What I Learned From My Interracial Relationships: Raise Your Standards

260 comments
November 8, 2012 ‐ By Ashley Brumeh

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I dated mostly white men in my younger years.  I attended predominately white schools during those years and I had a lot of white friends, so relationships with white men developed as a result.  I grew up in a single-parent household where husband and wife roles were non-existent. Thankfully it didn’t matter because white men showed me what I needed to know about love, commitment, and romance.

When I was finally old enough to date I went out with the first of many white boys.  He held all the doors open, treated me like a lady, and paid for dinner.  We discussed a variety of topics and he seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say (a rare find in the dating pool of the late ’90s). We didn’t date long, considering we were young and in school, but he set the precedent for all of my interracial relationships.

After dating more of these men I noticed a trend: All of my relationships with white men involved partners who took me out on actual dates, openly confessed their commitments to me, and tossed around the idea of marriage.  My positive experiences with white men were stark contrasts to some of my female counterparts’ troubles with black men.  They constantly complained of the black men they encountered, but even still, I wanted to find out for myself if there was any validity in their concerns.

I always found black men very attractive yet I hadn’t really dated any (and not because I didn’t want to).  I considered myself an open-minded individual so I knew that my dating options needed to widen.  Despite the negative comments I heard from a few friends, I started dating both black and white men in the quest to find the right partner for me.  Unfortunately, that journey left me with a combination of confusion and criticisms of my own.

Immediately, I noticed differences in my dealings with black men compared to the white men I previously dated.  For instance, the black men I met immediately requested visits to my place.  Whenever I suggested going on an actual date some either wanted to go dutch or they politely declined.  Sadly, their idea of a good time was watching television at my house while eating all of my food.  If I hadn’t started out dating white men then I may have assumed those home visits and free-for-alls were the norm.

I also noticed that the black men I kept running into had communication issues.  I am well aware that there are intellectuals of every race; however, the black men I met wanted to discuss nothing more than sports and intimacy. Safe to say, I was meeting and messing with the wrong types of men and must have been looking in the wrong places. Perhaps the black men I would have preferred dating were not interested, already taken, or in their own interracial relationships, but the ones I was dealing with were making the dating game more tough than it should have been.

On the rare occasion that I met a black man that treated me the way I was accustomed to and exhibited some of the characteristics I was looking for, I noticed his hesitation in discussing marriage although it was a topic that came up in every interracial relationship I had. All of their parents were still married and they were expected to marry someone…someday.  Some of the black men I dated came from broken homes (just like me) so they didn’t understand my desire to get married and they didn’t find it necessary.  Even though I grew up without the imagery of “love and marriage” in my home, I knew that I was not interested in being anyone’s long-term girlfriend. While I might have enjoyed their company, I knew better than to stick around with a stagnant man for too long, and I continued my search knowing that lowering my standards just because a guy looked good or because he was fun was not going to be an option for me. What else do you have to offer?

In the end, I’ve been blessed to find a man who is all the things I wanted and would have hoped for, and we share the same goals for the future. And if you were wondering, yes, he’s a black man. But I can say that my relationships with white men taught me to never settle for less than I deserved and enabled me to find my Mr. Right by not being comfortable with mediocre “dates,” and just being a girlfriend forever.  They gave me the ability to differentiate between boys and men.  They showed me the ropes of dating and the significance of marriage. And that’s not to say you have to date outside of your race to figure these things out, but in my experience, it helped me find the perfect man for me, one actually within my own race.

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  • Leen

    I am an African woman and I personally think that African men besides being black are the best because they are deep, cultural and committed. Those black men you described are found in our European influenced societies in Africa. As much as our African men may be portrayed by the media as dominant and cultural which is supposed to be a negative thing according to the western mindset, it helps a lot in disciplining yourself and promoting self respect. If you are referring to black men kindly specify the regions or even the names of those black men because our men are kings and kings are also mere humans with flaws but we love them.

  • Eb

    So, first of all…I have no idea how I found this site. Second of all I am giving a male perspective. Let me just say that I am a “white guy” who has had several IR relationships. I have dated white women, black, Asian, & Latina. So, cultural differences can make relationships challenging. Plus, I’m still searching for my Queen.

    I think the article is mostly about personal experience. I read a lot of your posts. I truly believe that you will find good men of every race, and bad men at every race. And…regardless of race…some men are just bad at relationships.

    I hope I can further say that I honestly believe that all of the different races have beat up on each other long enough. It is my hope that in our present day & age that a man & a woman would have the ability to find the right person for him/her regardless of race. Thank you.É1

  • AppleCrisp86

    As a black woman who started off dating black men only– I only began to date white men due to the changes in my demographics and socioeconomic status. I attended two very elite universities, moved to suburban neighborhoods, and got a really high level executive position in a field dominated by white men. My preference was accidentally developed due to my circumstances. In my experience, this article is ABSOLUTELY 100% TRUE for me. I can’t speak for every one or about everyone else’s experience but dating black men has been a very cumbersome experience for me whereas dating white men has been so much better. Again, this is just my experience and I am not speaking bad about all black men nor am I speaking good about all white men. I think there is somewhat of a cultural difference.

  • Krystal

    This is bullshit I dated a white guy that did all the things your white men did and he turned out to be the worst man I ever met. He was cheating on his long term gf with me and on me with other girls. Sadly none of us knew. He kept blaming all of us girls for his erectile dysfunction and that is what kept us. He would do that and then act nice again and reel me back in. I would never date another white guy. He put my mental, physical and spiritual health at risk date who is genuine and you would know who because a woman’s guy instinct is neve wrong. Good men do not depend on the race listen to the red flags lasies

    • Jonesie

      Gosh, sounds like we were seeing the same man! Geez. :/

  • Jess

    I’m a Hispanic woman married to an African American man, and I am APPALLED by some of these comments. My marriage has nothing to do with an agenda nor the media..I simply fell in love with a man who happens to be of Africa-American culture. In fact, a lot of these forums outright bash interracial love, and why? Are you serious? Love is LOVE. Stop hating love and start loving people in general—dont worry about skin color anymore!

  • sssss

    Only difference you can leave with him now and not in a, house down the road

  • sssss

    I bet the first thing they did with you was anal??? Why is that?? Learn the context of our current situation

  • Genesis in the UK

    When oh when will we stop hating on black men…..this is becoming silly….

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  • Guest

    Black men are trash. I am in college and these black boys tell me how much they want to sleep with me yada yada yada and I ask them to get me a bag of chips or water from the vending machine and they say they broke. Fvcking bums. I don’t even date. These dudes out here especially the black ones are not worth it. I’m waiting for a big poppa.

  • Lauren Love

    As a mother of a black son who will grow up and be a black man one day, I’m attempting to raise him and have him prepared for life on all fronts. Black men have it hard. We can’t make excuses but yes we can raise the standards and it starts at home. Still having all of uson here talking about them like dogs isn’t going to help anything! And making it seem like another man of another race is the answer or who black guys should go to for some info or tips isn’t healthy or helpful

  • V. De Klerk

    I’m a white man and i approve this message.
    My wife (black lady) has observed this anthropological phenonomenon too.
    Always a good idea to look around before you decide.
    Same goes for white men and all men,too.

    • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

      who cares?

  • kofybean

    “All of my relationships with white men involved partners who took me out on actual dates, openly confessed their commitments to me, and tossed around the idea of marriage. ”

    Yet it doesn’t seem that any white man actually married you, or truly committed themselves to you?
    Curious.

  • Jp

    I fully endorse interracial dating from the standpoint of find someone who meets your standards be they black, white or yellow. But, sadly it sounds like she’s reinforcing the stereotype of black men which so many women believe. Women and men are given glimpses into people they find attractive early on. Why go on a date with someone who hits these red flags and then complain about the quality of men. Also, knowing that you want to be married is great, but how so are you bringing up marriage in a conversation? You may be pushing great men away by appearing desperate to get a ring put on it. I don’t think you need to date outside your race to raise your standards, I think you need to be comfortable being alone.

  • Infinitarchitect

    No disrespect to the author and I understand that the primary audience on this site is Black Women so I understand the sentiment that many Black Women will agree with this article. But I’m a Black Man and I’m proud of it and I’m not going to give you a high five. Here is why.

    First of all this is sentence says it all “white men showed me what I needed to know about love, commitment, and romance.”

    Why couldn’t the author have said I have learned through my various relationships with men of all races, colors, etc what love, commitment and romance is about but instead she specifically wanted to make it a point that it was only because of the WHITE MAN that made that all possible for her to become enlightened. Wouldn’t you have also learned even from the bad relationships that you had and isn’t that part of the courting/relationship process?

    Then the author goes on to say that black men immediately want to request visits to her place whereas compared to the white men they do not and I’m assuming our perfect gentlemen. Again this is such malarkey (to use Joe Biden’s word lol).

    She talks about her female counterparts troubles with black men, can you say character assassination?

    The author talks about that ONE black guy that treated her nice and she made sure she mentions that it was RARE and then the complaint was he was hesitant to talk about marriage OMG haha although marriage was always talked about with the white men she dated. REALLY?

    She goes on to further slam down on black men and say that “some” of the black men she dated came from broken homes and so they did not understand marriage or have a desire to get married. Again such malarkey.

    My question to the black women on this website and all the around the world is to stop blaming black men and understand that you are part of the solution. You want more respect you want to be the QUEEN, you want someone to love you, you better figure out how to love yourself first and foremost and stop looking outside of yourself for love and attention.

    Then the author says that in the end she found a man that was everything she wanted and oh yes by the way he’s a black man as if we are supposed to now clap up and down and give her a high five lol. She never expounded on the qualities that her new black man hubby has?

    Whats funny about this article is that she says a white man just a white man allowed her to understand how to have a better relationship, no credit to her family at all, no credit to her mother, father, aunts, uncles, grandparents oh no only the white man did this hahaha. So I ask the question where was your mother? Didn’t your mother teach you these things? Didn’t your mother provide you with enough confidence in yourself and if not why is your article so positioned to give black men all the blame when you yourself should know you grew up in a broken family and you exhibited low self worth and had to be taught by someone else outside of your race what love and relationships are about? Don’t you think black men should be given the same benefit of the doubt?

    • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

      If that is her experience with black men, why be dismissive about it? She is not “slamming” black men she is just stating her personal truth. I am currently dating and many of my experiences with black men have been “bizarre” to say the very least, does not mean I hate black men or have an agenda to bash black men here in America. Just fact,I find that a lot of black men I have interacted with here in America are rude condescending and quick to condemn black women as self-hating w/o taking a long look at behaviors they exhibit that could easily be defined as “self-hating”, A lot of Black men here in America have a tendency to be very disrespectful towards black women and grovel in hispanic and white women’s wake. It’s boring and tedious and quite frankly I prefer African men to African-American men. And I am not saying ALL black men r this way, but enough to stand back and take notice, now watch how quickly my commentary will be “dismissed” and that is a major part of the problem.

  • kukukashew

    I have to cosign this! It’s probably a little more complicated than it’s been posed because my one experience dating within race was actually MORE impressive in terms of nice dates, good conversation etc… He was smart and great to be around – I really liked him. However, it was also filled with bizarre situations and shadiness that I had never ever experienced from a male that proclaimed to really like me and not be seeing anyone else. Just a bunch of unexplained stuff and some outright lies. Amongst other things. Maybe this is normal, but I had never experienced it and didn’t like it. I never knew what the heck was going on. However! The experience did reignite my black consciousness more and I have not written off dating black guys because of it. In fact, I’m more interested in a within-race relationship in the (faroff) future because of how beautiful that union looked. We looked amazing together… (Not just that reason). I was raised by a single mom who dated (if she dated) mostly white men. So, I hardly saw a black and black relationship as anything to strive for or of importance. Now I am more interested in having that – in the very distant future… Maybe. But l definitely won’t lower my standards and am glad that I have not been accustomed to bizarre behaviour. It doesn’t matter the race you’re dealing with, just don’t lower you standards period. And if you don’t know what those standards are, spend some time being happily single and figure yourself out.
    The privilege of “whiteness” may somehow make white men better partners for the most part. They’re probably more secure, have less to prove, don’t see a novelty in sleeping with random white woman just so they know they CAN (or at least less so).etc. It’s unfortunate but that’s life. I think generations to come will have more black men who have much less of those “negative” traits and behaviours as life improves for them both situationally and psychologically. I hope! In the meantime I think that sisters may be doing black men a psychological disservice by allowing this behaviour to go on out of loyalty. If we remove their life force perhaps they will see the light. I will support you from afar and send you good energy, but I’m not going to let whatever is going on with you affect my life. Don’t be an enabler. :D

  • Twinkle

    I think this article is complete crap and the writer should feel embarrassed for putting this in the public sphere. I grew up in and come from a multicultural community in London and as a young attractive black woman I have always dated men of many different races, they have been hot, educated, financially stable or well to do white, black, indian, arab and random mixed race guys. It may have been the black men you were allowing into your life, because I believe no matter what the race, men tend to be men, they tend be the same in terms of their basic wants and needs but perhaps due to cultural differences they just have a different way of conveying that message to you. There are just as many white men who are dogs as there are black men, they just tell you in a different way. Sometimes as women we also need to check ourselves and the guys we are choosing or even considering as dates before we start making judgements.

    • twinkle iscrap

      Your assessment of someone else’s experiences is also crap! Just because you had great times with both races doesn’t mean everyone has. You are not the standard of what’s good and what’s not, crapola!

  • Hazel

    ??????????????????????

  • Kiki Veles

    So a man should spend ton of money taking various women out while they get to freeload? What is wrong with going Dutch? Or with YOU paying for the guy? If I have to pay, I would rather pay for one where we agree what I’m paying for. Taking you out, and not knowing whether that money is well spent, or just fattened you up, what is the point? If girl has problem going Dutch, I would not want anything to do with her, because she will keep taking my money instead of contributing. As for “holding open doors”, we are in 21st century, womans suffrage et all, equality among sexes, open your own door!

    • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

      And this is why u r so angry because u have little success with women because of.ur attitude.

  • Liliana

    I just can’t with these articles. There are so many examples of good & bad behavior evident from men AND women of all races and ages. Divorce statistics, marriage statistics and for the most basic of us any of the Reality TV shows should put into clear focus that plenty of White women and White men are in sad, abusive and BAD relationships.

  • 4xtra

    you guys kill me…..
    You meet pookie, Ray Ray and/or Leon at the club and ALL OF A SUDDEN you think All black men think like this. WOW

    Sports and intimacy? Are you serious? When you meet a BOY (18-25) that is what is expected.
    **You need to go into the airline business because the BAGGAGE fees would get you rich**

    • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

      I have never met anyone named Pookie, Ray ray or Leon in my life, that is a stereotype.. Please go set urself down somewhere and HUSH.

      • 4xtra

        you know DAMN well your baby daddy name is RAY RAY
        **Shut up and stop readin all that feminist material online**

        • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

          Ur stupid and u flaunt ur ignorance like it is something to be proud of, go sterilize ur simple self immediately. BYE.

        • Guest

          Her baby daddy name is day day. Gov’t name Dequan. Bwahahaha.

          • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

            What’s ur baby daddy’s name? Dickbreath?

          • 4xtra

            ok..about time someone cleared that up

  • Cogito

    The problem with these types of discussions is that they are always from the woman’s perspective and are based upon a lot presumptions of unearned entitlements. And though my standards of chilvary as a black man is a reflection of me, there are certain aspects of this chilvary that becomes operational only if she inspires me to do so. I have long since understood that most women define “masculiine quality” by how they themselves benefit from it, instead of an actual examination of his character. If a young 24 year old black man who is saving his money to invest in his future and declines to waste his money on some woman with an exaggerated sense of entitlement, who professes to want to get to know him, but is offended by his taking her to a coffee shop instead of to a five star resteraunt, he is deemed of substandard quaity, no matter the essence of his character.

    And as a former professional athlete who has played and lived here in the US and all over Europe, I could, should I desire to do so, emperically attest to destinction between black women and other women of different racial extractions that are unflattering when it comes to the art of inspiring chilvarous masculiine behavior, but it would be an intellectual short cut on my part; so I, instead, isolate the individual women who falls below my standards and press delete on them, instead making sweeping indictments of all sisters as being of lower feminine caste. And since most of you have already made up your minds about our (bm) collective inferiority, I probably shouldn’t interrupt your beliefs with evidence to the contrary, but what bm of quality would want to share his love and resources with a bw who believes as a great many of you do. I certainly I’m not interested in being any bw’s default option.

    • temple t00

      Madamenoire is a website for women. If you want to read articles from the man’s perspective, go to a website for men.

      • Cogito

        Well, I don’t recall seeing a “no man allowed” sign at the entry way of this website, and by what authority are you empowered to abitrarily dictate who can and who can not post on this board? And though you are clearly closed minded, there are some women actually interested in a masculine perspective, so feel free to skip over my post and keep on doing what you always done and keep getting the same results you have always gotten.

        • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

          Share man..

          • Cogito

            And now that I have your benediction, I’m whole again and all is well with the universe. (see sarcasm)

            • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

              No need to be sarcastic and that is why u r receiving negative responses. Because underneath that veneer of intellectuality and “gentility” is a certain degree of nastiness mired in self-hatred. “shrugs”.

              • Cogito

                LOL! Okay momma, I’ll be a good boy! And since I’ve gotten negative responses….. all that is left to me is to impale myself on my sword in get it over with….lol! And madame, I will have you know that the proverbial proof of the love I have for my people is in the puddng. I’ll take my empirical track records of my relationships with my people over the opinion of Thokozile Xaba on the internet. And stop shrugging your shoulders, you are going to throw it out of joint! LOL!

            • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

              Everyone here sees it, ur not fooling any of the women here.

              • Cogito

                Well, I’m not sure how exactly I would benefit from attempting to fool a bunch of anonymous women on a website, but if you insist! My sarcasm was a my chivalrous response to your giving me your unsolicited blessings to express myself, which of course, I am going to do anyways. So Stop being adverserial with me….you know that you are not really feeling it anyways! lol!

    • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

      lol. U feel there is a difference between black women and other races of women but ur alleged “intellectuality” won’t allow u to admit to it? Yeah ok..lol.

      • Cogito

        Sure there is a difference between black women and women of other cultures, just as there is a difference between black men and men of other cultures. The difference lies in our distinct acculturation: how we are socialized to interact with each other, how we treat each other, and how suspicious and mistrusting we are of each other.

        As a black man, I have done battle with my own conditioning process and have had to check myself, so its not a one sided thing for me. Just as I stated, if a woman doesn’t inspire me by her feminine essence and behavior into chilvarious behavior, she, in my opinion, is not automatically entitled to it. She is entitled to civility, but not chivalry.

        Likewise, I have no problem meeting my burden of proof when it comes to proving myself worthy of her affections or inspiring her in kind; so I’m not sure where your problem lies with my “alleged intellectuality.” My emphasis on black women is because I am a black man and they are my romanatic demographic, so sharing my masculine perspective is a part of our collective exchange.

        However, unlike you, when a sister imparts her views to me, I try and listen and hear her; allow her to tell me what she means instead of trying to divine or ascribe meaning to words, which is what one does, if the objective is to achieve clarity and understanding.

        • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

          Sounded negative brother, ur intellectuality should allow u to expound on these differences. I don’t have any problem expressing myself or entertaining anyone else’s point of view. I feel everyone irrespective of what their mentality is, is privy to my grace,honor, class and gentility. I heard u loud and clear and responded in kind, noone is above common courtesy and if u didn’t dole out ur chivalry so sparingly maybe a lot of women would feel exalted and act accordingly. It';s a two-way street. u need to give a little to get a little.

