No Baby Daddy Drama Here: Everything You Need To Know About Dating A Single Dad

December 17, 2012  |  

 

Single fathers are enticing and intimidating at the same time. They’re attractive because they’re mature, responsible, caring, and clearly know how to share their life with another person. But they’re scary for the same reason because they get you thinking, “Well, am I all of those things?” It’s true that a man with children has different—some may even say higher—standards for the women he dates. Want to know if you’re up for the challenge of dating a single dad? Here’s what to expect.

He wants you to be fun

Before he had children, a man may have looked for a woman who was ambitious, career-oriented, and driven. But do you want to know what most fathers say they look for in a woman? A woman that is fun. Hey, he has seen it all now and he’s learned that in the toughest, most awkward times, what makes it all better isn’t intellect or ambition: it’s somebody who can bring the fun out in a situation, even when it feels nearly impossible.

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He analyzes your friends

Sure you may be perfectly child-friendly, but are your friends? If they’re a rowdy, loud, swearing, partying, drinking crew that can’t clean up their act for an hour to have a family dinner, dating you won’t look sustainable to a single father. He knows your friends go where you go.

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He wants you to go with the flow

A single father wants to see that you can enjoy yourself even when things don’t go as planned because with kids that get sick at the worst times, or want to be picked up at 1 am from a sleepover, you can bet he’s had to learn how to do that. He wants to see that you don’t become unhinged or irritated if you don’t get exactly what you wanted.

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He wants you to be patient

If you’re at a restaurant and an eager yet obnoxious server, fresh to the job, stops by your table every ten minutes to ask how things are going, he doesn’t want to see you sneering at him because you know what? That waiter reminds him a lot of his own kids, yapping on with their endless questions and stories at the dinner table.

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He wants to see your inner child

Can you be goofy? Can you laugh at bathroom humor? Are you unfazed by spaghetti sauce splashing all over your shirt? A dad wants to see that you can be silly and are young at heart, because his children will fall in love with that about you. They’re not going to care how accomplished you are in your job, or how well put together your outfits are. They’re going to love you if you can let everything hang loose.

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He wants you to live healthy

(Most) fathers consider it a deal breaker if you’re an excessive drinker, smoker or drug user. But even unhealthy eating and exercise habits may turn a dad off. He has an example to set for his kids, and having you lounging around his house with fast food doesn’t help set it.

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He wants you to be openly affectionate

Women who are this way with their partners and friends are often more maternal. He wants to see you give hugs and kisses freely, and that you like to touch your friends. He wants to see that when you feel warmth towards somebody, you show that through affection. Because that’s the number one type of warmth children respond to.

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He wants you to prioritize relationships

By now, a single father has probably realized that what’s most important in life isn’t status or career standing or respect from his peers. It’s having the people you love know and feel every day that you love them. It’s being there for the people you’ve promised to be there for. He wants to see that you’d be willing to pass up on a career-making trip if your mother was sick and needed you because he makes those types of sacrifices on a daily basis.

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Romance will be hard to come by

Understand that things like romantic weekends away, or even romantic nights in, are very, very hard to execute. Kids often choose the perfectly wrong weekend to get a stomach bug or be heartbroken over a lost spelling bee. And when that happens, reservations have to be cancelled and the rose petals in the tub have to be replaced with rubber duckies.

"Daddy Daughter pf"

He wants to tell his kids when it gets “serious”

He doesn’t want you making comments to his children about the status of your relationship, or your plans to move in together or anything that indicates you’ll be around for a while. If you do so, he’ll feel you’ve overstepped your boundaries. He is the one that wants to explain that to them, in the ways that only he knows how.

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He won’t care about petty problems

Drycleaners messed up your dress? His kids draw on his shirts every week! Your caterer put raspberries where there were supposed to be blackberries? He often has to settle for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he is in a hurry! He has a very clear view on the things that just don’t matter in life, and he’s not going to change that view for you.

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He prefers practical over fancy things

On the above note, he’ll be turned off if everything in your home is expensive, especially if it’s only for aesthetic purposes. Not only is he now used to buying things for his home that are child proof, but he has to think about his kid’s needs every time he spends money. Buying a $3,000 marble table seems careless to him.

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His little one’s little problems are big to him

He might miss your event because his little girl got in a fight with her best friend and wants her dad around, or she needs him to help her turn the house upside down in search of her Teddy. This doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about you or want to support what you do. It’s just that making his kids feel loved and supported is his number one priority right now.

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He doesn’t want you to dress seductively around his kids

A) Because you could be a role model to them and B) because you know how kids are: they ask questions like, “Why are your boobs so big?” And that’s awkward for him to have to explain.

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  • I too would have to agree with most of these points. Dating someone right now that always tells me that he enjoys my easy going personality and the fun we have together.

  • York

    This was a semi-decent list with some good points, mainly, don’t overstep your boundaries and don’t show up looking like a harlot in front of the babies.

