I received the following comment on my last post and it made me kinda sad:
“I have no problem pleasing my man orally or sexually, but how can I get him to do the same for me? He won’t go down and he won’t play with “it”. I’ve never had a g-spot orgasm, came close though, but he always finishes before me and doesn’t even try to go a second time so that maybe I can get off too. I keep trying to spice things up, but he’s not interested in trying anything new and it frustrates the hell out of me. Sometimes I play with myself without his knowledge while he plays his games just so I feel somewhat good about our sex life. Our sex life is really the only thing we…I have a problem with. He always gets off and I don’t and he’s not trying to do anything to help me out. Also, we always have sex when he’s horny but when I’m horny I try just about everything to turn him on (touch him, talk Hot, try to dress Hot, tell him what I wanna do, etc) but he’ll say he’s not horny and so I just lay the other way or walk away and sometimes cry ‘cuz I feel as though our sex life is never going to get better. How can I get him to please me and make our sex life better?”
My first thought upon reading this: “AW HELL NAW!” Dollface, I know you said that there isn’t anything else wrong with the relationship in your eyes, but I’m having a hard time buying that. And if there isn’t anything else wrong on the surface, there is most certainly something wrong beneath it. There is nothing reasonable about a full-grown man who claims love and/or care about a woman, yet is totally uninterested in her sexual pleasure…while being totally okay with using her to gratify his own needs. Aww naw, sis. Aww naw.
What does the relationship look like outside of the bedroom? Are you arguing a lot? Do you typically get along? I’d be curious to know what roles you each play in the other partner’s life. Is he from a religious or cultural background that isn’t particularly open-minded when it comes to female sexuality? Where do you think he got this sense of entitlement and selfishness from and does he display it in other parts of his life? And while I offer props to you for ‘taking care of home, your masturbation habits shouldn’t be reduced to simply a secret act while he’s playing Madden!
There is no freaky trick or sensual move I’d perscribe to help you out with this one. This requires a conversation. With the limited information that I have, I’d suggest sitting him down and explaining your feelings to him as plainly as you did in your words here. Maybe if he realized how much this seems to be not only frustrating but hurting you, he’ll come to his senses and realize that sex is a couple’s dance, not a one woman show. If he can’t get that through his head, then there’s just something deficient when it comes to respect for both your needs AND your willingness to do for him sexually. And that, my love, would be the criterion for a swift kick to the curb where I’m from.