          • Cogito

            You are missing the point entirely….my sister! If every woman is automatically the beneficiary of my chilvary, then how does one make the distinction between women that are good and those that are bad in their behavior? As I said, even the bad ones are entitled to masculine civility, but my chivalry is reserve for those who meet a certain standard of behavior….which is the inspirational quality that inspires this chilvary.
            This, of course, works both ways: If a woman has no standards of behavior that she requires a man to confirm to in order to merit her love and affection then she is delving out her most precious gift without prejudice or distinction; which is essentially lowering the bar and inviting men of sub-standand quality into her life.
            No woman or man should take issue because they are required to meet a standard of character and behavior in order to qualify for that which is reserved for those who are of demonstrative quality.

            • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

              Why does the distinction need to be made? And how do u judge whether a woman is good enough for u to say a kind word or hold a door open for her? I mean , huh?And a “good” woman benefits from being good by being given ur attention, u r supposed to be chivalrous to ALL women.That is howu elevate the race.

              • Cogito

                You are such a woman…lol! Sweetheart, what do you think the aforementioned “masculine civility” means. It is a generic brand of chivalry, but not chivalry itself; it includes saying hello, opening doors etc.. for women for no other reason than the fact that they are women. Chivalry to me is much deeper than that.

                Chivalry to me, is sharing my Intellectual, physical and economic resources with a woman on a personal level, which by the way, is not limited to romantic involvement. You reward certain behavior to encourage it’s proliferation and you disincentivize bad behavior to discourage it from growing, so the distinction is necessary because to reward both of these behavior the same perverts the chivalry itself.

                A woman who is in touch with her feminine gifts, her ability to inspire masculine behavior fosters a civilized environment where both, masculinity and femininity can co-exist with each other in harmony instead of a contentious environment that serves only to polarize us. Her mere presence as Jack would say, “makes me wanna be a better man,” and that biological reaction to her feminine essence takes over: compelling you to want to take care of her, to protect her etc..

                Lastly, I uplift my race by fulfilling my potential as a man intellectually, economically, leading by example and creating opportunities for others who are deserving of them, based on merit. I don’t run my life as a Socialistic program because life is not an entitlement program. We usually, not always, get what we deserve in life, which is why they call it Karma!

  • honeygirl

    I’m a bi-racial, college educated gal (black father, who himself was raised in Wyoming of all places and a white, Irish, 1st generation mother) who has dated the gamut – black, white, Asian, Latino, Jewish, Persian and all the mixes and blends in between.

    The one thing that I’ve come to see as irrefutable truth is that:
    MEN ARE MEN. Race and/or culture aside – if they are straight – then they want what we ladies have hidden behind our pretty panties. PERIOD.

    As women, we have the responsibilty to ourselves to date men that treat us the way that we expect to be treated. We have to have the courage to stop selecting men who treat us poorly or do not meet basic lifestyle standards – employment, education or whatever.

    AND we have to do our own heavy lifting – deal with our own internal demons that have us selecting the man who gives the best sex or looks the best in the club or throws around money like it ain’t a thang.

    If we want to be shacked up in a married kinda way, we have to pick the man (whoever he may be) that likes to do and be involved with the things we do and are involved in – and is ready for the level of commitment we are ready for – PERIOD.

    In my younger years, I loved art, music, travel and foreign cineman – and yes, I dated two BM in particular who liked those things as well. I didn’t marry either of them – The first one came around when we were both very young and he was not interested in being in a serious relationship with me at that time and wanted to continue to play the field; the the other came along later and was VERY interested in marriage and family when I wasn’t ready for that at all!!

    Now years later, I’m settled down with a Native American man who shares many of my interests and the same level of serious commitment I want. In the beginning I was concerned that there was a huge cultural divergence between us that wouldn’t allow our relationship to make it past the gate, but now there is no way I would trade this man who loves me, respects me and does everything for me to simply have a man that makes other folks feel okay about who I’m dating – on any level – and that includes my family.

    I know for a fact there are plenty of black men out there that want to have a real relationship with black women; I work in engineering and know SEVERAL eligible, educated BM who bemoan the lack of eligible BW for the marrying – I hear these men complaining that only “ratchettes” hit them up, interested in their wallets only.

    Do not give up, ladies – and if you find that your area is hit-n-miss with BM – date outside the box or MOVE to a new location where the selection is better! Oh, and internet dating – is not dating!! It’s only for SEX, so if that’s how you expect to meet your match, FORGET IT.

  • nikki

    im sorry ive been with both races and i have to say men are men no matter what race they are…ive had as many negative experiences with white men as ive had with black men

  • haveaseathoe

    This article was pointless…u mean to tell me only a white man could show u the rite way to be treated so then u settle with a blk man gtfohwtbs. This is bogus. Quit putting this white men on a petalstool

    • Madame Noire

      Please learn how to spell.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/ChakaKhanian?feature=mhee ChakaKhanian

    Madame Noire, you all know how to bring (and cause) the ruckus, lol!!! While I don’t see anything wrong with this topic, I knew it would be hotly discussed.
    I must say to those who are angry with this young lady’s story, don’t be. IT’S HER STORY about her experiences with black and white men. Congratulations to the author for finding black love!

  • melanie

    My question is…why did she get to the point where she let the men come to her house for a “date” in the first place? Black, white or green…she should have left them at hello.

  • Shay

    Once, my coworkers tried to hook me up with their friend. He was very funny, good looking and we got along great. However, when it came time for our first date, he invited me over his house to watch the Sopranos. I respectfully declined and decided he wasn’t the one for me. Needless to say my coworkers thought I was stuck up and tried to make my life hell.

  • Guest

    The real issue here is her standards were positively shaped by the men she initally dated. They just happened to be white. As she stated in her article if she had started out dating men who wanted to sit on her couch and eat all her food, she would have thought this normal. Having expectations of people no matter who they are will always raise the bar. I believe it is truly the key to getting what you want, expecting it and not settling for less!!!!

  • Kristina Tramel

    I didn’t have to date a white man to raise my standards. In fact my black husband and I were friends with no sex for many years before we even started dating. Not all of them are sex starved maniacs.

  • REALLY

    I’m personally offended because a majority [except 2 blind dates] of the black men that I have dated has paid for my dinner, held the door open for me, and treated me like a lady. I wasn’t forced into anything. This article is BS. There is no way in hell you went out with not one white guy that didn’t do all of these things for you. Hell, I know white women who can’t get that type of treatment from white men. You chose to date these type of “black men”, just as you chose to date those type of white men. This article is crap.

  • get real

    I have come to the conclusion that these women purposely (whether truthfully or lying) write these garbage bs articles to inflame and get a rise out people. These interracial articles are insane.

  • MsCongoCanada

    I agree with what she’s saying just from my own experience it’s scary how accurate this is, omg!

  • Olivia

    As a black woman I have to admit that this all sounds a bit foolish. There has been an obvious breakdown in the black family over the past fifty years and we can see the consequences reflected in the dating patterns of African- Americans. I cannot attempt to undermine the author’s experience as it is just that…..her experience. However there appears to be an underlying tone that elevates white men, as if they are somehow these perfect knights who can do no wrong. Furthermore, the author appears to justify her bias by mentioning that she is in a relationship with a black man. As if to say “white men are so great blah, blah, blah and black men aren’t but I’m not bias, nor am I kissing white men’s asses because afterall, I ended up with a black man.” Give me a break. This tone is often echoed on this site and it seems as if the writers have an obsession with white men. I can assure you that obsession is not reciprocated. You will be hard pressed to find white men blogging and writing article after article about their desire for black women. In general, a white man’s first choice will always be a white woman. Trust me, black women have never been seen as a prize for white men and the people on this site sound ridiculous enthusiastically elevating white men, most of whom don’t want you and will never want you. They are not masters of the universe! Such articles do nothing but perpetuate white supremacy.

    • Gye Nyame

      Well said

    • Blackhawk

      Exactly.. if they knew how embarrassing they look with their constant praise of white people, especially since that same praise isn’t being reciprocated. #obsession

    • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

      Well, white men know they have to preserve their race, their”desires” for black women usually present themselves in a rather “illicit” fashion because that is what white supremacy dictates, when white men went forth to colonize various nations and left the white woman back in europe, they had NO problem marrying and having children with black, native and aboriginal women. That is history. Check it. But when white women showed up in these colonies the game changed. White men r pathological and the average black woman senses this and wants nothing to do with them , she prefers her own but nowadays, as a result of the relentless brainwashing that we. as a race r being subjected to, we simply don’t know what we want and we have black men elevating the alleged charms of non-white women over their own, and vice-versa.

  • JerseyDiva

    I really enjoyed this article. Thank you.

  • talkingheels

    Can we be real with ourselves?? Yes most Black men ages 18 thru 25 are very influenced by entertainment. Stop trying to defend them all the time. Rap music is disgusting now. Strip club theme music have black men wanting the wrong things, and for those who are saying “I found a good black man, there out there” your probably around 30 if not older. You probably got the last of the generation that still believed in romance some what. Not this generation tho. You dont see no other race blatenly disrepect their OWN women and make money off it. No its not all black men but the MAJORITY in that age bracket is basically F*cked up. I’m almost out of college and The fact that we have to “weed” out the good black men isnt a good thing. Its sad. That tell you right there that most black men aint talking about ish?? When rappers say the word B*tch the whole world knows that they are talking about black women.It imediatly refers to us (black women). And yes some black women support it, which is even more sad. I’m tired of people saying ohh your just dating the wrong men……There EVERYWHERE! and yes i do think majority of white men meet our standards

  • Pingback: What I Learned From My Interracial Relationships - Holistic Ebony

  • Kiyoko Kayo Hisoka

    I didn’t read the article, but I can say that after being around non-Black men and Black men, Black men don’t have much to offer.

