain people out of your life. We all have to live with the consequences of our actions, and an absent father is no exception to the rule. It really hurts to know you were not good enough for someone, and therefore undeserving of love and support, especially when that someone is your parent. Keep it pushing old man and just live with the results of the decisions you’ve made for the last four decades. Forgiving does not take away the pain, the rage, and the why of this situation. As you sow…so shall you reap!! It’s not a game.

  • http://www.facebook.com/sybil.coleman1 Sybil Coleman

    I will say this, as a child that was abandoned by her mother, to me there aren’t enough “I’m Sorry’s”. It hurts to think someone treated you worse than trash. My father wasn’t much better but he did the thing that my mother isn’t willing to do…admit that he was wrong, sincerely appologized and fought hard enough to make our relationship work. To this day, my father has become my best friend.

  • Finessa

    Regardless of what, why or how things happened. I think Jaime should just forgive his Dad. He doesn’t have to have a relationship,but he can honor him by simply forgiving him. I don’t have a relationship with my Father for similar reasons, but I forgave him and have to continue. Now what he didn’t do for me, he does now do things for my son. I don’t even communicate with him. I didn’t even meet him until I was 21 and I’m so glad that he was not there, because I don’t think I would have been emotionally healthy. GOD knows what he’s doing! SOMETIMES WE REALLY NEED TO BE THANKFUL THAT SOME PEOPLE DIDN’T WANT TO BE IN OUR LIVES!

    • Miyako

      There is no need to honor someone who is not deserving.

  • space

    Karma always around the corner his father now wants be in son life he needs keep it moving.

  • OneAdam12

    Since we only live one life would it be fair for one to bury the hatchet?

    • Treacle234

      Agreed, stop living in the past and forgive the man. Continuing to hate the man does not do anyone any good.

      • http://twitter.com/HollyGrove7 Holly Grove

        Who says Jamie hates his father? Some people just come to a point in their lives where they totally cut someone out of their life. It doesn’t necessarily mean they hold a grudge; it may just mean they’re over the situation and have moved on.

        • SunshineBlossom

          Absolutely! Just because they’re blood does not mean you have to like them or be around them. Just because they are your parents does not mean you have to keep a relationship with them. We cut off bad people right? Blood maybe thicker than water, but it expires quickly if not nurtured.

          • GalaxyEmpress

            I absolutely love your comment!!! Yeeeeeessss!

  • IllyPhilly

    Who cares what we think? That’s that man’s life and his decisions and his dad’s wife should respect that.

  • Miyako

    Parents need to realize that what they do, don’t do and say lasts a lifetime.

    • soozyscrew

      Thank u! I’m tired of parents that hurt u and want forgiveness on their time when they decide to acknowledge what they did

      • Babydoll 70

        Exactly, and if Jamie wasn’t the celebrity he is now, would his dad still have tried to contact him?

      • Babydoll 70

        Exactly, and if Jamie wasn’t the celebrity he is now, would his dad still have tried to contact him?

      • MLS2698

        And I don’t want to hear no ” sick bed ” apologies. People need to be able to apologize in life by putting their pride aside. If not, their “I’m sorry” may fall on deaf ears because the person does not care anymore, and has moved on emotionally.

  • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

    U reap what U sow..

  • Maile00

    The national enquirer though…either way, he’s a grown man and u have to respect his decision, like it or not

  • Nisa

    And how much did the National Enquirer pay for the story? That is the wrong way to reach out to a son you did not raise.