Ways People Without Kids Can Be Mean To Parents

May 28, 2018  |  
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Gettyimages.com/A child lying next to her mom is holding a mobile phone.

Hey to all non-parents out there, you should probably know that your new-mom friends are a bit sensitive right now. They’re sleep-deprived. They’re facing new dilemmas and challenges every day, struggling to find answers to tough questions and just praying they raise their child correctly. They’re financially worried about things like, “How will I send this kid to ballet lessons one day, let alone college?” So maybe take it easy on them. Be gentle. They were there for you when you were a wreck after that one breakup and couldn’t be left alone for three hours. And they were there for you when you didn’t get that job you had been counting on and dreaming about. So maybe it’s time to be there in return and know about these ways non-parents can be pretty mean to parents.

Gettyimages.com/Beautiful pregnant black woman playing with her dog.

Teasing the mom clothes

Even though your mom friend laughs along with you when you make fun of her maternity clothes, it probably hurts a little. She spent a lot of time in the store trying to find something that didn’t look like maternity clothing. So, please, tell her she looks adorable.

Gettyimages.com/Learning at home

Pressuring them to return to work

Stop asking your mom friend when she thinks she’ll go back to work and if she misses work and how she’ll catch up when she goes back to work. She believes she is currently doing the most important job in the world—and, she is. So focus on that.

Gettyimages.com/An adorable preschool age girl looks away and smiles as her unrecognizable mother buckles her into her car seat.

Not really asking about the kids

Sometimes, it’s the thing you’re not doing that is the problem. Having a kid kind of consumes a woman’s thoughts and entire day. So, treat it like that. Don’t just allow for two minutes of kid talk, and then change the subject. Kids are the only subjects that’s been on her mind!

Gettyimages.com/Portrait of a black woman making faces and looking frustrated

Grimacing at the noisy kids

Try not to look grossed out when the kids spit up or annoyed when they’re loud. Your mommy friend is already exhausted and at her wits end with all of that—she doesn’t need to also feel bad about how it affects her friend. And it’s really not a big deal.

Gettyimages.com/Mother and baby daughter at the park

Not going to the birthday parties

Go to the birthday parties and the little special parties your parent friends throw for their kids. If you love these friends, then you should also love their kids and want to celebrate the milestones that are important to them.

Gettyimages.com/Young happy family having breakfast at home.

Taking them away from the kids

While your mom friend could use an occasional night away from her kids, you shouldn’t only choose venues and activities that aren’t child-friendly. Try to meet her halfway. Try to show that you are aware of this major life change.

Gettyimages.com/Young African American mother talking to her little daughter at home while trying to comfort her.

Or just not inviting them

And do still invite your mom friend to do things, even if you’re 99 percent sure she won’t be able to come. She shouldn’t feel like she’s being punished and kicked out of the friend group for having kids.

Gettyimages.com/Portrait of boy looking hopeful outdoors

Asking, “Are you glad you had kids?”

Um…what?! They’re kind of here now so, this question is a bit of a moot point. And, it implies that you think she isn’t happy she had kids.

Gettyimages.com/birth control

Joking about increasing birth control

You may think you’re quite the comedian when you pretend to swallow your whole pack of birth control kids any time your friend’s kids act crazy, but it actually insults her.

Gettyimages.com/Outdoor activities and siblings

Always requesting a babysitter

If the first words out of your mouth when you call your friend to hang are, “Can you get a babysitter for this night?” then she’ll start dreading answering your calls. Remember, babysitters are expensive, and she wants to be with her kids. So try to make a plan that lets her bring the kids.

Gettyimages.com/upset woman pouting

Never offering to babysit

Oh, and if you’ve literally never offered to babysit, that’s messed up. Helping friends means helping even with activities that aren’t really up your ally.

Gettyimages.com/Mixed race mother comforting upset baby son

Saying, “It was your choice to have kids”

Just because your friend chose to have kids, doesn’t mean you can say, “You chose to have kids” every time she complains of being tired. You probably complain about things you chose to have in your life, too, like your boyfriend or your job.

Gettyimages.com/Happy African American parents looking at their little son using digital tablet.

Avoiding their home

Her home isn’t some off-limits, poisonous hazard zone. So, visit her there from time to time. Don’t make her feel like she’s isolated in some fortress.

Gettyimages.com/Happy family taking a selfie in the park

Complaining about too many baby pics

Be careful about complaining that other people post too many baby pics on social media. It makes her feel insecure about posting any.

Gettyimages.com/Women at Montjuic palace sitting face to face and using phones

Treating them like aliens

Just don’t treat your friend like some alien being that you don’t understand. Try to embrace this change in her life, and accommodate the needs that come with it.

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