    • Lauren Love

      Well…damn!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=551680935 Eric McDaniel

    I feel where she’s coming from but the worst part about it is- As a black man, when you are articulate, chivalrous, and have your own thing going on, black women try to use you and/or treat you like a buster. They will use you for nights out on the town but don’t want to do anything romantic. Inevitably you see them with all kinds of hood boogers. There’s a woman that I slept with several times that uses other men for dates and has me over for sex. I came at her on some “I don’t go out on dates” scheme on purpose. I now see how she treats those guys. I’ve NEVER been with her outside of her home. If I wined and dined her- I would be losing money and not having any romantic/ sexual relations with her.

    • saidso

      Romance and sex aren’t the same. You sound like the typical Black man. A night out on the town can be romantic, but you just don’t want to pay for a date and not get sex. It’s called courting, and the same way you think you’re using that woman for sex, she’s using you for the same, until she picks the man she wants to settle down with.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=551680935 Eric McDaniel

        Well, i didn’t offer her sex or romance. She chose sex now wants me to settle down with her. Tough luck.I didn’t come at her about sex, she came at me about sex and that’s exactly what she’s gonna get from me. But if she would have come at me about some real romance that’s what she woulda gotten. I ball faked and she jumped in the air- Not my fault.

  • Kay

    Lol you have to realize this article was written to create controversy which in return will increase reading and comments in this article. Interracial relationship articles , Lightskinned vs darkskinned articles, The “Other” woman articles these all produce high amounts of comments and readings so all of you really getting butthurt don’t understand supply and demand as well as apealing to your market audience. Madame Noire is a buisness and controversy is their bread and butter.

    • temple t00

      Right. Because none of this EVER goes on in the real world. It’s just this blog creating fairytales to get more hits. . .um hmmm

  • http://twitter.com/docbndgrl9113 Keesha (Киша)

    I wonder if she would have switched the races of the men in this article if then some people could have comprehended the point that she was making.

  • MsTwix

    Chris Rock said it best: you don’t meet the person you think…you meet their “representative” for the first 3 months (LOL)! I think all previous relationships teach you something about what you will and won’t stand for. The race thing is just some seasoning to get people fired up IMO.

  • http://twitter.com/docbndgrl9113 Keesha (Киша)

    What I’ve noticed about some of the comments on here is that some people seem to not realize that the author is talking about her own experience (I mean the title says ‘What I learned from interracial relationships’). Never once did she generalize black men and tell black women that they should date white guys only.

  • Norine

    Hmmm … I am not quite sure how to feel about this article. This is just one black woman’s experience. I am Surinamese, live in Europe and I am also a black woman, with sadly very much the same experience when it comes to black men.

    The weird thing is that I do see black men that are opening doors and take you out to dinner and go on holidays with their girlfriends. The thing that I think is really weird about all of this is that black men often do these things and exhibit this kind of “good behavior” when they have non black girlfriends. I have read many articles in which black men state that they prefer dating out of their race instead of dating a sister.

    Could it just be that black men and women or so prejudice against one another that they exhibit “black dating behavior” (whatever that is) when they are together and behave differently when they date outside of their race, just because they expect it to be different ?! Cause I think it’s the oddest thing that somehow like minded black men and women can’t seem to find each other

    I have nothing against interracial relationships cause I to live whit a white man, but I wouldn’t mind running into more “Obama and Michelle’s” in the street.

    • victoria

      Think, you live in Europe. So do I. Interracial dating in Europe is MUCH higher that in the US and is crosses all racial lines. If you want to see more Barack/Michelle relationships start with yourself. Stop living with your white bf and date the African men in Europe. That’s if you can find any who want to date black women. B/c if you live in Europe then I am sure you see the large number of black men in Europe dating non black women.

      • Norine

        I started out dating black men and my first born has a black father. Who fortunately keeps in touch with his daughter frequently. He wasn’t the coolest boyfriend but I am happy to say he is a great daddy and makes great effort to help raise his daughter.

        I don’t date a white men for the reason that the author of this article does and though I have high standards, they have nothing to do with dating white men. My boyfriend just happens to be the one I live with right now. It might last forever or it might not. But for the past 13 years he is been in my life through all the highs and lows. Don’t feel like trading him in because he does not have the right color.

        What I see in Europe is that brothers and sisters date out of their race which I fully promote. But I also see a lot of brothers and sisters date out of their race for all the wrong reasons which I don’t understand. I personally do not think that the grass is greener on the other side. But it feels like many of the brothers I have dated do and some of them even say so. There are definitely brothers that date black sisters but the ones I meet need me to be more “black” (whatever that is) or just more of a doormat (self esteem is often perceived as being stuck up). When my white girlfriend behaves like I do, it is described as being confident rather than stuck up, but that is a whole other discussion.

        I have learned that although I am open minded and I can see my black brother for the beautiful individual who he really is. That does not mean my black brother will return the favor. I actually heard the father of my black boyfriend teach him to better live with a white woman and my mommy actually believes I am better of with a white man. The much higher interracial dating rates are created somewhere, but my question why do we even have to, to have the kind of relationship we want.

  • gmarie

    I said this in one of the 50 articles complaining about Brandy pressing the marriage issue. When everyone was jumping on Brandy and calling her desparate…Other cultures EXPECT their children (both male and female) to marry at some point in time. and Other cultures of women EXPECT to be married..and not after 10 years and 2 babies either. Therefore the discussion is typically had even if it does not branch out to anything with that particular couple. If you don’t make your plans for the future known there is a greater possibility you may end up just that long term girlfriend..raise em up ladies.

    • qui8tstorm83

      I so agree! Other cultures approach dating and marrige alot different than the Black community does. I grew up in a city half black and white. My family is close with 2 or 3 white families..as they are just like my family. They certainly expect their kids to achieve certain things such as going to college..get a viable job and then look for a mate. If they have not achieved marriage at a certain age…their family starts to think something is wrong with them. lol. Everytime they see me they ask..when are you going to get married and have kids? I say I’m trying! lol. No race is better than any other race but there are certain ways that each culture goes about doing things.

  • quest

    I can’t stand all this black/white MESS, if you meet someone and hit it off then damn date them. Regardless of their race. Just be happy sh%&.

    • think

      Exactly. Don’t bash groups of men or women of any race. Respond & evaluate relationships on individual basis’.

      • http://twitter.com/docbndgrl9113 Keesha (Киша)

        -___-
        “‘Respond & evaluate relationships on individual basis’.”
        That’s exactly what the author of this article did.

      • mindy

        think, are you replying to yourself?

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philli-Msdvm/1060269164 Philli Msdvm

      LOL! Simply put, but true.

    • roo08

      and that’s what most people that date interracially are doing. They aren’t sitting online getting into arguments about this part of their lives…

      • temple t00

        I know right. That’s why you have never & will never hear black men talk up white women while disdaining black women. Black men just date who they want & never mention it at any time. Black women need to follow black mens’ example.

  • Bishop

    What I’ve noticed is that Madame Noire has a lot of negative articles about the perceived bad attributes of Black men and they’re dating and marrying habits. But I’m yet to find an article on the bad/terrible experience’s of Black women dating interracially and/or just dating white men in general on this site. I find this confusing and disturbing at the same time. From what I can conclude is that, it speaks to a very insidious agenda either consciously or subconsciously that is being perpetrated by the authors of this site. I feel like I’m looking at the Fox News of blogs when it come’s to black men and women dating habits and stereotypes especially when it comes to interracial dating… very UNFAIR and UNBALANCED please do better.

    • realadulttalk

      Sit on down…let me tell you some tales. Oh, but MN didn’t hire me to write. Lol Me and all the women I know who date(d) white men want to know ASAP where she met all these wonderful marriage-minded men that didn’t marry her.

      • Bishop

        LOL…. Realadulttalk… I have my popcorn ready and my volka tonic made. Tell me, because your story needs to be told, because there is an over saturation of “The Myth of The Great White Male” stories being promoted and broadcast on this site. It’s like these sister’s have found Unicorns and Bigfoot where everywhere they turn, but white women are and have been searching for these mythical creatures for centuries and have only caught a glimpse of these fairy tales….lol.

        • realadulttalk

          Lol…if they keep these articles going I’m gonna dust off my blog page. I love men…don’t care what race you are (ya’ll some fine–sorry sidetracked) but there are good and bad in every race. I just didn’t like that this was formatted in such a white is right kind of way.

    • temple t00

      Confused & disturbed. Yeah, the agenda is very insidious. It’s definitely of the utmost urgency that black women do better at revealing their bad experiences with nonblack men & be sure to make it clear that their bad experiences with black males are all their [black womens'] fault. I’m with you brotha. Black males are clearly, unquestionably better at not being insidious about their interracial dating preferances.

  • thejoyofme

    Why didn’t you marry one of the White men you’ve dated? What someone says they want doesn’t mean they are being truthful with what they say. So you don’t want to be married but don’t want to be in a “stagnant” relationship. That is kind of oxymoronic.. Why can’t some women just enjoy a man. IF he is being faithful, treats you well and handles his business as a man, why do someone women want to force him in to marriage like it will be the cure all for a lasting relationship? I just don’t get it.

    • MsTwix

      She does want to get married. “Some of the black men I dated came from broken homes (just like me) so
      they didn’t understand my desire to get married and they didn’t find it
      necessary.”

      But I feel what you’re saying. I’m not in a rush for marriage lol…

  • victoria

    Throughout my 20s I dated black men. No baby daddies, had their own places, good jobs, no jailbirds. Once I started dating white men, I never dated a black man again. TOTALLY DIFFERENT dating experience. Much like the author described tobbled with vacations, fine dinning, new experiences – skiing, diving, etc. I married a white guy. I have no problem telling black women to date non black men. It doesnt mean all black men are losers – I never dated one. It may just mean that other men may tick all your boxes.

    • think

      This has got to be the saddest most confused thing I’ve read all day. Stacey, is that you?

