You Say You’re Leaving, But You Never Go Anywhere: How Your Empty Threats Make A Bad Relationship Worse

14 Comments
December 20, 2012 ‐ By Cecily Michelle

"Black woman stressed"

You and your man argue all the time. It’s to a point where you can’t even look at him without wanting to turn up your nose or slap his face. You try to make things work, but time and time again, he proves that he’s not going to change, and he doesn’t seem to be putting in much effort either. Whether he’s sleeping around, lazy and bumming it up, messing up the bill money, or just mean and vicious to you, his behavior has got you fed up.
Simply put, you want out. You pack up your stuff—or his—telling yourself that this time is different. You’re going to put an end to this, for real. But as you sit and think, a wave of emotion rushes over you and you find that you just can’t do it. Unfortunately, this happens all the time, and your man notices.

Why? You love him. Or maybe you think you need him. Some women put up with the pain simply because they don’t think they can handle paying the bills on their own. Others feel that they are too old, too unattractive or have too many kids to find anything better. What man is going to take in someone else’s seeds as their own or overlook all of those hideous flaws that you keep telling yourself are unattractive, right? Or, as it seems sometimes, some women are just plain scared of being lonely.

Whatever the case, anytime you’ve seriously contemplated exiting a relationship, more than once, it’s pretty obvious that this rollercoaster ride you’re on with your man is plain ol’ TOXIC. He’s no good for you. And your arguing makes it no better. It only keeps you stressed and angry and makes him bitter because you keep nagging and trying to change him. Trust me, I’ve witnessed this firsthand because I’ve been through it. And because you always claim you’re going to book it, but continue to keep running right back, he’s going to keep taking you for granted, feeling like he can proceed to do whatever he’s doing that drives you nuts, because ultimately, you’re not going anywhere anyway.
And could you blame him for thinking this way? How could you really expect him to take you seriously if you keep letting him get away with the same things? It’s like trying to teach a child right from wrong but rewarding them whenever they do something good AND when they’re bad. It’s backwards. In situations like this, it boils down to this: you have to know your worth. If you’re a woman who takes care of her man, cooks, cleans, has the ability to keep him smiling and make him feel comfortable, all while excelling in life and taking care of yourself, then you don’t need to be with someone who doesn’t respect you or give you the same kind of love and nurturing in return.

I know it’s easier said than done, but you have to get it together eventually, boo. If things are really meant to be between the two of you, he will eventually come around and do better, and maybe then you can live happily ever after. If that’s honestly what you want. But in the meantime, find the inner strength to let him go. If not, you’ll continue to drown in misery for a very long, long time.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/sven.erlandson Sven Erlandson

    This sounds gay, but this is so what I needed to hear, today. Thanks for the great article. It’s good for guys too, for when gals are dickin’ us around by pulling us close then pushing us away then pulling us close, etc. And the real problem is ME in letting her do it.
    Truly, thanks for a great article!

  • kierah

    Next time you say you are leaving, have your plan in place before you utter the words. You want your words to have weight in the relationship so you have mean what you say.
    Respect yourself!

  • Mel

    I am going through this right now!!

  • L-Boogie

    I wish men and women would just stop playing and mind their own business.

    • chanela

      how is their relationship not their business? i don’t get it

  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    Pretty much get some standards and stick to them BEFORE you get into a relationship. You know a man is a fyck up loser loooooong before you move in, marry him, and have his kids. You knew that when you were first ‘talking’ and he would pull a Houdini every once in a while. Or made that rude azz comment to your best friend, or you got a flat tire and all he says about is “that sucks” YOU knew then his azz wasn’t gonna do right by you. Listen to your gut feeling ladies, remember a man you are just dating is on his very best behavior. Like my mother told me when I was first dating “honey remember this is the best that its going to get can you live with that?”

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Kimberly-Reese/1133593574 Kimberly Reese

    been there done that, I am single and demand respect

  • Meyaka

    My father always told me, don’t nag or threaten a man, in a relationship each party should respect each other and nobody respects someone who can’t keep their word or make empty promises/threats. My hubby and I don’t fight,but the day I find a good enough reason to complain about something,he will take me seriously.

  • bluekissess

    Someone very close to me needs to read this. I don’t get it. If you don’t like it leave it. It shouldn’t be hard but women over analyze and over think EVERY problem and situation. Which makes them look stupid in the end.

  • TRUTH IS

    Am guilty of this but I leave eventually!

  • IllyPhilly

    I can’t leave that indoor/outdoor pool, music studio, bowling thang, boo why you actin’ like this?!

    • Lov3lyLady32

      LMAO!!! Martin Lawrence Talkin Isht!!!! I still listen to that album!!!

  • Just Peachy!

    Do what you say and say what you mean. People will take you more seriously when you can at least act like your stable. It’s like threatening to discipline a child- pretty soon even they realize that you are just all talk.