Girl, Don’t Waste Your Time: 9 Signs He Might Be Wack in Bed!

51 Comments
December 9, 2012 ‐ By Brooke Dean

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Bad sex. We’ve all had it at least once in our lives. How many times have you wished you could get those 2 hours (or 2 minutes) of your life back when you could’ve spent the evening washing and twisting your hair instead? After all, he was a cute new boo and he seemed sweet, so we gave in…and maybe even gave him another chance to redeem himself – only to be disappointed yet again.

Even though bad sex can be hard to predict, especially if there’s some sort of chemistry, some would argue there are signs that the sex will be terrible before you actually have it. Now of course, there are no fail-safe signals, but if any of these signs are present, you may want to skip the romp in the sack altogether and save yourself the time and trouble.

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  • JA6180

    He can’t dance.

    Oh please so basically you’re saying MJ is the greatest lover ever to have lived. Right…

  • The_Truth

    This article should be titled ’10 reasons to stay away from wack women’. Almost every single point reflects more on the poster than the target and when you place all of them together, you end up with an extremely unattractive personality. One I and many men would surely be pleased never to date, never to talk to and definitely never to have sex with.

  • The_Truth

    This article should be titled ’10 reasons to stay away from wack women’. Almost every single point reflects more on the poster than the target and when you place all of them together, you end up with an extremely unattractive personality. One I and many men would surely be pleased never to date, never to talk to and definitely never to have sex with.

  • talaktochoba

    typical…on most signs here, you couldn’t possibly be more wrong;

    first and foremost, dancing with women is almost exclusively a social function for the benefit of women–many men i know who don’t dance like Denny Terrio don’t because they feel it’s demeaning to make such a display of yourself just for a woman’s attention…in other words, you’re declaring yourself to the world you’re her boy-fool;

    now dancing with a production company (see Nicolas Brothers) or part of tribal and/or family tradition (see Clegg, Johnny, Marley, Bob, Black Mambazo, Ladysmith) is an entirely different thing…of course, if that’s too old-fashioned for you to understand, go and get yourself a boy toy like Usher or better yet, Richard Simmons;

    good hygiene is paramount but 9 times out of 10 a chance to have sex crops up when you BOTH are dirty (i believe it’s called “spontaneous”)..the eloquent and so romantic cure is for both to hop in the shower and get things started there;

    i’ve known women who’ve taken men others rejected, literally thrown them in a shower and a bar of soap after them before climbing in themselves and going to work on him with both hands, and coming out with a wonderful husband her girlfriends try to steal;

    and let us make this clear, CLOTHES DO NOT, REPEAT, DO NOT MAKE THE MAN ( unless, of course, he’s a republican, in which case, sex is not necessary nor permitted);

    what IS important is that they be neat and clean, like the man wearing them–15 minutes in almost any Salvation Army store and a man can come out attired for any occasion up to and including a White House dinner;

    and 9/10 of the reasons why those men who put off sex with you almost til they can hear the chapel bells ringing is that they are understandably terrified of having to deal the rest of their lives with women with stratospheric expectations based upon old wives tales like most of these you’ve listed;

    we could list twice as many “signs” not to have sex with you, starting with incessant flirting, too much makeup, too much “mirror”, too many shoes and not enough food, but the whole point is we’re dogs because you like us to be, and the ones with good breeding will show through the scruffiest coats and those of us will only be made happy when we are left delightfully miserable by those of you with the ability and will to housebreak us–or as i heard my grandmother once put it, “Girl, if he’s a good man with bad breath, buy him a toothbrush and a MilkBone and see he uses both!”

  • Bucho

    Wow… Just a curious guy wanting to learn a woman’s perspective. I gotta say, this is the most foolish article I’ve ever seen written. Ladies, if you take much of what has been written here to heart, it just might explain one more reason why you’re chronically disappointed.
    Either that, or somebody forget to tell me that there just aren’t any nice girls left in the world…

  • SP08

    This entire post is stupid. This is why women continually pick losers and end up being baby mamas, and this is a woman saying this,

  • destiny

    Ridiculous. Another reason why black women stay single. When finding a good man to marry, good sex should not be a requirement. The sex should come after marriage.

  • http://twitter.com/Discursions Alarms & Discursions

    Congratulations on becoming as crassly pornographic in your thinking as Hustler.

  • DD

    not sure about number 7.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_H6MFT4FPSLZLZUE4LFNZAOHBQU Me Too

    The funny part about the list is if a women finds a guy so eager to get every gal he meets into bed that he does all these things, he’s not doing it for you sweetheart, he’s doing it for the last 200 women he screwed then the next 200 after you.

    Pick the right guy based on his personality, you have to have a good bond to keep up good sex in the long term.

  • jack_sprat2

    Life is a cooperative game. Did it ever occur to those women, like this author, who seem to go through life eagerly shouting “Next!”, while bitterly or contemptuously dissing their discarded (or rejected would-be) lovers, that they’re not holding up their end? News flash: Some OTHER girl made the men whom you’ve found acceptable so. Those other women gave of themselves to send forth into the world a better man than the one who first entered their beds.

    The guys who didn’t impress you? They’ve had too many girls like you in their lives, too few (or none) of the others.

    What, are you the damn Queen Bee? Count me not an admirer. Man’s confidence is a reflection of woman’s generosity of spirit.

    • courtney

      it’s not that deep Jack.