      • victoria

        Why are you sad?
        You should feel sad for the many sisters who feel that having kids outside of marriage is their only option b/c black men, in large numbers, arent marrying bw. Feel sad for the black women who have to travel alone or with their sistahs because bm arent sharing holidays with them. Or feel sad for the many black women who will settle for relationships with bm who are less educated than them because the drop out rate among black men is high (forget university level). You can make it seem as if the struggles with bm is non exist, made up by the media, but tell that to the many educated, hard working, single black women who will remain single b/c their numbers are greater than the eligible black men who share their status. Im not ashamed to say I enjoyed my experience of dating non black men. And like I said, I will continue to tell black women to do the same. Instead of spending your evenings alone, why not?

      • Sheena

        Are all yall the same person talking to yourself?

  • http://blackonpurpose.blogspot.com/ gryph

    more swirl bigotry:

    – white men are better than black (learning “standards” from them)

    – simplistic stereotypical thinking black men do this, white men do that.

    your gift of “coming home to black” isn’t cause for racial celebration. you still clearly value whiteness more than blackness. kind of feel sorry for you current dude. just go back to white and stop pretending.

    • temple t00

      There are a WHOLE lot of people just born fully grown into the world. Here’s something to catch these types up. When black men believed that they had no comp from other men, this is what black women were regularly told about white women:

      – white WOMEN are better than black (learning “standards” from them)
      – simplistic stereotypical thinking (black WOMEN do this, white WOMEN do this BETTER).

      I understand if there’s been a significant change in the narrative since some black women have changed their minds about expanding their options. But please stop acting like “white is better” is a whole new & unheard of narrative that ONLY black women created.

      • http://blackonpurpose.blogspot.com/ gryph

        hi there,

        1. it is complete nonsense to suggest that black women have just discovered white men. check the stats. for last 40 years for every 2 black men who married a white woman, 1 black woman married a white man. also going back 150 years black women would organize cotillions and invite only moneyed white men.

        2. no where did i say that plenty black men aren’t some white-worshipping clowns either.

        regardless of gender, black people sophisticated white supremacy is just toxic and embarrassing.

      • http://blackonpurpose.blogspot.com/ gryph

        hi there,

        1. it is complete nonsense to suggest that black women have just
        discovered white men. check the stats. for last 40 years for every 2
        black men who married a white woman, 1 black woman married a white man.
        also going back 150 years black women would organize cotillions and
        invite only moneyed white men.

        2. no where did i say that plenty black men aren’t some white-worshiping clowns either.

        regardless of gender, black people’s sophisticated white supremacy is just toxic and embarrassing.

        • Blackhawk

          You got that right.. its an embarrassment.

  • http://twitter.com/jennaparks11 Jenna

    I thought this was a very well written article; the author clearly stated her dating experiences and in the end her point was to never lower standards regardless of color. I mean she ended up with a black man so clearly she’s not downing black men as a whole. I have not ever dated out of my race but I’ve decided that it definitely needs to be an option. When I was younger it wasn’t but now I just want to be treated right regardless of skin color. In my opinion, that is what the author is saying…The ongoing joke I have to my friends and family if my current relationship ends is next white, than women …. JUST KIDDING!!! ;)

  • lina

    This is good and I like how she kept reminding us that she’s not talking about all black men or white men cos I’ve seen good and bad from all races. My fiance’s sister was dating this white guy for 7years, she stood by him through 2drug addictions, alcohol addictions, leg opration and appendicitis operation. She’s this beautiful girl and store manager in the UK’s 2nd largest supermarkets and she makes money, a lot of it. But the guy was college(senior high school?) drop out who moved from job to job never seemed to keep one. She babied that boy for 7years she has always been there for him but his mum hated her for some reason. She hated her gut to the point that when she phones on the house number she hangs the phone on her all the time, she never allowed her to come into their house. She tried to make the guy move out of his parents but he refused(many times) which made his mum hate her even more. Until recently the guy told her that ‘he loves her but he’s not in love with and that he needs time to think and work out if he still wants to be with her’ stupid that she’s she wanted to wait for him make up his mind he whole family had to gang up on her to finally break things up with him and she was crushed big time. A bum man is a bum man no matter the colour or family background. I just hope black women don’t feel the pressure to date out of their races bcs of the media is telling them to and the hype behind IR. Date a man who loves you and treats you right not his skin colour. I have had bad experiences with black men and a Filipino guy and some of my friends have had bad experiences with men of every race. You just gotta know how to weed these men out and pick the best one, not easy then again nothing is easy in life lol

  • Cleo

    It’s funny how you are all breaking your necks to defend black men, but you would hardly ever see a black man defend black women, and probably encourage other black men to continue to date out.

    • think

      Yet anther stereotype… fulfilling a divisive agenda! Maybe you need to change your circle of friends dear.

      • Cleo

        My circle of friends is just fine, I’m just calling it how I see it. My age group, 20-25, is pretty screwed up and the black “men” in my age group are very easily influenced by the media and that means getting them a white girl. While bashing black women so I’m speaking from my perspective of this, you rarely see black men fighting for black women the way black women fight for them.

        • http://blackonpurpose.blogspot.com/ gryph

          so then it does depend on your circle of friends.

          i’ve one set of black friends who date the united nations. and i’ve a next set of friends who wouldn’t even think to seriously dating a non-black woman. they aren’t “afrocentric-types” and there is still some colour complex, but they just don’t see the point of that. it just doesn’t register.

          the media is an influence. but, the irony is, black women support this same media that degrades them, then turn around on put ALL the blame on black men. i say, blame both: there are black trifling and color struck black men out there – and to preserve a healthy racial identity (which is crucial to mental health itself) it is wise not associate with those sorts of men.

          but tell me, cleo, what sense does it then make for black women to take their own cues from and give money to that same media that you says makes black men scorn black women? that’s a fatal contradiction.

          black people are too invested in whiteness and white institutions, it looks a little bit different based on gender, class and etc, but usually those institutions end up pitting us against each other in destructive ways. and black people “agree” with this because our self-destruction comforts whites and we think that we’ll somehow be rewarded for that.

          that deep seated incentive system is the main problem; can be particularly painful when it bleeds into our sexual politics and relationship is what we use to create each other.

          disvesting psychologically from whiteness is probably the best thing we can do for each other in this point of our history.

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/SYNZLAE7TVZXQT3JCSIIPLC26A David

      About 2 years ago there was man who did a “study” about the most “beautiful” women based on race around the world. Black women were rated last and many people were upset of course. Many black men and many of them were around the 20-25 age group came out defending black women on Youtube. A lot of black men created videos defended black women and blasting the study.I know that generation is screwed up because I’m a part of it but it depends on the culture of your friends. Most of my friends are Caribbean and African and I don’t know too many of them who want a white girl. I guess it depends where you live.

      • Blackhawk

        Exactly!

    • http://www.facebook.com/thokozileX Thokozile Xaba

      u will catch hell for telling the truth.

  • realadulttalk

    So dating white men taught you self worth???

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      No, set a precedence for what dating and a relationship should be like, according to her.

      • realadulttalk

        I know that’s what she said…but that is not what I took from the article. I took a lot away from this article…but most of it was a negative view of the author.

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          I can see how one can come to that conclusion. I think she meant it more as a compare and contrast. She started out dating white guys who in her experience took her on dates, claimed her early on, and discussed long term relationship goals like marriage. Versus when she started dating black men she found many of them didn’t want to date, didn’t want to define the relationship, and certainly weren’t discussing marriage. You cannot argue with her experience. Furthermore her experience has to be the norm in 7 out of 10 black women’s experience seeing as 70% are not married.

          I find her experience to be similar to my own. I dated white guys and hispanics in my small town, when I went off to college and started dating black men there was a stark contrast. There is nothing wrong with pointing out that difference. But I do agree there were certain parts in the article that had me raising an eyebrow. In any case, I’m happily married to a fine black man, once I learned how to weed out the losers, the never gonna commits, the players etc. I found plenty of black men in the mind set of courting and marrying.

          • realadulttalk

            I’m not arguing her experience (it’s not mine) I am, however saying that her experience sounds a bit delusional. My white co-worker read it and said the same doggone thing. I’ve dated outside of my race–everything has good and bad. Why did hers only have good when it came to white men? Just seemed a little worshipy of white men.

            • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

              It didn’t turn out too good seeing as she didn’t marry any of them and she’s currently with a black guy.

              • http://twitter.com/docbndgrl9113 Keesha (Киша)

                Exactly. People assumed that since she said that the white men that she dated took her out on “proper” dates, held the door for her, and mentioned marriage as something that they saw in their futures meant that she was worshiping them, but if they actually read through and understood everything, they would realize that she wrote that the white men she dated came from households in which they had both parents and that they were married, while the black men that she had dated came from single parent homes. Really, she was talking about the environment in which one grows up in influences how they feel about relationships and marriage. It actually had nothing to do with race.

                • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

                  Precisely! And people what to pretend that this isn’t a real problem in the African American community. The men don’t want to commit and the women are content with settling for baby momma status.

            • temple t00

              So black males have been delusional for years, when they constantly state that white women are better than black women. And I’m sure your white co-worker has no agenda when she says that black women are delusional for believing the same as black men about the superiority of whites.

    • IllyPhilly

      Go back and read all her articles, that seems to be the only kind of person to teach her something. Not hating, but dang. I have dated and married outside of my race, but I got my lessons on self worth way before I started dating. Any woman who gets herself worth from a romantic relationship disturbs me. Sorry.

      • realadulttalk

        Oh, so she’s the one always writing these? Lol Exactly…if someone is teaching you self-worth then your worth is based on how they feel about you. I don’t discriminate when dating…but I’ve run into just as many no-good “others” as I have black men. They just might go about things a lil differently.

        • IllyPhilly

          It’s all the same BS!! I never understood somebody dating another race just on the assumption that the grass is greener, straighter, less dramatic, or whatever reason. If I hated every man or person by race that did me wrong. I’d just be staring at walls all day. I’m lying I have never had an issue with a Czechoslovakian. LOL

        • temple t00

          This is only the second article that she’s written. You’ll do better next time. Maybe try being less irrationally emotional.