    But that first point almost made me stop reading–ain’t too many people PERIOD looking to date somebody who isn’t fun! A man with substance is still going to want someone with ambition and intellect who knows that every situation can’t be fun. I mean, if his grandma croaks he don’t need you trying to lighten the mood by giggling at the wake about how they done put her wig on crooked….

    • yeppers

      lmaooo OK…this list is for any Man with child or not that is considering you as marriage material in my opinion…yeah you can attribute it to men with kids too…But dont any man want alot of the things on this list???

  • Melissa

    I just had to stop clicking at page 2. One this list is part common sense, but ugh! I’m so darn tired of reading blogs/discussions/etc on what we as woman have/need to do to keep/catch a man. No one is perfect but I refuse to change who I am in order to “get a man” the majority of these articles that asks us to change tell us hat we already should know as grown women. I thought when I first found out about this tie it was targeted to empowering women to be better for ourselves. Heck 99.9% of what’s here talks about well u need not to do this or that, or look a certain way in order to find your man. I’m not a goat, dog, etc i wasn’t placed here to be someone’s fantasy. I was put here on this earth to please myself first. Why not more articles on what a man can do to find me. The articles when u do pint them always have some superficial garbage for what a man should do. I’m going to end my rant by saying this. What I won’t do another woman will, to that I say let her go right ahead then. Not saying I wouldn’t bend over backwards for him but its a two way street with me.

    • York

      But if you stopped clicking at page 2, how do you know this list was part common sense? LOL I’m just sayin.

      And what good would an article on what a man can do to find you be on a site that caters to women? Not trying to be rude or nothing; I understand where you’re trying to go with this but it seems a bit too personal over there.

      • Melissa

        How would I know because all of them are the same. I stand corrected if somewhere on this list said something other than what I need to do or mainly change in order to keep a man. I feel you on this is the wrong site for articles targeted towards men. But it’s a rare find that you will find an article that tells men what they would change in order to find a woman. I’m not offended by this article specifically it’s just a peeve

  • qui8tstorm83

    @ Yeppers. 100% on point with the decent guy and his baby moma throwing shade. Those are the worst to deal with! lol. It’s a shame b/c Men are being slighted b/c they are handling their responsibilities like they should but it’s seen as a strike against them. However, I try to stay clear of dads too. I stay battling this issue but I have made it policy to only consider a guy with just one child if he’s interested. IMO i don’t want to miss out on my potential blessing/the one b/c I didn’t as least give him a shot only b/c he already has a child. I choose to take things very slow or either just be friends and see how he is able to handle certain situations regarding our friendship.
    For the most part…I stay clear from the single dads b/c I like having the option to just go whenever and wherever at the last minute. Dating a already dad…you have to plan and you get the common calls regarding having to cancel or reschedule your plans. That gets old really quick esp. if you have concert tickets! lol. As a single person…it’s hard sometimes to keep up a certain level and understand of things that continue to disrupt your relationship. But as you continue to get older it does get harder to find those guys without any kids.

    • Yeppers

      I agree and it’s tough when I meet a really nice guy and then come to find out he has a kid….sheeeeesh!!!! That just feels like its going to be a lot more understanding on your part. Plus at alot of our ages we aren’t ready to be even PART TIME MOTHERS… So if a man wants to create a family with u and a kid really quickly it can be intimidating if u are not ready for kids… #2. Momma drama…. The first sign of drama or mess and I AM OUT THE DOOR. If a man feels like he is ready to date after a relationship or WHATEVER IT WAS that produced a child, he need to have all lose ends tied… Everyone need to know where they stand. don’t bring other women into no mess when u are not fully thru messin with the moms… Or she still holding out hope… Cut it out. If a woman still feel like she can bring up mess or act stupid it’s because of something he tellin her or he AIN’T TELLIN HER. It’s really hard for me to trust what a dude is saying in these circumstances… So honesty for me, I need the moms to be in a relationship or dam near married for me to consider…. These single hos…. Hell naw miss me wit the bulls***. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

  • Ms. Kameria

    Some of these tips make sense. I try not to date guys with kids, but that’s just because of my age and generation. Many guys my age have multiple children by multiple (different) young ladies. I understand that everyone makes mistakes, but it is just my preference to not deal with guys who have kids. I just depends on the age and maturity of the men, I guess.

    • Yeppers

      I agree… Most dudes in our generation come with alot of baggage and drama when they already have kids. Especially if he a somewhat good man and just didn’t have a good relationship with the moms she going to throw shade and hate to get her so called “family” back together… I would just rather not deal with that. I know as we get older and are still dating more men will have kids but I think the drama level decreases as u get older…But if u are young, try your best not to date young dudes with kids, cus young people come with YOUNG PEOPLE CHILDISH A** DRAMA. U have been warned… Lol

  • Kaori

    There is nothing I need to know because I would never date a single father.