30 Going On 13: What I Learned From Being In A Relationship With An Immature Man

December 24, 2012  |  



In any relationship, there are going to be problems. You and your man are going to argue from time to time and experience rough patches, but when you’re dealing with an immature guy, you can bet that you’ll not only have disagreements, but you’ll definitely go through some unnecessary drama. I’ve been there and done that, and I definitely wouldn’t recommend it, but if you must, here’s what you can expect.

For one, the chances that you’ll be able to take him seriously will be slim to none. I once talked to a guy and basically everything out of his mouth was a joke, and he just didn’t know when to stop. I would be speaking on an important matter, trying to get serious answers or advice from him and he would barely be able to keep a straight face. All he would do was laugh or respond with a joke. Extremely frustrating.

But not only will he not handle serious conversations well and not know when to stop playing, a childlike man is going to most likely be irresponsible, petty and too busy being a kid to fully commit to you like he should. I can’t count how many grown men I know that would rather go out with their friends and play video games all day than to take their lady out and spend some QT with her. Or whose women have to argue with them to pay their bills on time as opposed to spending money on frivolous things. Imagine dealing with a man who blows an incredible amount of his cash on strippers, Madden for Xbox or bottles at the club trying to stunt for his boys, and running to you to catch his a** when it’s time to pay the rent. Not a good look, but that’s what you get often times when you’re dealing with a kid.

And let’s speak on the pettiness. Someone I know, who I’ll refer to as Steve, is the perfect example for this. Steve is damn near a half a century in age, but acts like an eight-year-old elementary school boy when it comes to his maturity level and respect for the lady in his life. Whenever his woman talks to him about what he needs to do or work on fixing, he always gets defensive and comes back with a completely unnecessary or unrelated remark. For instance, she’ll say, “Steve you really need to go take out the trash because it’s starting to stink up the house.” He’ll retort with something like, “You’re always complaining about something, but your a** ain’t say nothing about the trash stinking when I drove you to buy those fishy a** shrimp whose shells you put in the trash to stink it up in the first place.” Yes, he’s that silly.

She’ll say something about his bad breathe after eating a garlicky meal and he’ll comment on how he doesn’t like her hair or the outfit she’s wearing. She tells him to wash his hands before he eats (yes, his lady really has to force him to do that) and he’ll tell her, “Why don’t you go wash your face?” If he asks her to do a favor that she doesn’t want to do for whatever reason, he’ll throw up the time that he drove all out of his way to loan her sister a few dollars to get her nails done when she was low on funds. It’s ridiculous, but I have to admit, it’s completely entertaining. Beyond hilarious. How much more childish can you get, really?

But Steve is just one example of many. There are a lot of 20, 30 and 40-something-year-old men out there who are still stuck in the playpen. If you choose to deal with one, just be prepared for a whole lot of headaches, “I-wanna-slap-his-face moments,“ and stress. Oh, and I can’t forget about the jokes— both literally and figuratively. ‘Cause he sure will have a lot of those.

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  • eric

    I’m about to turn 30 and I still act like an 8 year old. The difference though I work full time I pay all my bills and I have my own place. I’m not playing Dungeons and Dragons in my moms basement. Unfortunately I am also an extreme introvert. Trust me you would hate someone like me more then the guy you were with. This is why the few relationships I’ve had have ended. I can only be with someone for a couple months until I just want to be alone again. I don’t like conversations and I like to do what I want when I want.I have come to that conclusion but I don’t never really want two be a permanent relationship. It’s just not for me I prefer to be alone. A lot of guys will eventually grow up and do the wife and kids thing but alot of that my like me and just don’t want that in life. No one should have to be with someone they’re not happy with. maybe down the road I will find the girl that is just like me but until then I’m quite content

  • Cinnamon71

    That’s why it is very important to pay attention to his actions while getting to know him before you become seriously involved/intimate. If a man is a total slob, inattentive, immature, frivolous, etc., generally he is more than likely going to stay that way. It’s up to his parents to instill in him the importance of good hygiene, doing chores, being financially responsible, how to interact with/treat others, etc. If he’s not showing those characteristics early on in the relationship, then it’s not really going to change that much, if at all. You can’t change a man, only he can decide if he wants to change. It’s up to you to decide if you want to accept him as is and put up with it or not, otherwise don’t complain about it later.

  • Yeppers

    Yeah its a mess..the way society teaches Some of these men are that they can be stupid immature until the moment they walk down an isle. And thats not the case. We all know this is the age of twitter right…. So I meet a guy who does nothing but talk about sex and vulgarity with multiple women to his equally single and immature male friends…. Then when he approaches me wants to act all like that’s just how he talks on the Internet, thats not really him, and give him a chance… N1GGA PLEASE!!!! Character is who u are to me, the way u want others to see u and the example u set is important to your purpose in this life. I want to be proud of my man not hiding him because of how he carries himself around other people. And why in the world would u want people to think u are some immature dog on social media if that’s not who u are. Good women are attracted to men that carry themselves like a MAN at all times… Not just in my face and the as soon as u get outa my sight u a fool… I’m not here for that and wont have a future boyfriend or husband that does it either.

  • jd

    Besides the fact that this article is poorly written, the author fails to mention how desperate these women have to be to put up with these men and why these women are babying these men. Why should a woman force her man to wash his hands to eat? is he a 4 year old ? if he gets sick from not washing his hands that’s his problem. The women is this article seem so controlling. If your man spends his time popping bottles and playing ex box maybe he would be a better social friend then romantic partner, keep it moving and find the right one. Why spend years trying to work it out with someone who is not ready to be in a relationship. How low does your self esteem have to be to waste your precious time raising a grown man. If you ask me its the women in the article that need to get a clue …… hello the guy using you dummy.

    • Kaori

      If HE gets sick from not washing his hands then it will be the GFs problem when SHE gets sick from him because of his poor hygiene.

      • jd

        That’s her choice to stick with an idiot. Is she his mother or girlfriend. That is not being down for your man that’s just having a retard for a partner and you being desperate to have anyone by your side. So standards have fallen so low that a woman would accept a man that doesn’t have enough wits about him to stay healthy and hygienic. Lord have mercy LADIES….. LISTEN UP !!! if you find yourself rationalizing Kaori’s point get up, look in the mirror, check your bank account, and rethink your job. If they all need a makeover then you are probably desperate for man. Work on your self and then be in a relationship, that way you wont find your self entertaining the idea of being some losers mother. The game has changed men realize that being a gigalo is very lucrative. Think about phaedra and appalo on RHWOA, he is only with her on a come up. You can just see it in his actions. he is so annoyed by her.

        • wizdom

          Im so glad u posted ur comments so I wudnt have to! Thank you. If ur dumb enuff to put up with this fool then that makes two of u!

        • Kaori

          You’ve taken my comment to mean way more than what it was supposed to.

  • Ms. Kameria

    what I learned from being in a relationship with an immature man is to not get into a relationship with nan nother one.

  • Gimmeabreak78

    Been there, done that. SMH.