The Devil Is a Lie: 7 Types of Hypocritical “Church Folk” Who Know They Need to Quit

July 26, 2012  |  
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I’m willing to bet that at some point in your life, you’ve crossed paths with someone who makes you feel like you’re going to hell with gasoline draws. It may be an over-zealous religious co-worker with post-it bible verses plastered all over her desktop or the auntie you have who makes you feel like a jezebel for living in sin with your boyfriend (although she met her ex-convict boyfriend in the club during her former days of fornication). There’s always someone ready to rep for Jesus and place judgment on how you choose to live your life. I’m all for faith and the freedom to worship as you please, but it becomes a problem when you try to force your beliefs on others.

Despite whatever opinions I may have about religion or what higher power I choose to serve, I know I’m not the only who has at least one person in their life that takes their faith a bit too far. By all means, this article isn’t for those that take their faith seriously and make every effort to walk in the way of Christ without offending others, but the hypocrites who only call on the Holy Ghost when it’s convenient. You know, those people that have a bible verse that applies to any dilemma you’re going through when sometimes all you need is a listening ear. Or the one who thinks if they just sit back and pray, Jesus will solve all of their problems with little to no effort on their part. I’m aware that many people consider themselves to be simply spreading the good word, but it never ceases to amaze me how people can take scriptures and belief systems and use them to alienate, manipulate others just so they can further their own selfish agenda or make themselves feel better about their own lives (and most of the time they aren’t as innocent as they appear). Most people can balance whatever good word they choose to follow with being respectful of others, but there’s always that one that does a little too much.

1. Sitting Back And Waiting on Jah…Jesus…or Whatever Other Religious Deity They Believe In To Fix Their Life

I’m all about prayer in tough times, but I would hope that people wouldn’t just sit around expecting help to fall into their hands without attempting to first help themselves. I’m not talking about the person who went to work every day and busted their behind only to be laid off. I’m talking about that person with working arms and legs who’s tweeting, “God will make a way,” while collecting an unemployment check and saying they’ll search for jobs “next week.” God HAS made a way by giving you good health and an able mind, but he’s not going to step down the stairway to heaven and get on CareerBuilder for you.


2. Any Given Sunday

It just better be Easter Sunday, Palm Sunday or the Midnight Mass before Christmas. I really don’t understand the point of making it a priority to go to church only on selected Sundays (and throwing shade at people when they don’t go on those days), but not every Sunday. Call me an “all or nothing” type of person. It’s like you’re scheduling God in only when it’s really important and convenient for you–that can’t be Christ-like. I guess the rationale is that some service is better than none at all, but you don’t have to front for Jesus. Here’s a thought: Don’t club until 5 a.m. every Saturday and you might have some energy to make it to Sunday mass/service a little more regularly.

3. The Redeemed Who Want You To Change Your Life…ASAP

We all have that one family member (or have heard of someone else’s) who went from the pipe to the pulpit. Their very sobriety is built on the fact that there is a higher power than addiction: religious faith. Or don’t forget about the aunt who used to have a promiscuous streak in her and more. They went from going through hell and high water, to receiving hope through their faith. And though that’s great, now they want everybody who doesn’t live the most pristine life to join their church, get baptized and change their life in the span of one Sunday. What people like this fail to realize, is that like them, every individual only changes and chooses to define their faith when they are ready to, not when they are forced to. I applaud all of their accomplishments and efforts no matter which way they chose to get themselves together, but there are some pushy people who forget how challenging sobriety, celibacy and more was for them to achieve, so they take that newfound faith and cast judgment on others. Let he without sin throw the first stone.

4. The Part-Time Preacher

I make it a point to not discuss too much of my personal life at any place I work at, but at one job in particular, I was faced with a co-worker who would interrogate others about their personal lives only to jump up on her holier-than-thou pedestal and condemn their off-the-clock activities. She always made it a point to talk about how her and her fiancee’ didn’t hold hands or kiss to temptation of fornication. Unless you work at Planned Parenthood, politics and religion should play no part in your daily work agenda. I came here to collect a check, not be saved.

5. The Holy Rolling Harlot

She’s the girl that’s dutty wining in the club every Saturday night and then testifying Sunday morning. And every time I see this girl I can’t help but think, “Seriously, Jesus do you see this?” I’m not saying that if you’re religious you have to sit in your room knitting on a Saturday dressed in your finest Amish apparel, but you can’t be backing it up in the club and walking down the hall of shame Sunday morning just to strut into the house of the Lord.

6. Facebook Prophets

Status update 3:45 pm: “My baby dady ain’t ish. He can take his behind straight to hell. You ain’t got to worry about me and ya son no’ mo!” Status update: 5:57 pm: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking…(1 Cor 13: 4-13).” Spare me the shenanigans with the social networking church services. Missy and J-Cole reminded us nobody’s perfect, but the repeated hypocrisy I witness on-line has got to stop. It’s one thing when you’re praising him for when you’re feeling both blessed and when you’re busted, but it’s funny how some people only want to call on the Lord when things are going wrong. Don’t allow Facebook to make a mockery of your faith.

7. Their Way Of Reading The Bible Is The Cliffnotes Version

There are certain people who like to pick and choose parts of The Bible solely to purposely mislead people. These same people disregard other relevant scripture that paint a much broader picture than whatever narrow minded point they try to prove. I’ll never understand the pro-lifers that are gung-ho about the death penalty. Can someone please educate me where in the Bible one is one life more important than another? Seriously.

Do you know people like this?

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