You Say You’re Leaving, But You Never Go Anywhere: How Your Empty Threats Make A Bad Relationship Worse

December 20, 2012  |  

You and your man argue all the time. It’s to a point where you can’t even look at him without wanting to turn up your nose or slap his face. You try to make things work, but time and time again, he proves that he’s not going to change, and he doesn’t seem to be putting in much effort either. Whether he’s sleeping around, lazy and bumming it up, messing up the bill money, or just mean and vicious to you, his behavior has got you fed up.
Simply put, you want out. You pack up your stuff—or his—telling yourself that this time is different. You’re going to put an end to this, for real. But as you sit and think, a wave of emotion rushes over you and you find that you just can’t do it. Unfortunately, this happens all the time, and your man notices.

Why? You love him. Or maybe you think you need him. Some women put up with the pain simply because they don’t think they can handle paying the bills on their own. Others feel that they are too old, too unattractive or have too many kids to find anything better. What man is going to take in someone else’s seeds as their own or overlook all of those hideous flaws that you keep telling yourself are unattractive, right? Or, as it seems sometimes, some women are just plain scared of being lonely.

Whatever the case, anytime you’ve seriously contemplated exiting a relationship, more than once, it’s pretty obvious that this rollercoaster ride you’re on with your man is plain ol’ TOXIC. He’s no good for you. And your arguing makes it no better. It only keeps you stressed and angry and makes him bitter because you keep nagging and trying to change him. Trust me, I’ve witnessed this firsthand because I’ve been through it. And because you always claim you’re going to book it, but continue to keep running right back, he’s going to keep taking you for granted, feeling like he can proceed to do whatever he’s doing that drives you nuts, because ultimately, you’re not going anywhere anyway.
And could you blame him for thinking this way? How could you really expect him to take you seriously if you keep letting him get away with the same things? It’s like trying to teach a child right from wrong but rewarding them whenever they do something good AND when they’re bad. It’s backwards. In situations like this, it boils down to this: you have to know your worth. If you’re a woman who takes care of her man, cooks, cleans, has the ability to keep him smiling and make him feel comfortable, all while excelling in life and taking care of yourself, then you don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t respect you or give you the same kind of love and nurturing in return.

I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to get it together eventually, boo. If things are really meant to be between the two of you, he will eventually come around and do better, and maybe then you can live happily ever after. If that’s honestly what you want. But in the meantime, find the inner strength to let him go. If not, you’ll continue to drown in misery for a very long, long time.

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