CollegeGirl,

I’m sorry I missed the part where Christelyn was trying to make women feel bad, ashamed or guilty for having an OOW child. Especially since she already pointed out she too had a child OOW. First off, you're still in college which means you still have a lot to learn. As a woman in her mid 30's I can tell you there is NOTHING to be proud of for choosing to be a single mother. YES things happen. that is not what this article is about! Its also not about making women feel ashamed for what is already done. Its pointing out that its time for women to start spreading the word to each other and our future generation of girls that its NOT OKAY to just pop out a baby with some dude cause you’re seeing him at that moment.

As a woman you should be all to happy to hear and see women telling each other to stop settling for less and allowing themselves to have a child before a male commits marriage. Having a child should be the most thought out process a woman should ever make. Its a lifetime commitment and a LIFE you are creating! Why make such hasty decisions with men who have not even gone as far as to say I love you enough to marry you and offer a stable life/family for our future child??? How is raising a child alone pleasant for the mother or the child? How many single mothers who had OOW kids are typically struggling? Most women who can AFFORD to have a child by themselves don’t even make that choice b/c its more to raising a child than just being able to provide financially for them. And to the women who do say they are going to have a child without the father, then more power to them. But they IMO are being selfish. I don’t know one kid who would forsake having a mother AND father in their lives.

I luckily came from a two parent home. And while my parents divorced at an early age, I still had the benefit of having two married parents when I came into this world. I can honestly see the difference in my friends who came from a two parent household to the ones who came from a single parent household.

My mother also ensured she had her child by a man who respected and loved her enough to marry her. Whatever happens after that, no one can ever really know. But at least when two adults make the decision to have a child and to bring them into a stable family unit they are not thinking simply of themselves and their needs but the overall benefit to the child. I cannot imagine life without my father. I really can't. I feel so lucky to have had a very hands on father. many of my friends didn't have that benefit.

Did you read it? Understand it? This article is NOT about those situations in where a single parent household is a result of a deceased father or some other uncontrollable situation.

Black women / men making a conscious decision to have a child with a male who has not even committed MARRAIGE to her is NOT acceptable. Its not fair to the children – PERIOD. There are studies that prove it. Since you are in school right now, maybe you can look em up. There is plenty of stats and studies that show children who come from two parent homes make out overall a lot better than those who come from single parent homes.

I am so sick of Black folks always foaming at the mouth b/c someone is trying to tell them something right. look around you. Tell me one positive thing about being apart of contributing to a single parent home, or even coming from one? Please list all the POSITIVE benefits that the 70% OOW birthrate in the Black community has brought forth? I won't hold my breathe.

Yes ish happens and sometimes women do slip up and become pregnant and decides to keep their babies despite the unstable relationship with the father. this should not be the norm but the exception. unfortunately for Black folks its the norm.

Within the Black community there seems to be no concerns whatsoever about just popping out baby after baby with different males who have not made a commitment to the mother or child.

How is it fair to the millions of Black children who don't have a father in the home? Just b/c you and some other self righteous Blacks want to pretend that someone is always picking on "da black community" doesn't ultimately help future generations of Black children who may also contribute to the OOW phenomenon.

@socialite dreams! I never insinuated that single parent homes and two parent homes are the same! please re-read my statements. I disagreed with what she stated in her article which I have the right to do. Moreover, the article seems to insinuate that women who are single parents should feel ashamed of their actions and I don't believe that should occur. There are a number of factors as to why children are raised in a single parent household: one parent may be deceased, has forsaken their family and you must also look at the environmental factors. does having a two parent household in an impoverished and or economically disadvantaged neighborhood, protect your children from the perils and the transgressions they will face? All I am saying is that we need a community renaissance (rebirth) that can re-create and reconstruct our communities because you can have a two parent household, but it can't help safe guard your child from harm if you live in a community that is infested with temptations such as joining gangs, partaking in suicides, homicides etc. We need to heal and reconstruct our community and in doing so two parent households can be a beneficial factor in helping our kids attain plight. And @Lashaun Williams, I have the right to express my views according the 1st amendment, and when someone tries to impugn my intelligence by name calling, hence trollpania, professionalism is lost. it is uncouth behavior and I will not indulge in name calling because it just shows that childish actions prevail instead of enduring criticism.

wow! how uncouth of you! you really need to do a lot of growing! Blog or article you still should have placed the website or information about your sources in the article. you are truly an uncouth women that does not have class, and cannot endure criticism. There are a lot of people in this world that are not going to be as nice as me or agree with you wholly, thus you must learn to accept feedback and you should feel ecstatic that I felt compelled to write a comment about your piece. I just didn't agree with it, which is okay! Please do not try to make this a polarized blog just because people do not agree with your claims. P.S. I would embark on replying to your childish retort, but I have too much class and am willing to over look your accusations i.e. troll. However, I am appalled by your behavior, you must always remain professional and agree to disagree with whatever the case maybe. Please continue to grow and learn to take criticism because you cannot grow or obtain a broader outlook on life if you remain incompetent. And BTW, I am very competent. Also, please do not contrive words that are not found in the oxford english dictionary, hence, Trollpania. And reality does not suffice you need to furnish fact based evidence. Lastly, I am not here to ensue a cyber altercation, I am here to express my views about your article and this is a public sphere which enables me to do so.

