“Help! My Man Won’t Please Me!”

August 31st, 2010 - By SisterToldja

I received the following comment on my last post and it made me kinda sad:

“I have no problem pleasing my man orally or sexually, but how can I get him to do the same for me? He won’t go down and he won’t play with “it”. I’ve never had a g-spot orgasm, came close though, but he always finishes before me and doesn’t even try to go a second time so that maybe I can get off too. I keep trying to spice things up, but he’s not interested in trying anything new and it frustrates the hell out of me. Sometimes I play with myself without his knowledge while he plays his games just so I feel somewhat good about our sex life. Our sex life is really the only thing we…I have a problem with. He always gets off and I don’t and he’s not trying to do anything to help me out. Also, we always have sex when he’s horny but when I’m horny I try just about everything to turn him on (touch him, talk sexy, try to dress sexy, tell him what I wanna do, etc) but he’ll say he’s not horny and so I just lay the other way or walk away and sometimes cry ‘cuz I feel as though our sex life is never going to get better. How can I get him to please me and make our sex life better?”


My first thought upon reading this: “AW HELL NAW!” Dollface, I know you said that there isn’t anything else wrong with the relationship in your eyes, but I’m having a hard time buying that. And if there isn’t anything else wrong on the surface, there is most certainly something wrong beneath it. There is nothing reasonable about a full-grown man who claims love and/or care about a woman, yet is totally uninterested in her sexual pleasure…while being totally okay with using her to gratify his own needs. Aww naw, sis. Aww naw.

What does the relationship look like outside of the bedroom? Are you arguing a lot? Do you typically get along? I’d be curious to know what roles you each play in the other partner’s life. Is he from a religious or cultural background that isn’t particularly open-minded when it comes to female sexuality? Where do you think he got this sense of entitlement and selfishness from and does he display it in other parts of his life? And while I offer props to you for ‘taking care of home, your masturbation habits shouldn’t be reduced to simply a secret act while he’s playing Madden!

There is no freaky trick or sensual move I’d perscribe to help you out with this one. This requires a conversation. With the limited information that I have, I’d suggest sitting him down and explaining your feelings to him as plainly as you did in your words here.  Maybe if he realized how much this seems to be not only frustrating but hurting you, he’ll come to his senses and realize that sex is a couple’s dance, not a one woman show. If he can’t get that through his head, then there’s just something deficient when it comes to respect for both your needs AND your willingness to do for him sexually. And that, my love, would be the criterion for a swift kick to the curb where I’m from.

Tags:

, ,

Madame Noire Video

  • Ditzydo

    I have a boyfriend that i please in every aspect, and i told him that i never caught an orgasam, so oral would be a nice way to just say well i want you to be happy. He claimed being jamacian is the reason why he doesnt so it, i laughed and threatened to get it elsewher and eventually leave. Unfortunately now, i have to get sexually frustrated a month or so before i can pull the card again…. Am i wrong for just throwing away the card and getting a new deck? Because he does it for like thirthy seconds and makes that seem justified

  • ltorres

    Sorry sounds like you have really tried and thats way beyond frustrating..he's showing he doesnt care about pleasing you in so many ways..it dont matter if you've just had a baby and he thinks touching you (down there) is boring you like it and it will help you get to where you need to be. Is he a good father to the baby? He seems to be ok enough to play his games but he cant play with you ?!?!?! Dont let him use his butt not having a job as an excuse, maybe if he put down the game controller and got out there he would find one so that he try to relieve stress and "miss you"….dont let him neglect your needs but continue to get his met!

  • Pingback: I got mines…. sorry if you didn’t get yours???? « LipService

  • Pingback: Merci Beaucoup!  | The Beautiful Struggler

  • DaWriter

    I'm sorry but there is something very wrong with this relationship and its bigger than what's going on/not going on in the bedroom. There's an obvious lack of respect here. When you're in a relationship, the satisfaction of your partner's needs should be a high priority. Whether the needs are sexual, emotional or intellectual, your mate should be willing to at least try and attempt to meet them. It's one thing to fail at an attempt, it is something different to not even try.

    She's communicated that she's not being satisfied and he doesn't seem to care. That deserves more than just a talk in my opinion. There needs to be a call to action, it is time for him to step up and put the needs of the woman he's involved with above his own needs. Masturbation shouldn't have to be a secret and it also shouldn't have to be done because your partner refuses to lend a hand, tongue or any other part of his anatomy to assist in her gratification.