Reasons Why Black Women Don’t Date White Men

January 4th, 2012 - By MN Editor

Interracial dating has been one of the biggest conversations within the black community. Black men have made it no secret their liking to white women. Regina King recently raised the argument that we as black women still have not become completely comfortable dating outside our race. I recently did a survey on a group of black women regarding their reasons for not dating men who are not of color. Through my findings it seems as though black women aren’t actually opposef to dating outside of their race. Part of the dilemma lies in women of color thinking that men outside of their race won’t be attracted to them. Below are the 5 top reasons black women are apprehensive about going there with a white guy.

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  • racefan311

    WOW! I just saw this today and hate I missed it when it first appeared. I’ll admit when I first started reading it, I was prepared to write a comment saying that if any of the women who gave you those reasons believed their rationale then that’s on THEM and shows THEIR insecurities but I am glad to see the author covered it in closing. As a Black woman who has dated both Black and White men and who is currently married to a wonderful man who just happens to be White, I would say that so many are misinformed and look at IR dating, specifically BW/WM combinations, as a rarity when in fact we’re not. We’re just getting more attention from mainstream media nowadays so it’s a surprise for many to even know we exist. There are more BW/WM combos than BW/Hispanic, Pacific Islander or Asian according to the latest census and is the largest growing segment of any other IR combination. We have an IR social/dating group for BW/WM and I can tell you for a fact, the number of WM who find BW VERY attractive and desirable would surprise you. There are some who ONLY date BW and it’s not due to some “myth” or stereotype, it’s just what they like and what they prefer. The same for other combinations. We encourage all people, especially BW, to not limit themselves when it comes to dating. How can we overcome racism if we practice it ourselves? If you want to only date or marry a specific race then that is your right and your choice. Just don’t denigrate, scoff at or demean those that choose not to do so and leave their options open. We are happy and aren’t bothering anyone so why should it matter? The only ones who seem to have a “problem” with it are those who are narrow minded, bigoted and have an issue within themselves. To those people, I say we pray for you and hope you find some happiness in your life that is not based on what other people are doing and what makes them happy.

  • Newp Ort

    as far as bodies, I think the girls with the boom are gaining in popularity amongst all men. I definitely digs dips that got the hips that are gigantic

  • Penny

    British black women are more likely to be highly educated, articulate, and speak the Queen’s English and have “breeding” than their American counterparts – I remember in Britain you just say “black” rather than have euphemisms like “African-British.” The differences START with what they call themselves and avalanche from there. British black women are more likely to grow up ‘middle class’ go to the same schools and universities, major in the same subjects and have the same hobbies and interests as white men so that’s yet another difference……”across the Pond.”

  • William IV

    Really interesting article. As a white guy who’s dated a number of black women, this makes a lot of sense. Black women always seem very surprised and a bit insecure when I approach them but you guys (by you guys I mean black women, I know, not PC but who are the majority of people reading this article?) need to be more confident about your hair and your body (this “white guys love anorexic girls” is largely a myth), you’re beautiful the way you are. And the 5th reason is especially true, swag aka combination of confidence, wit, intelligence, cool and calm demeanor, tends to be very different between white and black guys. Most white dudes act more like Paul Rudd or Steve Carell than Justin Timberlake or Robin Thicke, it is what it is.

  • Webb

    that background and education paragraph wasnt a valid reason. there are plenty of successful black women who date other successful men no matter the race.the fact that you pretty much classified all white men as successful and most black women as lower class and unsuccessful is a problem. if class is an issue there are plenty of white men of a lower class, so how does this excuse fit in there. you present the idea of statistics but never show the actual statistics to back up you’re claim. this issue of class is invalid because you are generalizing, and it seems like you just needed to fill a quota for your list and thought to throw in some half-assed put together first draft full of invalid excuses and generalizations.

  • Starr Jonez

    Seriously if you want to date out–DO IT–who cares, it’s your life. Encouraging women to be open-minded is a great thing but I hate articles that push people to embrace white people or a certain ethnicity in particular. Does it matter? It’s not about being specifically open to X, Y or Z, it’s about being OPEN, period. White people are not special, they are not any better option than any other. They are people like anyone else. Just find a guy you like and if he happens to be not black, it’s okay. But quite frankly, I’m not attracted to white guys at all even though I used to be when I was younger. As someone who grew up around alot of white people I’ve figured them out to hugely overrated. Like a fly on the wall listening to them talk, and talk about POC among other things, I don’t think I could in good conscience ever marry one of them. But who knows. Plus I dunno…I’m stuck on the not aging well thing. I admit I’m a bit shallow. Oh well.

  • Malfean

    You forgot the one where other blacks ridicule the woman for dating outside her race. I had the honor of dating the most beautiful black woman I have ever seen before or since. She was just… beautiful. Stunning. She was not well off, I was / am. She had an HS education, I was a grad student… and none of that mattered. I would have married her, except that her family, her friends, and even the people on her street gave her so much crap because here was a red-headed white guy dating her. Eventually she caved because too many people were pressuring her. It was 8 months of relentless misery for her, and although we were very much happy together, it was just something she couldn’t do anylonger… so you should have added that little factoid in there as well.