How Ironic! someone who is suppose to be impartial when disseminating information to the public sphere cannot endure criticism! HA! Also, it seems as though you're a bit defensive! Instead of stating the facts you attack people who do not conform to your beliefs! I think you have a lot to growing up to do! Also, when presenting statistics please ask yourself why these issues occur instead solely touching on the surface. A good reporter/journalist always cites their sources such as according to … these are the percentages but you failed to do so. Also, I do not concur with the fact that you blatantly stated that women who have children out of wedlock should be ashamed of their actions. there are other things that you failed to mention in your article, such as children who reside in a two parent home have just as many problems if not more than the child raised by a single parent. please also look at the economical situations as well as the neighborhoods where these families reside because there are are a multitude of reasons that young children are having children. @KEEP IT COOL, I absolutely agree it takes a village to raise a child and in these impoverished communities it takes more than just a two parent household,. Thus miss overly cantankerous Karazin please look at other factors i.e. the environment because we cannot prevent suicide, behavioral problems etc, with out healing our communities, thus, we need a community renaissance not just a two parent household. have a good friday. god bless

@ College Girl – not only do I agree withyou, it was very eloquent.

I still say it takes a village and it always will. My mother was a single parent but she had HELP from my grandmother and our extended family and community.

I am a single parent and have 2 children who have been on the honor roll since the started school, one has been commemorated by all the members of council at the white house as a national young leader another has been on the front page of the local newspapaer because of her proliferate academia but I also have HELP!!!

IT IS GOING TO TAKE US ALL?VILLAGE PEOPLE

Stop complaining and make your contributions. The End…

I ABSOLUTELY enjoyed this article! I thought it was insightful, and personably compassionate…

However, I dont think that "marriage" is necessarily the answer or "wedlock" is the absolute problem???

We have to make better choices as ADULTS in my opinion. It is very possible to raise healthy minded, successful prone, God-fearing children with and/or without either of these scenarios. Where we falter is by allowing our "feelings" or lack thereof??? For the non-custodial or non contributing parent, to have an effect on how WE parent.

As a single mother myself (which I'm sure you all could tell with all the courtroom lingo?!) I dont think it's fair or natural that no matter I have a broken arm, or a broken heart or menstrual cramps, or homework, or migrane headache or blah blah blah – I STILL have to come home and be a mother??? A SINGLE mother?

I had to tell my 2 babies "LISTEN – before I had you, I DIDN'T have you?? So that makes me an individual seperate and apart from being your mommy and I need time to be that individual seperate and apart from you two at times! (Not only did they understand, they also agreed)

I believe in the old adage 'It Takes A Village To Raise A Child" YES we should "try" but all are not willing. YES we want the two parent homes; but that is not OUR reality. I wouldn't care who else was in the home my; my Mama, sister, neighbor, distant cousin – but there MUST be a shift in this paradigm because black Women are suffering greatly because of it.

YES we can all succeed as a family and community if we are willing to re-raise ourselves and incorporate up-to-date values and morals because most are antiquated and misconstrued.

THIS IS A CONVERSATION THAT COULD GO ON AND ON… BUT AT THE END ALL WE HAVE IS EACH OTHER AND EVERY OTHER RACE SEEMS TO GRASP THAT CONCEPT???

This is such an important statement to make – it may be harsh, but it is definitely true. I was an out of wedlock child, the product of teen parents that thought they were in love and ready to bring a child into the world. I am adamant about not bringing a child into this world outside of a committed relationship. While I know that being married does not guarantee a stable or happyhome, I think it at least gives a fighting chance at it rather than setting up for failure. I think it is incredibly selfish and I wouldn't want to purposely subject my child to what I had to go through. And knowing the odds…who would?!?!?

I'm a single to three OOW children, and I totally agree with you 100%! I had to come to terms with this is more my fault because I had the choice and free will to choose better, and I chose not to, because as another poster stated, I was being selfish myself and moreover careless. However, it is so easy to fall into the blame game that so many black women chime, "black men are dogs", yada yada yada, but who decided to lie down with those dogs. Yes we need to educate the young women and girls among us, that not only is it about who you know, but also who you chose and the choices you make. Make wise and informed choices concerning men.

I agree. I dont think anyone should make excuses about having kids out of wedlock…its a matter of making not-so-smart choices in life (which is something everyone has done, not just single moms)…its good to own your mistakes….many of us single moms get burned but we just have to learn our lesson and not keep doing the same thing.I dont think we should be too critical of each other cuz that won't solve the problem. Can't change the past. All we can do is work to improve our future!!!