What A Man Won’t Tell You About Himself Immediately

January 5, 2012  |  

"Man saying 'sshh'"

Men and women are both enigmatic in their own ways, but what I have found is that men are, across the board, more private people than women are. Men don’t wear their emotions on their sleeves as much as women do. Why? Because they know that when a woman senses a man showing his soft side, she reads that as him wanting to become closer. So, to avoid leading anyone one, they wait until they are certain they like a woman to start sharing these things. Lord knows how long that takes…

"Black man crying"

His heartbreaks

Sure, he walked up to you with confidence and asked you out. Sure, he seems like a strong man who probably won’t express his emotions like that, but hey, almost every man has had his share of heartbreak. Almost every man has been dumped and felt like his heart was completely obliterated, and gone through a time when he felt that he was incapable of making a woman happy. He probably still has some lurking concerns that he will fail to make you happy in some way, but he won’t tell you this until things have become a bit more than a few talks on the phone and some dinner dates each week.

"Man at the computer"

He isn’t totally happy at his job

A man identifies big time with his job, so if he feels like he is mistreated at work, or that his skills aren’t being recognized, or just that he knows he isn’t fulfilling his potential, he isn’t going to bring up any of that on the first few dates. He wants to look financially stable and appear as an all-around successful man who has his stuff together. He will talk about his work in a collected, confident manner. Only later might he tell you that he has a real yearning to quit his job and start his own company.

"Man yelling into the phone"

Issues with his parents

Who doesn’t have these? He might have major power struggles with his father. He might not have communicated with his mom in years because she has a drinking problem that made her distant. There are countless possible family feuds some people have, but no one wants to seem “broken” or like they have “issues,” especially when they’re just getting to know someone.  Therefore, on the first few dates, he will probably find some way to speak amicably and neutrally about his parents.

"Black couple being affectionate"

He is looking for a relationship

Every guy is. Yes, they are. Some have longer lists of qualifications they need met for them to commit to one, but every guy, when he comes across the right girl, wants a relationship. This guy isn’t going to tell you this though. He wants to see how confident you’re able to remain during the iffy phase in the beginning when no one knows what is happening. That’s a true test of a woman’s confidence.

"Man looking in the mirror"

His insecurities

He has a receding hair line, his metabolism has seriously slowed down and he’s actually on a diet that he is trying to hide from his beer guzzling friends…men have physical insecurities just like women. Men set goals for themselves and work on improving this or that about themselves. But they don’t think it’s very “manly” to admit it. So if he is on the South Beach diet, he will probably hide those frozen meals from you until he knows you better.

"Black couple looking at each other"

That he likes you

You probably won’t hear any of the other things on this list until you hear these words: “I like you.” Men really hold back with this one. Obviously, he is attracted to you and curious about you if he has been taking you on dates and actually been calling (not just texting). But when he says “I like you,” that means he has made a decision about you. He has formed his impression of you. He isn’t still trying to just figure you out. But he won’t say it until he is certain, because he doesn’t want to get your hopes up for a relationship too early on.

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  • PrincesS.R

    This article is definitely a good one and right on the money with most of its points, however, it can’t be more wrong in regards to my situation. You see, less than a week ago, I met who turned out to be a really good guy in Pathmark of all places. He initially approached me in the juice aisle, telling me that I was beautiful, and awhile later in the checkout aisle, caught me as I was leaving, and boldly yet shyly gave me his contact info. Having a good feeling about him, a couple of days later, I called, we conversed and made plans to hang out. The next night (last night actually), he came to get me, and we drove over to his place with the sole intention of simply getting to know one another better. We talked extensively, and he explained his entire backstory to me, from his tough upbringing to his admission that he hates his job and wants to go into business for himself one day. I was very aware of the fact that although we’d only known eachother an absurdly short time, he was probably being the most vulnerable and open he had been in a long time with anyone, and he indeed confessed to me that some of the things he’d told me, he’d never shared with anyone before, not even fam members. Long story short, we continued into his bedroom, and I think you can guess where that led. However, I can honestly say that I care deeply for him, and I know that he feels the same about me, despite how it looks from the outside or what others who read this might think. Thoughts of him make my heart flutter, aaand he also told me that he likes me :). Lastly, I’d like to say that this is my first comment ever on this site, and probably the most personal anecdotal nugget I’ve ever shared, but my point is that although this article is a well-done piece, just like all other so-called dating and relationship “rules”, it doesn’t necessarily apply to everyone all the time or in the same ways. After all, where there are rules, there are always exceptions to them. No need to respond / reply, particularly if its negative. Happy New Year, stay safe, and God bless 😀

    • Is It 5:00 Yet?

      That ish sounds like a Lifetime movie.

  • Blueberry01

    I think this was a good article. Thank you, jaustin.

  • … He has herpes