  • redacted

    9 signs she might be wack:

    1) She’s pretty, and spends a lot of time of her appearance. It’s a safe bet that these little princesses have the world at their feet, and will expect the same from you. See also; dead fish, planking

    2) ….Anyone?

  • http://www.peridotdynasty.com/ Roni W

    The suspect appearance one is kinda iffy. My ex was iffy as heck wearing combat boots all year round, but the brotha was um….*ahem* Lord have mercy. He uh…he was amazing. O_o

  • Jasmine

    Who said anything about leaving a guy? The article just said signs the sex might be wack, not “you should leave him if it’s wack.”

  • http://www.therapyiseffinexpensive.wordpress.com/ Zan

    THIS is one of the things I thought I’d have seen in the article…and 9 times out of 10, it never fails. If he (or SHE) brags about their “sexual prowess”, they have NONE whatsoever.

  • Dee

    anyone interested in intelligent discourse? yeah I can get there in 2 minutes too, but it is stronger and more satisfying when someone I like gives me one. Why so much “just me” in the sack fellas? I got mine, too bad for you. 68 and I owe you one. No joy in sex anymore….?

  • ijs

    My man cant dance but he can lay the pipe all day long! lol

  • 4ThWardGA

    I usually perform well when I’m buzzed not drunk it’s a big difference and I think it’s weird as a man to watch flicks by yourself you only pop those in when you with a woman IJS

  • http://twitter.com/CitySharkk City Sharkk

    Men have to pay for it regardless atleast if the sex is business transaction you dont have to put up with any of her crap

    • Vandellish

      haha!!! You beat me to it.

      Yeah men pay for it either directly or indirectly. I guess women pay for it a bit too with all that expensive dolling up they do for guys. The rare time I didn’t have to spend shyt was in Germany Oktoberfest where black American men are treated like superstars. Good times.

  • seveneightyseven

    not sure why “cute” and “sweet” means you gotta give into a guy….smh wtf is wrong wit women?

  • Candacey Doris

    Bad fashion sense isn’t necessarily an indicator. I say this because my old roommate came home with a really messy looking guy and i had to listen to them all night. I was mad but she had a smile for a week.

  • D

    worst article I have ever read…no wonder so many women have trouble with men taking advice like this….

    • courtney

      Mad much?

  • Kaori

    I don’t even know what to think about this. If a man has poor hygiene and is an alcoholic, I wouldn’t even be entertaining the thought of having sex with him.

  • http://www.facebook.com/nessa.fox Nessa Fox

    this list is sooo true

  • ANTMilf

    This list is more like ” 9 reasons why you shouldn’t waste your time with a guy” more than s3x.

  • Say What?

    When I’m f***ing it’s like being on a bus, cause I’m getting off at my stop and I’m DONE!

  • justsaying

    It’s funny how people use their personal experiences as “facts and rules” regarding sex. I can agree with bad hygiene and lack of kissing, but everything else is questionable.

    • IllyPhilly

      I hate kissing during sex, yuck

    • Jasmine

      Where did you see these things listed as “facts”? MOST articles, especially when it comes to relationships, are based on personal experiences – and I’m sure if you were imparting advice, they’d be based of your experiences as well. You can agree about kissing or lack of hygiene, but others in this comments section have said that bad kissing is not necessarily an indicator of bad sex. So for you to say you agree means your experience has proven the same, even if it might not be someone else’s experience. Therefore, your personal experiences could serve as “rules” too.

  • Madeline

    The trolls are out heavy on this one. Hit dogs, and what not.

    • redacted

      As are the censors; the mod is blocking comments that are neither profane, derogatory, or off topic.

      Shocking, i know.

  • CriticXtreme

    Real men don’t dance but give serious foreplay.

    • IllyPhilly

      Touch me there, lick me here, get in, get out, boom goes the dynamite. LMAO. I think I was a guy in another life.

      • Ms_Mara

        LOL

      • Melodi

        i want to be you when i grow up. oh damn…. already grown……

  • Rajo1

    There is no shame in my game…if I go for three to four mins at times..I never trip… I’m confident in my bed game…

  • bluekissess

    Playing devils advocate with if the man is fine but the woman is just wack? Where is the list that a woman maybe wack in bed

    • IllyPhilly

      Very true.

    • Kaori

      “Where is the list that a woman maybe wack in bed”

      On a men’s site.

      • bluekissess

        Well I’m sure “the wonderful MN WRITERS” can come across something.

        • Kaori

          MN seems to be a heteronormative website.

          • jack_sprat2

            Whereas The Advocate is pansexual?

    • Candacey Doris

      It can happen. Some girls just have no experience (is it wrong not to have been with anyone?) and some have been around the block AND down the street and still can’t do it.

  • customcalendars4u2

    I had a wonderful lover who couldn’t dance,don’t judge a book by it’s cover,I don’t like guys who regularly watch porn,if a grown man has bad Hygiene he may as well be a bum on the street (which means he’d be better off begging me for change),everyone does not like to kiss, if you get down like that & a man doesn’t have a condom(then you have one handy) and ANY man that avoids sex with a woman he is dating and is NOT religious then you already know something is wrong!

  • IllyPhilly

    IDK what yall women doing wrong, but I can get off in 2 minutes with or without a decent sex partner.

    • Rajo1

      Dead as$

    • DJTheDJ

      Funniest comment I’ve EVER seen on this site.

    • Marquis de Sade

      Yep, I too sometimes subscribe to the “I GOT MINE, YOU GET YOURGASM” type of freaky deaky derring-do.