  • get real

    Women listen please. If man doesn’t want to be seen with you in public is because your not attractive and he just wants some sex or he has a woman. Simple stuff here. If you don’t bang him the first chance you get then you can kick him to curb without feeling played. Another thing. White people have the highest divorce rate in the world. So stop thinking that dating and marrying white men/women is the answer.

    • think

      PREEEEEEEEEEEEACH!

  • Nenah

    It funny how the auther only dated great white guys when I have white girlfriends who have dated many a white loser.

    • mac

      Lol as a friend once said, if you think white men treat women like queens, ask a white girl.

      I also didnt like the article. I think it perpetuates that “white is right
      philosophy” that we, let’s not forget, berate black men for having.
      Imagine
      if the author was a black man, talkin bout white women set his standard
      for his dating life, and all the black women he came across were all
      ebonics speaking hoodrats. This site would damn near crash.

      What’s
      more is, I’ve even had the same experience as the author. I’ve had way
      better dating experiences with white men. Am I going to chalk it up to
      the fact that they’re white? No, they were just better men in general.

      BUT
      I will say, I’m not going to pretend the part about black men isn’t
      true to some extent. I don’t date “n*ggas”, so miss me with the “you are
      who you attract” line. Even the educated, well raised black men I’ve
      dated, are overeager to sexualize the relationship. I’ve found white men to be much less less aggressive. I’ll leave it at that.

      But please, MN give the IR dating articles a rest.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        I agree with what you wrote mostly. Where you lost me is your stance that the author is perpetuating “white is right” ideology. I think she alludes to that the white guys she dated came from two parent homes and had an example of seeking a spouse when they dated instead of this babymomma/babydaddy epidemic we have.

        Maybe her point was they approached dating differently because they were raised in an different environment.

        • Mac

          And my point is, I don’t think any of the attributes she listed has to do with race. There are plenty of white men raised by 2 parents who don’t know how to treat women. And by the same token, there are plenty of black men who weren’t raised by both parents but are still gentlemen.It depends on the INDIVIDUAL not their skin color.

          • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

            You can say that if it makes you feel better. Cultural and socioeconomics do play a role in it. A white guy from a stable middle income intact family is probably going to have a more healthy outlook on marriage and dating than a black guy raised in a single parent household and who’s parent had plenty of live in boyfriends/girlfriends. And sadly that is the new “norm” in our community. That’s what people do not want to admit. Its a cultural norm in the African American community. Why not just tell the truth and deal with that?

            Of course if 7 out of 10 black children are raised in homes in which the parents were never married the men are going to have a handicap when it comes to dating versus their white counterparts who are more likely to have been raised in a two parent household. Those are the facts and the reality of the dating scene today. This isn’t a whitie is better article at all.

            I dated white men, and black men, in my experience what the author is writing is the truth. The white men seemed to approach dating differently. What is wrong with saying that? My husband (who is black) approached dating with me differently than other black men. Could it be because both of his parents have been married for 40 years? Probably.

            • mac

              Ashley is that you? Cause looking down the comments section, it seems you’ve taken it upon yourself to defend the article for every negative comment that comes up.

              • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

                Yeah you caught me *eye roll* I thought I was having an intelligent discourse on a topic I found interesting. *shrugs*

                • temple t00

                  Just one more thing black women are supposed to be silent about. Having better critical thinking skills than black men.

          • temple t00

            “It depends on the INDIVIDUAL not their skin color.”

            It depends on the individual & not their skin color ONLY when discussing the moral character of men. To be clear, are we now advocating for judging all people individually since black men come up lacking against nonblack men? Or would this just be a double-standard that only applies when we are judging the character black men against nonblack men; and we should just drop this rule when judging the character of black women against nonblack women.
            Or maybe we’re going to continue to pretend that this was never an issue prior to black women’s traitorous behavior.

      • thirtythoughts

        How can she be saying “white is right” when she ultimately chose to marry a Black man?? We all draw conclusions based on our own experiences. She was just communicating hers.

    • KamJos

      Most women have dated losers, it’s just the way the game is. I know a few who have married their high school sweetheart, and even one (black) couple who were middle school sweethearts, but that’s not what most women go through. You’re supposed to learn from the losers and “level up”. Raise your standards and find someone who treats you even better.The white women I know wise up and most are married by their 30s.

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        Yep. And they don’t make the tragic mistake of letting their boyfriends knock them up. First comes marriage then comes the baby. Black women overall just need to stop trying to rationalize p*ss poor behavior and drop those turds early and not invest years and their youth into some dude who doesn’t value them enough to wife them.

      • Nenah

        My point is that she’s making it seem like white men are good and black men are not. In reality there are good white men and bad white men. There are good black men and bad black men.

        • anonymouse

          watch I.D. and you’ll see how the ‘bad’ white men roll! lol!

        • Blackhawk

          You’re 100% correct, i don’t kno why some women on here are trying to front like this site #1 agenda is not to promote bw/wm relationships. How many articles on here promotes black love? Hardly any.. even though they kno the vast majority of black people marry each other.

  • Wow

    *sigh* (exits).

  • ANTMilf

    I’m currently engaged to my fiance who is white and I don’t care about his skin color at all, he’s sweet, he’s funny, he’s very supportive, he’s very outgoing, and he’s great with my daughter with who I had with my late husband (who was black) before he died in a tragic car accident when I was 6 months pregnant with our daughter. My fiance and I were friends since high school and he also was my husband’s best friend and he was at the hospital when I gave birth to my daughter. My fiance has helped me out by buying diapers, clothes and we got closer and then started dating when my daughter was 18 months old. I grew up in the Hyde Park area where it is diverse and I went to diverse elementary, high schools and college all my life and I have diverse friends, I don’t look at color at all, it’s about having a good, selfless heart. There are good black men out there too and I love my brothas, there are black men in my life who doesn’t care if my man is white, as long as he doesn’t do me dirty.

    • Nenah

      Thank you.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philli-Msdvm/1060269164 Philli Msdvm

      I’m happy for you. I think I like your comment best of all.

      • ANTMilf

        Why thank you and have a blessed one.

    • Jackie

      You don’t care about his skin color? Almost every post you make you mention that your fiance is a white man.

  • Dee

    I don’t think it’s a black vs white thing. It’s a personal standards issue. If a woman has high standards for herself no man, black, white, yellow, green, purple, will ever get away with BS.

    • http://twitter.com/jennaparks11 Jenna

      Thanks you! That’s all she is saying

    • Kiki Veles

      Except when woman is fat and ugly, she can try to have high standards, but she still wont get guy like me, nor guy like her good looking friends, and will either take leftovers, or be alone.

      • toni

        That’s a pointless statement. I know plenty that have handsome men and beautiful women. Not leftovers. However, I met attractive women that have problems attracting a good man.

  • get real

    What a slick way to throw brothers under the bus while at the same time saying “there’s good and bad in all kinds of men”. Funny how white men are so great and “taught’ you (see why I say ‘white daddy”) so much yet none were willing to marry you. Wonder why. Hmm. Funny you didn’t list any of the bad or “other’ traits of the white men that you dated , yet you listed the dusty blk dudes that wanted to “eat your food” and couldn’t about anything other then sports. Like I always say blk men (or any men for that matter) don’t let wife material pass us by. We wife that up.

    • think

      “What a slick way to throw brothers under the bus while at the same time saying “there’s good and bad in all kinds of men” <—————–THANK YOU. 1000% AGREE.

    • Allie

      I agree, that’s one trend i’ve been seeing with these interracial dating articles, like date whomever you want but don’t paint a one-sided picture, and i’m really sick of the whole black male bashing, all my life i’ve been surrounded my positive black males and dated some great black guys, yes there are some good black men still in existence ladies

    • Gimmeabreak78

      Your comment about throwing black men under the bus would have a little (not much, but a little) credence if the sister didn’t actually marry a black man who she is clearly in love with,

      • think

        Ha. Trust. You can be married to another black person and simultaneously be having an identity crisis.

        • Gimmeabreak78

          Wow, so let me get this straight–you think that she thinks that white men are superior mates because they have the values she holds towards relationships, all while being with a black man who holds her same values? Riiiggghhttt.

        • IllyPhilly

          Plus one! It’s just like men who get married, have kids, and after years finally accept that they are gay imo.

  • Sunshine

    Maybe it’s just me but a real father figure in her life would’ve instilled those values & standards she founds in those interracial relationship then applied to the others she had with black me. Then again it could just be me. *please excuse my typos

  • J A SASSY aka salon22w

    good for her, but no thank you .. i will stay with my black men and i have a good one,, lots of good black men out there that love and appreciate their nubian queens!

    • http://twitter.com/jennaparks11 Jenna

      Sooo true! My black man gives me the world :)

      • roo08

        so does the author’s…..

  • olivia

    In fairness, alot of what she is saying is true. Many black men want to “lay up”, eat your food and not go anywhere.

    And yes, many of them start talking about sex during the first phone conversation. Not saying one race is better than the other but the truth is the truth.

    • Nenah

      Then don’t date those men. You can tell if a man is a bum or a gentleman when he asks for your number. I’m single and I’d rather be at home by myself than date some of the losers my friends settle for.

      • olivia

        We have all dated losers from time to time, nobody is exempt.

        Most men are on their best behavior at the initial meeting then their true colors start to show eventually and you move on.

        That’s life.

        • Nenah

          My point is that if you meet a man and he starts talking about can he come over or about sex, don’t take it any further.

          • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

            Agreed.

          • olivia

            That is in fact my point as well. I said initially everyone is a gentleman. Once they start acting up, its over.

          • Na Na

            Truuueee #2chainsvoice

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      This is true. . . . you just have to weed them out before they even become a viable option. There are good, marriage minded black men out there (I’m married to one) but you have to thin out a lot of the weeds to pull one. You know within the first few conversations where his mind is at. If he doesn’t propose you to meet up in a public area for a date, if he quickly turns the conversation into sex, if he only wants to “chill” if he just periodically disappears and stops communicating those are signs he isn’t interested in getting to know anything but your anatomy. Move on!

