I Never Thought YOU Would Do That: How To Deal When A Person You Hold In High Regard Does Something Low Class

December 17, 2012  |  

I remember the day so clearly. He was a Youth Pastor and musician at a church not too far from mine. I was a junior in college and an aspiring media professional looking to start applying what I had been learning about public relations to the gospel music industry. He had just launched a gospel music production company that he was seeking to promote. It just seemed right that we work together, and so we did. He was in his thirties and engaged to be married soon. I was about 19 and viewed him as somewhat of a mentor that I could trust. Everything seemed to be going well, but was until one Saturday morning in April.

We were on Blackberry Messenger going over a few details for an upcoming event when all of a sudden he changed the subject. We went from business to some very unprofessional chatter where he wound up making a round about pass at me by telling me that he had planned to play an April Fools trick on me, but kind of changed his mind. He was going to tell me that he was sexually attracted to me as a “joke,” and as things became more and more awkward via BBM, he proceeded to probe for what my response would have been. You know, to low-key see if he had a chance, even though he was engaged and someone I was supposed to look up to.

I was floored. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing because I had surely grown to view him as an older brother. My feelings were hurt and I guess I expected more from a brother in Christ and someone operating in the office of “Youth Pastor.” But, I suppose that is where I went wrong.

What I learned from this experience is that although you may have much admiration and respect for a person, it doesn’t make them any less human and we are all flawed in one way or another. But, how do you get past a situation such as this one? How do you deal when someone you respect lets you down?

Realize they’re human – No one walking this earth is perfect, and while the person in question’s behavior may have thrown you for a loop, it is important to note that they’re flesh and blood just like you and are prone to make mistakes. Of course, we wish they’d have better judgment, but things happen, so I would recommend thinking hard about it all before totally cutting that person off or counting them out.

Tell them how you feel – I am guilty of not doing this as much as I should, but telling someone how their behavior has affected you can assist in getting the burden off of your chest, in informing the person that their behavior isn’t desired, and helping the two of you move forward.

Forgive – There’s no use in walking around holding a grudge or walking around with a chip on your shoulder due to someone else’s misconduct or poor judgment. Even if you decide to distance yourself from them, forgive them in your heart.

Witnessing a person whom you hold in high regard or that you once placed on a pedestal in an unflattering light can be a difficult pill to swallow, but it is best to use it as a learning experience and make up your mind that you will not be broken by the experience.  Understand that they’re human and that while you can have a lot of respect for them, you shouldn’t take it so personally if and when they disappoint you.

 Have you ever been let down by someone you respected? How did you react?

Jazmine Denise is a news writer for madamenoire.com. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • kierah

    Keep living…

  • Negress

    K.I.M. keep it moving.

  • Kaori

    There is no one who I respect and hold in high regards. Most people will let you down in one way or another. It’s just a matter of when it will happen.

  • Guest

    This article is right on time. A professional and personal friend called me dumb, stupid, selfish, untrustworthy and accused me of using him to get ahead because…BRACE YOURSELF…I had lunch with a woman he TRIED to date and told her that he and I are acquainted, and she and I both like to salsa dance because he told me she liked to salsa. He says that was a violation of TRUST and PRIVACY, then proceeded to call me names and ended our friendship. Now, I think he is unstable and I no longer hold him in a high regard.

  • Daisy

    Well I very recently had this happen: a guy I had dated last year began calling me again. After months of it, I finally relented and picked up. I knew he wasn’t jut looking to get in my pants because I’d moved out of state. We started talking again and it was great. Then, he stopped calling for a bit, a called and texted and nothing. Finally I texted to tell him I was done. Hr texted back that his friend had recently died, i apologized and he called them…the n word (he’s Latino) I was shocked cussed him out and hung up! Obviously there’s no chanc of us reconciling, but I’m still just floored by the whole thing.

    • Daisy

      Called ME the n word sorry for the typo

  • JaneDoe

    Learn from it and move on.. The one thing I hold dear to my throughout all my life experiences is to never have expectations of ppl. So that when they do disappoint me it won’t bother me as much.

    • JaneDoe

      *me* through out*