Did He Smell Your Desperation Over The Internet? Why A Guy (Probably) Stopped Talking To You Online

November 23, 2012  |  
"frustrated black woman on the computer pf"

So you’re talking to a guy online, things are going well and then suddenly, those little satisfying “New message!” icons stop popping up. He’s pulled a disappearing act on you. It’s possible he met someone else. It’s possible his subscription expired. But, if you want a shot at finding love online, you need to be open to the possibility that you said or did something wrong. Like this:

"black woman laptop PF"

You emailed too frequently
The content of your emails were fine, but you emailed multiple times a day, often replying within ten minutes of his reply. This says to a guy that you don’t have a life! Nobody that is employed, or at least doing well at their job, or has a social life has the time to check their messages, and sit down to compose a thought out response, every half hour.

"woman laying down using laptop pf"

Your emails were too long

You wrote novel-length emails. This says a few things to a guy: you talk too much, you again have too much time on your hands, or you’re a bit narcissistic and think you’re that interesting.

"woman sitting on the floor pf"

You got too deep, too fast

Even though the written word can feel very intimate, a guy you’ve only exchanged a few messages with online doesn’t want to hear about your daddy issues, or your messy breakup, or your struggle with depression. Guys assume that you are as intense as you present yourself immediately. So, if you immediately go deep, the guy will assume you are always getting deep, and can’t just keep things light and have fun.

"Woman taking a picture pf"

 

You kept changing your profile photos

Obsessively changing your profile photos demonstrates a lack of confidence on your part. It also demonstrates that you don’t know yourself very well, which is why you keep thinking, “Maybe this photo will tell who I am. No wait, maybe this one will!” If you have a strong sense of self, any photo tells who you are!

"Couple bored on date - PF"

You asked to see him too soon

Somebody that wants love to come in a natural way is happy to take time messaging online. But somebody that just wants a relationship right now will ask for a date right now. If you abruptly suggested a date maybe only a couple messages in, it will seem like you’re desperate for an insta-boyfriend.

"lonely - PF"

 

You sounded like a loner

You were always hanging at home reading, or watching a movie, or taking a walk, or eating at a restaurant by yourself. If you don’t have a social life, a guy fears that you’ll be very clingy.

"Black woman thinking PF"

 

You made fun of yourself too much

Be careful with sarcasm or joking online. If somebody doesn’t know you, there are too many ways you can be misread via the written word. Making a lot of jokes at your own expense might just be your sense of humor, but to a guy online it may sound like you’re constantly down on yourself, and he doesn’t want to be responsible for boosting your self esteem.

"black woman thumbs down - PF"

You were pessimistic about online dating

You criticized the site, or all the people on there or all the other sites you’ve used. Overall, you sound very pessimistic about online dating. Why would a guy that you’re talking to through online dating want to continue talking to someone who had such low hopes for the experience?

"jealous man pf"

 

You mentioned another guy’s email

You both know that you’re both receiving communication requests left and right daily. You know it, but you’re not supposed to talk about it. All you need to know is that the guy is there, now, talking to you. And that’s all he needs to know about you. But when you mention something another guy said to you in an online message, it instantly blows the cover off things for the guy you’re currently messaging. He won’t be able to take his mind off of all the competition. This makes some guys walk away.

"black woman iPad PF"

You posted racy photos

Be careful with racy photos. There is a fine line between effortlessly hot, and “Somebody please date me!” If a guy disappeared right around the time you put up a photo, you may want to analyze that photo again. Is there too much cleavage after all?

"woman saying stop pf"

You skipped the “steps”

Most sites have steps you have to complete before you get right into direct messaging. This could be answering multiple choice questions, sending your “Must have’s” and “Can’t stands” and a variety of other gimmicks sites produce. If you skip all the steps and go right into sending a guy a direct message, this could also smell of despair.

"Drunk woman pf"

You emailed drunk

No matter how intriguing a guy is, how much he is on your mind and how much you want to tell him a funny thing that just happened, do not email drunk. This is when you’re very likely to over share without even realizing it.

"Wine glasses pf"

 

You invited him over for a first date

The online communication process went by without a hitch. You got into talking about a real date, and there was mutual interest. But then you invited him over to your place, and he disappeared. Maybe you just had innocent appetizers in mind, but remember: online is a creepy place. Nobody likes to be invited over by somebody who they have never met. Most men will find it strange if you’re unaware of that stigma, and invite them over for the first date.

"Guy on laptop pf"

He was only half way into it

Keep in mind there are a lot of people that are just online dating casually, or their friends forced them into it, or they’re not really ready for a relationship. You’ll spot these guys as the ones that take a week to respond, or respond at odd hours, or don’t share much about themselves in emails. These guys usually eventually taper off entirely. That’s not your fault.

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  • Kisses

    I once asked a guy “tell me a little about yourself”….his response was broken up in FIVE messages, all of them at least 5 sentences long.

    Dude, I said “a LITTLE.” I was so overwhelmed I just clicked to the next message lol.

  • Great article, much needed advice

  • Why?

    Once again, MN shows how expert it is at giving bad advice.