    • William IV

      Dude, how did you stand for that? Call them out on the ignorant BS. You’re both adults, you can date whoever you want. Imagine if it was the other way around. If they’re so backwards-assed that they dismiss you because of your race, you shouldn’t seek their approval. Just my take

  • JB

    The reason is white men don’t date black women.

  • Sarah

    Many white guys aren’t approaching white women either! (you’ve got to go after whomever YOU want…unless he’s married etc.) This coming from a white girl who approached her Pacific Islander boyfriend b/c she thought he was hot :)

  • Jessica

    I see no problems with interracial dating…

  • Naomi

    I believe the biggest factor of not being able to date a white man is because he will never be able to understand the struggles that African Americans still have to face on a daily basis. My race is the largest factor of who I am. How can i be with someone who doesnt understand that?

    • Starr Jonez

      Exactly! What happened to–”we just don’t want to date them” and they generally “don’t get it”.

  • kez

    All this is irrelevant. I am black and proud but I don’t care if you’re what ever race if you appeal to me then that’s that. If you don’t like me oh well you deal with it, however I’m gonna move on. That truthurts really has some issues to deal with. If you gonna let the past define you future then so be it. Stay stuck. You are no better than any supremacist, calling people mongrels. They cant help where they come from. I don’t know who did you in but u have some serious hate issues. I suggest you speak with someone. However imma stick to my white bf who appreciates a good woman regardless of skin colour. Say whatever you will I’m living a happy life.

  • jesus

    This is priceless!

    An article about how desirable black woman are…

    White guys dont date black girls for the same reason so many black guys dont date them either.

  • Trey

    It’s not that white men don’t find them attractive; it’s quite the opposite. Their is a large percentage of white men who find black women attractive. White men love exotic women, it’s a known fact. However the problem is they don’t find black women’s attitudes very attractive. That’s why they tend to date Asians an other ethnic groups more often because they’re exotic as well, just without the attitude. Their also very intimidated by black women, it’s a reflection on their attitudes American black women are least likely to submissive or play their position than any other race.

  • jesus

    LOL! White guys dont date black women for the same reason no one else dates black women, even black guys.
    Figure it out

  • EqualOpportunist

    Why does it matter who dates who? If people want to limit themselves from finding love by fishing into one pond, let them. I could care less who I see another man or woman date no matter what race they are. I’ve dated many men of different races and nationalities. I’ve also been approached by many of them and vice versa. I met my husband, a British white guy, in a bar in the States. Through dating I actually became less attracted to Black men because of the way they approached me and treated me. I don’t answer to shorty, baby, mama, etc.. and I didn’t appreciate being called names for turning them down even though I did it politely and nicely. I’ve been treated better by men of different races and nationalities than black American men and women for that matter. I’ve gotten more grief for my dating choices from black American women than I have the men. The men do it without a care so why being a black women should I? We’re all humans, we all bleed red, go through similar problems and issues and want the best in life so why care about something as sill as skin color.

  • Michael

    As a man who is married to a black woman I can tell you that it is not that black women are not attracted to white men, in fact it’s the opposite, I am frequently hit on by black women everywhere I go but being in an interracial relationship (not my first) I can tell you the stigma of black women with white men comes from the black community. A black “family” will rail against the women for going after white men at the same time applauding the men for seeking white or other race women. Black women are simply getting fed up with the sub standard treatment that comes from black men who will become any religion which makes a female subserviant to them. The best women I have found on this planet are balck women and I am happy to say they love me just as much as I love them. Let the black men have the stupid white girls….I’ll keep the beautiful black queen.

  • JustAsIam

    As a white US southerner with a strong “country” accent I have found it hard to break the ice with black women. I found they think it is a litle unsettling to have some country white boy trying to hit on them. I have had many black women let me know they where unsure I was serious. I have just been fortunate to have parents that taught me to respect a persons background but remember we are all people. That is a large statement when you take into account the facts of where someone came from but understand we are all human.
    With all respect to my beautiful natural black women be yourself and love who you want to love. I have a beautiful African-American wife and many people just do not understand how I got her. I pursed her, I cared for her, I loved her, I supported her and most importantly I am a good strong man that happens to be white and she happens to be black. If others do not understand this then that sounds like a personal problem.
    I understand as well as I can the problems the US faces with race issues and it is only something we can change from our own family. We must never forget that racism and prejudice has always been around and always will be. Those issue have to be a continous dialogoue so we can guard against the twisted ideas of racial prejudices. For me, I hope someday my children will love a person for the quality of their character and not the color of their skin.

  • TT Hill LOvely Angel

    Well i have no problem been with a White guy for 5 Year and Dang on proud it no different we are all humans So it will come to terms black women will see that there are more man’s of different race do not let the body hair get in the way and they will Love them for there Beauty
    and we will not feel where hostage to stay with one race so it will get better

  • Robbin

    There are so mighty fine white men out there. I chalk up the not attracted to white men as a reversal of the misperception that white men aren’t attracted to black women cuz they ARE.

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