    • get real

      “many” my behind. Just the bums that you atrract. Like Nenah said “don’t date those men” because you know right then and there upon meeting men if it’s worth it. And if a man doesn’t want to be seen with you in public means 1 or 2 things. Your not that attractive. Or he has a woman and your just his jump off.

      • olivia

        Oh, i’m sorry…My comments were directed at the mature women of this website.

        Perhaps you should re-read the entire thread before posting. This has nothing to do with attractiveness or being a jump off.

        You have obviously missed the point.

      • saidso

        That just shows the mindset too many Black men have. If a woman is attractive enough to sleep with, how is she not attractive enough to take in public? Says more about the man than it does the woman.

        • get real

          Not really. You got a lot of dusty dudes out here that will have sex with anything. You can put a thong on a gorilla and dusty dudes will be a it. That’s dusty N’s, not blk men. So get it right.

    • Kitsy

      I agree, Olivia (and I also agree with you, Nenah, in that I will not give men like that the time of day). The problem is, sex seems to be the only thing a lot of black men want to talk about when you’re trying to get to know them. Sex is important, but it is not the most important thing in life. Yes, all men like to talk about sex, but, unfortunately, a lot of black men have been socialized to believe that sex is all a woman is good for – they are being raised in households where there are no male figures and the men they are emulating are musicians and athletes whose misogynistic behavior is on full display. We need to stop denying that this is a reality in our community and one of the reasons why black male-female relationships are in trouble.

      • gmarie

        “We need to stop denying that this is a reality in our community”

        THISSS!!! so much of this!

    • http://www.facebook.com/lynraedesigns Lyn Rae

      I have had similar experiences. I can count on one hand how many black men have taken me on actual dates involving going out and THEM paying. I have been on a few dutch dates with brothas, but usually the next step is them trying to come over to eat my food and watch my cable. For some reason other races never go here. Is it because black women are familiar to black men? Is that it?

    • Cindie

      And the black men want a key to your house and the keys to you car….disgusting…..

  • Meyaka

    It really has never been that serious to me I have dated white,Asian, black,African,Caribbean,French,Italian and ended up marrying a half black half African man,I don’t get the big hoopla about dating one race over the other ,there is bad in every nationality,be with who makes you happy and stop stalking black men lol,they don’t care…

    • lina

      what is half black half African? ain’t African black? since when lol. I think you meant to say half Afro-American half well African native?

      • Meyaka

        I tought so until enough African Americans reminded me that black is African Americans only,my husband’s mother is African American and his father is African

  • Faith

    I do understand that money may be tight for some black men and they may have been laid off from a job. To me, this is temporary, not for it to last forever. But it has to get to a point you may want to go out to eat and do something sometimes. Most guys I dated were cheap and didn’t want to spend any money. Just like the author stated all they wanted to was lay up in my house and watch television. They did not want to spend any money at all. I don’t want a long term engagement or be a long term girlfriend, side piece or a jump off. I been there and I don’t want to do that again. I have learned that I have to changes the way I do things after doing some self examination of myself and still doing some self examination. I haven’t met the right person yet but i pray that I get to meet a great guy who have other interest besides sports and sex.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      I like your post a lot and I’m glad you have opened your eyes. So you don’t waste your time pay attention to the way a man initially courts you. That tells you what value he has placed on you. I know that sounds harsh but it is the truth. Men know pretty early on what type of woman he considers you to be. Something to do right now or his future.

      • Gye Nyame

        Wow, you talk out of both sides of your mouth. You basically reposted what I said when I commented on another article, and you blasted me for saying this. I guess among other things, you also lack original thought.

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          LOL chile please go find you a life. There’s a difference between recognizing game and bouncing, and EXCUSING him and blaming the women for him being a low moral bullshyter. In an ideal world men would do right by women because they are righteous men and they would be held accountable for being dogs.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Philli-Msdvm/1060269164 Philli Msdvm

      You and me both, girl. Good luck to you!

  • margret

    You can call it generalization but for the most part it’s true. However I hate when people lack UNDERSTANDING. Understand why it’s the way it is. Understand some black men/women of today don’t know any better. Even if you come up in a two parent household you still have to understand why you are in a two parent house hold, the difference it makes, the importance of it etc etc…if you don’t understand these issues how can you progress ?

    Have you ever thought of the fact maybe black men consider a date watching tv because his money is tight and yours too. I’m sure it started off something like that in the olden days and progressed to pure lazyness but understand. Help a brother out. Encourage him to do better.

    • think

      “Understand some black men/women of today don’t know any better.” —-> KEY WORD: ‘SOME’!

      • margret

        You can call it generalization but statistics back up such claims. The black women is the least to get married. It’s not because they don’t want to be married, black men don’t understand the importance of commitment and family like other races and bw allow it ! If you call over 70% “some” well alright then. As far as dating goes what she said is true in SOME ( i’ll give you “some+” on that ) cases but for the most part this article is accurate. The dating thing is mostly hood bm, but the none commitment thing is black men across the board !I point out things like this on a regular basis. Long before this article was written up. ! It is what it is. The harsh truth !

        • think

          You’ll believe anything the man tells you about yourself and your people. smh #wakeup

          • margret

            I’m not new to this ! I’m the last one to believe a white man stats, but I do have eyes and ears to look around. When you factor in the welfare rate which determines the man is not allowed in the home, the absence of fathers in the home etc etc…. ( something else you need to UNDERSTAND as to why it’s the way it is) moving on it’s true. As a black woman you can be with a man 13 years, 5 kids and still go to your grave unwed, but we accept that ! It’s no secret as a black woman you may not, or may not get proposed too until he’s over 50 and good and ready in today’s time lol.

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          I agree with you.

        • get real

          That’s right that high number of unmarried blk women have absolutely nothing to with themselves being single. Like I keep saying men marry wife material. Look in the mirror. The harsh truth.

          • margret

            You comment hardly made sense but I think I get what it is you are trying to say…..why bring up women being marriage material when the point the article is trying to make is that some black men aren’t bf material let alone marriage material. You can’t “men marry this and that”…when these same men are nothing to write home about. ! How can a man want marriage material and most likely he doesn’t have a job etc etc….

            This is not a knock bm rant. Only trying to prove a point. I believe both bm & bw need to do better !

          • ykeller

            Soooo 70% of BW aren’t marriage material and/or good enough for a BM to say I want you and treat you with common dating experience every other race gets to enjoy?

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      You mean to tell me he doesn’t have $20 bucks to pony up for a movie at a theater ever? Bet you his money ain’t too tight for him to keep a fresh pair of J’s on his feet or to hook his car up. Men who truly want to be with a woman find ways to do what they have to do to get her.

      • margret

        I get what you are saying and what you are saying may be true but that was besides my point. My point was understand, watching tv doing simple things may have stemmed from older days when times were hard, and it turned into something else in today’s time ! In those days they didn’t have Jordan’s or hooked up cars but gotcha !

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          LOL I understand your point. I get it, its just a p*ss poor excuse. Even back then. You ain’t telling nothin but the truth so I’m going to let you proceed with educating these folks. LOL

      • Nenah

        True. If he wants to be with you, he’s going to do what it takes. If he meets 20 women and they ALLOW him to come over and watch tv, he’s going to try that with every woman. Not over here. I have never dated a black man who didn’t take me out. I also spend a lot of Saturday nights at home by myself. Women set the standards.

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          Exactly! And a man who isn’t interested in you enough to at least meet you half way isn’t someone you should waste a second thought on. My single friends waste way too much time trying to rationalize and overstand why the dudes they date aren’t meeting their standards and desires. Bottom line because he doesn’t want to and he doesn’t think you’re worth the effort.

    • Nenah

      Oh god! Puhlease! It is not my job to invest in a man I just met. There are loser white guys just like there are loser black guys.

  • think

    For THEE last time – you CANNOT generalize a race based on your OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. There are men all over the GLOBE of varying ethnicities who exhibit the issues you mentioned. I am currently living in AFRICA – and despite the stereotypes of men here – I have found an AMAZING MAN. PLEASE stop pushing these DIVISIVE stereotypes. And SMH at MN, allowing this generalizing foolishness on it’s site. Forget black women – this WEBSITE needs to up it’s standards!

    • Gimmeabreak78

      I also hate when one race is generalized based on one person’s personal experience, but that is not what is happening here. The author didn’t generalize all black men or white men. In fact, she was careful to note that these were her personal experiences and how her personal experiences shaped her view on love and marriage. She didn’t offer advice to anyone else or demonize black men in general or lionize white men in general. She just talked about her anectodal experiences. If anyone draws general conclusions from this article, that is her own fault, not the author’s.

      • think

        I mean honestly – if you want to sit here, dissect a few carefully worded sentences, and pretend that the overall point of this article was not to generalize black men then so be it. The message is loud and very clear… and it wasn’t even subtle. I’m highly disappointed in this article (?) – and if we don’t take a stand – if we keep stereotyping ourselves, personally or not, we are doing the race a disservice. Why, that on a public platform with so much power, specifically for black women, this is a headline, is beyond me.

        • Nenah

          Thank you.

        • realadulttalk

          I was very disappointed in this article. That’s been happening a lot on this site lately.

          • qui8tstorm83

            If she keeps getting the same results over and over with Black men how can one not come to some sort of conclusion? It wasn’t like she was saying I’m not going to date black men anymore! I get where she is coming from b/c my experiences have been the same but I’m not going not date black men. Why are black people so scared to call a spade a spade sometimes. There are always exceptions to a rule but when the same thing keeps happening over and over again it’s called a trend.

            • IllyPhilly

              This author always has articles about her adventures in interracial dating which usually goes, a white guy taught me to love myself or about being Black or about some other racially charged crap. It’s like her whole life is defined by these white guys who have “taught” her so much about herself that she didn’t or couldn’t get from her family. We get it, you LOVE you some white guys!

              • think

                oh okay, yea, I was wondering if it was yet again, the same author

              • http://profile.yahoo.com/PGJJTZYREJ6G53XS3SM5OVEF5Q Reese

                I hope it ain’t the same chick who wrote about dating the whigger teaching her about black history. Worst article I ever read. She should of been terminate and editor should of never let her publish it. More bs raise your own standards. Stop accepting bs from men of any race. White men don’t need to teach you this. Does she have a mother?

                • IllyPhilly

                  Yup, that’s her.

            • Na Na

              Thank you! Thank you! Its impossible to overcome something we don’t even acknowledge needs to be overcame.

            • realadulttalk

              Uh, if you date the same type of men all the time…will you not get the similar results? If all your men are straight out the correctional…don’t you think they will have many of the same issues? I don’t think it’s the race…more like the type…making it about race is where so many think she went wrong. Reading that she is the creator of many of these types of articles indicates a far deeper issue. So that’s why…

            • http://twitter.com/jennaparks11 Jenna

              HELLO SPADE!

            • Liish

              THANK YOU!!!!!!

        • Gimmeabreak78

          I’m not pretending anything. She gave her own experiences without extrapolating or drawing conclusions about anyone else’s experience. You keep arguing that she was generalizing about black men, but in the end she married one. The point the author made was that she had a set of standards that she developed in relationships. You are ignoring the fact that although she does say that the white men she dated met those standards, while most of the black men she met did not, in the end, all of those relationships failed until she married her husband (who, by the way, IS BLACK). She neither stated explicitly nor implicitly that anyone was supposed to take her dating experience as a guide for her own life.

          • think

            She can be married to a brother and still bash black men at the same time (as she is doing). And CLEARLY she is not offering professional advice – CLEARLY we can all take what we want from this piece. But Madame Noir and the author definitely promoting a terrible denigration of the black male and I won’t sit here and pretend – yes PRETEND like that’s not what is going on here. I call it how i see it – and I don’t have to craftily dance around my support of black men AND black relationships – as she is doing.

            • Liish

              I don’t see how her simply sharing an experience she had is bashing black men. She specifies on more than one occasion that these are men that she encountered. There isn’t even the slightest tone of black men ain’t ish or anything. :::shrugs:::

            • notyouagain

              Ignorance is bliss.

          • KIR12

            Where does she say husband or that she’s married?

            • think

              true

            • Gimmeabreak78

              You’re right. It doesn’t say she is married. I had gotten a bit ahead of myself. The point I was making is that despite “think’s” argument that she is making universal statements about black men, the author is with one now.

        • E-GO

          There is some truth in all stereotypes, otherwise, how do they come to be?

        • JB

          No, you read what you wanted to read. I don’t think she stereotyped at all, in fact to me, she played it too safely. Like the commentor above you said, this was just HER story. You can’t say someone is generalizing because of something that happened in THEIR own life. And I don’t think she was saying, “don’t date a black men” b/c obviously she ended up marrying one. I think a lot of our problem as black women is we try to judge each other’s stories too harshly. No one was trying to bring anyone down, it was simple journalism; sharing someone else’s story

        • theglassishalffull

          It’s such a shame that people out here can’t disagree without being disagreeable. I mean the name calling, is that really called for? I think this world would be a better place if more people chose to see the good in other people rather than the worse. It’s sad that even before reading the comments related to this sister’s personal anecdotes, I could sense the onslaught coming. Still I hoped that I was wrong, but after reading many of the comments on here, I am sad to say that my gut feeling was right. I mean when will we as black people learn to stop hating on one another and learn to be accepting of one another? It’s a shame that with all the history that we as a people have been subjected to i.e. slavery, colonialism, (racism and discrimination is still prevalent in today’s society) despite how far we have come in terms of equal human rights; we as black people who were once the oppressed have today become the very people who discriminate and hate on one another e.g. dark/light skin divides created by Willie Lynch.
          In conclusion, life is too short. I find that at times it’s best to say nothing rather than to say something that’s not very nice to say in the first place. My advice to all the people getting hot and bothered over this woman’s personal dating anecdotes is don’t get so huffed up over somebody else’s business. As the saying goes,’Do you boo’, and don’t worry about anybodies business but your own. At the end of the day ask yourself was it really worth it? Hyperventilating over some woman’s dating history? You can arrow me down all you want, but my guess is that it probably didn’t do you much good anyway. Besides if she’s anything like me, she probably hasn’t lost any sleep over the negative comments. While true beauty is both on the inside as well as on the outside, being ugly on the inside will diminish any woman’s true beauty. And while a woman’s beauty will often catch a man’s eye, it is her poise, grace and character that will keep said man.

    • Na Na

      Ok sue me, kill me, vote me down a thousand times but as a BW, which I totally am, are you guys not experiencing this same thing? Yea its wrong to generalize but when the general consensus is the same my goodness! Black men are definitely sub par and lacking when it comes to properly dating. come on ladies let’s at least be real with our selves, we might fake it for the world because as BW we truly want to protect our BM even when they’re not protecting us, but amongst “friends” and in our own circle lets be honest with one another.

      • KIR12

        Black women looking for interracial love on interracial dating sites now out number black women on some of these traditional dating sites and even outnumber the non black men so it will be interesting to see if that translates into higher interracial black women marriages or if they are just going to be bo0tie calls, one night stands and baby mammas for a new group of men. We’ll know in the next 5 years. The one thing I’m certain is however it shakes out black men will be blamed for the end result. Yawn….

        • Na Na

          im just curious. Are you a man? Oh and by the way…we haven’t even begun to place blame on who’s at fault for BM or WM being whatever way they are. Were just stating the way we think they are.

          • KIR12

            I’m a man.

            • Na Na

              I knew that before I asked. Its interesting how instead of defending your self as an individual BM you want to tell us BW how no race will ever want us. That’s what I was referring to when I saw we BW want to protect our BM even when they don’t protect us.

              • KIR12

                Protect from what? I don’t have a problem with interracial dating. Just don’t complain about commitment from black men if you can’t get commitment from non black men.

                • Na Na

                  Protect from what? Exactly! LADIES: add KIR12 to the list of men we’re not using and donate them to whatever race would like to have him. RATCHETSS: This guy’s for you!!!

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          You wrote this before. Do you keep it saved on your computer for just such occasions? LOL.

          So you think no race of man would be seriously interested in a black women not even black men? Wow.

          • KIR12

            Disqus saves your comments, hun. ;-)

            • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

              Hmm maybe black men should stick around and teach their daughters how to better relate to men. Now that’s the truth or does that matter?

    • http://twitter.com/docbndgrl9113 Keesha (Киша)

      I honestly wish that people would read and comprehend something before they post a comment. She said that the black men that SHE had dated were like that, not that ALL black men were like that.

    • temple t00

      But you can come to intelligent conclusions based on FACTS. Black people in the U.S. make babies & raise them in single homes (70+%). That’s not one personal experience, that’s the experience of 70+% of U.S. black children. You want to go global, provide global stats. Standards definitely need to come up & not just at Madame Noire.

    • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.brumeh Ashley Brumeh

      All black people don’t go through the same experiences. Our environments are not always the same therefore we will encounter different scenarios. In my experiences, I have found that black men with nothing to offer are more likely to approach women. Their rationale (I’m assuming) is they have nothing to lose. Furthermore, I cannot write about negative encounters I had with white men if I didn’t have any. I can only write about real life experiences and I cannot help what others take away from my experiences.

      Part of my issue with ALL of the men I dated was that I was searching for them. A few years ago, God sent me my black husband who is everything I could have ever dreamed of in a man. If I shunned black men in general, based on my less than favorable experiences with them, then I could have potentially blocked the blessing God had in store for me. My experiences cultivated my views on dating and I am appreciative of all of them. Some women can relate to my experiences. Some women cannot. But our differences and similarities is what make our world go round.

      • Blackhawk

        How do you feel about the many black men who say the same things about black and white women? Its a lot of black men who say they’ve had horrible experiences time after time dating black women.. but there experiences with white women are always pleasant. Seriously what would you think of those men?

        • http://www.facebook.com/ashley.brumeh Ashley Brumeh

          Those men would be the male versions of me.

    • Ronda

      It is because of this stupid idea that most black women have that more and more black women are being used by white men off late

  • KIR12

    I hope dude marries her or else she’ll have a followup article on why no woman should date black men. While overlooking the fact that no white man has ben willing to marry her either.

    • http://twitter.com/jennaparks11 Jenna

      I was following you beginning to laugh until it became a little negative… smh

    • ykeller

      She addresses why she haven’t married any white men. She was young and busy with her life. Her main point was while she dated them, they were open or at least addressed the topic of marriage positively. I ran into many mature and immature black men that would balk and say whoa not trying to get tied down. Sometimes, I just wanted to see where they were. I didn’t want to marry them at the time. Which made me start to generalize from my own personal experiences. Yes, I married a white man. 2 kids and 9 years later we are still together.

      • KIR12

        You’re married, good for you. A lot of black women are talking the talk about how much better these non black men are treating them but still haven’t got one to make the commitment of marriage to them.

  • think

    For THEE last time – you CANNOT generalize a race based on your OWN PERSONAL EXPERIENCES. There are men all over the GLOBE of varying ethnicities who exhibit the issues you mentioned. I am currently living in AFRICA – and despite the stereotypes of men here – I have found a DAMN GOOD MAN. PLEASE stop pushing these DIVISIVE stereotypes. And SMH at MN, allowing this generalizing foolishness on it’s site. Forget black women – this WEBSITE needs to up it’s standards!

    • think

      (sorry for the repost… it seemed my comment was in moderation for a minute)

    • Nenah

      ITA! This is a stupid. So all white men are gentlemen? This bish needs to have several seats.

      • think

        Girl – I’m just happy there are some sisters in here supporting our brothers (it’s a beautiful thing) – I REFUSE to jump on the bash black men train (however politely it was worded… that’s what it was). I’ve known good and bad men of all races.